“Sally, get our new girl out of here,” Peri told her. “And tell Kara to get in contact with Lizzy. Their shared history will help Lizzy trust us. We’re going to need their trust in order to rescue them.” Then Peri flashed their metaphysical forms out of Alice’s mind.

  Peri returned them to their bodies, which had been at the veil to the fae realm. Then she flashed them home.

  Peri held Lucian’s fiery gaze, willing her tumultuous emotions to still. She should have known he would sense the full force of her despair through their bond. It was foolish to think she could keep such darkness from him. He’d told her recently that they had much to talk about, and she’d been avoiding that conversation as best she could. Lucian took her face in his hands.

  “I’m fine.” She attempted to step back. “Just weary from all the chaos lately.” Lie. How many lies was she going to tell her mate? She’d been essentially running from him for the past couple of weeks.

  Lucian’s hands remained firmly cradling her face. “We both know it is far more than simple weariness plaguing you, Beloved.” His voice was much gentler than it had been, but his wolf eyes were raw with rage and saw straight through to her core.

  Peri huffed out a breath, looking away. “As I told the Great Luna, it’s nothing to be concerned about. I simply voiced a few private doubts. But I’m still committed to the cause.”

  “Doubts big enough that you are ready to end your life?” Lucian’s voice dropped an octave. “Oh yes, nothing concerning about that.” The bite of sarcasm was unfamiliar coming from her usually composed mate.

  Peri’s gaze snapped back to his. “You mock my pain?”

  “I would never.” Lucian released her face to grasp her shoulders and gave her a small shake. “But neither will I stand idly by while you suffer. Why did you not come to me with this? How could you keep this from me? Do I not matter? Do I not deserve to know when the other half of my soul is struggling with something so incredibly painful?” He let her go and ran his hands through his blond hair. He looked so different from Vasile, who had the dark hair, more common with their kind. The blond was striking against his olive-colored skin. Simply put, he was beautiful. Like a work of art hewn by a master craftsman. “How can you expect me to just go on with life as if nothing was wrong?”

  Shame heated Peri’s cheeks. She pulled out of his hold and threw her hands up. “Of course you matter,” she practically yelled. “Of course you deserve to know all the things about me. Do you think it’s easy for me not to talk to you? Do you think I enjoy running from my freaking mate?”

  “I don’t know what to think anymore, mate.” The coldness suddenly returned to his voice. Peri could practically feel the frost from his breath.

  “I didn’t want to appear weak. And it hardly matters now. The Great Luna has commanded me to keep fighting.”

  “And it will be the one command you will absolutely follow to the letter. I will not lose you. Regardless of the fact that I was supposed to follow you into death, you would find some damn way to make sure I didn’t.” Lucian’s eyes blazed.

  Damn. He knew her too well.

  Emotion clogged Peri’s throat at the ferocity in his voice. She had never doubted Lucian’s devotion as her mate. But clearly the depth of his love still had the power to humble her.

  Seeing her soften, Lucian tucked a strand of silver hair behind her ear. “Talk to me, Beloved. Let me help shoulder this burden.”

  Peri let out a slow breath. Perhaps it was time she stopped trying to shield him from her demons. Lucian’s strength was hers to share now. Why she continued to struggle with that was beyond her. “You know how long I have lived,” she began quietly. “But can you truly fathom all I have seen and done? The magnitude of my life experience grows heavier with each century. I’m beginning to think I’m going insane. How can a person live this long and not go crazy?” She raised her eyes to meet his silver ones. “The Great Luna says I must put my past behind me, but how can I when it haunts my every step? When will I be free of this guilt?”

  Lucian considered her seriously. “You know I cannot answer that. I can only remind you that guilt serves no one, least of all yourself.” Gently, he brushed a tear from her cheek. “The past cannot be changed, but the present awaits. Each moment we have together is a gift. I will not see you squander it in misery. I will not see you live a half-life with one foot in the grave and one foot in the living world.”

  Peri leaned into his touch. “When I am with you, I can forget the shadows, at least for a time. But they always return. They’re always waiting in the back of my mind, ready to attack. For so long, I could ignore them. But the cold fire… It’s as if that fire incinerated all the shields I’d erected. You give me a reprieve. And I treasure it.”

  "Then don’t run from me any longer.” The hurt in his eyes nearly broke her. “If all your other shields have failed, then now you let me be your shield. You let me bear the burden with you. You let me be your shoulder to lean on, and when you find that you’re too weak to walk, you let me be the one who carries you. I am your mate. Made for you and you for me. We weren’t meant to go at this alone. I will be your shield.”

  Peri nodded her head. “Okay.” It was one word, but it felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from her shoulders. “Okay,” she said again with stronger conviction as she looked into Lucian’s eyes. She reached out her hand to him, and he took it without hesitation. Always without hesitation. “Do you remember the first time I showed you my power?”

  “By the river?” He tilted his head, his lips kicking up in a small smile. “That’s not something I’ll likely ever forget.”

  Peri unlocked the hold she held on her power and let it flow through her body straight into Lucian. She didn’t worry about whether he could handle it. The Great Luna would not have destined him to be hers if he wilted under the heat of Peri’s magic. And of course he didn’t. Instead, he pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her waist. She let go of everything and let him in. Now Lucian would see all 3,000 years that was Perizada, high fae, ambassador, and his mate. She swallowed down her pride and pushed away the shame that had no place between them. She knew in her heart of hearts that Lucian would never shame her. But she’d let herself believe the lies her mind had concocted out of fear. No more.

  “Damn straight,” he echoed her thoughts. “From now on you keep this open between us. I am always open to you and you alone.”

  Peri took his face in her hands and pressed a fervent kiss to his lips. She toned down the power but left the gates open so that Lucian would have a constant ebb and flow coming from her, and he allowed his own magic to flow openly through the bond. It was intimate and safe. Why had she run from this?

  Peri laid her head over his heart, soothed by its steady rhythm. She had underestimated the healing power of truly opening herself to her mate. Not even an immortal could weather every storm alone.

  “This is a start. We still have much to discuss,” Lucian murmured, echoing his words from the day he’d first realized her secret. “But first, there is someone eager to see you.”

  He stepped back, and Nissa strode into the room with her hand held out. A ball of light flew from her palm, hitting Peri smack in the face.

  Peri stumbled back, but she didn’t retaliate. She had no right to. Nissa was like a sister to her. One of her oldest friends, if not her oldest. And Peri had betrayed her friend by not sharing her burden with the other high fae.

  “Nissa,” Lucian snarled. “You said you were going to yell at her.”

  “That’s the equivalent of a yell in our world.” Nissa’s voice was tight with anger. She narrowed her eyes. “How could you keep this from me? Dammit, Peri. I’m nearly as old as you.” Nissa dropped her hand, as if she didn’t trust herself not to shoot another bolt of power at Peri. “Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have felt the same thing at times, and it would have been damn nice to know I wasn’t struggling alone?” Her voice rose with every word. It was a side of Nissa few ever saw. The usually calm fae female was in a full-blown rage. “We swore to have each other’s backs, always. Or have you forgotten that pact we made?”

  “Nissa, that was over 2,000 years ago.” Peri’s heart twisted in her chest at the betrayal she saw in Nissa’s eyes.

  “Years, no matter how many, do not nullify a pact between friends.” Nissa frowned at Peri. “Until you leave this earth, and not on your own damn terms, I have your back and you have mine. That you couldn’t share this with me is worse than a knife in the back.”

  “Nissa,” Peri said softly and shook her head. Then, without giving it a second thought, she rushed to the other female and wrapped her arms around Nissa, pulling her in tight.

  Nissa was stiff for a few seconds but then wrapped her arms around Peri. As if a dam had broken, Peri felt Nissa’s body begin to shake, and her breathing shuddered as the tears came. Peri held on fiercely. She had not realized how much she needed the contact with her friend. Neither was really the hugging type, but damned if a hug wasn’t just what Peri needed, and hopefully what Nissa needed as well.

  “I’m sorry,” Peri said softly. “So, so sorry.” It was a word she was becoming too accustomed to using, especially with those she loved. But she’d continue to use it as often as necessary.

  “I swear on this day, where we stand, that if you leave this world, I will leave it with you.” Peri felt a sharp pinch on her arm. She pulled back, but Nissa was too quick. The other fae grabbed Peri’s arm and held on tight. Peri saw the blood and realized that her oldest friend had just made a blood pact.

  Peri’s eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. “Nissa, what have you done?”

  There was a challenge in the fae’s eyes. “I’ve just made it much more difficult for you to do something stupid. You always talk to others about making stupid decisions. Well, now I’m talking to you about it. You die, I die.”

  Lucian cursed under his breath. Clearly, the move had surprised him as well.

  “Dammit, Nissa,” Peri snapped and pulled her arm back. The wound had already healed. She ran her hand over the spot, and all the blood disappeared, leaving no evidence of the act. But Peri felt the seriousness of it in her chest. Nissa had bound herself to Peri. That was no small act. But it was also one of the most selfless things someone had ever done for her. She quickly wiped her eyes and then looked at Nissa. Tears ran down her face.

  “Promise me you will talk to someone. I don’t care if it’s Lucian, myself, or even a damn human shrink. Promise me you will talk to someone if it ever gets this bad again.”

  Nissa pulled back to anxiously search Peri’s face. Peri attempted a reassuring smile.

  “I promise.” Peri knew it was a promise she would honor. Jen would totally kidnap a human therapist for her. After all, Peri had kidnapped a boob nurse—err, a lactation specialist—for Jen when she’d had Thia. It was only polite to make your own abduction in return, if necessary.

  “Now that that’s settled”—Nissa’s voice went back to her businesslike self—“tell me what you’ve been up to and where we are needed on this chessboard.”

  Peri took a seat on her couch and kept her eyes on Nissa as she told her all about what she’d learned when she’d entered Alice’s mind. Peri wanted to drag this conversation out as long as possible, considering she could feel Lucian’s unwavering gaze on her. He was patient but unrelenting. He would not let this go so easily. Her mate was nothing if not tenacious.

  Finally, Nissa left with the agreement they would meet with Fane and Jacque in the morning. Not a moment after the door closed, Lucian turned to Peri with resolve etched on his handsome face. Clearly, he was in no mood to let sleeping dogs lie.

  Peri sighed, bracing herself. She gestured for him to speak. Lucian took her hands again, grounding her in his touch.

  “You say your many years weigh heavily on you, my heart. Help me understand why. Perhaps together we may find a way to ease this burden.”

  Where to even begin? Peri stared blindly into the empty fireplace. She pointed at it and shot a ball of power so that the dark space lit up with a small fire. As she stared at the flames, her memories began swirling along with the dancing fire. “I have seen and done terrible things in my life. I’ve made choices that I came to regret. I’ve harmed those I should have protected.” Her throat tightened painfully.

  “I don’t remember what’s behind that wall in my mind, but I feel like somehow I failed Nissa when she needed me most. Left her to suffer alone. I can feel it in my gut.” Centuries later, not knowing what she’d done to inflict Nissa’s anguish cut Peri to the core.

  Lucian squeezed her hands. “You made amends with your sister long ago. If you had not, then there’s no way she’d be as loyal as she is. Nissa is here, happy and whole. Whatever it was has been forgiven between you.”

  “Perhaps,” Peri whispered. “But I swore no harm would ever touch her again. Yet she has endured much pain, as have almost all the people who have been my responsibility.”

  Lucian tilted her chin up gently. “We all suffer loss and hardship. You must stop blaming yourself.”

  Peri’s laugh held an edge of bitterness. “First, the Great Luna, now you. So quick to absolve me of my sins.”

  “I do not claim you blameless or your hurts imaginary,” Lucian countered. “But tormenting yourself changes nothing. You must find a way to make peace with your past.”

  Make peace. As though it could be so simple. But perhaps she had been making it harder than necessary. Looking into Lucian’s earnest eyes, Peri’s defensive anger thawed. Her mate only wanted to ease her pain, not discount it. With a heavy sigh, she leaned into him, resting her head on his broad shoulder. His strong arms came around her, surrounding her with their steadying, reassuring presence.

  They sat that way in pensive silence as the fire slowly died to glowing embers. Peri felt hollowed out, weary to her very bones, but also lighter somehow, having finally given voice to her deepest torments.

  Lucian’s hand stroked soothingly over her hair. “You do not have to carry this alone any longer. I am with you, now and always.”

  Though she knew dark times still lay ahead, Peri allowed herself to take comfort in his words, in his strength. For the first time in forever, a tiny spark of hope pierced the shadows veiling her heart. Perhaps she could find a way forward after all, with her mate beside her.

  “And don’t think I’m going to let you get out of talking to Jacque, Jen, and Sally about this,” Lucian rumbled. “They deserve to know, and you need the support system.”

  Peri huffed. “For a moment there, I almost forgot you were an annoying wolf.”

  Sally’s gaze sharpened again, focusing intently on Alice. “As Peri said, Cain has no power over you, not truly. When you’re ready, you can break his hold. But you must recognize you have free will. It’s your choice to stay or return to the land of the living.”

  Alice’s throat felt tight. She could only nod jerkily.

  “You also must accept that you are not Cain’s true mate,” Sally told her. “Your mate is still out there, and he will move mountains to find you.”

  Alice’s mind shied away from thinking about mates. That was too much for now. Instead, she clung to Sally’s words, letting them sink in. I’m strong enough. I can break Cain’s hold.

  She turned those declarations over like smooth stones, taking comfort from their weight. When she looked at Sally again, Alice’s voice was steady.

  “I’m ready to wake up. To face whatever’s real, however difficult it is.” She reached for Sally’s hand. “Will you help me?”

  Sally gave her a proud smile. “Absolutely.”

  The power grew between them. Alice’s entire being resonated with it, vibrating at the same frequency.

  “Focus, Alice,” Sally coached. “Picture yourself opening your eyes. Your real eyes.”

  Alice concentrated, imagining her consciousness rising through endless dark water. It wasn’t long until she was close to the surface. She just had to break through. With a gasp, her eyes flew open. She was lying in an infirmary room, harsh fluorescent lights glaring down at her. Blinking, Alice slowly sat up. Her senses were oddly heightened, the hard details jumping out at her. She could hear voices in distant rooms and smell antiseptic and illness underlying the scrubbed-clean scent.

  Sally was nowhere to be seen. Had it all been another dream? Maybe this one had been conjured by herself and not Cain’s mind voodoo? Before Alice could get her bearings, the door swung open. She turned to see Cain striding toward her, concern pulling down his eyebrows.

  “You’re awake.” The tone of his voice didn’t suggest relief at this revelation. “What happened?” He reached to touch her face.

  Alice recoiled sharply. Reality crashed over her. This was no dream. She was still trapped in Area 51 under Cain’s power. But at least she wasn’t living out a lie in her mind.

  “Get away from me,” she gritted out, her voice shaking with barely leashed rage.

  Cain froze, confusion swirling in his grey eyes. “Alice? What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t act like you don’t know. I was visited by a healer and a high fae while I was sleeping. No, not sleeping. I was in whatever stupor you put me under. And I saw you there, so I know you know.” Alice’s voice was strong. “And stop pretending you actually care.” She slid off the opposite side of the bed, putting it between them. She only wavered a little on her shaking legs before clutching the bed for support. Alice was thankful someone had put a robe over her hospital gown. Her limbs shook, but she locked her knees in hopes she wouldn’t crash to the ground. Then she glared at him. “I know what you’ve done to me. Keeping me unconscious, invading my mind. It ends now.” She pointed at him and wished she had some ability to fling magic at him or something. She wanted to hurt him because everything he’d made her feel… It had all been fake.

  Cain’s mouth thinned. He glanced at the door as if gauging the odds of forcing her compliance.