Ruth reached across the table, then snapped her hand back.

  Did she almost touch my hand? The prospect made Caitlyn’s insides mushy.

  “Academia makes you feel that way. I can’t pretend I don’t relate.” Ruth rubbed her elbows. “I think I already told you I went through a terrible depression after New Mexico. Eventually, I applied to other positions, but I never found another job as faculty. However, I wound up in a career that is just as rewarding.”

  “You’re the one who showed me that it’s possible,” Caitlyn said shyly. “After I left Pulaski, I applied to academic jobs all over the country. For the second year in a row, no one called. But this time it was different. Because of you.”

  “Me?” Ruth looked skeptical.

  “Yes. It was your example, plus the work that I did for you. Working in administration made me realize I can still be a researcher and a teacher in my own way—and I can make a difference in the real world at the same time. My skills can translate to policy work, advocacy, program evaluation. I just had to get over myself to see it.”

  “Well.” Ruth’s lips curved. “I’m glad. Does this mean you like your job in administration?”

  “I really do.” Caitlyn brightened at the chance to talk about it. “In grad school, I used to have to beg people to share data with me for my research, and they usually said no. Now I have all this student data at my fingertips, and people use my research to make actual decisions. It’s very cool.”

  “What kind of decisions? I’d love to know more—if it’s not confidential.”

  “Not at all.” Caitlyn laughed. “Community colleges are very open about research and strategy, probably because we’re all public institutions with a shared mission. Plus any document I create can be requested under the Freedom of Information Act. We truly have no secrets. Well, not many.”

  Ruth cringed. “Thank God we’re private. Some of my emails…”

  “Can be a bit blunt.” Caitlyn smiled. “I remember.”

  “Hmm. I suppose you do.” Ruth seemed to tense at the reminder of Caitlyn’s deception, but then she allowed an amused little smile. “So if it’s not secret, what are you working on?”

  “We have a huge number of students who need remediation before they’re ready for college-level math and English. A lot of them drop out, and most never come back. We’re experimenting with accelerated programs to get them into college-level classes faster.”

  “Oh really? Like what?”

  “We have a pilot program where some students enroll in the college-level course along with an additional course that fills in the gaps. I’m analyzing data to compare their performance with students who take the traditional route.”

  “You already sound like an education professional.” Ruth gave her an approving nod.

  It made Caitlyn warm. We’re like colleagues. Not peers, exactly, but not boss and employee either. They were two professional women, working in the same field, who could become friends.

  “What have you found so far?” Ruth asked.

  Caitlyn sat up a little straighter. “Well, this is the first semester, so I don’t have final grades yet. But midterm retention rates are up compared to last year—and compared to the traditional remediation courses.”

  “That’s great. I’m happy for you. Truly.”

  Feeling encouraged, Caitlyn decided to ask what she really wanted to know. “Why did you want to meet up today?”

  Ruth dropped her head, staring at her cup. At last, she looked up. “I wanted to learn more about why you did what you did. But also…I wanted to see you again.”

  Caitlyn’s heart swelled. “I’m really glad.” She hesitated, afraid to ask but desperate to know. “Did you mean for this to be a one-time thing, to get closure? Or do you think we could do it again?”

  “When I called you, I wasn’t sure.” Ruth bit her lip. “But I think I’d like to do it again.”

  Caitlyn broke into a broad smile. “I would really like that.”

  “But I have a condition.” Ruth leveled a stern gaze. “Never lie to me again.”

  “I promise.” Caitlyn looked into Ruth’s eyes, wanting her to see that she meant it. “Lying to you made me feel sick. I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation in the first place, but now that it’s over, I’ll never do anything like that again. I swear.”

  Ruth blew out a slow breath. “I know you mean that. But it might take me some time to trust it.”

  “That’s completely fair.” Caitlyn kept her expression serious, but excitement fluttered through her as she realized some time implied that they would continue to stay in touch.

  “I had wondered what you’d be like when you weren’t pretending to be Chloe. If your clothes or appearance would be different.” Ruth peered at her. “I don’t see much of a change.”

  “No. Despite the lie, I was genuine with you—as genuine as I could be. I wear a bit less makeup than Chloe, and my clothes aren’t quite as fashionable. But I had already made that shift at Pulaski.”

  “That’s true. You have your own style, and you didn’t act much like Chloe. I knew from the start that something had changed about you. I just never imagined you were someone else.”

  Caitlyn slumped as a fresh wave of shame washed over her.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to dwell on it.” Ruth swished her hand back and forth as though shooing the unpleasantness away. “Let’s change the subject.”

  “Okay. Um, could I ask a question about you?”

  “Sure.”

  “I know you’re from Vermont, but otherwise, I don’t know much about you outside of work. I was wondering about your family. Do you have brothers or sisters?”

  “No. I’m an only child. I don’t know what it’s like to have a sibling, let alone an identical twin. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my parents outdoors—hiking, skiing, ice fishing. They still live there, and they’re in much better shape than I am despite being thirty years older.”

  “But you like to be outdoors?”

  “Oh yes. I don’t get much time to enjoy nature these days, but I love to be outside. That’s why I suggested the park. I couldn’t resist a cool spring day.”

  “Maybe we could go hiking sometime.” The words spilled out, and Caitlyn panicked. Too much. Too soon.

  Ruth’s eyes brightened. “I’d like that.”

  “Cool.” Caitlyn fought the urge to grin. She didn’t hike much—well, ever—but she’d happily scale mountains if it meant spending more time with Ruth. “I have another question. You don’t have to answer.”

  “Okay.” Ruth looked wary.

  “Are you gay? Or queer?”

  Ruth narrowed her eyes. “I thought certain events—involving the two of us—had made that clear.”

  Heat rushed to Caitlyn’s cheeks. “Well. Yes. But I also heard a rumor that you had a girlfriend in Chicago.”

  “Really? I didn’t know faculty were aware.” Ruth didn’t look upset, merely curious.

  “Not faculty in general. Miguel has a friend who was involved in Chicago politics.”

  “Ah.” Ruth took a long sip of her latte. “Yes, I’m gay. It’s not a secret—just none of their business.”

  “Got it. I’m bi. So is Chloe, actually. When I said I ran off with a woman instead of continuing with school, that was her. But we’ve both been into women since high school.”

  “I see.” A slight blush colored Ruth’s cheeks.

  They sat in silence, not making eye contact.

  Suddenly, a football landed in the center of the table with a thunk and then bounced.

  “Whoa!” Caitlyn jumped. Her cup wobbled but stayed upright.

  Ruth leaned away from the impact but managed to keep her composure.

  “Sorry!” a man shouted from across the field. “My bad, my bad.” He started toward them, his blond hair flapping as he jogged.

  With total calm, Ruth scooped up the football, rose to her feet, and sent it sailing toward him in a gorgeous arc.

  The man caught it easily. “Hey, thanks!”

  Ruth primly took her seat as though nothing had happened.

  That was so hot. “Where did you learn to do that?”

  “I played flag football in Chicago.”

  “Seriously?” Caitlyn tried to picture Ruth on a football field with dirt on her face and numbers on her back.

  “Mmm-hmm. Quarterback. Why do you look so surprised? I wasn’t always an overworked college president with little time for exercise.”

  “I’m impressed.” Still flush from the unexpected display of skill, Caitlyn gathered her courage. “When you said before that we could spend time together, does that include…? Did you mean as friends, or…?”

  Ruth’s silence seemed to stretch for an eternity. “Let’s see how things go.”

  “Okay. Sure.” Caitlyn’s heart swelled. She didn’t say no.

  * * *

  Ruth could feel herself getting sucked in. She had planned to spend the afternoon figuring out where Chloe ended and Caitlyn began so that she could make an informed decision about future contact. But as the afternoon passed, she found herself slipping back into the rhythm they’d had when they had worked together. She smiled more easily and even laughed some.

  After tossing their empty latte cups into a trash can, they took a walk along the perimeter of the park. As usual, trees were slow to bloom in Illinois, but a smattering of spring flowers dotted the grass. The fresh air felt good on her face.

  “Do you have any plans for spring break?” Caitlyn asked.

  “I’m flying home to Vermont.”

  “Oh.” Caitlyn looked disappointed. “Just you and your parents?”

  She wanted to spend time together. The thought sparked dueling bursts of fear and pleasure. “I’ll visit my parents and my Aunt Millicent—the other spinster in the family.”

  “Do they really think of you as a spinster?”

  Ruth laughed. “Unfortunately, yes. My parents met at the University of Vermont when they were nineteen. They can’t really fathom my being single at forty-two.” She glanced over, unsure if Caitlyn had already known her exact age or if she would be surprised.

  Caitlyn appeared unfazed. “Yep, it’s similar in my family. My mom and dad were high school sweethearts and married by twenty-one. Meanwhile, Chloe and I are still single at thirty.”

  A twelve-year difference. Could Ruth really date someone so much younger? This isn’t a date, she hastily reminded herself. She had a perfect memory of their kiss, and Caitlyn’s presence still made her body warm—but that didn’t mean dating was a good idea.

  “My parents’ marriage obviously didn’t work out, so my mom never wanted us to rush. The opposite, really. She always told us to wait for the right person.”

  “Good advice. Does she mind that you and Chloe date women?”

  “Not at all. My mom is really liberal. She says we’re lucky because we have more choices.” Caitlyn chuckled. “Of course, being bi doesn’t mean you can choose who you’re into. It just happens—sometimes when you least expect it.”

  The implication was obvious. Feeling flustered, Ruth unzipped her sweatshirt to get some air. Perhaps changing the topic would give her a chance to catch her breath. “Speaking of Chloe, how is she doing?”

  “Better. She got a job answering the phone for an apartment company. Residents call when they need a plumber or an appliance breaks. Things like that.”

  “Well. Good for her.” Ruth couldn’t help but have a negative opinion of Chloe after what she’d done—but she had brought Caitlyn into Ruth’s life, and that was something. “Does she like it?”

  “Actually, yeah. She gets to hear about drama, which she loves—like when a resident locked out her boyfriend after he cheated on her. They ended up calling on two different lines, each one pleading their case.”

  Ruth snorted. “Sounds like the reality shows she was always talking about at her desk.”

  “Exactly.” Caitlyn paused. “Chloe still feels bad about, you know…”

  “Good.” It came out too fast. “I mean, I’m glad she has been reflecting.”

  After completing the full circle around the park, they approached the entrance.

  Ruth was torn between wanting to extend their time together and wanting space to process.

  “I guess I should head back,” Caitlyn said.

  “Sure. Me too.” Ruth shuffled her feet while Caitlyn clasped and unclasped her hands.

  “So, maybe we can hang out again sometime?” Caitlyn’s eyes were round and hopeful. A breeze blew past them as she waited, and a dry leaf lodged itself in Caitlyn’s hair.

  Ruth reached forward and gently picked out the leaf, enjoying Caitlyn’s confusion. She held the leaf up to show her before letting it fall. Then she gave Caitlyn’s shoulder a soft squeeze. “I’d like that.”

  Caitlyn’s smile lit up her face. “I’ll text you.”

  As Ruth walked back to her car, she rubbed her thumb and fingers together. It had felt good to touch Caitlyn, even in a brief, ambiguous way, after so many months apart.

  What am I doing? A few weeks ago, she never would have imagined giving Caitlyn another chance. Yet there she was, doing it. And she wanted to do it again.

  Chapter 23

  Caitlyn set down her fork. “I’m thinking of getting an apartment.”

  Her mom looked up from her dinner. “Oh?”

  “An apartment here?” Chloe asked. “I didn’t think you were ready to commit to Linvale. I mean, I know you like your job, but I guess I thought you might still want to be a professor someday.”

  The words hurt, but not as much as before. The pang was more like a memory. “No, I’m done with that. I would have liked to be a professor, and it sucks that it didn’t work out. But I am happy.”

  “That’s great,” her mom said. “How long do you think you’ll work at LCC?”

  “I don’t know. But my job pays well, and I’m learning a lot. I’m not in any hurry to leave.” Especially not when I might have a reason to stay.

  Caitlyn knew she was getting miles ahead of herself, but she kept daydreaming about what might happen with Ruth. And if she was going to date an older woman with President in her job title, she needed more than her childhood bedroom.

  “March isn’t the best time to look for apartments,” her mom said. “Usually, there are more vacancies in the summer when the students move out.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I’ve been browsing Craigslist, and there are a few units available.”

  Chloe twirled her fork thoughtfully. “What’s the rush?” Then a smile spread across her face. “Oh.”

  “What?” her mom asked.

  “She needs her own place to impress Ruth.” Chloe giggled. “And so they can have privacy.”

  Their mom furrowed her brow. “Is that the reason?”

  Caitlyn shot Chloe a glare, but she shouldn’t have been surprised—occasional mind reading came with the territory of having a twin. “Okay, it might be part of the reason.”

  “I see.” Her mom took a wary sip of water. “I admit I’m still processing the fact that you’re dating the woman who fired your sister.”

  “Mom, Chloe left town and sent me in her place. Anyone would have fired her—literally anyone. And we’re not dating. We’re…seeing where it goes. Besides, that’s not the only reason.”

  “Okay, what else?” Chloe asked.

  “It’s just… I was so poor in grad school, you know? I lived in a studio, while my friends from college were buying homes. Now I can finally afford a real apartment, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I’m ready to be an adult.”

  “That makes total sense,” Chloe said. “I’m glad we’ll still get to see each other.”

  “Of course. We’ll hang out all the time. We need to make up for all those years we lived in different cities.”

  “I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to have both of my daughters here in town. And you both have jobs.” Her mom beamed. “I’m proud of you two.”

  This isn’t failure. It’s not a consolation prize. Caitlyn had lost the specific career she had once imagined, but she had gained just as much by letting it go.

  After dinner, Caitlyn washed the dishes. As she dried her hands, her phone buzzed on the counter. It was a text from Ruth.

  I have a craving for my favorite restaurant in Chicago. Would you like to go on Saturday?

  Caitlyn clutched the phone to her chest, grinning so hard it hurt.

  * * *

  Ruth didn’t care for makeup. Sure, she wore a dusting of eye shadow and a dab of lip gloss to work, but only because of the sexist view that professional women weren’t “polished” unless they painted their faces. Outside of work, her face was always bare.

  So why was she in her bathroom, smearing long-expired foundation on her forehead?

  She had hoped it would blur away bumps and fill in the fine lines between her eyes. Instead, the application seemed to enhance her flaws while giving her skin a faintly orange hue—reminding her why she never wore foundation in the first place.

  Her phone chirped with a text from Caitlyn:

  I’m outside.

  Ruth bent over the sink and scrubbed her forehead clean. Her actual skin would have to do.

  She smoothed her hair as she ran downstairs. Then she steadied herself, took a breath, and opened the front door.

  Caitlyn stood before her in a fitted gray jacket with opaque purple tights and boots up to her knees. Her hair fell in waves that brushed her shoulders, and her makeup was flawless: smoky eyes with natural lashes and rosy lips. “Hi. I’m a little early, but I didn’t want to risk being late.” Her smile was shy, but her eyes glittered.

  Ruth caught herself gawking and shook her head. “Hello. Come on in.”