Caitlyn closed the door behind her and sat across from him. “Have you talked to Chloe?”

  He winced. “Yes. I heard what happened. She’s a wreck.”

  Guilt stabbed at her stomach. Chloe’s emotional state was primarily due to the breakup, but their fight couldn’t have helped. “Did she tell you, um…?”

  “I know about the fight.” Miguel bit his lip. “She just needed someone to talk to, you know? Someone who knows the situation.”

  “No, it’s okay. I get it. I’ve been feeling isolated too because we can’t tell anyone what’s going on. Well, except for our mom, but she has enough anxiety—which leaves you. Sorry you’re stuck hearing about all our twin drama.”

  “Are you kidding? I don’t mind at all. It has been fun to be the only one at Pulaski who knows the secret.”

  “Well, I’m sure Chloe told you the great twin switch experiment is coming to an end. She wants her job back.”

  Miguel’s smile fell. “Yeah. That’s what she said.”

  “What do you think?”

  “Honestly, I’m worried. Ruth isn’t an idiot. She didn’t notice the switch because she hardly paid attention to Chloe. But it’s safe to say that has changed.” He shot her a meaningful look.

  Caitlyn stiffened. “Right. Because I’m helping with enrollment.”

  Miguel scoffed. “Come on, it’s not just that. I saw the way she looked at you when you presented that data.”

  “What do you mean?” Caitlyn squirmed.

  “She looked proud, but also…enraptured. Ruth is taken with you. Anyone can see it—if they’re looking. Honestly, I have no idea how she will react when you turn into the real Chloe.”

  “God. I really fucked up.” The weight on her chest was suffocating. “I never should have done this.”

  “Maybe.” He offered a small smile. “Anyway, I’m glad that I met you.”

  “Me too. We should keep in touch. Maybe after things go back to normal for a while, we can hang out.”

  “Sure.” Uncertainty flickered in his eyes. “If I’m still here.”

  “What do you mean? You’re leaving?”

  “Maybe.” Miguel picked at the Koosh ball, twisting the plastic hairs between his fingers. “I’ve been looking at jobs in Vancouver. Non-academic jobs.” He whispered the words as though they were sinful.

  “Oh wow. Have you applied?”

  “No, I haven’t gotten that far. But I miss Preston. His lawyer isn’t getting anywhere, and I don’t see how we can stay married if there’s no plan to ever be in the same country.” He dropped the ball, which plopped onto the desk and quivered. “I don’t know. I’ll probably stay. It would be foolish to give up a tenure-track job, right?” He searched Caitlyn’s gaze. “What would you do?”

  “I have no idea. You’re in an impossible situation.” Caitlyn shook her head. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help.”

  “It helps to talk about it,” Miguel said. “You’ve been a good friend. Both you and Chloe. Whatever happens, we’ll keep in touch, okay?”

  “Absolutely.” Caitlyn rose and walked to the door. She paused with her hand on the knob, then turned around. “I can’t tell you what to do,” she said softly. “No one can. But I read your poems. They’re all about love.”

  Miguel’s eyes widened. “Thank you.”

  She nodded. “Take care.”

  * * *

  Caitlyn didn’t see Ruth for the rest of the afternoon. When five o’clock arrived, she was still in a meeting on the other side of campus.

  Perhaps it was for the best. If there was some lie Caitlyn could tell that would explain away Chloe’s future behavior, it escaped her. There was no way to make it better and no way to say a proper goodbye. She packed up the few items she’d kept on the desk, leaving Chloe’s makeup behind, and walked out the door for the last time.

  The drive home passed in a blur. When Caitlyn pulled into the driveway, she couldn’t remember any of it. She dragged herself out of the car and went inside.

  Chloe sat at the kitchen table, wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She looked up from a bowl of ice cream with red-rimmed eyes. “Hi.” Her makeup didn’t hide the circles beneath her eyes, either because they were too dark to conceal or because she hadn’t bothered. Even Chloe’s hair was disheveled, a clear sign of distress.

  Any lingering resentment dissolved as Caitlyn approached her twin. “I’m so sorry.” She laid her hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

  Sniffling, Chloe pushed to her feet. “Thanks.” She fell into Caitlyn’s arms, and they embraced.

  Caitlyn squeezed Chloe hard, wishing she could take all the pain away.

  When they broke apart, Chloe sat back down, and Caitlyn settled in the chair next to her. “I’m truly sorry about the breakup. I know you really liked Nick, and I can see how much it’s hurting you. I should have been more sympathetic instead of thinking about myself. I was a jerk. I’m really sorry.”

  “Thanks.” Chloe’s lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said those things about you. I’m sure you were trying to help Ruth. Really, it was nice of you. I just don’t know how I’m going to explain why I’m suddenly incompetent.”

  The word grated on Caitlyn. She hated when Chloe put herself down, and this time she felt directly responsible. “You’re not incompetent. And…you weren’t wrong.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I didn’t think of it as showing off at the time. But I admit it was hard for me to be at a college, surrounded by professors, after not getting a job. And it didn’t help to be treated like…well, like an assistant. I know that makes me sound stuck-up.”

  “No, it makes sense.” Chloe’s gaze was free of judgment. “I know the job search has been hard for you. I didn’t even think about how working at Pulaski might make you feel.”

  “Yeah. Grad school really fucked me up.” She slouched in the chair and looked down at her hands. “I probably shouldn’t have agreed to cover for you in the first place, but when I did, I should have kept my head down instead of trying to impress Ruth. Anyway, she was only impressed because she thought I was self-taught. If Ruth knew my real background, she wouldn’t be surprised that I can calculate percentages and make graphs.”

  “It’s still cool that you can do that stuff. I mean, I’m sure you did much more for Ruth than I ever could. You’re an impressive person. Anyone can see it.” Chloe gave her a shy smile.

  Caitlyn looked up at her exhausted, heartbroken sister, still generous and kind to her despite the mess she had created. “What you said about the gifted program and—um, everything…”

  “Oh gosh, just forget it. I was upset.”

  “But you weren’t entirely wrong.” Caitlyn took a deep breath. “I got labeled early on—the good student, the responsible twin.”

  “The one Mom didn’t have to worry about,” Chloe said ruefully.

  “Exactly. I made it part of my identity, and doing well in school made me feel validated. So I just kept going in college and grad school until—well, until last month.” Caitlyn realized it was her first time out of school since toddlerhood. No wonder she’d been lost.

  “And with you getting all the A’s and awards, I needed my own identity,” Chloe said. “So I became the twin who liked fun and parties and adventures—and I guess I also decided academics weren’t for me.”

  “But they could be,” Caitlyn said. “You’re smart and creative and curious about the world. You’re just as capable as anyone, and if I ever made you feel otherwise, I’m really sorry.”

  “Thank you.” Chloe’s eyes turned shiny. “It wasn’t always easy to be the, um, less accomplished twin. But I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks. That really means a lot to me.”

  Chloe swirled her spoon in the ice cream. “So you really connected with Ruth, huh?”

  “We did. Probably because we’re both academics, and we have other things in common too.” Should she tell Chloe about Ruth’s antidepressants? She supposed Chloe would need to know everything—well, almost everything. Ruth was unlikely to bring up the day Caitlyn saw her without a top. “I’ll need to catch you up on what you missed. I already told Ruth I don’t want to work on any more research projects, but you should at least be aware of them.”

  “Okay. But what if she asks me to analyze data? I won’t be able to do it.”

  “I suppose you’ll have to refuse. Tell her you want to focus on your assistant duties. I doubt she can fire you for that, and if she does—well, you’ll be no worse off than you would have been if you’d quit in the first place.”

  “It’s worth a try.” Chloe slurped a spoonful of ice cream. “I think I’m going to take a nap soon. Can we go over everything later tonight?”

  “Sure. In the meantime, I’ll look over my notes to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”

  “Notes?” Chloe grinned. “Always the perfect student.” This time, she said it with affection.

  “Can’t help it.” Across the room, Caitlyn’s phone chimed. She got up and retrieved it from her purse. “It’s a text from Miguel.”

  Chloe laughed. “It’s cute that you’re friends now too. We should all hang out.”

  Caitlyn swiped to read the message.

  Have you seen this???

  There was a link to a newspaper article. Caitlyn’s heart sank as she read the headline.

  “What?” Chloe asked. “What’s wrong? Did someone die?”

  * * *

  Ruth sat frozen in her office chair, staring through her computer screen with an unfocused gaze.

  A knock sounded.

  Piper stood in the doorway. “Hi.” She stepped in and closed the door behind her.

  “I just saw it.” The article was still open on her computer screen: Some Pulaski faculty unhappy with leadership.

  Piper pushed a chair over and sat down. “Steve Stubbons is behind this.”

  “No doubt. The reporter quoted him at length.” Ruth read aloud: “Ever since Ruth Holloway took over, everything is about numbers and efficiency. Faculty feel she cares more about money than students, and that mentality can kill an institution, unfortunately.”

  “Ridiculous.” Piper huffed. “What a crock.”

  “At least he thinks it’s unfortunate.” Ruth skimmed farther down. “‘It’s hard when you’re dealing with a career administrator rather than an academic,’ Stubbons said. Dr. Holloway served as an assistant professor at the University of New Mexico for seven years. She left after the university declined to grant her tenure.”

  It was an old wound, but reading the words made it sting all over again. Ruth looked up at Piper. “Steve must have told them. I’ve never talked about New Mexico to the press.”

  Piper grimaced. “I’m sorry. He’s an ass.”

  “Oh, but it’s not just Steve. Kimberly said faculty are ‘demoralized’ over the early-alert system.” Ruth scowled at the screen. “She came to the retention work group meeting. She thanked me on the way out. Did she think I wouldn’t see this?”

  “It’s disgusting. I never imagined Kimberly would be so two-faced.”

  “Some of them smile at me, but in the end they stick together,” Ruth said quietly. “I’m not sure why I expected anything different.”

  “The reporter wanted to write a hit piece. He barely used what I gave him, and most of it is at the end—just a perfunctory paragraph so he can say he included both sides.”

  Ruth frowned. “Maybe I should have spoken to him about some of the good things I’ve done. The grant for the music department, for example.”

  “Why didn’t you?” Piper asked gently.

  Ruth sat back and flicked her fingers at the screen. “I didn’t want to dignify a bunch of baseless whining with an official response. But now it looks like the whole college hates me.”

  “Hey, I don’t hate you.” Piper reached out and squeezed her arm.

  And Chloe doesn’t. Until the article, Ruth had spent most of the day puzzling over Chloe’s erratic behavior at their morning meeting. Now she found herself wondering how Chloe would react to the article. When would she hear about it? What would she say?

  “It’s after six.” Piper patted her knee. “You should go home. There’s nothing you can do about it today.”

  Ruth nodded. “I suppose I can answer Zachary’s irate phone call just as easily from home.”

  “Answer it, then turn off your ringer and relax. I can feel your tension headache from here.”

  “Okay.” Ruth shut off her computer monitor. “You’re right. I need a break.”

  * * *

  Caitlyn scrolled up and down the article on her phone. The parts about Pulaski were bad enough, but she kept returning to the same quote: …declined to grant her tenure.

  The thought of this happening to Ruth made Caitlyn’s heart ache. Aside from never getting a tenure-track job in the first place, a tenure denial was Caitlyn’s worst nightmare. She couldn’t imagine spending years with a group of colleagues only to have them vote her out of the department.

  It’s their loss. Caitlyn couldn’t imagine having Ruth as a colleague and then letting her go.

  Had Ruth’s history made it harder to sympathize with the faculty at Pulaski? After all, they had something she had failed to achieve, and all they did was complain. Caitlyn had struggled with jealousy when she first started working there—she wouldn’t blame Ruth for having similar feelings.

  “Yeah, that’s pretty bad.” Chloe held up her own phone, where she’d apparently found the article.

  “Did you ever hear anyone talk about her tenure denial? Was it common knowledge?”

  Chloe shrugged. “It’s news to me, but I didn’t talk to the faculty that much, except for Miguel. He never said anything.”

  “Poor Ruth.” Caitlyn slumped. “She must be so upset.”

  “I guess she’ll be in a bad mood tomorrow. But on the bright side, maybe she’ll be too busy to notice her assistant’s IQ dropped fifty points.”

  “Stop it. You’re not stupid.” Then Caitlyn processed the rest of what Chloe had said.

  Chloe was wrong. Ruth wouldn’t ignore her because of the article. If anything, it would be the opposite. Based on the relationship they’d built over the summer, Ruth would seek her out for support. And thanks to the terrible timing, Ruth would get the real Chloe.

  Caitlyn tried to imagine how Chloe would respond when Ruth confided in her about the article. Probably something like, That sucks. She wouldn’t be a jerk, but she would be distant—like an assistant—making Ruth feel rejected.

  Ruth might even believe Chloe’s cold behavior was a reaction to the article. The thought made Caitlyn sick. She couldn’t allow Ruth to think “Chloe” had pulled away from her over a despicable smear job. She looked up at Chloe.

  “What?” Chloe asked.

  “Can I please be you for one more day? Just for tomorrow? Ruth must be feeling awful, and I want to be there for her.”

  Chloe wrinkled her brow. “What do you mean, be there for her? You want to, like, give her a hug?”

  The memory of their one and only embrace made her ache. Her whole body wanted to hold Ruth and make it okay—but touching Ruth would cross boundaries that would be critical when Chloe took Caitlyn’s place. “I only want to talk to her about it and about where she can go from here. I’ve been helping her with faculty relations, so I know all of the context.”

  “Um, I don’t know.” Chloe looked away.

  “It would mean a lot to me. Then you could start fresh on Monday, when you’re rested from your trip—and we’d have the whole weekend to catch you up. Please?”

  “Okay.” Chloe threw up her hands in surrender. “You can go. As long as this is truly the last time.”

  “Absolutely. After tomorrow, the gig is all yours.” Caitlyn got up and walked to the fridge in search of a soda. She was still livid about the article, but she had a new bounce in her steps. I get to see Ruth again.

  Chapter 18

  Caitlyn rushed down the hallway to the president’s suite, her strides as long as her high heels would allow. When she reached the door, she grabbed the handle and yanked, only to find it locked. As she fumbled for her keys, she peered through the glass. Ruth’s door was ajar, but the lights were off.

  What’s going on? Ruth was always there before nine, and she didn’t have a planned day off. Caitlyn knew this for sure, having personally scheduled some of the meetings on Ruth’s calendar. Was she staying home because of the article?

  A horrible thought occurred to her. Ruth hadn’t been fired, had she? Would the board boot a president over one newspaper article?

  Once inside the suite, Caitlyn sat at the desk she had thought she’d vacated for good. She shook the mouse to clear the screen saver, punched in Chloe’s password, and pulled up her email.

  There was a message from Ruth, sent an hour ago:

  Chloe,

  I’m taking a personal day. Please inform anyone who calls that I’m unavailable.

  RH

  Caitlyn sat back and caught her breath. Okay. This was good. Ruth still had access to her Pulaski email address, and that meant she hadn’t been fired.

  But I won’t get to see her.

  “Fuck.” Caitlyn pushed the mouse away. She’d begged Chloe for one more day, and now she had to spend it answering the phone and responding to emails. Couldn’t one damn thing go right?

  She had to see Ruth. Maybe she could persuade Chloe to let her come on Monday. The alternative—that she’d never see Ruth again—was unacceptable.

  But I can’t wait till Monday. Ruth would stew all weekend without hearing from her. Caitlyn kicked the bottom desk drawer. “Damn it.”

  She couldn’t even send Ruth a text because Chloe had the only phone number Ruth would recognize. Caitlyn couldn’t claim she’d changed her number only to “change it back” three days later. The desk phone was an option, but she’d have to get Ruth’s cell phone number from Chloe. Would Ruth even answer a call from the college?