‘Good morning,’ said the constable, stepping out of the station.

  ‘I don’t suppose there’s any chance you didn’t overhear that?’ asked Fin.

  ‘I wouldn’t know,’ said Constable Pike. ‘I’m too much of a buffoon.’

  ‘At least he’s got the decency to own it,’ said April. ‘There’s nothing worse than a buffoon who won’t accept that he’s a buffoon.’

  ‘I’m not a buffoon!’ snapped Constable Pike. ‘I was being sarcastic.’

  ‘Okay, point proven,’ said April.

  ‘Just get in the mini-van,’ ordered Constable Pike.

  The Peski kids followed him around the side of the police station where a mini-van was waiting. It already held some passengers. They recognised Kieran, Animesh and Matilda from school, and there was another sullen-looking boy whose name they didn’t know.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ asked April.

  ‘Volunteer work for the community,’ said Matilda proudly.

  ‘And we have to do community work as part of our Duke of Edinburgh award,’ added Kieran, indicating Animesh and himself. The two boys were best friends and did almost everything together.

  April rolled her eyes and muttered ‘losers’ as she climbed in and took the back seat next to the sullen boy.

  ‘Who are you?’ April asked.

  He looked shocked to be spoken to. He was a very plain boy. His face was like a potato, and not much more expressive. His hair looked like he had cut it himself with dog grooming clippers, which actually he had. The boy realised he should stop staring at April and reply, so he opened his mouth but before any sound came out Matilda answered for him.

  ‘He’s Neil,’ said Matilda. ‘He hasn’t told us why he’s here. But he’s always getting in trouble.’ Matilda glowered at Neil judgementally. Neil looked away and stared out the window. Matilda leaned forward and whispered, which was ridiculous because Neil was only one metre away so could still hear her clearly, ‘He doesn’t have a strong male role model at home because his parents travel.’ She said the word ‘travel’ as if it was some sort of weird, immoral pastime.

  Constable Pike started the engine and was about to pull out when a bright red luxury car pulled up in front of them, blocking the driveway.

  ‘Wait for me!’ cried Loretta Viswanathan as she jumped out of the car.

  Joe chivalrously leapt up to slide the door open again, and Loretta got in.

  ‘You’re late,’ grumbled Constable Pike.

  ‘I’m ever so sorry,’ said Loretta, not looking the least bit repentant as she climbed aboard. Fin squashed right up against the window, making room for her to sit down, but Loretta slid into the seat next to April.

  Constable Pike pulled the van out into the road and they were off.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re here to be a goody-two-shoes too?’ April asked Loretta.

  ‘Gosh no,’ said Loretta. ‘Constable Pike is being ever so strict with me. He said I had to do community service or he’d tell Daddy.’

  ‘What, that you break into houses for fun?’ whispered Fin.

  Loretta laughed. ‘No, he still hasn’t realised I do that.’

  ‘Then w-what did you do?’ asked Joe.

  ‘I got in a little bit of trouble with the mayor,’ said Loretta. ‘She says I defaced a public artwork.

  ‘Did you?’ asked Fin.

  ‘Well, yes,’ admitted Loretta. ‘But it wasn’t defacing in my opinion. It was enhancing. I put lipstick and eyeshadow on the statue of Agnes Dalrymple.’

  ‘Is that the incredibly ugly statue in the gardens?’ asked Fin. ‘It looks like a horrific lagoon monster attacking someone with a club.’

  ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ said Loretta.

  ‘I didn’t realise that was a statue of a w-w-woman,’ said Joe.

  ‘Not just any woman,’ said Loretta. ‘The most fondly remember leader in this town’s history.’

  ‘What d-d-did she do?’ asked Joe.

  ‘She ended prohibition in Currawong,’ said Matilda. She loved knowing more than other people.

  ‘Prohibition?! You mean an alcohol ban? But that never happened in this country,’ said Fin.

  ‘It did in Currawong,’ said Matilda.

  ‘One year the alcoholic ginger beer festival got out of hand,’ explained Animesh, recounting the legendary story that was retold year after year.

  ‘The mayor banned alcohol,’ added Kieran. Every child in Currawong could tell this tale. It was the local equivalent of a fairytale.

  ‘Everyone hated it,’ said Loretta, getting to the good bit of the story – the big action finale. ‘Agnes had enough one day, so she caught the bus down to the mayor’s office and belted him over the head with her umbrella. Apparently she had a difficult husband and felt she shouldn’t have to go without her evening glass of sherry if she had to put up with him.’

  ‘Who was her husband?’ asked April.

  ‘The mayor,’ said Loretta, with a grin.

  ‘She’s been a local hero ever since,’ continued Kieran.

  ‘Every September nineteenth is celebrated as Agnes Dalrymple Day,’ added Animesh.

  ‘Not another stupid festival,’ said April.

  ‘It’s a fun one,’ said Loretta. ‘You’ll enjoy it. Everyone in town carries an umbrella and playfully bops everyone else on the head as a greeting.’

  ‘Really?’ said April. ‘That’s a festival I can get behind. I wonder if I can get a lead reinforced umbrella.’

  ‘And Agnes is still alive,’ said Loretta. ‘Her husband died decades ago, but every September nineteenth Agnes travels back to Currawong to kick off the celebrations by belting the current mayor over the head.’

  ‘Last year she gave Mayor Albright a concussion,’ said Kieran.

  ‘And umbrella hair,’ added Matilda. ‘It’s like hat hair, only the crushed bit of your hair is in the shape of an umbrella.’

  There was a big bump as the mini-van pulled off the tarmac road and onto a thin dirt track.

  ‘Where is he taking us?’ asked Joe as the mini-van lurched from one pothole to the next.

  ‘Bush regeneration,’ said Matilda.

  ‘Huh?’ said Fin.

  ‘It’s Constable Pike’s pet project,’ explained Loretta. ‘I think he has some sort of emotional inadequacy that makes him relate to plants better than people.’

  ‘Hey, I heard that,’ yelled Constable Pike from the driver’s seat.

  ‘Oh good,’ said Loretta. ‘You need to be more self-aware.’

  ‘I was just telling him the same thing,’ said April.

  The van pulled up, Constable Pike jumped out and opened the sliding door. ‘Okay, everyone out,’ he said as he grabbed two boxes. One was full of gloves and the other hi-vis vests. The kids all gathered around, waiting for instructions. ‘The object of bush regeneration is to return the land to its natural, balanced ecosystem, allowing all native flora and fauna to flourish in optimal conditions.’

  ‘Great,’ said April sarcastically. ‘He wants to turn us all into gardening nerds like Dad.’

  ‘We’re out here in the forest surrounded by nature. Most people would think this is fun,’ said Constable Pike.

  The kids looked about. To a plant lover, a bird-watcher or even a geologist there was plenty of beauty to see. Every object from the mighty trees down to the tiny beetles scratching in the ground were all magnificent in their own way. But teenagers never see nature with those sorts of eyes. To them there were just lots and lots of trees, boring old trees.

  Then there was a rumble of thunder in the distance and it started to rain.

  ‘Cool, rain!’ said Fin. ‘Does that mean we can go home?’

  ‘No,’ snapped the constable. ‘It’s just drizzle.’

  It wasn’t drizzle, the rain drops were fat and heavy. Constable Pike was clearly determined to be stubborn. Having driven seven kids out into the bush, there was no way he was turning round and going straight back to town.

  They could hear the sound of another vehicle approaching. A ute drove up the dirt track towards them.

  ‘Ah good, he’s here,’ said Constable Pike.

  The ute driver got out. He was a brawny young man with skin so tanned he looked like a brown leather handbag.

  ‘This is Animal Control Officer Todd Odinsson from the Currawong Town Council,’ explained Constable Pike. ‘We’re going to be working with him today.

  Officer Odinsson nodded.

  Pumpkin growled.

  ‘Joe, you’re with Officer Odinsson,’ said Constable Pike.

  ‘What?’ said Joe.

  ‘Joe!’ exclaimed Officer Odinsson. ‘You’re not that Peski kid, are you?’

  ‘Um …’ said Joe. He didn’t need to speak. The pained look on his face was a full confession.

  Officer Odinsson visibly puffed up, like a bullfrog increasing its size to intimidate an enemy. ‘You wouldn’t take my sister to the ball!’ he accused.

  ‘Huh?’ said Joe.

  ‘Daisy Odinsdottir is Officer Odinsson’s little sister,’ explained Loretta.

  ‘But their surnames are different,’ said April.

  ‘Icelandic people have patronymic surnames,’ explained Fin. ‘There father’s first name is Odin, so his daughter is Odinsdottir and his son is Odinsson.’

  ‘Weird,’ said April.

  ‘You’re the one who’s weird,’ said Officer Odinsson as he glared at Joe. ‘How could you not want to take a girl as beautiful as my sister to the ball?’

  ‘Eww,’ said April. ‘He thinks his sister is beautiful. Too much information.’

  Officer Odinsson poked Joe in the chest with his forefinger. ‘You broke Daisy’s heart.’

  Loretta laughed. Officer Odinsson whipped around to glare at her. She smothered her grin. ‘Oh sorry, I thought you were joking.’

  ‘I take it very seriously when young men disrespect my sister,’ said Officer Odinsson.

  ‘Oh please,’ said April, rolling her eyes. ‘He couldn’t take Daisy to the ball. She terrified him. She cornered him in the boys’ toilets. So apart from being psychotic, she’s got no sense of hygiene.’

  Joe nodded. This was entirely true.

  ‘He only took Loretta because she’s our next-door neighbour,’ continued April. ‘So he knew she’s harmless.’

  Loretta winked at Joe. ‘I wouldn’t hurt a fly. Unless the fly wanted me to.’

  Joe shuddered. He would rather be punched by Officer Odinsson than find out what Loretta meant by that.

  ‘Do you want help or not, Odinsson?’ Constable Pike asked impatiently. ‘I can make all the kids work on bush regeneration if your personal issues are too complicated for you to deal with.’

  ‘No, I’ll take Casanova,’ said Officer Odinsson, pointing to Joe. ‘Come on, this way.’ He led Joe off into the bush.

  ‘Do you think Joe will be all right?’ asked Fin.

  ‘So long as Daisy’s not back there,’ said Loretta. ‘I’m sure he’ll cope.’

  Constable Pike turned to the rest of the group. ‘You lot are going to be with me down by the creek. We’ll be removing non-native objects from the waterway.’

  ‘That’s just a fancy way of saying we’ll be picking up litter, isn’t it?’ demanded April.

  ‘Have you got a problem with that?’ asked the constable, his ears turning red. Something that often happened when he was emotional.

  ‘Yes, I do,’ said April. ‘It sounds unhygienic and boring.’

  ‘Tough,’ said Constable Pike. ‘You should have thought of that before you let your crazed dog loose.’

  Pumpkin barked excitedly, bouncing around April’s feet.

  ‘It’s actually not too bad,’ said Loretta. ‘Last time I did this I found two footballs, a fishing rod and a gold bracelet that I sold for $500 on eBay.’

  ‘You can’t sell things you find!’ said Constable Pike.

  ‘Yes, I can,’ said Loretta. ‘It’s the law of finders keepers.’

  ‘It could have been stolen property,’ said Constable Pike.

  ‘You can’t arrest a creek,’ said Loretta. ‘Although I’d like to see you try. It would be funny putting the handcuffs on.’

  ‘Just grab your equipment and let’s get to work,’ said the constable wearily.

  The kids put on thick gloves, picked up a rubbish bag each and tromped off behind Constable Pike through the bush towards the creek.

  Meanwhile, headed in the other direction, Officer Odinsson was leading a reluctant Joe deeper and deeper into the forest.

  ‘S-s-so what do you need me to do?’ Joe asked.

  ‘We’re looking for illegal traps,’ said Officer Odinsson. His voice was dry and serious, like a man who’s seen all kinds of horrors.

  ‘What sort of traps?’ asked Joe, imagining bear traps that clamp onto your leg or elephant traps that you fall into.

  ‘Yabby traps,’ said the animal control officer intensely. ‘They’re a scourge.’

  ‘Really?’ Joe was generally monosyllabic in his speech, but that was through necessity because he couldn’t get his tongue to wrap itself around what his brain wanted to say. But his brain had a large vocabulary, so he knew a scourge was something that ‘caused great trouble or suffering’.

  ‘They shouldn’t be called yabby traps,’ continued Officer Odinsson. ‘They should be called death-traps.’

  Joe raised his eyebrows at this melodramatic statement.

  ‘Because that’s what they are if you’re a platypus,’ said Officer Odinsson.

  ‘Oh,’ said Joe. It all made sense now. Officer Odinsson was clearly bonkers.

  Back at the bush regeneration group, Constable Pike had separated the girls and boys into two teams so they could work on opposite banks. The creek was surprising filthy. A bend in the waterway meant that anything anyone chucked in upstream drifted to a halt and was caught on rocks at this turn. As a result, the surrounding pristine bushland, which echoed with the sounds of bird calls and was perfurmed by the smell of wildflowers, had what looked like a rubbish dump washed up in the middle of it.

  ‘Where do we start?’ asked April.

  ‘It’s usually a good idea to pull out the shopping trolleys first,’ advised Loretta. ‘Then you can fill them up with the other junk and wheel them out.’

  April and Loretta strode forward and started pulling junk out of the pile. April found a bicycle. ‘Cool, this is better than the bike Dad made me!’

  ‘It doesn’t have any brakes,’ Loretta noticed.

  ‘That’s fine with me,’ said April. ‘I don’t like slowing down.’ April glanced over her shoulder. Matilda was still standing on the same spot on the bank. She looked rigid with fear.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ demanded April.

  ‘I can’t do this,’ muttered Matilda.

  ‘Why not?’ asked April.

  ‘It’s just so … so …’ Matilda struggled to find a word that would adequately express her feelings. ‘It’s just so disgusting.’

  April and Loretta looked at the pile of refuse. ‘It’s rubbish, but it’s clean rubbish,’ said April. ‘It’s been washed in the creek.’

  ‘But someone else threw it away,’ said Matilda. ‘Someone grubby.’

  ‘That’s very judgemental,’ said Loretta. ‘I’m sure people of all socio-economic backgrounds can throw rubbish in a creek.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said April. ‘Loretta’s posh and she does all sorts of morally bankrupt things.’

  ‘Only a grubby person would throw a wheelchair into a creek,’ said Matilda, pointing to an upside-down wheelchair poking out from a pile of old plastic shopping bags.

  ‘You can’t know that,’ reasoned Loretta. ‘It could have been an old person who was feigning disability to commit benefits fraud, then disposed of the wheelchair when they fled the country to live a life of luxury in Venezuela.’

  ‘That’s very specific,’ said April. ‘You know someone who did that, don’t you?’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Loretta, with a smile. ‘I do have a very wicked Auntie Lizzy.’

  ‘Just get over here and help, would you?’ demanded April.

  ‘No, you can’t make me,’ said Matilda.

  April’s eyes gaped. ‘Of course I can. I’ll enjoy making you.’ She strode back over to Matilda gleefully.

  Matilda realised she had just said something very stupid. ‘No, no, no!’ she protested. She didn’t even try to run, sensing that April would be able to harness her natural inner rage and outstrip her. Matilda just turned to the nearest tree and hugged it tight, like a koala bear afraid of being blown away by a cyclone.

  April grabbed Matilda by the waist and pulled hard. ‘Let go of that tree!’ she demanded.

  ‘Nooo,’ wailed Matilda. ‘I don’t want to touch that disgusting rubbish!’

  ‘What makes you think a tree is any cleaner?’ asked April. ‘Possums use trees as bathrooms.’

  ‘What?’ cried Matilda, in horror.

  ‘You’ve probably got your face pressed against possum pee right now,’ said April.

  ‘Or poo!’ Loretta called out helpfully.

  Matilda screamed. ‘Aaaaagggghhhhh!’ It was the type of scream you usually only hear in horror movies when the prom queen is about to be killed by a chainsaw-wielding, ski mask-wearing psycho.

  April tugged hard on Matilda’s waist at the exact moment Matilda suddenly let go so she could check her hands for visible signs of possum excrement. Unfortunately for April, she pulled a little too hard. For those of you familiar with Newtonian physics, you will know that ‘each action creates an equal and opposite reaction’. As a result, April toppled backwards. She let go of Matilda so she could windmill her arms about, desperately trying to regain her balance, but it wasn’t to be. April tottered on the edge of the bank for a moment, then tumbled into the deepest part of the creek with a huge splash, completely disappearing under the water.

  ‘What have I done?’ wailed Matilda.

  The surface of the water was still, except for the pitter-patter of rain drops.

  ‘You’ve killed April,’ said Loretta unhelpfully. ‘I bet you’re going to have to do a lot of bush regeneration to make up for that.’

  Suddenly, April burst up through the surface of the water, spluttering.

  ‘Pah, pah, pah!’ said April as she spat out the rubbish-infused creek water. ‘What did you do that for?’ she demanded, looking up at Matilda standing on the bank above her.