Water by the spoonful, p.7
Water by the Spoonful,
p.7
(Elliot doesn’t respond. Yaz begins gathering her stuff hastily.)
Now we got some ashes to throw. El Yunque closes in an hour and a half.
ELLIOT: Maybe we should do this tomorrow.
YAZ: I gotta make a call. I’ll be in the lobby!
(She exits.)
ELLIOT: Yaz?
(The Ghost appears. He’s probably been there the whole time.)
Yaz!
GHOST: Momken men-fadluck ted-dini gawaz saffari?
(The Ghost reaches out his hand to touch Elliot.)
Momken men-fadluck ted-dini gawaz saffari?
(The second they make contact, Elliot spins on his heels and grabs the Ghost. The Ghost defends himself, pulling away. They start pushing, grabbing, fighting. The Ghost is looking for something—is it Elliot’s wallet?)
Momken men-fadluck ted-dini gawaz saffari?
(The Ghost finds Elliot’s wallet and tears through it, hurling its contents onto the floor. Elliot attacks again, but this time the Ghost reaches out his hand and touches Elliot’s face. Elliot freezes, unable to move, as the Ghost’s hands glide across his features, considering each one with authority, taking inventory.)
Momken men-fadluck ted-dini gawaz saffari?
(The Ghost is gone. Elliot catches his breath, shaken. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of pills. He puts one pill in his hand. Then he empties the entire bottle of pills into his hand. He stares at the pills, wanting to throw them away.)
Scene Fifteen
Split scene. Odessa’s bathroom. The bathtub is filled with water. John enters, carrying a very weak Odessa. Odessa is wearing shorts and a bra, a modest outfit for bathing. John lowers her gently into the bathtub.
JOHN: Does that feel okay?
(Odessa barely nods.)
It’s not too hot or cold?
(Odessa shakes her head.)
I don’t know how to do this. These are things women do. Take care of sick people. Make the wounds go away.
(He takes a sponge and starts to bathe her.)
Is this okay?
(He lifts her arms and washes her armpits. Embarrassed at first, but quickly gets the swing of it.)
We check you in at 4:30 so we have plenty of time to clean you up and get you in good clothes, okay? You’ll go in there looking like a decent woman.
(Odessa whispers something inaudible.)
What was that?
(She gestures for him to lean in. She whispers into his ear.)
One more time.
(She whispers a little louder.)
Did someone take swimming lessons?
(She whispers again.)
Did someone put on water wings?
(She nods. He continues to bathe her, gently, in silence as:
Lights rise on Tokyo. Narita Airport. Orangutan sits on the floor by the luggage carousel. At her feet is a sign that says Chutes&Ladders. She throws the sign like a frisbee across the floor and gets up to leave. Chutes&Ladders enters, rolling a suitcase behind him. He waves to Orangutan.)
CHUTES&LADDERS: Orangutan?
ORANGUTAN: What the holy hell?
CHUTES&LADDERS: Sorry. Sorry. I tried calling but my cell doesn’t work here. I told you I’m no good at this fancy kind of living.
ORANGUTAN: You were supposed to land yesterday, you were too scared to get on the plane. You rebook, you were supposed to land today, forty-five minutes ago. Everyone got their luggage already. The last person pulled the last suitcase from the carousel half an hour ago. I thought, Wow, this one sure knows how to play a joke on the ladies. I thought you had left me at the fucking altar.
CHUTES&LADDERS: I got sick on the flight. Totally embarrassing. I had a panic attack as the plane landed and I started tossing into the doggy bag right next to this nice old lady. I’ve been sitting on the bathroom floor emptying my stomach. Then I had to find a toothbrush and toothpaste and mouthwash because I didn’t want to greet you with bad breath and all.
(She looks skeptical. She sniffs his mouth quickly.)
ORANGUTAN: Minty. (Pause) Oh, you dummy, you big old dummy. COME HERE, you San Diego Padre.
(They hug. A warm and brief greeting.)
What’s your name?
CHUTES&LADDERS: Clay. Clayton “Buddy” Wilkie.
ORANGUTAN: I’m Madeleine Mays.
CHUTES&LADDERS: It’s weird, huh?
ORANGUTAN: Totally weird. The land of the living.
(They hug. They melt into each other’s arms. A hug of basic survival and necessary friendship. Then, they exit, rolling Chutes&Ladders’s suitcase off as lights rise in:
Puerto Rico. A rock outcropping looking out over a waterfall. Elliot is there, looking down at the water.)
ELLIOT (Looking down): Oh shit! Yaz, you gotta see this! Yaz? Fucking Johnny Appleseed of El Yunque.
(Yaz enters holding a soil-covered flower bulb. She compares the root against a field book.)
YAZ: I found my spiral ginger! This is going right next to the aloe by the kitchen door, baby!
ELLIOT: Yo, this science experiment ain’t getting past security.
YAZ: Experiment my ass. I’m planting these in Ginny’s garden.
ELLIOT: Customs gonna sniff that shit from a mile away.
YAZ (Putting the bulb in a ziploc baggie full of dirt and bulbs): China rose . . . Sea grape . . . Some kind of fern . . .
ELLIOT: When they cuff those wrists, I don’t know you.
YAZ: I’ll hide them in my tampon box.
ELLIOT: That don’t work. My first trip to PR, Mami Ginny smuggled a coquí back with her kotex and got arrested. Front page of the Daily News.
YAZ: Good shit. (A dirty little secret) You know what Grandma did?
ELLIOT: Do I want to?
YAZ: She used to smuggle stuff back, too. She’d tuck it below her boobs. She had storage space under there!
ELLIOT: Yeah after she was sixty and had nursed seven kids. Yo you think if I jumped off this rock right now and dove into that water, I’d survive?
YAZ: Just watch out for the huge boulders and the footbridge.
ELLIOT: It’s tempting. That spray. (His phone beeps) Reception in the rainforest.
YAZ: Kind of ruins the romance.
ELLIOT (Reads a text message): Damn, that was fast.
YAZ: What?
ELLIOT: Pop sold the house. Did he even put out a listing?
YAZ: Not that I know of.
ELLIOT: That’s like a VW bus going from zero to sixty in three seconds. Don’t make no sense.
YAZ: Must have been an inside job.
ELLIOT: I guess so.
YAZ: A way way inside job . . .
ELLIOT: Yaz . . .
YAZ (Conspiratorially): Yeeeees?
ELLIOT: What did you do?
YAZ (Very conspiratorially): Nothing . . .
ELLIOT: Holy shit!
YAZ: Put my Steinway on craigslist. Got four responses before you made it down to the lobby. My eighty-eight keys are worth more than Ginny’s whole house. Sadly. I’ll buy an upright.
ELLIOT: You are one crazy motherfucking adjunct! Yo, I don’t know if el barrio is ready for you. I don’t know if they can handle you!
YAZ: Oh, they gonna handle me.
ELLIOT: Wait wait wait. You need a title.
YAZ: Yaz will do just fine.
ELLIOT: Hells no. Command respect. I step on those corners, I’m Big El. (Pause) “Professor.”
YAZ: “Professor.”
ELLIOT: You like that, huh?
YAZ: It’ll be the Cousins House. We’ll renovate the kitchen. You redo the plumbing, I’ll hook up a little tile backsplash.
ELLIOT: I watched Bob Vila with Pop, but I ain’t no handyman.
YAZ: Just wait, Mr. Home Depot. You’re gonna be like, “Fuacata, fuacata, fuacata,” with your power drill and nail gun and vise grips.
ELLIOT: Something like that.
YAZ: Well? Get to it. Toss ’em.
ELLIOT: Me? Why the hell do you think I let you come along?
(He hands Yaz the box.)
YAZ: Well then say something. Pray.
ELLIOT: I’m all out of prayers.
YAZ: Me, too. Make a toast.
ELLIOT: To LAX. I’m not flying back with you.
YAZ: What do you mean?
ELLIOT: I called from the hotel and changed my flight. One-way ticket. Watch out, Hollywood. (Pause) You know how you had to shake me awake last night?
YAZ (Demeanor shifting): You were literally sobbing in your sleep.
ELLIOT: This dream was different than usual. I’m fixing a Subway hoagie, I feel eyes on the back of my neck, I turn around and expect to see him, the first guy I shot down in Iraq. But instead it’s Mami Ginny. Standing next to the bread oven, smiling. You know how her eyes smile?
YAZ: Best smile in the world.
ELLIOT: Looking at me, her son. Coming to say good-bye.
YAZ: That’s beautiful.
ELLIOT: She puts on her glasses to see my face even better. She squints and something changes. The moment I come into focus, her eyes widen. Her jaw drops, she starts trembling. Then she starts to cry. Something she’s seeing scares her. Then she starts to scream. Loud, like, “Ahhh! Ahhh!” She won’t stop looking at me, but she’s terrified, horrified by what she sees. And I don’t know if my lip is bleeding or there’s a gash on my forehead or she’s looking through my eyes and seeing straight into my fucking soul.
YAZ: Jesus.
ELLIOT: I wanted Mami Odessa to relapse, Yaz. I wanted her to pick up that needle. I knew precisely what to do, what buttons to push, I engineered that shit, I might as well have pushed the thing into her vein. Because I thought, Why would God take the good one? Yo, take the bad mom instead! I was like, Why wouldn’t you take the bad fucking mom? If I stay in Philly, I’m gonna turn into it. I’m gonna become one of them. I’m already halfway there. You’ve got armor, you’ve got ideas, but I don’t.
YAZ: Go. Go and don’t you ever, ever look back.
(She takes his hand.)
But if you do, there will be a plastic-covered sofa waiting for you.
(Below them, in Philadelphia, John is done bathing Odessa. He lifts her and holds her like an angel above the bathtub. She is dripping wet and seems almost radiant, and yet deeply, deeply sick.)
I’m the elder now. I stay home. I hold down the fort.
ELLIOT: I’m walking.
YAZ: On three?
YAZ AND ELLIOT: One.
Two.
Three.
(They toss the ashes. Blackout.)
END OF PLAY
QUIARA ALEORÍA HUDES is the author of a trilogy of plays, including Elliot, A Soldier’s Fugue (2006), Water by the Spoonful (2011) and The Happiest Song Plays Last (2012). Elliot, A Soldier’s Fugue premiered Off-Off-Broadway by Page 73 Productions, and was a finalist for the 2007 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Water by the Spoonful premiered at Hartford Stage Company and won the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. The Happiest Song Plays Last will premiere at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago in April 2013. Hudes wrote the book for the Broadway musical In the Heights, which received the 2008 Tony Award for Best Musical, a Tony nomination for Best Book of a Musical, and was a 2009 Pulitzer Prize finalist. Other works include the plays 26 Miles and Yemaya’s Belly and the children’s musical Barrio Grrrl! Hudes grew up in West Philadelphia where she studied music with Don Rappaport, Dolly Krasnopolsky and Linda Hudes. She was later mentored by playwright Paula Vogel at Brown University. Hudes is an alumna of New Dramatists and sits on the board of Philadelphia Young Playwrights, which produced her first play in the tenth grade. She has been honored with a United States Artists Fontanals Fellowship and a Resolution from the City of Philadelphia. She now lives in New York with her husband and daughter.
Quiara Alegría Hudes, Water by the Spoonful
