Apart from all of that, I loved his company, and I missed it when we didn’t spend time together. The problem was, it was getting harder and harder to be around him and not admit my feelings for him.

  With a couple of hours before I needed to be at Lucas’ place, I was chilling with a glass of wine. Chilling and contemplating how I was going deal with my feelings for him. After only a couple of sips, though, my phone rang, and it was Lucas’ number.

  “Hi, everything okay?” I asked, concerned that maybe he was going to cancel on me.

  “Not really.”

  Yep, he was.

  “What’s wrong?” I moved my feet from the sofa to the floor, sitting up straight. His tone didn’t sound like it was something as minor as cancelling dinner.

  “I’m at the police station, with your dad.”

  That made me sit up even straighter. “My dad? Why the hell are you there with my dad?”

  “He’s been arrested, and his one call was to me.”

  I frowned as all sorts of thoughts went through my head. Mainly why Dad had called Lucas. “Why didn’t he call me and how the hell did he get your number?”

  There was a moment of silence on the other end, and I was aware that Lucas was stalling.

  “Lucas?”

  He groaned on the other end of the line. “I gave it to him.”

  “When?”

  “At your place when we caught him and your mum. I told him if he needed anything in future to call me and not you.”

  I asked the obvious question. “Why?”

  “Because… shit, because I didn’t want you to have to deal with him. I wanted to be sure he didn’t take advantage of you again.”

  My heart thudded as I considered his reasons, and I was at odds with myself. I loved that he wanted to take care of me, but I hated that he didn’t think I could deal with my dad by myself.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he said.

  “Oh, you can read my mind then?”

  “Claud, I know you know how to handle him, but I didn’t want you to have to. You’re one of my best friends and it’s what I’d do for any of them.”

  I wasn’t sure how that made me feel either. His two male best friends were called Tonka and Dibber, and both had cauliflower ears from playing rugby. Did he think I looked like I should be in a scrum or something?

  I couldn’t feel too ungrateful, but I would have much preferred it if he’d said, ‘because you’re my woman.’—and yes I liked an Alpha man, so bloody shoot me. Lucas would never say anything like that, though. That would be far too emotional.

  “What’s he been arrested for anyway?” I asked, getting up and scanning the room for my car keys.

  “Affray. He threatened some guy in a petrol station and said he’d smash the place up.” He sighed and then added, “With an umbrella.”

  Looking up at the ceiling, I groaned. “Why was he in a bloody petrol station? He can’t even drive. And why was he threatening him?”

  “Apparently, he and your mum went in for some sandwiches and the guy behind the counter stared at your mum for a bit too long. That was when your dad grabbed one of the umbrellas they were selling and threatened him and the shop.”

  “Shitting bloody hell,” I cursed. “He’s an absolute pillock.” I spotted my keys and snatched them up as I shoved my feet into a pair of flat shoes. “I’m on my way, so if you want to get off.”

  “No way! I’m representing him. I’ve only told you so that you don’t accuse me of keeping things from you.” He chuckled. “Because I could do without your wrath to be honest. I’ve got enough on my mind as it is.”

  “Like what?”

  I heard him inhale sharply before he said, “Nothing really. Just me being dramatic. Anyway, don’t come here. I think I’ve managed to get him released.”

  “How. And you’re a family lawyer, not a criminal one.”

  “That’s how fucking good I am, gorgeous.” His laugh was deep and throaty, and a pang of longing hit me right between the legs.

  “Still want me to come over to your place?” I asked, with my fingers crossed.

  “I do, but I’m not sure how long I’ll be.”

  Disappointment hit me and I sighed. “No worries.”

  “No. No. Why don’t you go over there. There’s a Spaghetti Bolognese all ready to warm up. If I call you as I’m leaving, you could pop the garlic bread in the oven. What do you think?”

  “Yes, sure.” Excitement buzzed in my stomach at the prospect of going over there. I’d never been there without him before and maybe it meant something, him asking me, trusting me. “How will I get in, though?”

  His voice lowered. “There’s a key safe and the number is 1297.”

  “Okay. 1297. 1297,” I repeated.

  “That’s brilliant,” he replied. “I was worried I wouldn’t get to see you.”

  There was the excitement again. To the point that I stamped my feet. Then I remembered why he’d called me. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come and help sort things?”

  “No. Honestly. I’ll be home before you know it.”

  As the call ended, I couldn’t ignore how he’d said home and the fact that it had made me feel all warm and gooey. It made me wonder if things were more for him, too. Despite his words about relationships not being for him, maybe he couldn’t fight it. Perhaps he did want one with me and if I just gave him time, he might announce it was what he wanted.

  Feeling brighter than I had in days, I grabbed everything I needed i.e., a clean pair of knickers and my toothbrush and realised that me avoiding Lucas hadn’t gone to plan at all.

  Lucas had called me to say he was leaving. According to him, he’d persuaded the guy from the petrol station not to press charges. How he’d managed it I wasn’t sure, but he had, which meant my dad was free to go. Personally, I’d have preferred him to press charges to make sure Aaron went back to prison but, clearly, Lucas was more forgiving than I was.

  The food was warming, and the garlic bread was in the oven, so all I had to do was open the wine, if I could find the bloody bottle opener. I’d searched in every drawer and cupboard but without success. There was only one thing for it—a knife.

  Pushing the knife inside the lip of the bottle, I began carving away at the cork. It wasn’t working so I decided to push it in instead, hoping that Lucas wouldn’t notice bits of cork floating around his Rioja. As it plopped inside, red wine splashed out and all over my blouse.

  “Shit.” I was covered in it, and it was a blouse which I loved. It needed soaking but I hadn’t brought anything else to wear. I could hardly wear my clean knickers as a top and as much as Lucas loved my boobs, small or not, eating dinner topless wasn’t an option.

  After putting the shirt in some cold water and stain remover in Lucas’ utility room, I trotted off to his bedroom to find something to wear. I knew he had a gorgeous, soft, old grey top that I’d worn before, so was hopeful of finding it. I also liked it because it showed off my bum. Lucas was tall and broad, but I wasn’t tiny and petite, so it didn’t swamp me like those girls in films whose boyfriend’s sports jersey fell to their knees and off their perfectly tanned, slim shoulder. No, Lucas’ was just long enough for my arse cheeks to peek out of the bottom. And, Lucas loved my arse cheeks.

  As usual, his bedroom was clean and tidy, and it made me smile. He really would be the perfect boyfriend. My smile dropped and my heart wrenched at the idea that he might never be. Pushing it to the back of my mind, though, I wandered over to the chest of drawers where he kept his t-shirts and opened it up.

  “Yes!” I was pleased to see the one I wanted was right on top of the pile. Dropping it over my body, I breathed in. It smelled clean and flowery and the fact that Lucas had used fabric conditioner gave me excited little chills. I’d told him how much I loved the smell of it, and he’d listened to me.

  Looking at myself in the dresser mirror and considering taking my jeans off for when he got home, I spotted something. It looked like an estate agent’s pamphlet, with pictures of a property. Feeling nosey I decided to take a little sneaky look. I couldn’t lie, I was kind of excited to see whether it was a family home he was thinking of buying. But if it was it would be heart breaking to see him there with anyone else. Not heart breaking enough for me not to look, though.

  Looking down at the glossy images, it felt like the world had stopped and catapulted me to the moon. My head swam as my heart struggled to keep up pace with my lungs, as the pictures and words went hazy.

  “New York,” I whispered, confused. Seeing the words, ‘apartment is just two blocks from the new office’ written in a Lucas’ handwriting across the top, made my chest clench. I wasn’t confused any longer. “He’s moving to New York.”

  “Claud?”

  I swung around, the pamphlet in my hand, to face the man himself. The man who, without realising it, was ripping my heart into shreds.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I haven’t decided anything yet.” He reached for the pamphlet, but I gripped it tight.

  “But you didn’t tell me, Lucas. Why?”

  “I just didn’t. Like I said, I haven’t decided anything yet.”

  “But you’re considering it?” He shrugged. “How long have you known it was an option?”

  “Richard asked me a few weeks ago.” Richard was his boss, the owner of the firm, the man who had made no secret of the fact that he wanted to go back to his homeland and open an office there someday.

  “So, one minute I’m one of your best friends, and the next you can’t be arsed to tell me that you’re moving to New York.” I chewed on my lip as I shook my head, feeling disappointment and hurt in equal measures.

  “Nothing has been decided.”

  I looked down at the pamphlet. “That says different.” I stabbed at the word ‘Sold’ stamped across the front of it. “And you haven’t said a word.”

  “I would have told you, eventually. I can explain about the apartment, it’s—”

  “With an invite to your house warming?” I interrupted him and stalked out of the room, needing to be away from him.

  “Claudia, just wait,” he called, trailing after me. “I told you. I don’t know if I’m going yet.”

  I stopped and swivelled around to face him, pointing an accusing finger. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re going or thinking about it, Lucas, you still didn’t think I was worthy of an explanation. That tells me a lot.”

  “Let’s talk about it now.”

  “No, I’m going home.” Storming across the hallway I held my breath, channelling my anger so that the pain didn’t bring tears with it. “I’ll just get my shirt and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

  “Don’t go. Stay and eat.”

  I couldn’t stay. I had to get out of there because my heart didn’t want to break in front of an audience. Especially the man who’d done the damage to it in the first place.

  “Nothing to talk about, Lucas. There’s no point because as you keep telling me, we’re merely in a situationship.” That fucking word again. I hated it. “You clearly don’t need to talk to me about anything.”

  Like a Storm Trooper marching to war, I left him behind as I went to retrieve my shirt. Not caring about the water that slopped over the floor as I trailed back through to my bag.

  So much for needing clean knickers.

  “Claudia,” Lucas pleaded. “Don’t be so pig-headed and stay and talk to me.”

  Ignoring him, I grabbed my stuff and left. Perfectly aware of what I was to him… a situation he was desperate to be out of.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Times were rare where I missed having a close friend. Like I’d said to Lucas once, it was easier than being rejected because of who I was or what I looked like. This was one of those times, though, that I wished I had someone to talk to.

  Belle, my secretary, was lovely but we weren’t close enough that I could talk to her. I was so desperate that I’d even considered calling my mum. I’d quickly come to my senses on that one. No, I had no one, which was why I was talking to my boss, Miles, while shoving Maltesers in my mouth.

  “He didn’t tell me, Miles,” I complained, dropping my head back and throwing a chocolate in the air. Catching it in my mouth, I fist pumped. “I’m supposed to be one of his best friends, apparently.”

  “I knew that Richard was thinking of opening a branch of the firm back home, in New York, but I didn’t know it was definite.” Miles patted my hand. “Do you not think you should maybe try and talk to him?”

  “No!” I snapped. “Why would you suggest that?”

  “Because my sweet, it’s clear he’s more than a friend.” Miles arched his eyebrow. The way that he usually did when he knew he was right about something. I normally found it endearing but today, I wanted to pelt him with chocolate balls.

  “I think I should have gone home and moaned to my teddy bear or something,” I said on a sigh. “Not interrupted your evening while drinking your whisky and eating chocolates.”

  “That’s what I’m here for.” He gave me a smile. “Do you want to stay for dinner? You know Anne will have made plenty.”

  I looked at him through one eye. “What is it?”

  “Lamb cutlets and all the trimmings.”

  I didn’t need to think about it for long. “Okay.” I pushed the lid down on the box of Maltesers. “We can finish those for pudding.”

  “Lemon meringue pie for pudding.”

  “Maybe instead of after dinner mints then.”

  Miles chuckled in his lovely, kindly, old man way and pushed up from his armchair. “Come on, let’s feed you.”

  I followed him through to their huge kitchen where Anne was laying dishes on the old farmhouse table. I also noticed that there were three places laid, so it had been a foregone conclusion that I was staying. That made me smile and my heart feel full, knowing that I did have someone looking out for me.

  “Hello, my darling.” Anne threw a tea towel over her shoulder and dragged me into a hug. “I believe you’re feeling broken hearted.”

  I stared at Miles over her shoulder. “I never said that.”

  “You don’t have to say it, darling,” she cooed, letting me go. “It’s written all over your face. Now, sit down, both of you, so that we can eat.”

  And so we began, enjoying some gorgeous food while I told them everything about my relationship with Lucas.

  “He definitely loves you,” Anne said, as she slapped a huge spoonful of pie into a dish for me. “I bet he’s going to New York because he’s scared about his feelings.”

  “Coward,” Miles muttered, reaching for the cream.

  “Says you, the man who refused to even look at me for six months when we met.” Anne winked at me and grinned. Her favourite pastime was winding Miles up.

  “Miles, and you called Lucas a coward,” I said with a mock gasp.

  “He is. At least I told Anne what my feelings were. Bloody scaredy cat, like I said.”

  “To be fair to him,” I said on a sigh, “it was what we both agreed on. Lots of sex with no commitment or emotions. I just didn’t expect that to mean he didn’t tell me when he was moving halfway across the world.”

  “I had no clue and I’ve seen you together loads of times.”

  “Miles,” Anne scoffed. “You didn’t even notice when I redecorated the downstairs loo and you spend seventy percent of your time in there. How are you supposed to notice that Claudia is having the best sex of her life?” She turned to me. “I assume it was, sorry, is the best sex of your life.”

  “God, yes,” I said around a mouthful of lemon meringue pie and cream. “He doesn’t let my size bother him.”

  Miles slammed a hand down on the table. “Who the hell does that?” he demanded.

  “A few exes have. They don’t let me do certain…” I grimaced. “Certain things.” I didn’t want to say too much to my boss, but by the look of astonishment on Anne’s face, she knew what I was getting at.

  “I’d be most dissatisfied if Miles didn’t let me do cowgirl from time to time.”

  A huge piece of meringue lodged at the back of my throat as I gasped in a gulp of air. Snatching up my glass of wine, I was glad that it hadn’t been pastry that wouldn’t melt against the backwash of a pinot. Looking up at Miles, I saw he was back to happily spooning pudding into his mouth, not fazed by Anne’s confession one iota.

  “He sounds lovely, I have to say,” Anne offered, refilling my glass.

  “He’s very handsome,” Miles said. “Damn good solicitor too.”

  “He is,” I agreed. “He always gives me a run for my money if we’re up against each other. I mean, I’m generally better but he’s good.”

  “Good at his job and sex,” Anne mused. “That’s a winner.”

  I sighed, thinking about Lucas. “Hmm.”

  “You’re as bad, though. Don’t you think, Miles?”

  “Oh yes, absolutely. You’re as much of a coward as he is.”

  “I am?” I protested. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because you are.” Anne sat back in her chair, arms folded over her sweatshirt stained with gravy and cream. “You’re clearly in love with him and yet you’re going to let him go to New York without telling him how you feel.”

  “I don’t love him.”

  “Liar,” Miles chimed in.

  “I didn’t say I loved him. I’m annoyed he didn’t tell me he was going, that’s all.”

  “Liar,” they both chorused.

  I looked at them in turn, took a swig of my wine, then banged my head on the table, letting out a long, drawn-out groan.

  “I love him. I admit. I love him and I don’t want him to go.” My forehead still stuck to the table, I turned to Anne. “What shall I do?”

  “Tell him. That would be a start,” she replied, stroking her fingers through my hair.

  “I don’t think that I can.”

  “Coward.”

  “Miles, stop calling Claudia a coward. I mean, she is, but don’t keep telling her that.”

  “It’s fine,” I groaned. “He’s right, I am. I love him and I’m too much of a yellow belly to admit it to myself, never mind Lucas.”