All the worst humans, p.20
All the Worst Humans,
p.20
“promoting a fair, modern marketplace that works for all Americans”: “About Us,” Free and Fair Markets Initiative, freeandfairmarketsinitiative.org/about-us/.
“Take Down Amazon Is Funded by Amazon’s Biggest Rivals”: James V. Grimaldi, “A ‘Grass Roots’ Campaign to Take Down Amazon Is Funded by Amazon’s Biggest Rivals,” Wall Street Journal, September 20, 2019, sec. Business, www.wsj.com/articles/a-grassroots-campaign-to-take-down-amazon-is-funded-by-amazons-biggest-rivals-11568989838.
“A Rose in the Desert”: Joan Juliet Buck, “Asma Al-Assad: A Rose in the Desert,” Vogue, March 2011, reprinted online at www.gawker.com/asma-al-assad-a-rose-in-the-desert-1265002284.
internal document leaked by Julian Assange and WikiLeaks: Michael Moynihan, “Opinion—Washington’s Syria Lobbyists: ‘Hard Power Necessary to Quell Rebellion,’” Washington Post, June 29, 2023, www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/right-turn/post/washingtons-syria-lobbyists-hard-power-necessary-to-quell-rebellion/2012/07/06/gJQA0jBWSW_blog.html.
“and the state of Qatar,” it begins: Louise Radnofsky, “Advocate for Libya, Syria Failed to File Disclosures,” Wall Street Journal, September 9, 2011, sec. Business, www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424053111904103404576557001732536530.
played on Libyan state-run TV: Joseph Logan, “Libyan TV Carries Audio of Gaddafi Taunting NATO,” Reuters, May 13, 2011, sec. World News, www.reuters.com/article/us-libya/libyan-tv-carries-audio-of-gaddafi-taunting-nato-idUSTRE7270JP20110513.
“Do you know right from wrong?”: David Williams, “Who Shot Gaddafi? New Video Shows Blood Pouring from Dictator Immediately Before Death but Mystery Surrounds Coup de Grace,” Daily Mail, October 20, 2011, www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2051361/GADDAFI-DEAD-VIDEO-Dictator-begs-life-summary-execution.html.
Chapter 6: The Government v. the Internet
travels with a life-size statue of the alien from Predator: Daniel Miller and Matthew Belloni, “Megaupload’s Kim Dotcom: Inside the Wild Life and Dramatic Fall of the Nerd Who Burned Hollywood,” The Hollywood Reporter, May 2, 2012, www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/kim-dotcom-megaupload-piracy-steve-jobs-kanye-west-kim-kardashian-318376/.
sent twenty million dollars to Greenpeace: Sean Gallagher, “The Fast, Fabulous, Allegedly Fraudulent Life of Megaupload’s Kim Dotcom,” Wired, January 26, 2012, www.wired.com/2012/01/kim-dotcom/.
accessing classified military intel on Saddam Hussein: Alexander Gutzmer, “Schwere Vorwürfe gegen Letsbuyit-Retter,” Die Welt, November 16, 2001, www.welt.de/print-wams/article608961/Schwere-Vorwuerfe-gegen-Letsbuyit-Retter.html.
sabotaged the credit rating of former German chancellor Helmut Kohl: John Cassy, Julia Snoddy, and Simon Bowers, “White Knight for Letsbuyit,” Guardian, January 25, 2001, sec. Technology, www.theguardian.com/technology/2001/jan/25/newmedia.business.
“Royal Highness Kimble the First”: Rebecca Lewis, “Multi-Millionaire Hacker Buys Chrisco Mansion,” NZ Herald, September 12, 2023, www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/multi-millionaire-hacker-buys-chrisco-mansion/DUMIN52RIKFIVWC57ZQCCKA4BM/.
“(spelling out ‘Linux’ with bullet holes)”: Gallagher, “The Fast, Fabulous, Allegedly Fraudulent Life of Megaupload’s Kim Dotcom.”
“Respect me because I can teach you”: David Simpson, “6 Outrageous Kim Dotcom Moments,” Hollywood Reporter, May 2, 2012, www.hollywoodreporter.com/gallery/kim-dotcom-outrageous-moments-318685/3-no-1-ranked-player-in-the-world-at-modern-warfare-3/.
“a PR man’s nightmare and a journalist’s dream”: Amanda Hall, “City Profile: From Convicted Hacker to Dotcom Backer,” Telegraph (UK), January 28, 2001.
cost the U.S. film industry around $29.2 billion per year: Ana Dascalescu, “MPA Says Online Piracy Is Responsible for 230,000 and 560,000 Jobs Lost in the US,” TechTheLead, October 11, 2022, https://techthelead.com/mpa-says-online-piracy-is-responsible-for-230000-and-560000-jobs-lost-in-the-us/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CIn%202020%2C%20there%20were%20an.
“Never let the truth get in the way of a good story”: Stephanie Twining, “Belly Up: Jim Hewes of the Round Robin,” Washingtonian, October 23, 2007, www.washingtonian.com/2007/10/23/belly-up-jim-hewes-of-the-round-robin/.
“Four percent of the internet.… It’s a hit, it’s a hit!”: “Kim Dotcom-Megaupload Song HD,” YouTube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Wvn-9BXVc.
first case of confession via license plate: Danny Vazquez, “Megaupload Founder Kim Dotcom Admits Guilt via License Plate,” Complex, January 19, 2012, www.complex.com/sports/a/danny-vazquez/megaupload-founder-kim-dotcom-admits-guilt-via-license-plate.
the price tag was $800,000: David Armstrong, “Inside Purdue Pharma’s Media Playbook: How It Planted the Opioid ‘Anti-Story,’” ProPublica, November 19, 2019, www.propublica.org/article/inside-purdue-pharma-media-playbook-how-it-planted-the-opioid-anti-story.
“oxycodone (OxyContin), morphine or methadone may be required”: Sally Satel, “Doctors Behind Bars,” American Enterprise Institute, October 19, 2004, www.aei.org/articles/doctors-behind-bars/.
died from opioid overdoses from 1999 to 2021: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Opioid Data Analysis and Resources: CDC’s Response to the Opioid Overdose Epidemic—CDC,” CDC, June 22, 2021, www.cdc.gov/opioids/data/analysis-resources.html.
“Sacklers have been among our most generous supporters”: “The Metropolitan Museum of Art and Sackler Families Announce Removal of the Family Name in Dedicated Galleries,” Press Release, Metropolitan Museum of Art, December 9, 2021, www.metmuseum.org/press/news/2021/the-met-and-sackler-families-announce-removal-of-the-family-name-in-dedicated-galleries.
a DC firm with close ties to the Biden White House: Daniel Lippman, “TikTok Hires Biden-Connected Firm as It Finds Itself Under D.C.’s Microscope,” Politico, n.d., www.politico.com/news/2023/03/09/tiktok-biden-firm-dc-skdk-00086408.
Chapter 7: The Internet v. the Government
“David vs. Goliath trade battle with the United States”: David McFadden, “APNewsBreak: Antigua to Seek Sanctions Against US,” AP, December 10, 2012, available at https://www.smh.com.au/technology/apnewsbreak-antigua-to-seek-sanctions-against-us-20121210-2b44t.html.
“Brandon Just Wants to Drive His Racecar”: Ben Smith, “Brandon Just Wants to Drive His Racecar,” New York Times, December 19, 2021, sec. Business, www.nytimes.com/2021/12/19/business/brandon-brown-lets-go-brandon.html.
“A Fed Up Antigua Opens Its Doors to Megavideo”: Harold Lovell, “A Fed Up Antigua Opens Its Doors to Megavideo: Column,” USA Today, February 1, 2013, www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2013/02/01/antigua-world-trade-organization/1881557/.
“A New Front in Global Trade Wars”: “Opinion: A New Front in Global Trade Wars,” New York Times, February 8, 2013, sec. Opinion, www.nytimes.com/2013/02/08/opinion/a-new-front-in-global-trade-wars.html.
Chapter 8: Goodluck, Phil
“All Malala Wants for Her Birthday Is Safe Return for Boko Haram Girls”: Charlotte Alter, “All Malala Wants for Her Birthday Is Safe Return for Boko Haram Girls,” Time, July 14, 2014, time.com/2981368/malala-yousafzai-boko-haram-bringbackourgirls/.
“their daughters will return home?”: “Malala Asks Jonathan to Meet Girls’ Parents,” News24, July 14, 2014, www.news24.com/news24/malala-asks-jonathan-to-meet-girls-parents-20140714.
“psychological terrorism”: “Nigeria’s Goodluck Jonathan: #BringBackOurGirls ‘Political,’” BBC News, July 15, 2014, sec. Africa, www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-28318259.
writes the Los Angeles Times’s Robyn Dixon: Robyn Dixon, “In Nigeria, Backlash Against U.S. Firm Hired to Improve Image,” Los Angeles Times, July 17, 2014, www.latimes.com/world/africa/la-fg-nigeria-public-relations-20140717-story.html.
Chapter 9: Influence Games
“Go past the Picasso, left at the Matisse”: Andrew Rawnsley, “Shepherd’s Pie and Shampagne, Anyone?” Guardian, July 21, 2001, sec. UK News, www.theguardian.com/uk/2001/jul/22/archer.conservatives.
“She Hasn’t Lost Yet”: William Finnegan, “Taking Down Terrorists in Court,” New Yorker, May 8, 2017, www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/05/15/taking-down-terrorists-in-court.
Chapter 10: Target or Source
“the Obama administration’s most reactionary critics”: Alex Thompson and Nick Niedzwiadek, “The Jennifer Rubin–WH Symbiosis.” West Wing Playbook, Politico, September 16, 2021, www.politico.com/newsletters/west-wing-playbook/2021/09/16/the-jennifer-rubin-wh-symbiosis-494364.
exposing Mueller’s probe into foreign influence in Washington: Byron Tau, Rebecca Ballhaus, and Aruna Viswanatha, “Mueller Probe into U.A.E. Influence Broadens,” Wall Street Journal, April 3, 2018, sec. Politics, www.wsj.com/articles/mueller-probe-into-u-a-e-influence-broadens-1522718922.
“Mueller Asked About Money Flows to Israeli Social-Media Firm, Source Says”: Michael Riley and Lauren Etter, “Mueller Asked About Money Flows to Israeli Social-Media Firm, Source Says,” Bloomberg, May 22, 2018, www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2018–05–22/mueller-targeted-flows-of-money-to-israeli-social-media-company.
Psy-Group’s partnership with Cambridge Analytica: Byron Tau and Rebecca Ballhaus, “Israeli Intelligence Company Formed Venture with Trump Campaign Firm Cambridge Analytica,” Wall Street Journal, May 22, 2018, sec. Politics, www.wsj.com/articles/israeli-intelligence-company-formed-venture-with-trump-campaign-firm-cambridge-analytica-1527030765.
“Qatar Sabotaged 2022 World Cup Rivals with ‘Black Ops’”: “Exclusive: Qatar Sabotaged 2022 World Cup Rivals with ‘Black Ops,’” Times (UK), September 11, 2023, sec. News, www.thetimes.co.uk/article/exclusive-qatar-sabotaged-2022-world-cup-rivals-with-black-ops-glwl3kxkk#:~:text=Exclusive%3A%20Qatar%20sabotaged%202022%20World%20Cup%20rivals%20with%20.
“Rick Gates Sought Online Manipulation Plans from Israeli Intelligence Firm for Trump Campaign”: Mark Mazzetti et al., “Rick Gates Sought Online Manipulation Plans from Israeli Intelligence Firm for Trump Campaign,” New York Times, October 8, 2018, sec. U.S., www.nytimes.com/2018/10/08/us/politics/rick-gates-psy-group-trump.html#:~:text=WASHINGTON%20%E2%80%94%20A%20top%20Trump%20campaign.
Chapter 11: Deadline
a damning portrait of Trump’s overtures to the Libyan regime: Daniel Wagner and Aram Roston, “The Donald and the Dictator,” BuzzFeed News, June 7, 2016, www.buzzfeednews.com/article/danielwagner/how-trump-tried-to-get-qaddafis-cash.
the two did business together: Staff, “Full Transcript: First 2016 Presidential Debate,” Politico, September 27, 2016, www.politico.com/story/2016/09/full-transcript-first-2016-presidential-debate-228761.
Chapter 12: Fix You
Forty-eight thousand people in 2021: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Facts About Suicide,” CDC, May 8, 2023, www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html.
decreased suicidal ideation by at least 85 percent: Meryl Kornfield, “Nothing Seemed to Treat Their Depression. Then They Tried Ketamine,” Washington Post, September 12, 2022, www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/09/12/ketamine-depression-treatment-research/.
“Nothing Seemed to Treat Their Depression. Then They Tried Ketamine”: Kornfield, “Nothing Seemed to Treat Their Depression. Then They Tried Ketamine.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First, I would like to thank my wife, Lindsay. I would not be here without her. If Howard Yoon hadn’t talked her into this, it would not have happened. Howard also deserves a lot of the credit for this. I am not sure what regular agents do, but I have a feeling it is not this much. Then there are the two brothers who introduced me to the agent. I blame the two of you a great deal for this. Richard Levick was my mentor and I’m glad we made it to his part in the story, before doing our last story together, his obituary.
We tried to keep this book a secret for a long time. As a result, I had a lot of people read it and help with it. I want to thank you all for your patience with me. In no particular order: Kate, Liz, Maria, Chester, Raphael, Max, Michael, Adam, Kate, Michael, James, Louise, Megan, Byron, Denise, J.P., Ben, Ryan, Dan, Peter, Joy, Ashtan, Nancy, Jon, Lisa, Kaija, Stephen, Zach, Alice, Fred, Paul, Dave, Mark, Donna, Christa, Sean, and Matt. Thanks to Vader for being willing to work ideas through with me at 3:00 a.m. when no one else would.
A special thank-you to my longtime lawyer David Saltzman. You know I’m always good for repeat business. Also, to Tim Duggan for taking a massive risk on a first-time author. Additionally, everyone at Henry Holt for their time, support, and commitment to this project. Also, if you need a fact checked, Hilary McClellen is who you should call.
Finally, I want to thank Kai Flanders. It was so much fun showing you this world of mayhem. Thank you for helping me communicate.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phil Elwood is a public relations operative. He was born in New York City, grew up in Idaho, and moved to Washington, DC, at age twenty to intern for Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan. He completed his undergraduate degree from Georgetown University and his graduate studies at the London School of Economics before starting his career at a small PR firm. Over the past two decades, Elwood has worked for some of the top—and bottom—PR firms in Washington. He lives in DC. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Author’s Note
Prologue
Chapter 1. Of Marble and Giants
Chapter 2. Everyone Deserves Representation
Chapter 3. The Doctor and Las Vegas
Chapter 4. No Fingerprints
Chapter 5. Thanks, Michelle
Chapter 6. The Government v. the Internet
Chapter 7. The Internet v. the Government
Chapter 8. Goodluck, Phil
Chapter 9. Influence Games
Chapter 10. Target or Source
Chapter 11. Deadline
Chapter 12. Fix You
Notes
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
All the Worst Humans: How I Made News for Dictators, Tycoons, and Politicians. Copyright © 2024 by Phil Elwood. All rights reserved. For information, address Henry Holt and Co., 120 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10271.
www.henryholt.com
Cover design and illustration (dynamite) by Nicolette Seeback Ruggiero
Cover art © Shutterstock (man and background)
The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:
Names: Elwood, Phil (Philip) author.
Title: All the worst humans: how I made news for dictators, tycoons, and politicians / Phil Elwood.
Description: First edition.|New York: Henry Holt and Company, 2024.|Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2023055958|ISBN 9781250321572 (hardcover)|ISBN 9781250321589 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Elwood, Phil (Philip)|Public relations and politics.|Communication in politics.|Political consultants— United States—Biography.|Public relations consultants—United States—Biography.
Classification: LCC JA85.2.U6 E58 2024|DDC 659.2/9320092 [B]—dc23/eng/20231228
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023055958
e-ISBN 9781250321589
First Edition 2024
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* A few versions of this quote are attributed to Irish playwright and critic George Bernard Shaw. The classic version is “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” I’ve always liked this version: “Never wrestle with a pig. The pig is better at it; you both end up smelling like shit; and the pig likes the smell.”
* Han shot first.
Phil Elwood, All the Worst Humans
