Lord Augustus Pouring himself out a brandy and soda at table. Can’t, dear boy. Promised Mrs. Erlynne never to play or drink again.

  Cecil Graham Now, my dear Tuppy, don’t be led astray into the paths of virtue. Reformed, you would be perfectly tedious. That is the worst of women. They always want one to be good. And if we are good, when they meet us, they don’t love us at all. They like to find us quite irretrievably bad, and to leave us quite unattractively good.

  Lord Darlington Rising from R. table, where he has been writing letters. They always do find us bad!

  Dumby I don’t think we are bad. I think we are all good, except Tuppy.

  Lord Darlington No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Sits down at C. table.

  Dumby We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars? Upon my word, you are very romantic tonight, Darlington.

  Cecil Graham Too romantic! You must be in love. Who is the girl?

  Lord Darlington The woman I love is not free, or thinks she isn’t. Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks.

  Cecil Graham A married woman, then! Well, there’s nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.

  Lord Darlington Oh! she doesn’t love me. She is a good woman. She is the only good woman I have ever met in my life.

  Cecil Graham The only good woman you have ever met in your life?

  Lord Darlington Yes!

  Cecil Graham Lighting a cigarette. Well, you are a lucky fellow! Why, I have met hundreds of good women. I never seem to meet any but good women. The world is perfectly packed with good women. To know them is a middle-class education.

  Lord Darlington This woman has purity and innocence. She has everything we men have lost.

  Cecil Graham My dear fellow, what on earth should we men do going about with purity and innocence? A carefully thought-out buttonhole is much more effective.

  Dumby She doesn’t really love you then?

  Lord Darlington No, she does not!

  Dumby I congratulate you, my dear fellow. In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. The last is much the worst; the last is a real tragedy! But I am interested to hear she does not love you. How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?

  Cecil Graham A woman who didn’t love me? Oh, all my life!

  Dumby So could I. But it’s so difficult to meet one.

  Lord Darlington How can you be so conceited, Dumby?

  Dumby I didn’t say it as a matter of conceit. I said it as a matter of regret. I have been wildly, madly adored. I am sorry I have. It has been an immense nuisance. I should like to be allowed a little time to myself now and then.

  Lord Augustus Looking round. Time to educate yourself, I suppose.

  Dumby No, time to forget all I have learned. That is much more important, dear Tuppy. Lord Augustus moves uneasily in his chair.

  Lord Darlington What cynics you fellows are!

  Cecil Graham What is a cynic? Sitting on the back of the sofa.

  Lord Darlington A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

  Cecil Graham And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything, and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.

  Lord Darlington You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.

  Cecil Graham I am. Moves up to front off fireplace.

  Lord Darlington You are far too young!

  Cecil Graham That is a great error. Experience is a question of instinct about life. I have got it. Tuppy hasn’t. Experience is the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes. That is all. Lord Augustus looks round indignantly.

  Dumby Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

  Cecil Graham Standing with his back to the fireplace. One shouldn’t commit any. Sees Lady Windermere’s fan on sofa.

  Dumby Life would be very dull without them.

  Cecil Graham Of course you are quite faithful to this woman you are in love with, Darlington, to this good woman?

  Lord Darlington Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all other women in the world become absolutely meaningless to one. Love changes one—I am changed.

  Cecil Graham Dear me! How very interesting! Tuppy, I want to talk to you. Lord Augustus takes no notice.

  Dumby It’s no use talking to Tuppy. You might just as well talk to a brick wall.

  Cecil Graham But I like talking to a brick wall—it’s the only thing in the world that never contradicts me! Tuppy!

  Lord Augustus Well, what is it? What is it? Rising and going over to Cecil Graham.

  Cecil Graham Come over here. I want you particularly. Aside. Darlington has been moralising and talking about the purity of love, and that sort of thing, and he has got some woman in his rooms all the time.

  Lord Augustus No, really! really!

  Cecil Graham In a low voice. Yes, here is her fan. Points to the fan.

  Lord Augustus Chuckling. By Jove! By Jove!

  Lord Windermere Up by door. I am really off now, Lord Darlington. I am sorry you are leaving England so soon. Pray call on us when you come back! My wife and I will be charmed to see you!

  Lord Darlington Upstage with Lord Windermere. I am afraid I shall be away for many years. Good night!

  Cecil Graham Arthur!

  Lord Windermere What?

  Cecil Graham I want to speak to you for a moment. No, do come!

  Lord Windermere Putting on his coat. I can’t—I’m off!

  Cecil Graham It is something very particular. It will interest you enormously.

  Lord Windermere Smiling. It is some of your nonsense, Cecil.

  Cecil Graham It isn’t! It isn’t really.

  Lord Augustus Going to him. My dear fellow, you mustn’t go yet. I have a lot to talk to you about. And Cecil has something to show you.

  Lord Windermere Walking over. Well, what is it?

  Cecil Graham Darlington has got a woman here in his rooms. Here is her fan. Amusing, isn’t it? A pause.

  Lord Windermere Good God! Seizes the fan—Dumby rises.

  Cecil Graham What is the matter?

  Lord Windermere Lord Darlington!

  Lord Darlington Turning round. Yes!

  Lord Windermere What is my wife’s fan doing here in your rooms? Hands off, Cecil. Don’t touch me.

  Lord Darlington Your wife’s fan?

  Lord Windermere Yes, here it is!

  Lord Darlington Walking towards him. I don’t know!

  Lord Windermere You must know. I demand an explanation. Don’t hold me, you fool. To Cecil Graham.

  Lord Darlington Aside. She is here after all!

  Lord Windermere Speak, sir! Why is my wife’s fan here? Answer me! By God! I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll—Moves.

  Lord Darlington You shall not search my rooms. You have no right to do so. I forbid you!

  Lord Windermere You scoundrel! I’ll not leave your room till I have searched every corner of it! What moves behind that curtain? Rushes towards the curtain C.

  Mrs. Erlynne Enters behind R. Lord Windermere!

  Lord Windermere Mrs. Erlynne!

  Everyone starts and turns round. Lady Windermere slips out from behind the curtain and glides from the room L.

  Mrs. Erlynne I am afraid I took your wife’s fan in mistake for my own, when I was leaving your house tonight. I am so sorry. Takes fan from him. Lord Windermere looks at her in contempt. Lord Darlington in mingled astonishment and anger. Lord Augustus turns away. The other men smile at each other.

  Act Drop

  Act IV

  Scene: Same as in Act I.

  Lady Windermere Lying on sofa. How can I tell him? I can’t tell him. It would kill me. I wonder what happened after I escaped from that horrible room. Perhaps she told them the true reason of her being there, and the real meaning of that—fatal fan of mine. Oh, if he knows—how can I look him in the face again? He would never forgive me. Touches bell. How securely one thinks one lives—out of reach of temptation, sin, folly. And then suddenly—Oh! Life is terrible. It rules us, we do not rule it.

  Enter Rosalie R.

  Rosalie Did your ladyship ring for me?

  Lady Windermere Yes. Have you found out at what time Lord Windermere came in last night?

  Rosalie His lordship did not come in till five o’clock.

  Lady Windermere Five o’clock? He knocked at my door this morning, didn’t he?

  Rosalie Yes, my lady—at half-past nine. I told him your ladyship was not awake yet.

  Lady Windermere Did he say anything?

  Rosalie Something about your ladyship’s fan. I didn’t quite catch what his lordship said. Has the fan been lost, my lady? I can’t find it, and Parker says it was not left in any of the rooms. He has looked in all of them and on the terrace as well.

  Lady Windermere It doesn’t matter. Tell Parker not to trouble. That will do.

  Exit Rosalie.

  Lady Windermere Rising. She is sure to tell him. I can fancy a person doing a wonderful act of self-sacrifice, doing it spontaneously, recklessly, nobly—and afterwards finding out that it costs too much. Why should she hesitate between her ruin and mine? … How strange! I would have publicly disgraced her in my own house. She accepts public disgrace in the house of another to save me. … There is a bitter irony in things, a bitter irony in the way we talk of good and bad women. … Oh, what a lesson! and what a pity that in life we only get our lessons when they are of no use to us! For even if she doesn’t tell, I must. Oh! the shame of it, the shame of it. To tell it is to live through it all again. Actions are the first tragedy in life, words are the second. Words are perhaps the worst. Words are merciless. … Oh! Starts as Lord Windermere enters.

  Lord Windermere Kisses her. Margaret—how pale you look!

  Lady Windermere I slept very badly.

  Lord Windermere Sitting on sofa with her. I am so sorry. I came in dreadfully late, and didn’t like to wake you. You are crying, dear.

  Lady Windermere Yes, I am crying, for I have something to tell you, Arthur.

  Lord Windermere My dear child, you are not well. You’ve been doing too much. Let us go away to the country. You’ll be all right at Selby. The season is almost over. There is no use staying on. Poor darling! We’ll go away today, if you like. Rises. We can easily catch the 3:40. I’ll send a wire to Fannen. Crosses and sits down at table to write a telegram.

  Lady Windermere Yes; let us go away today. No; I can’t go today, Arthur. There is someone I must see before I leave town—someone who has been kind to me.

  Lord Windermere Rising and leaning over sofa. Kind to you?

  Lady Windermere Far more than that. Rises and goes to him. I will tell you, Arthur, but only love me, love me as you used to love me.

  Lord Windermere Used to? You are not thinking of that wretched woman who came here last night? Coming round and sitting R. of her. You don’t still imagine—no, you couldn’t.

  Lady Windermere I don’t. I know now I was wrong and foolish.

  Lord Windermere It was very good of you to receive her last night—but you are never to see her again.

  Lady Windermere Why do you say that? A pause.

  Lord Windermere Holding her hand. Margaret, I thought Mrs. Erlynne was a woman more sinned against than sinning, as the phrase goes. I thought she wanted to be good, to get back into a place that she had lost by a moment’s folly, to lead again a decent life. I believed what she told me—I was mistaken in her. She is bad—as bad as a woman can be.

  Lady Windermere Arthur, Arthur, don’t talk so bitterly about any woman. I don’t think now that people can be divided into the good and the bad as though they were two separate races or creations. What are called good women may have terrible things in them, mad moods of recklessness, assertion, jealousy, sin. Bad women, as they are termed, may have in them sorrow, repentance, pity, sacrifice. And I don’t think Mrs. Erlynne a bad woman—I know she’s not.

  Lord Windermere My dear child, the woman’s impossible. No matter what harm she tries to do us, you must never see her again. She is inadmissible anywhere.

  Lady Windermere But I want to see her. I want her to come here.

  Lord Windermere Never!

  Lady Windermere She came here once as your guest. She must come now as mine. That is but fair.

  Lord Windermere She should never have come here.

  Lady Windermere Rising. It is too late, Arthur, to say that now. Moves away.

  Lord Windermere Rising. Margaret, if you knew where Mrs. Erlynne went last night, after she left this house, you would not sit in the same room with her. It was absolutely shameless, the whole thing.

  Lady Windermere Arthur, I can’t bear it any longer. I must tell you. Last night—

  Enter Parker with a tray on which lie Lady Windermere’s fan and a card.

  Parker Mrs. Erlynne has called to return your ladyship’s fan which she took away by mistake last night. Mrs. Erlynne has written a message on the card.

  Lady Windermere Oh, ask Mrs. Erlynne to be kind enough to come up. Reads card. Say I shall be very glad to see her.

  Exit Parker.

  She wants to see me, Arthur.

  Lord Windermere Takes card and looks at it. Margaret, I beg you not to. Let me see her first, at any rate. She’s a very dangerous woman. She is the most dangerous woman I know. You don’t realise what you’re doing.

  Lady Windermere It is right that I should see her.

  Lord Windermere My child, you may be on the brink of a great sorrow. Don’t go to meet it. It is absolutely necessary that I should see her before you do.

  Lady Windermere Why should it be necessary?

  Enter Parker.

  Parker Mrs. Erlynne.

  Enter Mrs. Erlynne.

  Exit Parker.

  Mrs. Erlynne How do you do, Lady Windermere? To Lord Windermere. How do you do? Do you know, Lady Windermere, I am so sorry about your fan. I can’t imagine how I made such a silly mistake. Most stupid of me. And as I was driving in your direction, I thought I would take the opportunity of returning your property in person with many apologies for my carelessness, and of bidding you goodbye.

  Lady Windermere Goodbye? Moves towards sofa with Mrs. Erlynne and sits down beside her. Are you going away, then, Mrs. Erlynne?

  Mrs. Erlynne Yes; I am going to live abroad again. The English climate doesn’t suit me. My—heart is affected here, and that I don’t like. I prefer living in the south. London is too full of fogs and—and serious people, Lord Windermere. Whether the fogs produce the serious people or whether the serious people produce the fogs, I don’t know, but the whole thing rather gets on my nerves, and so I’m leaving this afternoon by the Club Train.

  Lady Windermere This afternoon? But I wanted so much to come and see you.

  Mrs. Erlynne How kind of you! But I am afraid I have to go.

  Lady Windermere Shall I never see you again, Mrs. Erlynne?

  Mrs. Erlynne I am afraid not. Our lives lie too far apart. But there is a little thing I would like you to do for me. I want a photograph of you, Lady Windermere—would you give me one? You don’t know how gratified I should be.

  Lady Windermere Oh, with pleasure. There is one on that table. I’ll show it to you. Goes across to the table.

  Lord Windermere Coming up to Mrs. Erlynne and speaking in a low voice. It is monstrous your intruding yourself here after your conduct last night.

  Mrs. Erlynne With an amused smile. My dear Windermere, manners before morals!

  Lady Windermere Returning. I’m afraid it is very flattering—I am not so pretty as that. Showing photograph.