Lady Windermere Then I shall do exactly as I have said. Goes R. You leave me no choice.

  Exit R.

  Lord Windermere Calling after her. Margaret! Margaret! A pause. My God! What shall I do? I dare not tell her who this woman really is. The shame would kill her. Sinks down into a chair and buries his face in his hands.

  Act Drop

  Act II

  Scene: Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house. Door R.U. opening into ballroom, where band is playing. Door L. through which guests are entering. Door L.U. opens on to illuminated terrace. Palms, flowers, and brilliant lights. Room crowded with guests. Lady Windermere is receiving them.

  The Duchess of Berwick Up C. So strange Lord Windermere isn’t here. Mr. Hopper is very late, too. You have kept those five dances for him, Agatha? Comes down.

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma.

  The Duchess of Berwick Sitting on sofa. Just let me see your card. I’m so glad Lady Windermere has revived cards.—They’re a mother’s only safeguard. You dear simple little thing! Scratches out two names. No nice girl should ever waltz with such particularly younger sons! It looks so fast! The last two dances you might pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

  Enter Mr. Dumby and Lady Plymdale from the ballroom.

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma.

  The Duchess of Berwick Fanning herself. The air is so pleasant there.

  Parker Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield. Sir James Royston. Mr. Guy Berkeley.

  These people enter as announced.

  Dumby Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

  Lady Stutfield I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It’s been a delightful season, hasn’t it?

  Dumby Quite delightful! Good evening, Duchess. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

  The Duchess of Berwick I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It has been a very dull season, hasn’t it?

  Dumby Dreadfully dull! Dreadfully dull!

  Mr. Cowper-Cowper Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

  Dumby Oh, I think not. There’ll probably be two more. Wanders back to Lady Plymdale.

  Parker Mr. Rufford. Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.

  These people enter as announced.

  Hopper How do you do, Lady Windermere? How do you do, Duchess? Bows to Lady Agatha.

  The Duchess of Berwick Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to come so early. We all know how you are run after in London.

  Hopper Capital place, London! They are not nearly so exclusive in London as they are in Sydney.

  The Duchess of Berwick Ah! we know your value, Mr. Hopper. We wish there were more like you. It would make life so much easier. Do you know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in Australia. It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos flying about. Agatha has found it on the map. What a curious shape it is! Just like a large packing case. However, it is a very young country, isn’t it?

  Hopper Wasn’t it made at the same time as the others, Duchess?

  The Duchess of Berwick How clever you are, Mr. Hopper. You have a cleverness quite of your own. Now I mustn’t keep you.

  Hopper But I should like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.

  The Duchess of Berwick Well, I hope she has a dance left. Have you a dance left, Agatha?

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma.

  The Duchess of Berwick The next one?

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma.

  Hopper May I have the pleasure? Lady Agatha bows.

  The Duchess of Berwick Mind you take great care of my little chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.

  Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper pass into ballroom.

  Enter Lord Windermere.

  Lord Windermere Margaret, I want to speak to you.

  Lady Windermere In a moment. The music drops.

  Parker Lord Augustus Lorton.

  Enter Lord Augustus.

  Lord Augustus Good evening, Lady Windermere.

  The Duchess of Berwick Sir James, will you take me into the ballroom? Augustus has been dining with us tonight. I really have had quite enough of dear Augustus for the moment.

  Sir James Royston gives the Duchess his arm and escorts her into the ballroom.

  Parker Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord and Lady Paisley. Lord Darlington.

  These people enter as announced.

  Lord Augustus Coming up to Lord Windermere. Want to speak to you particularly, dear boy. I’m worn to a shadow. Know I don’t look it. None of us men do look what we really are. Demmed good thing, too. What I want to know is this. Who is she? Where does she come from? Why hasn’t she got any demmed relations? Demmed nuisance, relations! But they make one so demmed respectable.

  Lord Windermere You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I suppose? I only met her six months ago. Till then, I never knew of her existence.

  Lord Augustus You have seen a good deal of her since then.

  Lord Windermere Coldly. Yes, I have seen a good deal of her since then. I have just seen her.

  Lord Augustus Egad! the women are very down on her. I have been dining with Arabella this evening! By Jove! you should have heard what she said about Mrs. Erlynne. She didn’t leave a rag on her. … Aside. Berwick and I told her that didn’t matter much, as the lady in question must have an extremely fine figure. You should have seen Arabella’s expression! … But, look here, dear boy. I don’t know what to do about Mrs. Erlynne. Egad! I might be married to her; she treats me with such demmed indifference. She’s deuced clever, too! She explains everything. Egad! she explains you. She has got any amount of explanations for you—and all of them different.

  Lord Windermere No explanations are necessary about my friendship with Mrs. Erlynne.

  Lord Augustus Hem! Well, look here, dear old fellow. Do you think she will ever get into this demmed thing called Society? Would you introduce her to your wife? No use beating about the confounded bush. Would you do that?

  Lord Windermere Mrs. Erlynne is coming here tonight.

  Lord Augustus Your wife has sent her a card?

  Lord Windermere Mrs. Erlynne has received a card.

  Lord Augustus Then she’s all right, dear boy. But why didn’t you tell me that before? It would have saved me a heap of worry and demmed misunderstandings!

  Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper cross and exit on terrace L.U.E.

  Parker Mr. Cecil Graham!

  Enter Mr. Cecil Graham.

  Cecil Graham Bows to Lady Windermere, passes over and shakes hands with Lord Windermere. Good evening, Arthur. Why don’t you ask me how I am? I like people to ask me how I am. It shows a widespread interest in my health. Now, tonight I am not at all well. Been dining with my people. Wonder why it is one’s people are always so tedious? My father would talk morality after dinner. I told him he was old enough to know better. But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don’t know anything at all. Hallo, Tuppy! Hear you’re going to be married again; thought you were tired of that game.

  Lord Augustus You’re excessively trivial, my dear boy, excessively trivial!

  Cecil Graham By the way, Tuppy, which is it? Have you been twice married and once divorced, or twice divorced and once married? I say you’ve been twice divorced and once married. It seems so much more probable.

  Lord Augustus I have a very bad memory. I really don’t remember which. Moves away R.

  Lady Plymdale Lord Windermere, I’ve something most particular to ask you.

  Lord Windermere I am afraid—if you will excuse me—I must join my wife.

  Lady Plymdale Oh, you mustn’t dream of such a thing. It’s most dangerous nowadays for a husband to pay any attention to his wife in public. It always makes people think that he beats her when they’re alone. The world has grown so suspicious of anything that looks like a happy married life. But I’ll tell you what it is at supper. Moves towards door of ballroom.

  Lord Windermere C. Margaret! I must speak to you.

  Lady Windermere Will you hold my fan for me, Lord Darlington? Thanks. Comes down to him.

  Lord Windermere Crossing to her. Margaret, what you said before dinner was, of course, impossible?

  Lady Windermere That woman is not coming here tonight!

  Lord Windermere R.C. Mrs. Erlynne is coming here, and if you in any way annoy or wound her, you will bring shame and sorrow on us both. Remember that! Ah, Margaret! only trust me! A wife should trust her husband!

  Lady Windermere C. London is full of women who trust their husbands. One can always recognise them. They look so thoroughly unhappy. I am not going to be one of them. Moves up. Lord Darlington, will you give me back my fan, please? Thanks. … A useful thing a fan, isn’t it? … I want a friend tonight, Lord Darlington: I didn’t know I would want one so soon.

  Lord Darlington Lady Windermere! I knew the time would come some day; but why tonight?

  Lord Windermere I will tell her. I must. It would be terrible if there were any scene. Margaret …

  Parker Mrs. Erlynne!

  Lord Windermere starts. Mrs. Erlynne enters, very beautifully dressed and very dignified. Lady Windermere clutches at her fan, then lets it drop on the door. She bows coldly to Mrs. Erlynne, who bows to her sweetly in turn, and sails into the room.

  Lord Darlington You have dropped your fan, Lady Windermere. Picks it up and hands it to her.

  Mrs. Erlynne C. How do you do, again, Lord Windermere? How charming your sweet wife looks! Quite a picture!

  Lord Windermere In a low voice. It was terribly rash of you to come!

  Mrs. Erlynne Smiling. The wisest thing I ever did in my life. And, by the way, you must pay me a good deal of attention this evening. I am afraid of the women. You must introduce me to some of them. The men I can always manage. How do you do, Lord Augustus? You have quite neglected me lately. I have not seen you since yesterday. I am afraid you’re faithless. Everyone told me so.

  Lord Augustus R. Now really, Mrs. Erlynne, allow me to explain.

  Mrs. Erlynne R.C. No, dear Lord Augustus, you can’t explain anything. It is your chief charm.

  Lord Augustus Ah! if you find charms in me, Mrs. Erlynne—

  They converse together. Lord Windermere moves uneasily about the room watching Mrs. Erlynne.

  Lord Darlington To Lady Windermere. How pale you are!

  Lady Windermere Cowards are always pale!

  Lord Darlington You look faint. Come out on the terrace.

  Lady Windermere Yes. To Parker. Parker, send my cloak out.

  Mrs. Erlynne Crossing to her. Lady Windermere, how beautifully your terrace is illuminated. Reminds me of Prince Doria’s at Rome.

  Lady Windermere bows coldly, and goes off with Lord Darlington.

  Oh, how do you do, Mr. Graham? Isn’t that your aunt, Lady Jedburgh? I should so much like to know her.

  Cecil Graham After a moment’s hesitation and embarrassment. Oh, certainly, if you wish it. Aunt Caroline, allow me to introduce Mrs. Erlynne.

  Mrs. Erlynne So pleased to meet you, Lady Jedburgh. Sits beside her on the sofa. Your nephew and I are great friends. I am so much interested in his political career. I think he’s sure to be a wonderful success. He thinks like a Tory, and talks like a Radical, and that’s so important nowadays. He’s such a brilliant talker, too. But we all know from whom he inherits that. Lord Allandale was saying to me only yesterday, in the Park, that Mr. Graham talks almost as well as his aunt.

  Lady Jedburgh R. Most kind of you to say these charming things to me! Mrs. Erlynne smiles, and continues conversation.

  Dumby To Cecil Graham. Did you introduce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady Jedburgh?

  Cecil Graham Had to, my dear fellow. Couldn’t help it! That woman can make one do anything she wants. How, I don’t know.

  Dumby Hope to goodness she won’t speak to me! Saunters towards Lady Plymdale.

  Mrs. Erlynne C. To Lady Jedburgh. On Thursday? With great pleasure. Rises, and speaks to Lord Windermere, laughing. What a bore it is to have to be civil to these old dowagers! But they always insist on it!

  Lady Plymdale To Mr. Dumby. Who is that well-dressed woman talking to Windermere?

  Dumby Haven’t got the slightest idea! Looks like an édition de luxe of a wicked French novel, meant specially for the English market.

  Mrs. Erlynne So that is poor Dumby with Lady Plymdale? I hear she is frightfully jealous of him. He doesn’t seem anxious to speak to me tonight. I suppose he is afraid of her. Those straw-coloured women have dreadful tempers. Do you know, I think I’ll dance with you first, Windermere. Lord Windermere bites his lip and frowns. It will make Lord Augustus so jealous! Lord Augustus! Lord Augustus comes down. Lord Windermere insists on my dancing with him first, and, as it’s his own house, I can’t well refuse. You know I would much sooner dance with you.

  Lord Augustus With a low bow. I wish I could think so, Mrs. Erlynne.

  Mrs. Erlynne You know it far too well. I can fancy a person dancing through life with you and finding it charming.

  Lord Augustus Placing his hand on his white waistcoat. Oh, thank you, thank you. You are the most adorable of all ladies!

  Mrs. Erlynne What a nice speech! So simple and so sincere! Just the sort of speech I like. Well, you shall hold my bouquet. Goes towards ballroom on Lord Windermere’s arm. Ah, Mr. Dumby, how are you? I am so sorry I have been out the last three times you have called. Come and lunch on Friday.

  Dumby With perfect nonchalance. Delighted!

  Lady Plymdale glares with indignation at Mr. Dumby. Lord Augustus follows Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere into the ballroom holding bouquet.

  Lady Plymdale To Mr. Dumby. What an absolute brute you are! I never can believe a word you say! Why did you tell me you didn’t know her? What do you mean by calling on her three times running? You are not to go to lunch there; of course you understand that?

  Dumby My dear Laura, I wouldn’t dream of going!

  Lady Plymdale You haven’t told me her name yet! Who is she?

  Dumby Coughs slightly and smooths his hair. She’s a Mrs. Erlynne.

  Lady Plymdale That woman!

  Dumby Yes; that is what everyone calls her.

  Lady Plymdale How very interesting! How intensely interesting! I really must have a good stare at her. Goes to door of ballroom and looks in. I have heard the most shocking things about her. They say she is ruining poor Windermere. And Lady Windermere, who goes in for being so proper, invites her! How extremely amusing! It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing. You are to lunch there on Friday!

  Dumby Why?

  Lady Plymdale Because I want you to take my husband with you. He has been so attentive lately, that he has become a perfect nuisance. Now, this woman is just the thing for him. He’ll dance attendance upon her as long as she lets him, and won’t bother me. I assure you, women of that kind are most useful. They form the basis of other people’s marriages.

  Dumby What a mystery you are!

  Lady Plymdale Looking at him. I wish you were!

  Dumby I am—to myself. I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly; but I don’t see any chance of it just at present.

  They pass into the ballroom, and Lady Windermere and Lord Darlington enter from the terrace.

  Lady Windermere Yes. Her coming here is monstrous, unbearable. I know now what you meant today at teatime. Why didn’t you tell me right out? You should have!

  Lord Darlington I couldn’t! A man can’t tell these things about another man! But if I had known he was going to make you ask her here tonight, I think I would have told you. That insult, at any rate, you would have been spared.

  Lady Windermere I did not ask her. He insisted on her coming—against my entreaties—against my commands. Oh! the house is tainted for me! I feel that every woman here sneers at me as she dances by with my husband. What have I done to deserve this? I gave him all my life. He took it—used it—spoiled it! I am degraded in my own eyes; and I lack courage—I am a coward! Sits down on sofa.