I nodded and took her suggestion, trying to move around her. “Yeah. I’ll tell her.”

  “Jagger. You know Shephard really wants you to be his best man.”

  It had been a conversation I’d avoided. They were planning their wedding. I was happy for them, but I had no desire to be a part of the festivities. Sure, I’d buy them a present, but that was the extent of it. Being his best man seemed like the last thing my brother would want. “Tell him to pick Hunter.”

  “He doesn’t want Hunter. He wants you.”

  I didn’t turn around or say anything else. There was nothing to say, the subject between me and my brother. “Yeah, well, we can’t all have what we want, Denise. It doesn’t work that way.”

  “When are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Jagger? You have two brothers who give a damn about you. Why don’t you show them some love in return? At least some respect.”

  I’d tried to be more of a friend, especially to Shep, but our bullheaded personalities continued to keep us at arm’s length.

  I knew she continued to stare at me. She’d tried to become my friend, maybe because she’d be considered family soon enough. I had no interest and not because of her. She was a nice girl with enough balls to keep my brother on his toes.

  I had my reasons and that was final.

  She finally knew it was no use and walked away. I’d hear about it from my brother, but as with most things, I just didn’t care.

  After finishing my shopping, including grabbing a few bottles of wine and a couple of bottles of booze for myself, I knew it was time to get going. At least Bella and the cute kid would have enough food for at least a week. The number of items I’d purchased was four times what I had in my house if not more. The money wasn’t the issue. Cooking for myself simply didn’t have appeal.

  On the way out of town, I noticed the small toy store was still open. Slowing down, I stared at the storefront window, debating if I should go in. It was impetuous of me to think I had any better idea what kind of toys a little girl would like than a box of cereal. However, I felt compelled.

  As I’d seen with so many quaint towns, there was on-street parking. I found a parking place a couple of blocks down. The tourists were out in droves, taking pictures and enjoying the constant holiday music being piped from unseen speakers. With the snow covering the ground, I cringed as I headed down the sidewalk.

  As usual, I was waved to by just about everyone, some recognition in a few pairs of eyes, but mostly, it was all about being nice to a stranger. I did my best to keep my head down. A chill shifted down my spine the moment I walked in. I must have looked helpless since a young woman appeared from behind the counter.

  “Can I help you?” she asked. “You look lost.” Her smile was genuine and she offered me an appreciative glance all the way to my boots. When I was younger, I would have toyed with a woman’s flirtatiousness, enjoying the banter. Not any longer. The thought of a relationship left a bad taste in my mouth.

  “I need some toys for a little girl.” My voice sounded even rougher than before. Impatient.

  She lost her smile. “How old?”

  “I don’t know. She’s about this big.” I placed my open palm about three feet or so off the floor.

  The woman narrowed her eyes. “Well, if you don’t know then I’m just guessing and could be totally wrong.”

  “I won’t shoot you if you are.”

  For the first time, her gaze held a hint of fear, but she managed to blow it off. Yeah, I was being an asshole. Being in this town around these people had forced me to retreat further into my shell. What I knew and few others did was being an asshole that was feared by some and loathed by others was a much better alternative for everyone involved.

  No one would get me to change, including some woman with an intent on brightening the world after saving it.

  Or even one so beautiful I’d remained awake all freaking night long thinking about her.

  Truth be told, I’d fantasized about her. Bella was refreshing to a man who’d given up on life. Still, I’d do my good deed and walk the fuck away. That was best for everyone.

  I was a fuckup and caring meant suffering, which in turn would mean I’d create agony for others. No, it was better to be this way.

  “I’d say maybe three or four. Let me gather a few items for you to choose from.”

  “I’ll take whatever you got.”

  Her eyes opened wide and she blew out a heavy breath. “Well, okay then. Let me get your order together. It’ll take a few minutes.”

  I had all the time in the world.

  As I stood and waited, I couldn’t avoid thinking about Bella. However, I had to get her out of my mind.

  Nothing could happen between us. If it did, I’d place her in harm’s way.

  From me.

  CHAPTER 7

  Bella

  Frustration.

  Anger.

  Sadness.

  I’d experienced every emotion over the last few months, the darkest ones more concentrated over the last few days. My mind was still finding it difficult to process that Joel hated me to the point of ruining my career and my reputation. How and when had things gotten so repulsive?

  I stared out the window at the snow, my jaw clenched. Thankfully, I’d found a box of PopTarts that hadn’t been opened and a toaster. Cally was happy with her breakfast. But there was no other food to be found.

  Baltimore had its share of snow-filled events, but given the fancy house I’d once lived in, the adjoining roads had been plowed continuously. The rich people could never be inconvenienced. This was entirely different, the light of day providing a beautiful but eerie reminder I was in the mountains.

  Still, I’d need to find a grocery store if I had any hopes of lasting through the storm. I’d counted the money I’d managed to grab before leaving. The exercise had left me with a sick feeling inside. I’d been stupid not to stop at an ATM prior to climbing the steep roads. My fear that Joel had somehow managed to obtain access was the reason. He would have been able to trace the direction I’d headed out of town.

  I was such a fool.

  At least I could take Esme up on her offer, but only if absolutely necessary.

  With my little girl happily munching and enjoying her coloring book, I was free to try to breathe. And think. And plan.

  What in God’s name was I going to do?

  My phone chirped and I anticipated seeing Esme’s number. Instead, it was Joel’s. The bastard had found my new number for a second time. Shit. He’d likely coerced the woman in the business office at the hospital. Another mistake. I should have picked up a burner phone.

  “What do you want, Joel?” I hissed.

  “Is that any way to talk to your husband?”

  “You’re not my husband any longer. You ceased to be that the moment you stuck your dick into Susie. Remember?”

  “I can’t believe you are holding that against me, but last I checked, we’re still married.”

  “Are you kidding me? Aren’t you the biggest asshole in the world. Stop calling me. We are finished.”

  “You have my daughter.”

  “She’s not your daughter.”

  “The adoption was almost final and wouldn’t you know, my father knows someone who is ensuring the adoption papers are signed.”

  A wave of nausea hit me hard and immediately.

  I was sicker inside than before. I’d stopped the adoption process almost immediately after we’d met with a divorce attorney. It was even in the separation arrangement. But I couldn’t put anything past Joel. He wanted to destroy my life.

  What had I ever done to him other than find the courage to walk out? I’d found out his father had insisted his son marry. Why I didn’t know and had no care to find out. That’s the only reason Joel had shown me any interest. I’d had enough of a pedigree being a surgeon I wouldn’t embarrass him.

  And I’d been stupid enough to fall for every line of bullshit he’d dished out.

  “I’m going to tell you this just once, Joel. Stay out my life and my daughter’s life. You will never get your slimy hands on her. Not for a meeting. Not for a visit. Nothing. Am I clear enough for you?”

  He snickered. “You’re clear, my darling. However, you seem to underestimate me. If you fight me on the custody, I’ll do what’s necessary to ensure the courts see how damaging you are to a young child in her developmental years. I’m just itching for everyone to see how beautiful you are in the porn film.”

  The entire video had been shot exactly that way. He’d planned on using it as blackmail or to keep me in line. My stomach lurched and it was all I could do to keep from vomiting. No. He wanted me upset. He wasn’t going to win. I wouldn’t let him.

  “You cruel son of a bitch.” While I tried to keep my voice down because of Cally, I was so angry I couldn’t think straight. “Don’t contact me again or I will talk with my attorney to get a restraining order.”

  I had no attorney.

  He’d made certain I couldn’t afford one. I’d talked to one who’d wanted ten thousand dollars up front before he’d speak to me. I didn’t currently have ten grand. After I’d spoken with the second and the jerk had wanted fifteen, half laughing that I had a case to win, I’d all but given up. I needed space and time to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

  With all the money I’d made, I’d placed my trust in a man who’d professed to love me and he’d fucked me over. Just like everyone else had in my life. I’d thought for once, one time I could let go of keeping so much control. Being a fool didn’t look good on me.

  He was laughing as I hung up.

  When I heard a hard pounding on the front door, I was still in the throes of wishing I’d taken Esme up on her offer to hunt down and kill the man. With no one here possibly knowing who I was or what I was really doing in Danger Falls, I took long strides, throwing open the door.

  “What are you doing here?” My tone was nothing but a bark, heavy on the sarcasm.

  “I brought you some damn groceries. What does it look like?”

  Seeing Jagger standing on the porch with his arms full was a reminder that I’d tossed and turned the night before. I hadn’t been able to get him off my mind. I’d thought of nothing but Cally and methods of murder, so having a man show interest in me had thrown me. He was rough around the edges and arrogant, but he had a gentle demeanor underneath all that macho bravado he wore like a badge of honor.

  As a bonus, every time I looked at him, his rugged appearance set my soul on fire.

  He didn’t ask if he could come in, he walked in. Or maybe I should say he wasn’t going to let some girl stop him under any circumstances. With four full bags in his hands, I was surprised he made it into the kitchen without dropping one.

  “Why did you do that? I told you before I can fend for myself.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, even grumpier than when I’d seen him the night before. “Well, you’re doing a shitty job of it so far.”

  “Mama, he cursed,” Cally giggled.

  “I know. He’s not supposed to. You can leave now.” I kept my hate-filled eyes on him. To think I’d been so stupid as to accept his hospitality burned me deep inside. Men expected something for their… generosity. My God. I needed a lobotomy.

  “Not until I grab everything else. Then I’ll get out of your hair, lady. Don’t worry.” He didn’t bother unpacking a single bag and I didn’t offer to help including returning to his vehicle.

  I was fuming. To some, it wouldn’t make any sense, but during the last few months of living with Joel he’d insisted on having a servant handle all the shopping. That had meant I wasn’t allowed to pick out anything I wanted for myself or for Cally. It had just been the beginning of his controlling mechanisms. It had been the same for clothing. I’d been forced to dress a certain way when not in scrubs. I could just kick myself.

  When Jagger returned with four more bags then another four, I was fuming to the point of pacing the living room. Yes, I needed food and continued to remind myself of that, but his interference and not asking me what I wanted didn’t settle well in my mind.

  I told myself to let it go, that he was trying to be a nice guy until he walked in with bags of toys from some toy store. The label was written in red and while Cally had just started reading, her Spidey sense picked up on the new toys within seconds.

  Now I felt lower than low as her mother.

  “Mommy! Look. Books. Stuffed animals. Yay!” She was jumping around the room, pulling out one toy then another. What was I supposed to do with that? Tell her no, she couldn’t have them?

  She grabbed a stuffed koala bear from a bag and I bit back tears. They were involuntary and unwanted, but my heart ached for her more than anything. I’d wanted a father figure for my little girl. I’d managed to hook an uncaring prick instead.

  “Do you like them?” Jagger asked her. He was just as uncomfortable as I was, maybe even more so. It was obvious he had no experience around children.

  At least he was trying.

  I was still angry with him for being so presumptuous, but I wasn’t going to dampen Cally’s excitement.

  “Mommy. Look. Look!”

  “I see them, baby. Can I talk to you for a second, Jagger?”

  He lifted his head, eyeing me warily. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

  “In the other room.” I folded my arms, perhaps doing my best to hold in my anger. He swaggered in a few seconds later and my eyes were drawn to his stubbled face and clenched jaw. I could easily sit and stare at his eyes for a lengthy period.

  “Look, I really do appreciate you doing nice things for me. I don’t know how to thank you, but I don’t appreciate you just assuming what my daughter and I would want or that we can’t do it for ourselves. I’m a strong woman. I can do what I need to take care of my daughter. It has to be that way. I would have found the grocery store myself.” My voice was cracking just a tiny bit and I hated myself more for it.

  Showing any sign of weakness couldn’t happen.

  He had an icy glare, huffing a few seconds later. “How were you planning on making that happen?”

  “I do have a vehicle. You followed me here last night. Remember?”

  “You mean that pricey piece of shit with tires meant for a dry surface?”

  I was shocked at his vehemence. “Piece of shit? That’s a top-quality Mercedes.” I was arguing with a man who drove a car worth twice what I’d paid? Yes, the Range Rover was older but still pricey.

  “I call it like I see it.”

  “You’re not a nice man.”

  “I never said I was.”

  “Then why did you assume I’d want groceries?” I asked, immediately realizing how stupid my question really was.

  He grinned, but it wasn’t a friendly gesture. “I thought your daughter might be hungry. I’m not a good man, but I won’t allow a child to suffer because of her mother’s holier than thou attitude.”

  Okay. Wow. That did it.

  “Take them back. Every bag. I don’t want anything you have to provide. Just tell me what I owe you for the cabin and dinner last night and I’ll be getting out of your hair.”

  He was stupid enough to laugh. That only brought out the kind of rage I hadn’t been able to act on with Joel.

  “Have you looked outside this morning, sweetheart? The roads are about to close. You won’t be able to get down that mountain with your tires, so you’ll be stuck in a snowdrift somewhere or worse, you’ll drop off the side of a mountain. My guess is since there are so many clueless tourists, all the guys with tow trucks will be mighty busy. I don’t think you want to be stranded for hours. Do you?”

  “Sweetheart?” That was all I’d gotten from his soliloquy? With my hands on my hips, I walked closer. I was instantly hit with the scent of his male testosterone, my mind almost instantly fuzzy. “I’ll take my chances versus being forced to deal with a Neanderthal jerk doubling as a narcissist.”

  We glared at each other and the fire we shared was threatening to soften my anger. I refused to allow it.

  The standoff might be considered ridiculous, but the last thing I needed was some do-gooder, even a snarly one getting in my business. With a single phone call, my nightmare would begin again.

  “Come on, little princess. We have adventures to seek. I’ll get your stuff.”

  “Mama. Where are we going?” Her little voice just about broke my heart. I sensed she was close to the edge of throwing a tantrum. Unwanted tears formed in my eyes. Lack of sleep and being in a totally new environment wasn’t helping.

  “I don’t know yet, but we’ll find some place special.”

  She grabbed onto the koala bear and there was no way I was going to take it from her. I’d tossed in a couple of books, her crayons and coloring books, and two dolls for her to play with. That was it. I hadn’t been thinking clearly, terrified Joel would return to the house. My brain was still mush, but it was way past time to get my act together.

  “Don’t do something stupid,” he said.

  “Don’t you dare call me stupid. I will never allow that to happen.” Again.

  “I didn’t call you stupid. You’re one stubborn lady and you’re going to get yourself killed.”

  “Watch me, big boy. I can handle just about anything life throws in my direction.”

  Jagger said nothing else, standing right where he was like some big, dumb statue. But his smirk remained and it was driving me crazy. I scurried around, gathering our things while he was playing the wait and see game. He didn’t think I’d be nuts enough to head out in this weather. I could do it. He was wrong about my vehicle. It was rated excellent in the snow.

  I thought so anyway.

  I’d need to try.

  Staying here. With him. Was a dangerous option.

  After shoving my feet into my tennis shoes, I tried to shove aside all the possible issues that could occur. Including freezing to death. When we’d left Baltimore, it’d been in the fifties, sunny, and no mention of snow. Damn it. I was such a bad everything, including a mother.