“Oh, so is that it?” Logan narrowed her eyes, studying Carter as if she was a foreign object. “You don’t really like people?”

  “Not all people.” Carter laughed. “It’s just that we hang in different circles.”

  “I guess I never really thought too hard about the circles.”

  “You didn’t have to,” Carter challenged gently. “You can go say ‘hi’ to anyone in the halls, and no one is going to look at you like you have a third eye.”

  “A third eye, like in a spiritual type of way?” Logan’s laugh made Carter smile.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do,” Logan said, taking a long sip of her water. For a second, she gazed out the passenger side window, and Carter wished she knew what was going on inside her head. “For the record, you could have always come up to say ‘hi’ to me. I think you’re cool. But, I probably should have always known I could come up and say ‘hi’ to you too.” She looked out the window again, and then turned in her seat so she faced Carter. “Either way, I’m really glad we’re hanging out now. Thanks again for driving me.”

  “Yeah, no problem. I’m glad too.” She considered saying more, but let the comfortable silence ride for a few minutes.

  As the music switched over to a blink-182 song, she watched as Logan’s smile grew. “This one is my favorite,” she said, dancing to the beat. Logan reached over and turned up the volume, singing along to every word. Carter sang along too, watching as Logan exuded the confidence she envied. She was sure of herself and knew her place in the world, but to be so comfortable in her skin that she’d hop in a stranger’s car and belt out a song at the top of her lungs was something Carter could only imagine came from a lifetime of excelling at everything she attempted.

  Acing tests? Effortless. Breaking scoring records? She made it look easy. Attracting a crowd of people who watched her every move? She’d had that in the bag probably since she entered the world. Carter bit her lip, looking down at her lap momentarily. She shouldn’t be so callous. She knew as well as anyone did that even popularity, looks, and athletic skills didn’t protect you from tragedy. Logan had suffered her fair share.

  As the song came to a close, she offered Logan a smile. “Glad to see I got it right.”

  “Nailed it!” Logan said, offering up her hand for a high five.

  Carter smacked her hand against Logan’s, the contact making her heart beat faster.

  “So I know you have a crew you run with,” Logan said, leaning back in her chair dramatically, like she’d just performed a concert for adoring fans, which she kind of did, if you considered a concert for an audience of one. A private concert. Carter blushed at the thought. “What do you do for fun?”

  “Same thing most people do I guess.” Carter chewed on a gummy bear, buying herself a minute. She wanted to sound interesting, maybe more interesting than she really was. She swallowed. “We hang out at the mall, hike the nature trails, go to Lobo games, and all that stuff. I write a lot in my spare time.”

  “Yeah!” Logan’s enthusiastic response made her laugh nervously. “I wanted to talk to you more about that. Where do you get your material?”

  “Overactive imagination, I guess.” Carter tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. “My mom says I’m always in my head. Have been since I was a kid. And, my mom is a therapist, so she’s always been big on mental health and self-awareness. I guess it kind of rubbed off on me.”

  “I think it’s fantastic. I couldn’t write like that.”

  “You have an A in honors English,” Carter said, dismissing Logan’s compliment.

  “That’s for stuff I have to write. If I was pressed to come up with something just off the cuff, I think I’d fall flat on my face.”

  “Well, thank you,” Carter conceded. “Same goes for me and sports though. As much as I love to follow the game, toss a ball in my direction, and I’d drop the pass every time.”

  Logan laughed. “I guess we both have our strengths. Speaking of which, I know you said you liked Lobo games. If you’re sticking around in the area, you can come watch me ride the bench next year.”

  Carter coughed, choking on the gummy bear she’d been eating. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’d love that, but I’m sure you won’t be on the bench.”

  “I’ll be a freshman.” Logan pursed her lips. “I’ve been a big fish in a little pond for a while. The game changes at the next level. I’m sure I’ll do my time and pay my dues like everyone else.”

  “You’re going to blow off being the only high school player in the state to score one hundred and twenty-seven three pointers in a season…as a junior!”

  Logan leaned back and looked at Carter. She opened her mouth and shook her head. “You know my stats? Like the exact number?”

  “Photographic memory,” Carter said, shrugging off the attention. “I have to keep an eye on things to report them.”

  “Oh right,” Logan said, laughing. “Sorry. I was about to say, I think you might have my dad beat out on being my number one fan.”

  Carter’s mouth ran dry from Logan’s words. “I…” She laughed. “I mean, I didn’t say I’m not a fan.”

  “Thanks,” Logan said with a good-natured smile. “Didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”

  What did she mean by that? Carter’s mind raced with possibilities. Was she being too flirty? Or was it obvious that she was a big fan. It was already out in the open that she liked the game of basketball, but she didn’t want to come across like the overly obsessed fan for other reasons. She’d be the first to admit that she enjoyed the games for their sheer athleticism, but she was also honest enough to admit to herself that female athletes were undoubtedly her type. That was, if she even had a type. Could you have a type without ever having a girlfriend? She’d had a fling, but nothing more. Did she have a type? Who would she have picked to ask to the upcoming dance, if she had the chance?

  “So…” Logan said, drawing out the word. “Are you going to the big dance in a couple of weeks?”

  “What?” Carter asked, glancing over at Logan with what she knew was sheer terror on her face. It was as if Logan was reading her mind. She gripped the steering wheel and gulped, straightening her shoulders. “Yeah, I’ll be there,” she said, composing herself. “Have to cover it for the paper.”

  “Are you taking anyone?”

  Carter grabbed the bottle of coffee and chugged the remaining contents, suddenly unsure if it was a good idea to have invited someone else into her bubble of safety.

  “No,” she managed after swallowing. “I’ll be flying solo, like always.”

  “Why is that?” Logan stopped a gummy bear halfway to her mouth. “Never mind. You don’t have to answer that. Is that an insensitive question? And of course, it’s fine if you just don’t want to date. Or if there aren’t any good prospects, or…I’m going to shut up now.” Logan stuffed a gummy bear in her mouth, and in an instant, gone was the cool and confident person from just seconds before.

  Glad to know she wasn’t the only one who could easily get so flustered, Carter laughed. “It’s fine,” she said, reaching out and patting Logan’s shoulder. She jerked her hand back almost as soon as she made contact. That didn’t make things less weird. She cleared her throat. “There are definitely fewer prospects for me to choose from than for others at school. I just kind of figured I’d wait until college and then try to start dating then.” Logan was studying her intently, hanging on every word, so she took a deep breath. She really didn’t get into all of this aside from with Aiden, but they still had an hour and a half left to drive. “I’m pretty sure there’s only a couple of other kids who are even out at school,” she said, as she considered what all she should or shouldn’t say. “There really aren’t a lot of options, and even if there were, I just don’t know that I’d want the whole high school romance thing for me, especially this late in the game.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “There’s the whole concept of having to break up or do long distance if you go to different colleges, and I’d never dream of going to the same college as someone just because we dated in high school.”

  “That’s a good point,” Logan said. She clasped her hands together and then started playing with her cuticles. Biting her lip, she let out a sigh. “I never really thought about that.”

  “About the lesbian dating prospects at our school, or about breaking up after graduation.”

  “Both.” Logan chewed on a fingernail, before stopping and straightening her shoulders as though she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to do. “I guess I just really never expected my relationship with Barrett to last as long as it has, so I never really thought about the whole dating after high school thing.”

  The way she spoke the words with such a coolness, almost as if there was no emotion tied to it, threw Carter for a loop. “You’ve been together for three years, which in high school time, is like a decade.”

  “True,” Logan said, casting her attention down to the gummy bears in her hand, before carefully selecting a red one to pop into her mouth. She chewed slowly, and Carter could only imagine she was deep in contemplation. When she swallowed, she turned to Carter. “I probably shouldn’t be saying all this, but you’re my new friend, right?” She smiled, looking every bit like a kid on Christmas morning, about to receive a present.

  “Right,” Carter said, basking in the sunlight of that smile directed at her.

  “Cool.” Logan crossed her arms over her chest. “Thing is…this can’t leave this car. Deal?”

  Carter nodded.

  “Good.” Logan took a deep breath. “I don’t get the whole dating thing, I guess.”

  “What?” Carter tried to keep the astonishment out of her voice, but failed. “You’ve been dating forever.”

  “Yeah,” Logan said, waving a hand through the air, “but not like the way some people do. Like, half the girls just won’t stop talking about their boyfriends and always want them around, and I just don’t get it. Maybe that’s why I’ve never really thought of the breakup aspect of things.”

  “Do you not love him?” The question came out before she could stop it, and she wished she could snatch it back out of the air, judging by the scowl on Logan’s face.

  Expecting a retort of some sort, she watched as Logan’s shoulders fell and she leaned back against the seat.

  Chapter Six

  Love. The word hung in the air like a thick fog. Carter had already changed the subject, talking about how she’d gone to see the Black Keys in concert in Taos once, and how amazing their performance was. Logan nodded along and added a comment here and there, even though she’d all but since stopped listening.

  Did she love Barrett? How could she know really? Sure, she said it before. It felt like the thing she was supposed to do. Everyone said it when they’d been dating a while. There wasn’t usually a need to question it. After all, if Carter was right, they’d just be breaking up anyway, so what was the point? She chewed off the nail of her right index finger and silently chided herself. She was supposed to be overcoming that bad habit, but really, who did it hurt?

  “What’s wrong?”

  “With me?” Logan squeaked. Clearing her throat, she deepened her voice. “Nothing. Why?”

  “You’ve been heavy sighing for the last ten minutes, and you just ripped off a hunk of your nail like it was nothing.”

  “Oh,” Logan said, looking down at her lap. “A bad habit I’ve had since I was a kid, despite my mother’s best efforts.” She offered a smile. “I think I’m just nervous about the game.”

  “You get pregame jitters?” Carter narrowed her eyes, seeing past her lie.

  “From time to time.” She always got them, just not usually before they got to the gym.

  “What is it really? Did I upset you with my question earlier?”

  “No.” Logan shook her head. “You didn’t upset me. I was just lost in my head. I have a tendency of doing that.”

  “I do the same thing,” Carter said, keeping her tone light. “If I’ve learned anything through reading far too many therapy books, it’s that it’s okay to talk about the things going on up there.”

  Logan bit her lip. Normally, she’d shut her mouth and move on, but something in Carter’s kind smile inexplicably prompted her to move forward. “Maybe I’m just defective or something. I don’t even know how I’d know if I loved him.” She shifted in her seat. “Have you ever been in love?”

  Carter stiffened and shook her head. “No. I have not, but I have had my share of crushes, and one brief encounter that didn’t even really count as a date or relationship.”

  Logan had so many questions. Who? Anyone she knew? This was already too personal though, so she thought through the appropriate responses. “How did you know you liked them?”

  “Most of the typical things.” Carter kept her eyes glued to the road, but her voice dropped an octave. “Mainly, I know when I keep thinking about them constantly, or I hope they’re having a good day. I want to learn all about them, see what really makes them tick, you know?” She ran her tongue across her lips as if thinking about her next words carefully, and Logan’s eyes followed the movement. Even her lipstick was the perfect shade to match every bit of her quirky style. Logan fixated on her mouth, watching as she spoke. Her full lips seemed to punctuate every word. Logan straightened in her seat. She was doing it again, the staring thing. “I want to hear from them. I want to hang out with them. I want to make them laugh. I miss their company when they’re not around. All those little things. That’s how I know.”

  “Hmm. I guess maybe I haven’t felt that.” Logan replayed it all. She liked hanging out with Barrett, but mostly didn’t miss him when he was gone. And, he certainly texted too often.

  “That’s okay too. You know, some people are asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “I don’t think I’m asexual,” Logan said, contemplating the word as she spoke it. That certainly wasn’t it. She wanted to date, possibly even to have sex one day, but not with Barrett. The thought made her grimace. “I should really break up with him,” she muttered. “Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.”

  Carter’s laughter filled the air. “This is a safe space. I won’t say anything. Besides, you know I don’t talk to anyone in your crowd anyway.” Carter reached out as though she was going to comfort Logan but quickly pulled back, placing her hands perfectly at the ten and two positions on the steering wheel. “From what I’ve heard, high school is all about figuring out what you want anyway, and then college is really the time to explore that.”

  “And have you done that?”

  “Figured out what I want?” Carter knitted her brow. “In some abstract way, I guess. I’ve just never put it into practice.”

  “So you’ve never dated?”

  Carter shook her head.

  “Never kissed anyone?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Carter raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I just said I’ve never dated.”

  The wheels in Logan’s mind churned. “Boy? Girl? Both?”

  “Both,” Carter said, her voice barely above a whisper.

  Maybe she’d crossed a line, but her curiosity was piqued. “What is that like?”

  “Kissing?” Carter eyed her carefully and then nodded. “Ah, what’s kissing a girl like?”

  Logan nodded, speechless. She’d never really contemplated the fact that it might be different.

  “It’s still just kissing, but somehow softer, more intimate. But also, more passionate.” She paused and looked at Logan. “That’s just for me though, I’m sure. You know, since I like girls and don’t have those same feelings for guys.”

  “Gotcha.” Logan nodded, trying to process all the information. It wasn’t that she was an alien and hadn’t heard of same-sex couples. As a huge WNBA fan, several of her heroes were in the LGBTQ community, but she’d just never really sat down and talked to someone about it. She watched as Carter pressed the second bottle of coffee to her lips and wondered what they’d feel like. Maybe they really were softer than Barrett’s sloppy kisses. She diverted her attention, looking out the window. There was no reason she should even be considering the thought. She had a boyfriend, even if she was questioning whether she even liked him, based off Carter’s definition.

  She crossed her arms and leaned against the cool glass. Why was she with him anyway? She thought back to three years ago, when he’d first asked her out. It just seemed right, two up-and-coming athletes being side by side all the time. He was handsome, and even funny when he wasn’t trying to impress his football teammates. But was that all there was to it? She thought back to the dates, the group get-togethers, and had to wonder if it was all that shallow.

  “You said you knew what you wanted,” Logan said, breaking the silence. “What is that? If you could build your perfect girl, what would she be like?”

  Carter smiled and took a deep breath. Keeping her eyes on the road, she swallowed hard. “Well, she’d be a lot of things, too complex to figure out in most ways, but I know she’d have a good sense of humor, she’d put me at ease and make me feel like I was home, and she’d be smart and would have dreams and goals. She’d support my dreams too, and…” Carter trailed off and looked out the driver’s side window, before turning briefly to Logan. “She’d be pretty and probably athletic. She’d like music and reading.” She ran her finger across her lower lip. “Those are the basics.”

  “She sounds like a badass, but she’d have to be to land you,” Logan said, looking Carter up and down. “Really, you’re pretty much the whole package.”

  Carter’s cheeks blushed, and she lowered her head with a grin. “Thanks,” she said. “I am a Scorpio though, if that’s a game changer in the total package department.”