“You picked up the white-elephant gifts?” Sarai asked for the fifth time that morning.

  “They’re in the truck,” I replied as she walked out of the room. “I even put them in gift bags.”

  I was trying to snap myself out of the pissy mood I’d been in, but it wasn’t working. When I’d let my commanding officer know that I wasn’t going to be re-enlisting, I’d gotten a lecture about priorities with a heavy dose of guilt trip thrown in. I understood the sentiment, and I knew he’d been counting on me, but I wasn’t going to change my mind. My priorities had shifted. Unfortunately, the whole thing had left a bad taste in my mouth, and I couldn’t seem to shake it.

  Sarai was blending a smoothie when I walked out of our bedroom, fully dressed and ready to go.

  “I’m going to eat and brush my teeth, and then we can leave,” she said, ignoring my comment. “Do you want some?”

  I looked at the green slime she was pouring into her glass. “No thanks.”

  “It’s just green because of the kale,” she said. “You can’t even taste it.”

  Before I could reply, her phone rang, interrupting us. She reached for it and accidentally knocked over the blender, sending pureed fruit flying across the countertop.

  “Shit,” she hissed, bringing the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

  I wasn’t really paying attention to her conversation as we both tried to mop up the mess, but when she went still beside me, the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

  “Of course,” she murmured, her eyes meeting mine. “We’ll be right there.”

  “What is it?” I asked as she hung up the phone.

  “We need to go get Hailey,” she said, tossing the towel she’d been using to clean up onto the counter. “Right now.”

  “What happened?” I asked, following her to the bedroom.

  She grabbed her coat and purse from the bed and shook her head. “She said Sean freaked out. He was angry about something—I didn’t understand that part, but she said he went nuts. She needs to get out of there.”

  “You’re not going over there if he’s acting like a douche,” I said, planting myself in our bedroom doorway. “I’ll go get her.”

  “She said he took off,” Sarai replied. “He’s not there anymore.”

  “Then why does she need us to come get her?” My mind was racing. I wasn’t real excited about walking into a situation that I wasn’t sure about, and I damn sure wasn’t going to let Sarai anywhere near it.

  “She said she’s had too much to drink—”

  “It’s eleven in the morning,” I said flatly.

  “And?” Sarai asked, pulling on her coat. “I told her I’d come get her.”

  “Okay,” I said, grabbing a coat out of our closet. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop her without a fight. “Then let’s go.”

  We were quiet as we drove over to Hailey and Sean’s house.

  I should have been preparing myself. I should have been paying closer attention to my surroundings as we’d pulled up to their house. I should have planned ahead and thought about worst-case scenarios, but I didn’t.

  I wasn’t prepared when Hailey met us at her front door, her face covered in bruises.

  Fury hit me so hard and fast that I took a step backward so I wouldn’t scare her. I was going to fucking kill Sean.

  “I packed a bag,” Hailey said, swallowing hard. She was mumbling like it hurt to speak. “I got most of the important stuff.”

  She stepped onto the porch without inviting us in.

  “Oh, God, Hailey,” Sarai murmured, her breath catching on a sob as she reached for her friend. “Are you okay? Your poor face.”

  “I just want to go, all right?” Hailey replied, shying away from her touch. “Can you drive my car? I’m afraid if I leave it here…” Her voice trailed off.

  “Of course,” Sarai said, glancing at me. “We can do that. Whatever you need.”

  “Is there anything else you want me to grab?” I asked Hailey, trying to keep my voice level and calm. She was glancing around like she thought Sean was going to jump out of the bushes, and she didn’t need me to lose my shit and scare her even worse.

  “No,” she said. “Thank you, but no.”

  “Okay,” Sarai said, putting her hand gently on Hailey’s arm. “Let’s just go.”

  I took Hailey’s bags from her and carried them to her car, stuffing them in the backseat while she and Sarai climbed into the front.

  “I’ll follow you home,” I told Sarai, closing the back door so I could lean in the driver’s side.

  “Sounds good,” she said. She was preoccupied with sliding the seat up so she could reach the pedals, so I closed the door without kissing her. It was raining and I didn’t want her to get wet, but I should have kissed her.

  I climbed in my truck and started it up as Sarai backed out of the driveway. Putting the truck in reverse, I turned to look out the back window with one arm over the passenger seat.

  The tail end of Hailey’s car pulled out into the quiet street, and I watched in horror as a truck going twice as fast as it should have been plowed into the driver’s side. My heart stopped as the car spun in a wild circle and the sound of crunching metal and breaking glass filled the air. It happened so fucking fast.

  Later, I wouldn’t remember putting the truck in park or running toward the accident, but I must have done both. I also wouldn’t remember reaching through the driver’s-side window to unlock the door so I could get to Sarai, but the long cuts on my forearms from broken glass would prove I did that, too.

  Someone called 9-1-1, but it wasn’t me. Someone pulled Hailey out of the car, but it wasn’t me. Someone also tackled Sean to the ground as he tried to run away from the scene, but that wasn’t me, either.

  I was too busy trying to wake Sarai up and yelling at anyone who tried to touch or move her.

  “You’re okay,” I said, using my pocket knife to rip a hole in the airbag so it would deflate faster. “Sarai, sweetheart, you’re okay.”

  Her wrist was bent at a weird angle, but I tried not to focus on it as I checked the other parts of her body. She had a goose egg on the side of her forehead where it must have hit the window, and it looked like her nose was broken, but I couldn’t find any other injuries, at least none that were bleeding or noticeable.

  “Hey,” I said, gently moving her hair away from her face. “Baby, wake up.”

  She didn’t stir.

  “Sarai,” I said, louder. The rain began to fall harder, and I tried to shield her from it with my body. “Sarai, wake up.”

  “Dad?” she groaned, breaking my heart in two. She went to lift her hand to her face, then cried out in agony.

  “Don’t move, sweetheart,” I ordered, my voice cracking. “Don’t move. The ambulance is coming.” Someone had to have called, right? Why couldn’t I hear sirens yet?

  “Alex,” she said, her dazed eyes meeting mine. “My face.”

  “Just a bump,” I assured her. Was I crying? I couldn’t tell with the rain running down my face.

  “Hurts,” she mumbled, her eyes filling with tears.

  “I know,” I choked out. “It’s okay. We’ll get you all fixed up, okay? You’re good, baby. You’re fine.”

  “Get me out,” she said, panicking as she finally realized where she was. “Get me out of here.”

  “We just have to wait a couple more minutes,” I said, holding her still as she tried to shift out of her seat. “Stay right there, okay? Don’t move yet.”

  “Why?” she asked, her breathing turning frantic. “Why?” Her eyes scanned the crowd around us as she began to sob.

  “You were in an accident,” I said, putting my face near hers. “You’re okay.”

  “Get me out,” she said again. “Get me out. Get me out.”

  “You have to stay still until the paramedics get here.”

  “Alex,” she said, the fear in her voice almost bringing me to my knees. “Get me out of here.”

  “Sir,” a voice said behind me. “Please step back.”

  “Fuck off,” I replied, shrugging off the hand on my shoulder.

  “Sir, you have to let us help.” There was something about his tone, or maybe the firm way his hand met my shoulder again, that got my attention.

  I turned my head to find a fireman and a paramedic standing side by side, waiting for me to move. I took a step back, making Sarai call out my name in a panic.

  “It’s okay,” I told her, moving back just enough to let them reach her but staying close enough that she could still see me. “They’re going to help you.”

  It seemed like it took hours for them to get her out of the car, but it must have been only minutes. I hated the way they moved with calm efficiency. Didn’t they realize that she was my life? Why were they moving so slowly?

  I let them speak to Sarai, calming her down in a way that I hadn’t been able to. I took a step back as they helped her out of the car, but when she sat down on the stretcher so they could buckle her in, I lost all feeling in my legs.

  I’d been to war. I’d seen things that would never leave me, things that had given me nightmares, things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I’d lived through them and done my best to move past them. But nothing in my life had prepared me for the sight of the blood covering the back of Sarai’s light-gray pants.

  “She’s pregnant,” I choked out as my knees hit the pavement. “My wife’s pregnant.”

  * * *

  “You did a number on these,” the doctor said as he added another stitch to my arm. “When I’m finished with this one, I’m also going to put a couple in the cut near your elbow.”

  “Do what you need to do, Doc,” I murmured, staring into the hallway. After we arrived in the ambulance, they’d tried to put Sarai and me in separate rooms. When I finally convinced them that I wasn’t leaving her side, they’d agreed to let me get fixed up in her room while they took her away for some tests.

  She’d been gone for thirty minutes already.

  “You’re going to need to keep these clean,” he droned on. “So they don’t get infected.”

  I didn’t bother to reply. My mind had wandered back to the scene of the accident.

  As I’d gotten to my feet again, I’d heard Sean screaming at Hailey.

  “You thought you were gonna leave me? You stupid bitch.”

  A three-hundred-pound police officer had pulled me off of him, but not until after I’d broken his jaw. I was damn lucky that they hadn’t arrested me but instead had shoved me toward the ambulance so I could ride to the hospital with Sarai.

  “Your wife should be back soon,” the doctor said as he started cleaning up his tools. I guessed he was finished patching me up. I hadn’t even realized when he’d started on the cut by my elbow. “They’ll bring her right back here when she’s done.”

  I nodded. I wasn’t even sure what tests they were running. I knew they wanted to check her head and x-ray her arm, but no one had said anything about the baby yet. I knew deep in my gut what they’d say, though. The amount of blood I’d seen…I shook my head to clear it. I’d wait until the doctors gave me some answers.

  My phone rang as I pushed myself up off the chair.

  “Hey, dipshit,” Bram said. “Where are you?”

  I cursed and looked at the clock. We were supposed to pick Bram, Ani, and Arie up fifteen minutes ago. Goddamn it, we’d already been at the hospital for hours. Where the hell was my wife?

  “I’m at the hospital with Sarai,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “I’m sorry.”

  “What?” Bram asked worriedly. “What happened? Is she okay?”

  I could hear Ani in the background asking the same questions.

  “There was an accident.”

  “What kind of accident?”

  “Car accident,” I said, my voice wobbling. “She was backing out, and a truck hit her doing forty on a residential street.”

  “The fuck?” Bram snapped angrily.

  “It was bad,” I said. I cleared my throat. “She’s going to be okay, but we’ll be here for a while.”

  “No problem,” he said. “We’ll rent a car.”

  “I’m sorry, man,” I said with a sigh. “I didn’t even think to call you.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Bram replied. “You’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

  “There was a lot of blood, Bram,” I said, my voice breaking. “I don’t think the baby—”

  “I’m on my way,” he replied. “Which hospital?”

  I gave him the name of the hospital and hung up just as I saw Sarai being wheeled down the hallway.

  “Hey,” I said, stepping aside so they could push her bed into the room. “How’re you feeling?”

  “My head hurts,” she said softly, reaching out to grab my hand.

  “I bet,” I said, leaning down to brush my lips against hers. Her hair was still damp from the rain, and I pushed it away from her face. “You’ve got quite the goose egg.”

  “They fixed my nose,” she said. “Can you tell?”

  I leaned back and tilted my head to the side. “Is it supposed to still be crooked?” I joked. I chuckled hollowly as she rolled her eyes.

  “It hurt when they did it,” she said as the nurse fixed her IV and plugged in her monitors. “But afterward, it felt a lot better.”

  “They should’ve waited until I was with you,” I said.

  “You would have been a nervous wreck,” she replied. “It was better that you weren’t there.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “You almost punched the paramedic when he started my IV.”

  “Remember that, do you?” I asked, giving her a small smile as I sat in the chair next to her.

  “It left an impression,” she replied.

  We stopped talking when the doctor came into the room. He was very matter-of-fact while he explained all her injuries. Her wrist was splinted for now, but they’d have to do surgery to set it. She had a mild concussion. Then I watched as his entire demeanor changed.

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “But the trauma of the accident has caused you to miscarry.”

  Sarai froze.

  “We’re going to keep an eye on things here,” the doctor said. He continued speaking, but I blocked him out.

  I stared at the gray-flecked linoleum under my feet, trying to control my breathing as he went on and on. Didn’t he realize that we didn’t care what he was saying? Neither of us was paying any attention while he spouted medical terms and tried to explain something that didn’t make any goddamn sense.

  I lifted my head when I heard his footsteps leave the room.

  “Sarai,” I said quietly, trying to get her attention. “Sweetheart?”

  She ignored me. Her face was pale as she stared at the empty doorway, the bruises under her eyes and along the side of her forehead becoming more apparent by the minute. She began to tremble as her fingers tightened painfully around mine, and then quietly she began to moan.

  The sound was like nothing I’d ever heard before.

  She gasped, and then the sound came again, deeper than before, almost animalistic.

  “Shh,” I murmured, coming to my feet. “It’s okay,” I lied. I wasn’t sure what else to say.

  Her breathing sped up, and the long moans turned to rapid-fire gasping and moaning. It terrified me. She shut her eyes tight, and suddenly a loud sob burst out of her mouth.

  “Shh,” I whispered, leaning over her and pressing my cheek to hers. Our fingers were still entwined against the scratchy sheets. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  My words had no impact, but I hadn’t expected that they would. They didn’t mean anything. Nothing I could say in that moment would mean a goddamn thing. There was nothing I could do for her, nothing I could fix.

  “I didn’t want it,” she said through gritted teeth, her voice so low I barely heard her. “I didn’t want it.”

  I jerked in surprise but didn’t move my cheek from hers.

  “I was worried about school, and I didn’t want it.”

  “Yes you did,” I said finally. “You were just surprised.”

  “And now it’s gone,” she said, ignoring my words. “What did I do?”

  “You didn’t do anything,” I argued, my chest so tight that I was having a hard time drawing a breath. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I didn’t want it, and now it’s gone,” she wailed.

  “No,” I said into her ear. “No.”

  “It’s gone, Alex,” she said with a sob. “Our baby is gone.”

  “I know, sweetheart,” I whispered back, my voice catching on a sob.

  I’d never understood pain before. I realized that as Sarai continued to tell me over and over again that our baby was gone.

  The nurses gave us privacy for a while, but before long they came quietly back into the room. I dropped into the chair, and Sarai stared blankly at the ceiling, tears rolling down the sides of her face as they lifted the blankets and checked the pad they’d placed under her. I nearly vomited when they slid the pad out from under her and I saw the blood before they quickly wadded it up and threw it in the trash.

  Somewhere in that bloody pad or the clothes they’d stripped off her in the ambulance was our child, too small to see even though I’d heard her heartbeat.

  The nurses were efficient and kind, and they had Sarai quickly tucked into bed again, but I couldn’t forget that bloody pad. I stared at the trash bin marked BIOHAZARD as they left the room again.

  “Knock, knock,” a quiet voice called from the hallway. I looked up to find Ani’s concerned face peeking around the doorjamb. “Can I come in?”

  I looked over at Sarai, and she nodded.

  “Hey,” Ani said, hugging me as I got to my feet. “How are you guys doing?”

  “Shitty,” I murmured with a sigh.

  “The baby?” she asked quietly.

  I shook my head as I let her go.

  “Goddamn it,” she whispered. Turning to Sarai, she gave her a gentle smile. “Hey, Rocky, nice shiner.”

  “Hi, Ani,” Sarai replied. Her lips trembled. “Sorry we didn’t pick you up.”

  “Shut it,” Ani said with a wave of her hand. She leaned against the bed and awkwardly grabbed Sarai’s good hand, giving it a squeeze. “How’re you holding up?”