“We were just going to swim,” Lucas replied.

  “Swim and defecate.”

  “Swim and fornicate, maybe.” Lucas shrugged and chuckled quietly. “But definitely not defecate.”

  I snorted a laugh but when Maurice scowled at us, I hid further behind Lucas.

  “You do realise that you’re breaking every rule of the countryside code, don’t you?”

  Lucas groaned. “Look, we’re really sorry. We just thought we’d have a little skinny dip.”

  “They’re not defecating then?”

  “No, Felicity,” he snapped. “They’re not defecating. I believe they were going to swim. Naked.”

  “And fornicate,” Lucas whispered from the side of his mouth.

  “Get out, now,” Maurice yelled, pointing his grabber at us. “And I’ll be testing the water.”

  “For what?” I asked.

  “Spermatozoa, Miss, sperma-bloody-tozoa.”

  That was when Lucas and I fell over laughing and Hilary got a great view of his arse.

  “No telling my mum that we almost got nicked for spermatozoa spreading,” Lucas said as he put his key in the lock.

  “Scared of your mum, are you?”

  “Scared of the damn lecture I’ll get.”

  Our combined laughter stopped as soon as we saw Georgina’s face when she rushed into the hallway.

  “Honestly, Mum, they’re lying,” Lucas blurted out.

  When she shook her head and huge tears started to roll down her cheeks, we suddenly realised she had no idea what Lucas was talking about.

  “What’s wrong, Georgina?”

  “Mum?”

  Her hand went to her mouth as she inhaled a shaky breath.

  “Mum, what the hell is going on?” Lucas went to her, placing strong hands on her arms. “Mum.”

  “It’s Gran, sweetheart,” she whispered.

  “What about her?”

  Georgine reached up and cupped Lucas’ face. “She’s dead, Lucas. She had a massive heart attack after you went out. There was nothing we could do.”

  “W-why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t want you to find out on the phone.” She pulled Lucas closer. “She was happy, though.”

  “Happy?”

  Georgina gave a loud sniff. “Yes, sweetheart. She was absolutely joyful.” She slapped a hand to her heart. “She was giving Roy a lap dance.”

  I didn’t know how to react but when Georgina beamed out a smile, I suspected that Gran had gone in the way she loved, and who could argue with that?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  In the nine days since Gran had died, I hadn’t seen Lucas. We’d spoken on the phone and texted, but he’d stayed down in Sussex to help his mum and dad with the funeral while I’d got the train home. The ceremony had been delayed because Gran’s preferred funeral director was busy. According to Lucas, there was no budging and using someone else because she’d told them many times, ‘use anyone else and I’ll bleedin’ haunt you all.’. I wasn’t sure when it was going to be because Lucas hadn’t mentioned me going, and that was a huge disappointment. I wanted to be there for him, but maybe that was too much of a relationship thing. Too emotional for him. Yet, somehow, it felt perfectly right to me, and I knew for certain I’d moved further in our situation than Lucas had.

  “Claudia, Ruben is here.”

  I turned away from gazing out of the window to see Belle in the doorway. Her bright smile didn’t do much to lighten my mood, though.

  “Ruben? He isn’t scheduled, is he?”

  “No, but he wondered if you had ten minutes to spare. And you do, unless you’ve got a personal appointment.”

  The last thing I needed was romance issues seeing as I couldn’t figure my own out, but…it was my job.

  “Send him in. It’s fine.” As Belle left, I stood to greet Ruben, straightening out my dress. When he walked in, I couldn’t help noticing that he looked tired. “Hey, Ruben, how are you?”

  He shook my outstretched hand and sighed. “Yeah, not bad thanks.”

  I indicated for him to sit in one of the pink velvet chairs, and I took the other rather than behind my desk. “You don’t look very happy. Tell me all about it.”

  “To cut a very long story short, I’ve fired Andy.”

  I blinked. “Wow. That’s a big decision.”

  “Yes, I know.” He gave a resigned sigh, like it had been inevitable but still a hard thing to do. “Our working relationship couldn’t continue how it was.”

  I nodded and considered what he said. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes, sure.”

  “Was your divorce from Emily his idea?”

  There was a long pause and I wondered if maybe I’d got it all wrong, but his face and the look of despair told me differently.

  “Ruben.” I leaned forward, placing what I hoped was a comforting hand on his. “It isn’t too late. We’re still in the cooling off period and have only proceeded as far as we have because Andy insisted on it. He wanted everything prepared so we could move quickly when the time was right. That means if you want this to stop, it can.” I gave him a small smile. “As long as it’s what Emily wants.”

  “She’s left the girls with me and gone away for a week, and I have no idea where.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “How can I ask her what she wants?”

  “Okay, so I’m sure she’ll have told Mr Caulfield in case he needs to speak to her about the divorce.” At the mention of his name, my heart twisted at the thought of Lucas and what he was going through. “He’s away on personal business at the moment but I’ll speak to his secretary and see if we can find out where Emily is.”

  “Will they tell you? I mean, she obviously doesn’t want me to know where she is.” Concern marred his handsome features, and it was clear that he was being torn apart by what was happening. “What if it’s too late? What if this is what she wants?”

  “I guess we need to find that out, but I have a feeling she doesn’t want this anymore than you do.”

  “You think?” he asked hopefully.

  “I do, but if this isn’t what either of you want, why?” I thought I knew the answer but wanted to hear it from Ruben. Before I went looking for his wife for him, I needed to be sure.

  Picking at the skin around his thumb, Ruben exhaled and chewed on his lip until he finally looked up at me.

  “I’m so ashamed,” he said, sounding defeated. “I let Andy take control for so many years, let him orchestrate my career, and I forgot how to make my own decisions. That was what Emily and I started arguing about, him taking control of our personal life. He decided which school the girls should go to. He said it was somewhere appropriate for someone of my wealth, whereas Em, well she wanted them to go to the local school. A place where they could make friends who they could have over for tea and play in the garden with. Not some posh kids who spent all their time brushing down ponies that they never rode because the insurance on them was too high.”

  “I take it Andy won?” It was clear he had by the dejected stoop of Ruben’s shoulders.

  “Em went ballistic when Andy enrolled them and transferred the fees.”

  Shit, he really did have control. “I’m not surprised Emily was angry.”

  “That was just one little thing,” he said on a sigh. “Actually, it was a big thing, but he did loads of other stuff too. I think the final straw was when he swapped her car without asking her.”

  “You know, Ruben, that’s an awful lot of control you’ve allowed him to have.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  “And firing him. How did that come about?”

  Ruben swallowed and tears pooled at his lashes. “He tried to set me up with some woman. He thought that I would be fine with it just because Em and I were separated. He had no damn clue how not being with her tore my heart apart. Finding photos of Em in the bin was the final straw.”

  “What happens now?” I reached for one of the bottles of water I always had on the coffee table in front of us. Passing it to Ruben, I noticed him swipe at his eyes.

  “I put a call in to the music company yesterday, before I fired him, and they agreed to help me find someone else. They agreed it was the right decision and had been wanting to suggest it for some time. He’s been my manager for years, Claudia, and I feel stupid for not seeing it when apparently everyone else did.”

  “That doesn’t matter now,” I offered. “What does is that we sort this mess out. You go home and deal with whatever you need to from a professional stance, and I’ll get in touch with Lucas’ secretary. That okay?”

  He nodded and gave me a sad smile. “Yes, and thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” And it was. I might not have been able to sort my own relationship issues out, but I could at least help my client with his.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The excitement in my stomach was unexpected. Something that I hadn’t felt in a long time, well not before Lucas anyway. He’d always made me feel a little giddy, especially when we first began having sex and it was all done in secret. I had no idea why we thought we should have kept it secret because it wasn’t like we worked for the same firm. After a while, we realised we were adults and could do exactly as we liked. The excitement of being with Lucas never died off but lately, it had gone from a fizz to an explosion whenever we were about to meet up.

  He was coming to my house for dinner, after almost two weeks of not seeing him. He’d got back from Sussex that morning and called asking if we could meet up. Offering to make him dinner, I’d tried not to sound like a highly-strung teenage girl but wasn’t sure I’d managed it. What I’d also decided was that I was going to divulge my feelings for him. I’d let him talk about his gran and what he’d had to deal with, but then I’d lay all my cards on the table.

  The anticipation of being honest had my nerves on edge, but I couldn’t wait, so when the knock finally came on the door, I thought I was going to explode.

  “Hi.” My voice was breathy as I could barely make my lungs work. “Come in.”

  As soon as he stepped through the door, Lucas pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and hard.

  “God, it’s been a long couple of weeks,” he whispered against my neck. He lifted his head. “Something smells good.”

  “Shepherd’s pie.”

  “Did I tell you that’s my favourite?” He looked puzzled because he hadn’t. I knew because I noticed how he always ordered it if it was on the menu when we went out for lunch. How if we’d ever been food shopping he’d drop a couple into his shopping basket and when we’d been staying with his parents, I noticed the three bags of food his mum had bought were the ingredients for it and how we’d had it for dinner that first night.

  “No, lucky guess I suppose.”

  He grinned and then produced a bunch of flowers. “I hope you like these.”

  “Peonies.” I held back the gasp because they were my favourites. “I love them, and I threw my last lot out this morning.” I always bought peonies, pink if possible, but these were yellow, and they may have just become my new favourite. They smelled gorgeous and were the sunniest of colours which brightened my smile.

  “Good, I’m glad. They reminded me of you.”

  The butterflies in my stomach went completely mad and I wondered whether I could wait to talk to him about our situation. When his stomach growled, I knew I had to let him eat first.

  “Come on,” I said, tugging on his hand. “Let’s get dinner and then you can tell me everything.”

  “And they never married?” I asked, shocked.

  “No and none of us had a clue. Especially not my dad. Imagine finding that out.”

  “Your gran never even hinted at it?”

  Lucas shook his head as he took a sip of wine. “Nope. Never. That’s why everything took so long to sort. The house was in Grandad’s name and his will was from when they first got together, and it stated that she could live in it until she died. Then it went to any children they had together. Of course, it didn’t bloody name them and he never updated it to name dad.” He shook his head. “I should have checked, but he would never discuss it. As for Gran, she didn’t have a will. That meant we had to prove that Dad was Grandad’s son, but we couldn’t find Dad’s birth certificate to prove it, otherwise the house and everything else went to The Cat’s Protection League.” Lucas gave a humourless laugh. “And he bloody hated cats.”

  “What a nightmare for your dad, thinking him and your mum could become homeless.”

  “I know. Plus, we weren’t sure my grandad’s name would even be down as Dad’s father, seeing as they weren’t married.”

  “Surely your gran wouldn’t have left his name off. I mean, if they were together but just not married, she had no reason to. Not really.” As I said it, I realised this was his gran we were talking about. Lucas’ raised eyebrow said he had thought the same.

  “This is my gran, Claud. Who knows what she might have done. Anyway, we had to order a new one and,” he threw his hands into the air, “you know how long that can take and how the rest of the story goes.”

  “I still can’t believe no one knew that they weren’t married.”

  “I know, but I tell you what surprised me,” he said, leaning over the table closer to me, “is that dad mentioned it in his eulogy at the funeral.”

  When his words sunk in, the bottom dropped out of my stomach and a huge lump formed in my throat. Ridiculous as it was, I felt betrayed as I ground out a smile.

  “Y-you’ve had the funeral then?” I asked, the disappointment feeling bitter on my tongue.

  “Two days ago.” He frowned. “I messaged you about it, didn’t I?”

  I shook my head. “Our last contact was four days ago. You didn’t say anything.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I meant to. It’s just been so full on.”

  “It’s fine,” I said, waving him away. “My week has been manic anyway. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get away.”

  “I wouldn’t have expected you to come.” He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “You only met her that once.”

  But I would have been there for you.

  Feeling nausea rising, I decided to change the subject. “Did Angela tell you that Ruben and Emily have called off the divorce?” I assumed his secretary had kept him informed on things, but they’d only made the decision two days before. Angela had got in touch with Emily wherever she was staying and got her to call Ruben. After a few days away, just the two of them, they’d come to my office to give me the news. They were going to take things slowly, but ultimately they were still in love and wanted to stay as a family.

  “Yes!” He slapped the table. “Fantastic news and proves you were right all along.”

  I preened a little at that, despite my low mood. “I know, I did say.”

  “Obviously the firm lose a shed load of money but I’m glad for them. They deserve to be happy.” He took another sip of his water and laughed. “I tell you something, Ruben, Emily, Gran and Grandad, all prove we are doing totally the right thing. Relationships with emotions are too fucking hard.”

  The smile I gave took every ounce of effort I had. “You’re not wrong.” Clearing my throat, I stood and began to clear away the dishes.

  “Leave those,” Lucas said, reaching for my hand. “Let’s get comfy in the lounge and you can tell me what you’ve been doing while I’ve been away.”

  I couldn’t do it. Any joy I’d felt at seeing him after two weeks apart had disappeared. All that was left now was a deep, black sadness and total dissatisfaction with the way my life was going.

  “Actually, you know, Lucas, I think I’m just going to go to bed.” He raised his eyebrows. “Alone.” I tried to fill the word with humour, but it was such a sad bloody little word it was hard to manage it. “I don’t feel too good.”

  “Really.” Lucas stood and moved to my side, putting an arm around my shoulder. “Do you need me to go and get you anything? I can nip to the all night chemist.”

  “No, honestly, I’ll be fine. I just need a good night’s sleep, which I know is shit your first night back.”

  “Honestly, Claud, it’s fine.” He gave me a side hug. “Let me load these in the dishwasher for you while you go up to bed. Once I’m done, I’ll let myself out.”

  Suddenly, I felt guilty for lying to him. When he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and his fingers lingered on my cheek, I almost asked him to stay. Then I remembered that he hadn’t asked me to go his gran’s funeral and I’d really liked her.

  He kissed me on my nose, his fingers in my hair. “I’ll call you in the morning but if you need anything at all during the night, just ring. Okay?”

  All I could do was nod, afraid that if I spoke I’d let everything out. So, when Lucas steered me in the direction of the hallway, I allowed myself to be guided. It was only nine-thirty, but it wouldn’t hurt me to have an early night. I needed to catch up on some reading about some changes in family law anyway.

  A little while later, I heard footsteps on the landing and quickly snapped off the bedside light and threw my book down. Pretending to be asleep, I could barely hide my smile as I heard the door push open and Lucas padded across the bedroom. The bed dipped a little and then lips landed on my forehead.

  “Night beautiful, hope you feel better tomorrow.”

  And that, folks, was another reason why I’d fallen in love with Lucas Caulfield and was why I couldn’t tell him, because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing those moments of beauty from my life.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Avoiding Lucas Caulfield was hard. For starters, he kept being all swoony and calling to check I was feeling better. Also, after a couple of days, I was beginning to feel horny, it had been almost three weeks since Lucas had given me an orgasm. That combined with Lucas’ swoonyness meant that I’d agreed to spend the evening with him at his place. He’d said that until I was one hundred percent healthy, he’d prefer for us to be close to home rather than go out. You see, even more swoonyness.