Piece of my heart, p.28
Piece of My Heart,
p.28
I smiled wanly. I hadn’t heard Alex’s memory of the accident yet, and I was disappointed that I’d interrupted him telling his parents.
“I didn’t even realize what had happened,” I finally said, continuing when he stayed silent. “I just remember getting to Hailey’s house and then riding to the hospital in the ambulance. Alex nearly broke the paramedic’s arm when he gave me an IV.”
“Did they get there pretty quick?” Dan asked, leaning his elbows on the counter.
“I don’t know,” Alex said, shaking his head. “Felt like it took hours, but it must’ve been only a few minutes.”
“Can’t imagine,” Dan murmured.
“They got her out of the car,” Alex said, his voice cracking. “And there was so much blood.” He stopped speaking and shook his head. Clearing his throat, he looked at me. “I knew before we ever got to the hospital.”
I swallowed hard. I hadn’t known that. I hadn’t been aware of anything beyond my splitting headache and throbbing wrist. It was only later that I’d known that something bigger was wrong.
“Oh, son,” Liz said as her arm tightened around my waist. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you two.”
When Dan started unpacking the food boxes, I stepped out of Liz’s hold and went to help him.
“How’re you doing, sweetheart?” he asked quietly as Alex left the room.
“Not great,” I said truthfully, glancing over at him.
“Admitting it is half the battle,” he said kindly, reaching out to gently squeeze the fingers poking out the end of my cast. “Then you can start healing.”
I nodded, blinking away the tears that threatened.
“I’m real sorry,” he murmured. “Real sorry.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He nodded as Alex came back into the room.
“Hey, baby,” he said, a shy smile on his face. “I thought since your hand is in that cast…” He lifted his arm, and I started crying when I saw the chopsticks I’d rigged for him the first time we met.
“You kept them?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms.
I let the tears fall as he held me tightly against his chest, swaying slightly from side to side. When they finally started to wane, I felt Liz’s hand on my back.
“Food’s getting cold,” she said gently, kissing the back of my head with motherly affection that almost had me in tears again. “Let’s eat, huh?”
As I pulled away, Alex snapped the chopsticks together a few times. “These are dirty,” he said, like he’d just realized it. “You probably shouldn’t use them.”
I giggled at the look on his face, my heart lightening. “I can make another pair,” I replied.
“Cool.” He handed them to me. “Make me one, too, okay?”
* * *
We stayed up talking late into the night with Alex’s parents. Eventually, we moved into the living room, where Alex and I curled up together on the couch. The closeness was like a balm, soothing all the surface hurts while we focused on the deeper ones.
Sometimes we talked about the accident, and sometimes we talked about what we planned to do for the next couple of days, but no one brought up the future. I don’t think Alex or I were ready to make any big decisions yet. We were still licking our wounds, still raw from the past couple of days and all the days that had come before.
We slept in the same bedroom we’d shared at Thanksgiving, and I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed in a way that hours spent in bed had never given me. I think what I was feeling was hope, but at the time I was too nervous to give that feeling a name.
Over the next few days, Alex and I went on long walks through the forest. We spent time quietly and gratefully falling further in love with each other. I told him stories about my parents, and he told me about his birth mother and what it had been like when she’d fallen into a depression so deep that even her twin sons hadn’t been able to pull her out of it.
I wasn’t blind to the parallels in our stories, and I held Alex’s hand a little tighter as we walked slowly through the trees. He’d lost his first mother because she hadn’t been able to climb out of the dark pit she’d fallen into, and after that, my husband had felt responsible his entire life for being the person who made others happy. He’d taken on that role with Abraham, and though I knew he wasn’t ready to hear it, I came to realize that he’d done the same for me.
His family gave us the space we needed to get back on our feet, but by the end of the week, our alone time was up.
“I missed you,” Ani said, rushing through the front door of Liz and Dan’s house, Abraham carrying Arie in behind her. She hugged me hard, then pulled back to get a good look at me. “You’re doing better,” she said. “Good. You looked like shit before.”
“Thanks,” I replied with a small laugh. I was beginning to learn how to read between the lines with Ani. Sometimes she said exactly what she meant, and other times you had to search for the hidden meaning in her words. She’d been worried about me.
“You,” she said, pointing at Alex across the room. “I called you like four days ago, and you never called me back.”
“I was busy,” he replied, backing away.
“Don’t make excuses,” she bitched, walking toward him.
Bram stopped in front of me, and as he gave me a tender smile, I finally saw the strong resemblance between him and Alex. “Hey, little sister,” he said, wrapping one arm around my shoulders. “Okay?”
“Almost,” I replied honestly.
“You’ll get there,” he said, giving me a squeeze.
We congregated in the kitchen, since that seemed to be where the Evans family always ended up, and for the first time in so long, I was able to relax. I laughed at the way Ani teased Bram and Alex, complained good-naturedly when Dan told Bram and Ani about how much I hated winking and they all started doing it, and leaned against my husband, enjoying his strong arm around my shoulders.
“You should see a counselor,” Liz told me later that night as we scooped ice cream for everyone. She laughed a little at the surprised look I gave her. “Maybe not the best way to bring up the subject, but is there a good way?” She shrugged. “I just know from experience that sometimes you need to think about this stuff when you’re feeling good, because when you’re feeling bad again, it’ll be hard to imagine anything helping.”
“You’re right,” I murmured, scooping out another spoonful of ice cream. “And kind of sneaky.”
She laughed.
“You just countered any argument I could have made by acknowledging that I’m doing better before I could use that excuse.”
“Honey, I’ve raised a lot of kids,” she replied, bumping me with her hip. “There isn’t any excuse you could make that I haven’t heard before.”
“I think you’re right,” I said quietly, thinking back to Dan telling me that admitting I wasn’t okay was the first step to being okay. I really wanted to be okay again. I looked at Liz. “I think Alex should go, too.”
“I think you’re right,” she replied.
* * *
“Come on,” Alex said, tugging me along behind him. He thought he was going to surprise me, but he was seriously underestimating my memory, because I knew exactly where we were headed.
We’d been at his parents’ house for nearly a month, and things were going well. We had good days and bad days. Sometimes I still had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, but we were actively working on getting better. It helped that Alex had started working at the logging company and his health insurance allowed us to see a really nice counselor once a week. My cast was gone, which was a relief.
I’d also been talking to my aunt and uncle again. Things weren’t the same as they had been before, but knowing that they loved me made a huge difference. Even though I’d been pretty lost in my own world when they’d come to see me, I’d still recognized how much they cared. Once I’d been able to see it from the other side, I’d made an effort to repair my relationship with them.
“Alex,” I said, huffing as he pulled me along. “These boots are going to give me blisters if you keep making me walk so fast.”
“Sorry,” he said, grinning back at me. “I’m in a hurry.”
“I can tell,” I said, slowing down so he was forced to also.
A few minutes later, I could see something flickering in the trees, and I watched in confusion as the light got brighter.
“What did you do?” I asked, laughing as I realized there were candles hanging from at least twenty branches.
“They’re LED candles,” he said proudly. “Don’t worry—I’m not starting any fires.”
“I wasn’t worried,” I mumbled as I stepped between the trees and into his old hideout.
There was a picnic laid out in the middle of the clearing, on what looked like an old green sleeping bag. A thermos held whatever we were drinking, and a box of doughnuts sat off to the side.
“I remembered the lights and the sleeping bag,” he said, laughter in his voice. “But I forgot the food, so Mom helped me out.”
“I think it’s perfect,” I said, smiling at him as I moved to the sleeping bag. “Is this yours?”
“It was either mine or Bram’s,” he said with a chuckle. “They were both exactly the same.”
“I love this,” I said, sitting down.
“Wait!” he said. “Stand up.”
I wobbled as I pushed myself up again, and searched the ground, thinking that I was about to sit in something or there was a rodent or spider.
I was still searching for whatever had made him panic when he dropped down on his knees in front of me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my lips twitching.
“Sarai Levy,” he said, holding up his hand to stop me from correcting him. “I promise to always tell you when I’ve had a bad day.”
I bit my lip, trying to hold back my smile.
“I promise to bring you dinner when you go back to school, because we both know you’re not good at making time for necessities like food.” We’d discussed my finding a program in Oregon where I could transfer my credits, but I wasn’t ready for the stress of that yet. Maybe someday.
“I promise to turn my socks right side out before I throw them in the hamper, because even though you’ve suffered in silence, I know it drives you crazy.” I couldn’t hold back my laugh, and he grinned proudly.
“I promise to always try to make you laugh, even when you’re mad. I promise to share my family with you. I promise to support you in everything you do. I promise to never let you feel alone. I promise to give you children when the time is right.”
My eyes watered. He wasn’t done.
“I promise to always open your doors when we go on a date. I promise to learn how to cook that matzo ball soup that you love. I promise to get along with your family even when they piss me off. I promise—”
“That’s a lot of promises,” I said, cutting him off with a watery laugh.
“Remember what I told you?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my hips and resting his chin on my stomach.
“What?” I whispered, smiling down at him.
“I’ll give you everything,” he whispered back.
And he did.
Epilogue
ALEX
I was really hoping you’d do a Jewish wedding,” Ani said as she leaned against the wall beside me. “I wanted the whole step-on-a-glass, mazel-tov thing.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I replied drily, taking a drink of my champagne. “Sarai wasn’t comfortable with that. She did invite her rabbi to the party, though. So that’s something.”
I smiled as I watched my wife dance across the room with Shane and Kate’s son Keller. She was laughing at something he’d said, and Keller’s face was so full of mischief that I chuckled. He was probably hitting on her, the little punk.
“Has she been to church yet?” Ani asked.
“Nope.” I shook my head slightly. “Just long conversations with Rabbi Stevens at a coffee shop for now.”
“Well, good for her. Baby steps, right?” Ani said seriously. Then she grumbled, “I can’t believe she made me wear a bridesmaid dress when you didn’t even have an actual wedding.”
“Why are you over here harassing Alex?” Bram asked as he brought Ani a drink. “It’s his wedding reception—give the guy a break.”
I tuned them out as they argued, and watched as Sarai spun in a circle, her wedding dress floating out around her. The dance floor was full of friends and family, but I knew that somewhere in the crowd Clover was doing his damnedest to woo Hailey. After we’d left Missouri, they’d formed a friendship that was as close as that of any couple I’d ever seen, but my old buddy was holding a torch. It would be interesting to see how that all played out.
“What are you guys doing over here?” my little sister, Kate, asked as she came to stand beside me. “You’re like a bunch of wallflowers.”
“Just enjoying the show,” I said, pointing with my champagne flute at her son, who was currently wiggling his eyebrows at Sarai.
“Oh, good grief,” she said with a laugh. “He can barely speak to girls his own age, but when he gets around older women, he thinks he’s Mr. Smooth.”
“The boy’s got game,” Kate’s husband, Shane, said, joining us. “Gets that from his dad.”
“Oh, you’re so full of shit,” Ani barked, laughing.
“You wish you had game,” Bram said to Shane, grinning.
“He does,” Kate argued. She turned to Shane. “You totally do.”
I chuckled. “Do you guys mind?” I asked. “I’m trying to ogle my wife.”
“You can ogle your wife at home,” Ani replied with a wave of her hand.
“And so can everyone else,” Morgan said as she and Trevor walked up. “You need to get some blinds on your windows. Me and Trev stopped by the other night, and we could see right into the house.”
“That’s because we live in the middle of nowhere,” I said in exasperation. “We shouldn’t have to put blinds on the windows.”
“You built your house on the family property,” Bram replied, reaching past Ani to shove good-naturedly at my shoulder. “That’s just asking for family members to show up whenever they want.”
“Sarai wanted to be close,” I murmured as I watched her raise her hands above her head and clap. The smile on her face was so bright, I swore it lit the entire room.
We’d come a long way from the two broken people who’d shown up on my parents’ doorstep looking for a place to heal. Our counselor said that people were a constant work in progress, and I guessed that was true, but I didn’t think I’d ever feel happier than I did in that moment.
She turned toward me, grinning, then raised her eyebrows as her gaze moved over our group. When she strode toward me, I pushed myself away from the wall.
“Is this a private party,” she joked, “or is anyone invited?”
“I guess you can hang with us,” Morgan joked as I pulled Sarai toward me for a kiss.
“Kind of you,” Sarai murmured, glancing at Morgan right before our lips met.
“Picture!” my mom called out, interrupting us. “You’re all in one place! Don’t move!”
We all laughed as we turned toward her.
“I want one, too,” Sarai’s aunt yelled, lifting her camera in the air. She hurried toward us.
Sarai giggled as she turned toward them and leaned back against my chest. After months of conversations and a couple of trips out to see us, I finally got to witness the loving relationship Sarai had with her aunt—free of hurt feelings and arguments. It was awesome.
“Okay, Shane and Trevor, scoot in,” my mom ordered, making the guys grumble.
“No, scoot,” she ordered again. “Closer.” She looked through her camera lens. “Ani, I can’t see you. Why are you behind Morgan?”
“I can crouch down,” Morgan said questioningly, turning her head to look at Ani.
“Bram, you’re stepping on my dress,” Ani grumbled. “Move.”
“Crap, sorry, baby,” he replied.
“Mom, my face is starting to hurt,” Kate said through clenched teeth.
“Then stop smiling,” I said, shaking my head. “Wait until she’s ready.”
“I can’t,” she muttered, still smiling.
“She’s afraid she’ll be making a weird face,” Shane said. “It always happens.”
“You’re fine, Kate,” I said as the couples on my other side shifted around some more. “Stop smiling.”
“No,” she ground out.
“Okay, we’re ready,” Ani said. “Wait! Bram, you’re on my dress again!”
“Shit,” Trevor said. “Sorry, Ani, that was me.”
“Move, Trev,” she barked. “You’re pulling it down!”
I laughed at the chaos surrounding me and leaned down to kiss Sarai’s bare shoulder. Leaving my lips there for a minute, I slid my hand over her belly.
Later, when all the reception photos were developed, that photo would be the one we chose for our wall. From left to right, Shane smiled happily; Kate frowned as she lost the struggle to keep the smile on her face; Bram grinned proudly, his eyes on me; Trevor grimaced, looking at his feet; Morgan stared at Ani in horror; and Ani glared at the camera as she clutched at the top of her strapless dress. And right in the center, Sarai beamed while I kissed her shoulder and pressed my hand against the spot where our son was growing.
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Unbreak My Heart.
Prologue
Shane
Why are we going to this shit again?” I asked my wife as she messed with her makeup in the passenger-side mirror.
“Because it’s important to your cousin.”
“She’s not my cousin,” I reminded her, switching lanes.











