She nodded, her eyes never leaving that bag of blood. She’d have agreed to anything right now.

  Tristan positioned himself so that he could hold down her arms— one with his legs, the other with his right arm. Using his left hand, he tore open a small hole in the bag. The aroma made his mouth water.

  Leia nodded her head anxiously.

  Tristan tilted the bag over Leia’s face so that the blood trickled down into her mouth. His mind played out a similar situation; the time when Daemon and Aiden had dripped that dying man’s blood into his mouth when he’d refused to be one of them. His body had become weak, worse than Leia’s had, to the point that he could hardly move. The animal inside awoke that day.

  The memory still summoned up bitterness inside him. Normally, he’d think of me next, and it would remind him that if not for his being made a vampire, he’d never have had the chance to meet me. But I had chosen Darren. That was the only thing thinking of me brought to his mind at the moment.

  His emotions burned inside my own head. It was the first time I truly understood just how much my choosing Darren had hurt him. I could feel his anger, I was experiencing his bitterness, the grating jealously. It was nearly unbearable.

  “Pour it faster!” Leia screamed at the top of her lungs. Her shouts had brought him out of his thoughts. Her eyes were wild and her teeth bared, the monster inside had taken hold of her.

  Weak and restrained, she posed no immediate threat. He placed the bag behind him. She wasn’t very happy about that; she thrashed wildly beneath him, belting out obscenities at the top of her lungs. That this was the meek girl I’d seen through Tristan’s eyes only moments ago, blew my mind.

  “Fight it,” he said softly, as he leaned himself closer to her face. “Don’t let it win. Think of your father, the times you two spent together.”

  It wasn’t working. There was still only anger in her eyes. That same untamed wildness he fought on a daily basis was reflected in the too slender female face snarling up at him. Tristan decided to come from another direction. If memories of happiness couldn’t bring her back, then he needed to try to bring up different emotions.

  “Do you remember the moment, Leia? The moment they told you both your parents were dead? That moment when you realized they’d never kiss you and never hold you in their arms again. Life as you knew it was over.”

  No effect. She still bucked and twisted beneath him, shouting out obscenities.

  Tristan sighed. He would have to go deeper. “Their deaths are your fault, Leia.”

  Leia’s body tensed and her eyes became still. Tears began down the sides of her face and finally her brown eyes found him.

  “It was my fault,” she said quietly. “I’d snuck out with some friends. We’d decided to sneak into this night club. We ended up getting caught and the owner called the cops. The police called my parents and told them that they could either pick me up at the club or I’d have to spend the night in jail. My mom was so upset, she wanted me to stay overnight to teach me a lesson, but my dad could tell that I was scared. He told her that he could never abandon his little girl like that. But he had just worked a double shift at the plant, so he was tired. He ran through a red light and just like that my parents were dead. You can’t know what it’s like to lose the person you love more than anything else in the world.”

  As she sobbed in his arms, his mind drifted again, his thoughts turning to me. He did know what it was to lose the people he cared about: Aiden, Surya. And he also knew how it felt to lose that one person who made you feel like you couldn’t go on without them. Except, I wasn’t dead. I’d simply chosen another. Not that it was much different in regards to my being his.

  “Focus on that hurt you’re feeling right now—the painful memory that brings it up. I know it’s not pleasant, but it will keep you from losing control again. As long as you can hold on to your emotions, your mind will remain human.”

  Leia nodded that she understood.

  “Thank you for helping me,” she said next.

  Tristan cracked a smile. “You’re very welcome.”

  Already the blood was having an effect. Leia’s face and limbs seemed to be filling out by the second. Though I was surprised by the speed of Leia’s recovery, I could feel that Tristan wasn’t. Leia was bitten by Dashkov, who was bitten by him, who was bitten by Daemon. The venom inside her was only slightly diluted and still very potent.

  It was at that point that Tristan and I became aware of something else—the way that Leia was staring up at him now. She seemed to be in a state of wonder, as if she were dazzled by what she was seeing right now. I began to wonder if being so sick had hindered her from truly seeing just how beautiful Tristan was. Was she seeing him clearly for the very first time?

  I thought I might have seen something in her eyes then, but Tristan began to feel embarrassed and cut his eyes away from hers. When he glanced back, she was staring up at the ceiling again.

  “Can I stay with you?” she asked out of the blue. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

  War broke out in Tristan’s mind. Should he tell her the truth? The fact that he was actively pursuing a way to kill Daemon, an act that would end both their lives.

  “Leia,” he began. “There is something you should know.”

  Day II

  The best laid plans of mice and men go often askew

  -Robert Burns

  Chapter Eight

  Deserter

  The alarm clock was screaming, flashing 6:00 am brightly on its display when I awoke next to my mother in her bed. I must have fallen asleep while still connected to Tristan’s mind. The memories of what I had seen now flooded my brain. Immediately, I again felt terrible for Leia’s having to die to fulfill my purpose. She’d suffered so much already. I couldn’t help but also feel just a wee bit jealous that she was the one staring up into his eyes. I reminded myself for what seemed to be the twentieth time that Darren was my choice. My time with Tristan was over—I needed to stop using my abilities to keep tabs on him, no matter how comforting his presence. If something were to happen between Tristan and Leia, it would be none of my business. I had to learn not to be so selfish.

  My mother, who must have slipped into the covers without waking me, stirred next, leaning up in her bed as I reached over to silence the alarm.

  “Ana, I set the alarm early to give us some time to talk,” she informed me. Duncan’s announcement had left me a mess and I’d used her room as my own personal sanctuary. She told me that she’d acted as my representative while I was sleeping and now had news from the outside world I was currently hiding from.

  I’d missed a lot.

  First off, the other havens had decided it was too dangerous to help us—even Genevieve’s. Though she’d given a rousing speech to rise to our aid, she was voted down by her Elder Witch Council and ultimately had to concede to her haven’s wishes. I couldn’t say that I blamed them for not wanting to get involved, certain death was descending upon Brighton. Amelie and Corinne had been called home in the middle of the night.

  Our haven was successful in attracting the rogue witches and warlocks who’d never accepted the peace agreement struck up between the two sides. “Vampire hunters,” my mother called them. In the short time that the news we were at war with the vampires had become public knowledge among witches, hundreds had flocked to Wintre. My mother said that it was almost impossible to navigate the interior of the house for all the people now.

  Second, Duncan had ordered that we go on the offensive, wiping out known vampire “hot spots” in the surrounding areas. Even before I’d gotten my memories, I’d known about the vampires having “free reign” to feed on anything outside the havens; it was a clause our ancestors had been forced to agree to when we lost the last war. It was also why the first fifteen years of my life had been spent running from town to town. An organized effort to go after them would have been met with across-the-board disapproval only three days ago. In that short amount of time, our whole world had changed.

  These raids were to take place tonight, and apparently, there was no shortage of volunteers. I asked her to make sure that Darren couldn’t go, and she eased my worries, stating that she’d already seen to it that he was assigned to my new security detail, though he wasn’t happy about it. That was fine by me. Angry I could deal with. Dead? Not so much.

  Third, and most jarring, I’d been crowned full leader of this haven. My mother said that the push had been initiated by Duncan and approved by the Council almost unanimously. My grandmother had been the lone holdout. Why that surprised me? I wasn’t sure. After all, she was the very same grandmother who wouldn’t look me in the eyes before, who hadn’t once come to check on me, even when injured. I tried to tell myself that she knew I could remember how bad things got between her and Lexy—that she didn’t know how to approach me anymore. Still, it seemed like she could have cared enough to try.

  One thing was for sure. Duncan had a reason for pushing for my coronation, and it wasn’t because of any affection he felt towards me, even if he did believe I was Merline come back to life. If anything, it was to limit what controls my grandmother could put on him. I was pretty sure that he was much less worried about me: Not only was I hiding out in my mother’s bedroom like a coward, but he had already used me to impose his own agenda.

  I had to do something. There was no way I could let those images of the future come to pass. As to what that something was…

  “So…you can remember everything?” my mother asked.

  The question caught me off guard, burning my cheeks; though, I wasn’t quite sure why I felt embarrassed at the moment.

  I nodded and she smiled. With her fingers, she traced the edges of my face. “You’re much more than just my little girl now, aren’t you? I’m hardly qualified to be offering you motherly advice anymore.”

  I shook my head. “I have memories of times and places that have been gone for thousands of years, but I still feel the same as I did when I was just Ana. And right now I’m feeling totally overwhelmed, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m scared that if I make a mistake people will die, and too many people have died because of me already. And there’s this guilt that never lets me go, it’s always present, reminding me how many people have suffered because I kept choosing Tristan. I’m selfish mom, probably the most selfish person who has ever lived and I’m trying to make things right this time but I have no idea where to start…”

  My rant had drawn out my tears, and my mother pulled me into a hug. As she patted my back, she spoke to me. “Sweetheart, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. If you’ve already seen the future, and that’s how things will be...”

  “No! That’s only the future if nothing changes. I have to alter the present so that our future will be different. I can’t be the reason everyone dies. He’s only coming here because of—”

  That’s when it hit me. I needed to leave. I needed to make it a choice between destroying the haven and getting his hands on me. After all, what he was doing, wiping out an entire neighborhood was risky, wasn’t it? This wasn’t the 1800’s; an attack like they were planning could easily be the thing that gets them discovered. All it would take was one camera and the whole world would know about vampires.

  “Mom, I’m leaving Brighton.”

  Her eyes widened. “Leaving?”

  I nodded.

  “W-Where will you go? You can’t be thinking of going off on your own? There has to be some kind of alternative. They will hunt you, Ana. Many more than were looking for us before. No. The answer’s no.”

  It took a deep breath on my part to say what I was about to say to her. Now was the time to start being strong. “I wasn’t asking permission, mom. I was just letting you know what I’ve decided. It’s the only option that I’ve got left.”

  It took a moment for my mother to process my words. I’d never flat out told her “no” before, not in my whole life. Having memories of her as my little sister didn’t make it any easier. “But you’re not just a witch, you’re an angel—Merline. Isn’t there something else you can do? There has to be….”

  I shook my head. “I’m not as strong as I used to be. But even if I was, I’ve already seen what happens when I stay here.”

  With that, I turned for the door. I stopped once I reached the doorway and turned back to look at my mother. She had taken a seat on the bed and her head was down. We were both well aware that this could end very badly for me.

  But I didn’t have a choice.

  “I love you, mom.”

  She looked up at me, her eyes wet with tears, and blew me a kiss. It was how she and Lexy used to say goodbye whenever I had to take especially long trips. An “extended” goodbye gesture between us. I knew what she was implying by that choice. This was just in case our being apart was longer than anticipated. In case the vampires caught up to me out there, or if I failed in leading the vampires away from Brighton.

  I moved out into the hallway, stepping over the sleeping bodies crowding the hallway and ignoring the pointed fingers of those who were still awake. My grandmother’s study was my destination. I’d already connected with her mind to identify where she was in the house.

  As I walked the long hallway to the double doors that shielded her study, I took in the faces of the previous Rasputin heirs, remembering my first time in this hallway. I was on my way to meet my grandmother for the first time in my life. She had been anxiously awaiting my arrival then, now she refused to acknowledge my existence.

  I was surprised to see that my picture had been added to the row, especially when I still hadn’t ever taken a picture so far as I knew. It had to be a second picture of Lexy, which considering she was me, played like an inside joke.

  The sound of the double doors creaking open interrupted my picture gazing. Helena was stepping out into the hall. She didn’t notice me at first, but once she had, she seemed to know immediately what was about to go down.

  “I know you wish to have words with your grandmother, and I support that. I just ask that you try not to get her too worked up. This has been a tough day for her and the stress has begun to take its toll on her overall strength.”

  I nodded, and she stepped back inside to introduce me. “I present to you, Princess Anastasia—”

  I could hear my grandmother’s voice in the hall, but it was muffled when it reached me and I couldn’t tell exactly what was said.

  “No,” said Helena stepping further inside the room. “I doubt she’ll be interested in coming back tomorrow, but I’ll ask.”

  Helena looked back in my direction and I shook my head.

  “As I thought,” Helena said with a sigh. “You cannot run from this conversation forever.”

  As Helena stepped back out into hallway, I could hear my grandmother groan. I’d deal with her in a minute.

  “Helena, I’m gonna be gone for a bit.”

  “You’re leaving? Now? Do you really think that’s a good idea? What did your mother say?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” I responded. “I have to do this. It’s the only way I can think of to keep everyone safe.” I hesitated on whether to share the whole truth. “If we fight, we won’t win.”

  “Then, you don’t think—Just yesterday—“

  “I know what Duncan said yesterday. It wasn’t true. He just used me to get what he wanted.”

  Helena’s eyes never regained their calm after hearing those words. I gave her a hug and she wished me well, though she made sure to point out that she thought my decision was a mistake.

  After watching her disappear down the hall, it was on to my grandmother’s study for a conversation thirty years in the making.

  “Hello,” I said stepping into the doorway. My grandmother looked as though she’d aged twenty years since I’d seen her back in my bedroom with Duncan and the others. Her body was slumped over to one side, as though someone had just thrown her into her chair haphazardly. Her face seemed to sag, and her wrinkles were more pronounced. The grimace she wore didn’t help matters. Her eyes scanned my face as though she were searching for something. I decided to give it to her.

  “I can remember everything—my time as Lexy and everything before. But you already knew that.” Your move.

  My grandmother’s eyes cut away from me. “And what is it you came in here to say? Are you after an apology? Is that it? What I did, any witch would do. No one wants to see their little girl go off with some monster.”

  “I’m not here to argue the past. I-I want to make peace.”

  “Make peace? Are you sure that you’re my Lexy?” My grandmother’s voice was harsh, and her sarcasm aroused Lexy's anger so easily…

  I kept my cool. Barely. Those emotions were right at the surface. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to know what made you so cold today. You already knew that I had some of my memories, you’ve known that for months. Why the sudden change? I mean, you wouldn’t even come to see me after I’d been bitten.”

  “You’d gotten your memories but you still acted like Ana. It wasn’t until today that I saw that stubborn confidence that belonged to my Lexy. It was then I knew for a fact that I’d lost Ana forever.”

  “But I’m still Ana. There’s just a lot more to me now. I…I don’t hate you for keeping me here, and I don’t want you to hate me for trying to become a—”

  “Don’t you dare say that word!” she screamed. “I don’t want to be reminded of that despicable act.” As she shouted at me, I couldn’t help but be reminded of London and her mother. Mrs. McArthur’s unwillingness to accept her daughter’s relationship had cost her any chance to reconcile with her daughter before her death. I couldn’t help but think that the same might be true if I was to leave this room without any type of resolution. It might be the last time she ever saw me alive.

  “There’s really only one reason that I came here —”