She pulls out a slice of the chocolate-covered gingerbread loaf from the local bakery we discovered the last time she was in town. Halle loves gingerbread and practically had an orgasm, then bought thirty dollars’ worth of it. She takes a bite and holds it out for me, and I take one as well, before sucking her fingers into my mouth to lick off the excess chocolate. I catch her gaze, holding it as I wrap my lips around her finger and slide my mouth up and down.

  “Foreshadowing?” she quips, and I bite down gently on her finger and shoot her a wink.

  She cleans off her fingers and helps me carry the food and wine into the living room before sitting next to me on the couch.

  “Thank you for all of this. Do you ever get tired of taking care of me?” She grabs her plate and holds it in her lap before using her chopsticks to pick up a piece of shrimp and bring it to her mouth.

  “Nope,” I respond without missing a beat.

  She tucks her hair behind her ear and gives me a shy smile. “How was your day, by the way?”

  “Long,” I tell her. “And I wanted to wait until you got here to bring it up.” I sigh before taking a long sip of water. I relay my team’s idea about us talking to my board together, and she listens intently while I describe how tomorrow would go.

  “Of course,” she says as soon as I’m finished explaining the very loose plan that my team came up with. “Whatever you need. I actually brought something that would be perfect for me to wear. But do you think it’ll work?”

  “I have no idea, honestly. I don’t think it would hurt to talk to them. Some of them may think we just get off on our dynamic.”

  “Nice office,” Halle says over her shoulder with a playful grin as she drags her hand along my desk. It was her first time visiting the building where my company, Wilder Architectural Group, is located, and hearing her praise something I built with my bare hands is making me want to lock the door and take her against it.

  I’m leaning against the wall, one foot crossed over the other, watching as she takes it all in. She trails her finger along my diploma hanging on the wall before taking a seat in my chair behind my desk. We have a meeting with my board members at nine, and I don’t really know what to expect. My lawyer, the head of my public relations, and the head of my human resources are all planning to be in the room, and while they’re there to support me, I hate that it’s come to this. That they’re making me feel like my relationship is wrong and that I need to have it approved. I understood that it wasn’t conventional, but the implication that I may be removed as CEO for misconduct stemming from a relationship I’ve had long before this company was even considered feels ridiculous and unjust. I meant what I said when I told Halle I’d walk away from this before I’d walk away from her.

  Halle’s hands cup my cheeks, and when I focus on her sweet face, she wears a worried expression. “You were zoning out.”

  “Sorry, just thinking about this.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Yes. If they’re going to be assholes about it, it’s better that I know now.”

  A knock on the door interrupts us, and rather than waiting for my response, my lawyer, Steven, enters, followed by Lola, Jack, and my human resources manager, Annie.

  “We’re going to head in soon. We just want to make sure you’re doing okay,” Annie says to Halle with a warm smile. “Did anyone ask if you’d like some water or tea?”

  Good. Regardless of what happens today, I’ll fire the fuck out of anyone who isn’t kind to her.

  This is what I expect from Annie, though. She’s the perfect human resources manager—polite and formal, with a hint of warmth that makes you feel comfortable.

  “Yes, someone offered me some water.” Halle points at the sparkling water that my assistant brought her to calm her nerves. Halle has never liked to eat or drink when she’s nervous or anxious, so I knew she wouldn’t want more than that.

  “Wonderful, and Mr. Wilder briefed you on everything?” Annie follows up.

  “Yes, we went over the deck you sent over last night.” She nods again, and despite the nerves I know to be coursing through her, her voice sounds strong and confident. We didn’t rehearse or have a script, but we did use some of the commentary they suggested. But at the end of the day, no one can tell the story of Halle and me better than us, and we are just going with the painful truth.

  Ten minutes later, we are following the four of them out of the room and into the one where we hold meetings for large groups. It’s on the other side of the floor, in a massive room with a large mahogany table in the center, surrounded by thirty leather chairs. One entire wall is windows with a spectacular view of the city and the Space Needle. Five people are currently in the room and stand to greet us when we enter, then take their seats. Halle and I take a seat on the other side, while my team takes various other seats.

  “I want to thank you all for meeting with us today. I understand that this may not be what you want to be doing on a Friday morning, but I appreciate the time nonetheless.” I clasp my hands on the table in front of me as I prepare to start. “First things first, this is Halle St. John. I met her for the first time when I was four years old, and her father fell in love with my mother. At one point, for a very short period, they were married, but he was tragically killed about a year into their marriage. At that point, Halle became an orphan because her mother died during childbirth, making my mother the closest mother figure she had. By the time her father died, Halle and I were already very close, and the thought of separating us wasn’t ideal, so my mother became her legal guardian. While this may not sway your opinion one way or another, she did not legally adopt her.” I clear my throat before continuing. “If you’ve seen any of the interviews that I gave at the start of my career, I did mention that Halle and I were present when my stepfather was killed during an armed robbery. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how traumatic that would be for a four- and five-year-old.”

  At this point, one board member, Jeanette, an older Black woman, softens her gaze and unfolds her arms. I was under the impression that everyone was privy to my past, but she seems stunned by my revelation. “I had to make the 911 call, all while the vision of my stepfather dead on the floor from a gunshot wound was burrowing its way into my psyche for the rest of my life.” I avoid letting myself think too much about that day and the visuals that have stayed with me since, but the dead bodies flash through my brain like it’s happening again in real time. Halle struggles to recall them because she was so young, but I was just on the cusp of being able to retain memories, and with the nightmares that followed in those months, I’m able to picture everything about that scene—the way the bodies lay, where each victim was shot, and all of the blood.

  So much fucking blood.

  Halle’s hand rests over mine, and she gives it a gentle squeeze, and I realize that I’ve gone quiet. I swallow hard, continuing. “My stepfather’s death was senseless. The deaths of the two other victims who lost their lives that day were senseless. It was all a tragedy, and the man responsible is currently in North Carolina serving multiple life sentences without the possibility of parole. But I’m not here to convince you that what we went through was tragic. I’d hope you could come to that conclusion on your own. What I’m here to explain is how my relationship with Halle was set into motion that day. Yes, we were trauma-bonded. I am not denying that. That much is obvious, and several therapists have confirmed it, both in childhood and adolescence. You can’t go through something like that and not be connected to that person. She’s the only person in the world who understood what I went through and vice versa.” I drag my finger over Halle’s hand that is still resting atop mine. At this point, three of the five people on the other side of the table seem distraught by what I’ve disclosed. Jeanette now has tears in her eyes that she’s dabbing with a tissue every few moments. One man is taking notes, and the other seems more uncomfortable than anything.

  I don’t blame him. I’m uncomfortable as well.

  “We became extremely codependent. There were times when Halle would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and I’d be there to comfort her. There were times when I was paralyzed by fear just going into grocery stores, and the only thing that got me through it was holding her hand as we walked through the aisles. All of it was innocent. Two kids just trying to navigate very adult things.” I look at her because we agreed that we should both talk, and I was ready for her to take over if she was comfortable.

  “As you could imagine,” Halle states, “as we got older, our relationship transformed. We were still codependent, but it was very different. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone. I knew he’d look out for me and protect me from anything, and yes, feelings started to form on both sides. But contrary to what people may believe, it didn’t feel like I was falling for my stepbrother. It felt like I was falling for this person who was there on the worst day of my life and every day since. The person who knew every single thing about me and never once looked at me with judgment. He understood me, and I understood him because we’d gone through this experience together. I don’t know how to explain it other than it just happened. It was something bigger than anything we could control. And not to sound cliché, but I do feel like he’s my soulmate. The person who knew me better than anyone, and when you’re living in a world without the two people who brought you into it, you cling to that familiarity. That feeling that someone gets you. As we got older, we tried to end things, but we didn’t know how to break the bond we had. But we did try. He moved out here and tried to put distance between us. But we always found our way back to each other. It was as if the harder we tried to break apart, the more the universe tried to force us together.” She shrugs. “Almost like we were magnets.” She looks over at me, and I can almost hear her thoughts.

  How was that?

  So fucking good, baby. I’m so proud of you. So proud to call you mine. I hope she can read in my eyes before I turn back toward the board members.

  “I know how this looks, believe me.” I continue. “But this is not just a forbidden affair. This is my life. Our life, for the past twenty years. And respectfully, there’s nothing that you all could say or do to me that would make me give her up.”

  Wild wanted to leave for the day, but he had some meetings that he couldn’t move. So he called me an Uber back to his place. I’ve showered, and now I’m curled up in his bed, emotionally drained from the morning. But I’ll admit that it went better than I thought it would. They weren’t combative or judgmental, and it seemed they genuinely felt for the two kids whose lives were changed in the blink of an eye, in one of the worst ways possible. They wanted a couple of days to discuss, but his lawyer mentioned that not calling for the temporary removal of Wild as CEO while they decided was a good sign.

  Halle: 15 years old

  Sebastian: 16 years old

  It’s been over a year since Wild and I have been sneaking out of our rooms in the middle of the night to see each other. We do spend a lot of those nights kissing. But on other nights, we just talk. Sometimes we listen to music very quietly. Other times, we play cards or other games. He taught me how to play chess, I taught him how to be better at checkers, and we both got better at poker. Because learning how to bluff against the one person who could read you like a book meant you could fool anyone.

  I can tell we are inching toward doing more than just kissing, but Wild has never pressured me to do anything. Since the beginning, I’ve always made the first moves, and I’m sure that when I’m ready to take the next step to do more, I’ll be the one to initiate it. We’ve talked a lot about what all of this meant and how we really shouldn’t tell anyone, because no one would understand. People would think we were sick or weird because this was unconventional and taboo. We didn’t feel like our feelings were wrong, but deep down, we knew we couldn’t take this relationship into the light.

  I slip into his room and turn on my cell phone flashlight and note him sleeping soundly on his back. He had a game today, so knowing he’s more tired than usual, I contemplate going back to my room and letting him sleep. I have my hand on the handle in preparation to retreat when I hear him whisper my name.

  “Halle,” he murmurs, and because he rarely calls me that, I realize he’s talking in his sleep—something he only does when he’s exhausted or anxious. I move toward his bed and sit next to him, and his eyes fly open instantly. “Hey.” He yawns and blinks his eyes a few times. “How long have you been here? Sorry, I must have fallen asleep.”

  “It’s okay. You need some rest,” I say before pressing my lips to his forehead and then his cheek and last, his lips.

  His eyes flutter shut again as he nods his head, before leaning up to press his lips a little harder to mine and sliding his tongue between my lips once. “Stay with me?”

  “I wish I could, but you know I can’t.”

  “Just for a little bit? I… I need you, Saint. I love you,” he murmurs, and my heart soars hearing those three little words we’ve been saying to each other for years, but in the past year, they have meant something completely different.

  It takes on a whole new meaning when it’s being whispered between kisses.

  I look at my phone and note that the time is a little after three in the morning. I know this is a terrible idea because I don’t want to accidentally fall asleep here, and setting an alarm runs the risk of Sara hearing it. “Just until you go back to sleep,” I tell him, knowing that he’ll be asleep again before I’m even able to get comfortable. But what I did not anticipate was him pulling me to lie on his chest and wrapping his arms around me. His arms are warm and protective, and he still smells clean and fresh from his shower. Feelings of safety and security wash over me, and I want to feel this forever. I press my face into his chest and take a deep inhale. His scent both calms me and makes my heart race.

  He tilts my chin up to meet his face, then brushes his lips against mine, and before long, that gentle brush becomes full-on kissing. At some point, he moves so that he’s on top of me. I don’t know how long we've been kissing before a burst of light in the room makes us break apart, both of our eyes wide and unblinking as we turn to the light switch to see Sara staring at us, her eyes wide in horror and her mouth ajar.

  And then, everything changed again.

  The feeling of someone sliding my underwear down my legs pulls me out of sleep, and when I open my eyes, I see Sebastian on his stomach in front of me, pressing kisses to my inner thighs. “Shit, I didn’t even realize I fell asleep. What time is it?” I ask, my voice still thick with sleep.

  “A little after four. I got here as soon as I could.” The last time I looked at the clock, it read just after twelve thirty, so I must have been sleeping hard. I rarely nap with grad school, which makes it practically impossible, so whenever I do, I’m usually out for hours.

  I nod and sit up before opening my arms so he can climb up my body and hold me. I wanted him to fuck me too, but I wanted to cuddle and hear him tell me that everything was going to be okay, especially after that memory.

  Sara screamed a lot that first night we got caught.

  Then she grounded us both and then spent the next week practically sleeping outside my bedroom door.

  I felt like a prisoner in my own house.

  I think I did for the next three years until I moved out.

  “You okay? You rarely nap,” he asks, concern etched on his face.

  “I know, just drained and exhausted, I guess.”

  “I can imagine. But it went really well. My team is hopeful, and maybe we will be able to put this whole thing behind us very soon.” He presses his face into my neck and squeezes me tighter. “I moved our reservation until tomorrow. I was going to cancel it, but I know you want to go. I just figured once you weren’t answering my texts that you were asleep and that maybe we had more important things to do tonight,” he says, dragging his tongue up my neck. “Things we should be alone for.”

  He grabs something from the bedside table and hands it to me, and my sex immediately gets slick when I realize what it is. “Now? Soberly?” I ask with wide eyes because of all the times we’ve done this, we’ve never been completely sober. Especially Wild, who usually needs a few shots to loosen up.

  “We can have a few drinks, but… I think after the day we’ve had, hell, the week we’ve had, we both could use this tonight.”

  “Do you think you need to do this in order to fuck me in the ass? Because I’ll do it without you doing this,” I explain. Wild rarely needed any convincing to do something. He was always down for whatever I wanted. But this wasn’t something we did often, and I wanted to make sure he wanted it as well.

  “No.” He shrugs. “I enjoy this as much as you do. I like exploring this with you because I trust you more than anyone else in the world.”

  I nod in agreement. “I trust you more than anyone else too.”

  He kisses me hard, pouring all of his passion and frustration into our kiss. It’s wet and sloppy and aggressive, and when he pulls away, my lips are wet and slippery. “I’m going to go take a shower, and then I’ll be back.”

  I pour myself a glass of wine while he’s gone and then a second. I’m pouring my third when he comes down the stairs wearing only a pair of gray briefs that do nothing to hide his erection. His hair is still wet from the shower, and I watch as tiny droplets fall onto his shoulders and slide down his torso. Once he’s closer, I note a droplet trails over his abs before hitting the floor. I was wearing only one of his T-shirts with nothing beneath, and I couldn’t wait for him to discover that fact.

  “I poured you a drink,” I tell him, handing him the tumbler filled with his favorite whiskey. He shoots it in one swallow before he sets it down and boxes me against the counter.

  “I don’t need that. I just need you.” His hands find the hem of his shirt, pulling it up slowly, and I can hear the tiny catch in his breath when he realizes I’m completely naked underneath. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful,” he whispers before he lifts me onto the island in the kitchen. “I was so proud of you today… I’m always proud of you. But I know today wasn’t easy, and I could tell you were nervous, but you handled everything so well, baby.” He pushes me gently onto my back, and I hiss when the cool marble hits my skin.