“Oh honey, I know, trust me and as much as I would LOVE to hear about Mako’s skills and knot, it’s best you don’t go into detail. For both of our sakes.” He looked at the ceiling and licked his lips, saying to himself, “I’ve been fantasizing about it for years now.” Before I could control it, a feral growl escaped my throat. “Cool your jets there, Ace. I’ve never and I will never. BUT… if you had any doubt that he’s yours, at least in your heart and soul, you just knocked that down like the tower of Babel.” We both giggled at that. He was right. Mako was mine, and the next time I saw him, I’d make sure he knew it.

  “OK, your turn. Start talking, mister.” It was Owen’s turn to tell me about mates.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Mako

  How in the fuck did that go from one hundred to zero in 2 seconds? There I was holding my mate, my fuckin mate dammit, talking about hopes, dreams and our relationship when the world crashed to nothing. I understood on the basest level he was new to everything outside his family home, but I couldn’t understand how he didn’t feel the connection deep down. He was still talking about paying us the money and moving away. Away from his family, I get, but away from me? Away from us? No way could I bring myself to even consider making him understand how I felt about him. It hit me hard, dead center. Around the fourth time I knotted him, I was in love with him. Like deep in love. Not the basic ‘I’d die for you’ love, but the all-encompassing ‘I’d kill for you’ love. The love that could consume you completely if you weren’t careful kind of love. Yeah, that couldn’t be healthy for anyone, especially him.

  That kind of love came close to the disgusting shit his family did to him. Sure, it came from a different place, but when on the receiving end of it, it was hard to tell the difference. Gramps warned me years ago about that shit. “How you love is just as important as who you love, boy. Best remember that. There’s a fine line between protecting and smothering, and it’s a line you’ll walk every day once you meet your fated mate. Every Alpha instinct you have will tell you to lock them away to keep them safe but understand that part of being safe is also being happy.” I heard that every time mates came up when I was a teen. I heard it whenever he felt like rambling, as he called it, until he died.

  Pops rarely brought up the mate thing. Around the time I was born, he gave up on finding his. He ran the club after Gramps retired and used to joke that “she” was his fated mate. He lived, breathed and eventually bled for Rogue Nation. A few years ago, I resigned myself to that same fate, now all that had changed. Theo.

  “Well, that can still be your plan. I mean, to move somewhere with your money where you’ll be safe and free. You aren’t required by law to be my mate.” The pain in my chest could only be described as a shattered heart. Who knew that emotional feelings could give physical pain like that? “I think you took what I was saying the wrong way. I can’t and won’t force you to be my mate, and I understand why you would turn me away. I’m not good enough for you. You’re pure light and I’m walking darkness. I try to be good, honest and true, but there are times I’ve done things that go against that.” I got up from the bed and took a few steps away.

  “Mako.” I couldn’t even look him in the face. For the first time in my life, I felt like a coward.

  Holding my hands up in surrender “No, Theo, I’ll head downstairs and let you shower and get some rest. You’ve had a rough few days and you need to heal completely. I will ask that you make an appearance tomorrow for church, I mean, our club meeting. We’re going to vote on the best way to handle your family to ensure your safety while making sure everyone else in town stays safe. I’ll send Owen up in a bit to check on you and see if you need anything.” I turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes and began walking out of the room to the front door. I would never have the chance to hold him and tell him to his face, so I said, “I love you,” as I closed the door behind me. At least I would know I said it to him. I could hold on to that for the rest of my life.

  Once the door was closed, I leaned my head against it, hoping I could still feel the pull he had on my heart and soul, but all I felt was lonely and empty. Regret churned in my stomach, knowing that I was the unworthy bastard that took his virginity. The one thing that he could truly say that was his and only his in his life. Yep, I was that alpha now. The one who couldn’t control his baser urges. All I fuckin did was take because I truly had nothing worthwhile to give. I never thought of myself that way, but I was a fool. Apparently, I was a bastard too, because part of me refused to regret it. I love him and I will until the day I die. Somewhere in there, I could have made a joke about my right hand being my fated mate, but no part of me was sure I would ever ‘rise’ to the occasion again. I was fucked, and not in the fun way.

  Amid my little pity party in the hallway, I heard my Pop’s voice “Never let them see you in pain, son. They’ll use it against you. Life is shit sometimes and we have to play the hand we’re dealt, so fuckin play it to the best of your ability. Shake it off and move on. The Club, boy. She’ll always be there for you. She’ll love you, protect you, and feed your soul. Keep her healthy and she’ll be all you ever need.”

  With that memory, I stood tall, squared my shoulders, and schooled my face. No one will know what happened, well, no one but Bear and Teach, and that’s because they were the only ones who knew about me and Theo. I knew they’d ask questions. Time to ride, get this shit out of the way, and never mention it again. I walked down the stairs into the main room, searching the guys out with my eyes. “You and you,” pointing at Teach and Bear, “Time to ride.” Without breaking stride, I headed to the front door of the clubhouse. Without turning around, I said, “Owen! In check on Theo, get some food into him and make sure he has anything he wants.” I strolled out the door without looking back.

  Not even the roar and rumble of my girl between my legs could mellow my mood. ‘Fuck, what if this shit has killed the one thing I enjoy more than anything? Nope, I killed that all by myself. Theo was the one thing I enjoyed most now, and it was something I’d never have again, so that was that.’ Didn’t that just fit tonight’s theme perfectly? Dust, dirt, and gravel kicked from my tire as I pulled out of the lot.

  I love to say that I could look at the passing trees and scenery without thinking how feasible it would be to gently swerve and hit something head on. That would be it. Lights out. No more worry, no more pain, just no more. Bear could lead just fine without me. I was a coward, after all. Wasn’t that the coward’s way out? Then I thought of Theo. He may not want to be my mate and he may not love me, but he was good and kind. Would he think I died because I wasn’t paying attention to the road because I was thinking about him? The guilt he’d feel. I couldn’t do that to him. Nope, a quick death was out of the question. Besides that, mate or no, love or not, I would make his family pay for every wrong that ever came Theo’s way because of them. Now, that was something to live for. Beyond that, who knows?

  Just as the sun set, and the world became that blue/purple shade of twilight, where you could just glimpse the setting sun and the brightest stars I pulled off the road. I couldn’t really tell anyone where we were because I honestly wasn’t paying attention. Random roads and turns guided me to where I stood now. We were close to the shore because I could hear the waves lapping at a beach and smell the salt spray in the air. Beyond those things, I didn’t care.

  Bear and Teach dismounted their bikes. Bear spoke first. “So…”

  Looking up at the sky wondering if I could count the stars this early in the evening “So, he rejected me, that’s so…” I heard the clang of metal hitting rocks.

  “FUCK!” I heard Bear yell, and I turned around. He had laid his bike down. None too gently, from what I could tell. “He WHAT?”

  “NO!” Teach yelled. “He wouldn’t do that.” He stared at me as if I grew a second head outta my asshole. “You misunderstood Mako. I saw his face. He’s yours and you’re his.”

  “I doubt I misunderstood him offering to pay us for his rescue and making plans to move somewhere where he could be a safe and ‘free’ omega.” I shook my head at him, my body from vibrating with anger. This wasn’t his fault. Breaking into a fistfight with my brothers would do more harm than good.

  “Doesn’t he understand we can keep him safe and with us he would always be free?” Leave it to Bear to be the logical brother, yet again. Sure, he looked like he ate rusty nails for breakfast and shit out live ammo before dinner, but beneath it all, he was calm and collected under pressure. He was my strength when I was in doubt, and right now, I was a rolling boulder of doubt. I shrugged my shoulders and turned my back again to study the stars.

  I heard the crunch of gravel and felt a gentle hand lay on my shoulder. “Brother, as much as I know you don’t want to, I think you need to tell us what was said. All of it, every word. If we come to the same conclusion you did, then we’ll never speak of it again. We can get him out and let him go on his way to a safe and free life like he wants.” Aww fuck, Teach was just like goddess damned Bear. I was fighting a losing battle. I couldn’t remember why I wanted both of them with me tonight. Fuckers were gonna gang up on me. No hiding my loser cowardice ways now.

  We sat side by side facing the direction the sound of the waves came from. It calmed me knowing that not too far away was infinite depth and beauty. That’s how Gramps saw the ocean, which is why he settled here when he started the club. One of his favorite things to do was to find an empty beach and sit for hours watching the waves and the horizon. He used to say that everything was connected by those waves, and anything was possible beyond the horizon. I so much wanted that to be true. I waited a few minutes for complete darkness. Only the stars would see my tears, my brothers never would. My secrets could be carried away on the salt kissed breeze, gone forever. When this was done, it was done. “Well, you guys left the room, and we were sitting on the bed…” Tears rolled down my cheeks as the words flowed from my lips, not that anyone could tell by my voice.

  I’ve got no idea how long I talked. I finally fell silent, and Bear laid his hand on my shoulder. “No offense here, boss, but you’re a fuckin idiot.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, before I got a word out, Teach barked out a loud laugh. “Goddess Bear, I’m fuckin glad you said it and not me. Fucker would gut my ass.”

  “True,” Bear huffed a laugh. “Eddie, did he say the word reject?”

  “No, of course not. He was being nice.” At least I saw the reasoning in my justification.

  “Mako, did you actually listen to him?” Teach spoke softly.

  “Of course I did, Brother.” The last word came out with a bit more venom than intended, and I winced.

  Teach went on, “I’m gonna let that one slide, one cuz you’re my President and two cuz you really are my brother. I say this with love, man. I agree with Bear. You, sir, are a fuckin idiot. Theo was raised with minimal social interaction with people outside his fucked-up family. He’s only seen two ways out of his situation since he understood the circumstances. Years, Mako. Fuckin YEARS. Escape to somewhere far away that was safe or death. When he originally met you, what was he resigned to? I know him. Tell me if you know him as well.”

  I hung my head at the memory, “He said more than once he was ready to die and ask me to please don’t let it hurt. He couldn’t stand the idea of the pain.”

  “Exactly, brother. He knew, not thought, KNEW he was going to die. For him it was in inevitable outcome. When you took that off the table, where do you think his mind went? Keep in mind. The rule for all educators who taught him was to avoid any discussion of love and mates at all costs. Hell, I broke that rule quick enough. I think I must have supplied him with almost half the books he got his ideas and fantasies from.” Fucker laughed, and I growled loud and deep.

  Bear started laughing “Yeah, Brother, I’m thinking Boss here DOES NOT want to think about you being the one who gave his mate spank material.” Even I had to smile at Bear this time. The man was simply honest.

  “Point taken,” Teach went on “Where did it go Mako?”

  I shook my head as it sunk in. “Escape. Get away and be safe.” I was such a fuckin idiot on top of being a coward.

  “Stop where your mind is going right now, Eddie. You ain’t lost him, brother. Tomorrow morning, you get with him before church and hash it out. Present a united front as President and his ole man for the entire club. Show the rest of us how it’s done.” Bear was so right, yet so wrong.

  “Tomorrow morning? We gotta get back to the clubhouse, man. I gotta make it up to my mate tonight.” I was already getting up and heading to my bike.

  “Nope.” Bear once again lay hands on my shoulders.

  “The fuck you mean ‘nope’? I gotta get home, get this shit fixed.” My heart was beating entirely too fast, all was not lost. I had to fix this.

  “Bethie text me. Owen is staying with him tonight. Owen said for you to crash in my room tonight. Theo needs a friend more than a mate at the moment. Until today he had neither and I think you both need some actual rest as opposed to what we all know what will happen if you go to him tonight.” Fuckin Bear. Again, the asshole HAD to be right again.

  This time, I laughed at him. “So, no trying to get me drunk and taking advantage. Matter of fact, Teach is crashing with us.”

  “I’ll crash with you guys, but I DO NOT want to hear two alphas moaning and groaning in the night, man.” Even Teach was getting in on the fun.

  “You would NOT be ‘moaning and groaning’, you’d be SCREAMING. You can’t handle me.” Bear sounded proud. Smug bastard.

  “Dude, I’ve heard the stories, I don’t want to know.” Teach laughed and fired up his bike. I don’t think my girl touched the road all the way home. Both she and I moved on clouds. All was right with the world.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Theo

  “OK, your turn. Start talking, mister.” Now all the lights were out, and I lay on the sofa with my head in Owen’s lap. This is what I felt like when I dreamed of my mother telling me a bedtime story as a child. It never happened, but at least Poppy would let me sit in his lap while he told me stories of knights fighting dragons or stories of the shifter wars centuries ago.

  “Well, you know firsthand what being a fated mate feels like, so I guess I can skip that part. But I will tell you it’s not instant love. Yes, it can happen, but love is built on trust and faith. Not everyone trusts easily and even fewer have faith in our fellow man. Too much has been felt and seen, but that’s a story for another time, I suppose.” Owen did his best to avoid the monologue tone so neither of us would get bored.

  In most romance novels, the fated mates scent one another, faced one another, instantly fell in love and into bed, living happily ever after. That was the draw for the general reader. There might be some angst, but there was never anything the couple or throuple couldn’t overcome. Laws were easily ignored when it came to someone’s rights and by the end of the story, everything was well in the universe. Even I knew real life wasn’t like that. There were very few happy endings. As much as I loved my fantasy worlds, they were just that fantasy.

  “Like I said before, with fated mates, the goddess herself has seen that every being brought into the world comes with an incomplete soul. The other part of that soul is put into another person. One never knows if it’s a male, female, alpha or omega. The only guarantee is that once together, those two parts can fit together perfectly. The two parts not only compliment but strengthen the other. It’s up to the individuals to make the effort. The downside to this entire plan is that once the parts meet, there will never be another person who will make someone as complete as their fated one. Yes, they can have relationships, sexual and otherwise, but none will ever be as wholly satisfying as their fated.” I looked up at Owen, waiting for him to pause. “What? Question already?” he giggled.

  “What if you’re already in a relationship with someone and love them when you meet your fated one? It’s rather cruel for the goddess to give us free will then break up families.” What would have happened to me if Mako already had a mate? Would he have cheated on his mate with me? Oh no, I could have become a home wrecker.

  “Shh, sweetie. Calm down. Not all fated pairs become actual mates, as you’re thinking. There are quite a few that begin as friends, and some stay that way their entire lives. That’s the reason for free will. While most fated mates end up paired together as a couple, there are those who don’t. I seriously can’t believe none of your tutors taught you about the shifter wars. There were quite a few fated pairings between Generals and officers. The trust and faith in another led to winning many battles and eventually the wars. Once over, many of the pairs moved their families closer together to maintain the bond. That’s why so many families have such a large gene pool.” He spoke as if this was common knowledge among the masses. I wasn’t part of the masses.

  “You talk about the shifter wars. Are there still shifters?” I felt so stupid. My father paid tutors top dollar for my education yet restricted me from learning what I felt were the basics.

  “I’m sure somewhere in the world there are, but they are almost unheard of now. Back then, many of the fated pairings were between shifters and common humans. A human male could impregnate a shifter omega, or a shifter alpha could impregnate a human female. The child could be a shifter, a human, or a combination of both. Over the centuries, some genetics took over, hence Alphas, Omegas, Betas, Females and Males. The standard humans are the global minority and are rarely fertile unless with a fated pairing. I don’t understand why or how. I never really paid much attention to science classes. It just is, but I’m sure Teach can give you more information on it if you ask.” Well, there was an idea. I bet Myron knew lots about this. He’s an alpha.

  “Back to it.” Owen continued. “Fantasy versus reality. No one has ever died that I’m aware of from the death of a fated mate, except maybe taking their own life from grief. You can reject your fated, you are not bound to them by some invisible force, that is unless you complete a mate bond, then you’re legally bound to them and your scent changes, just like with non-fated pairings. Again, once you meet and reject, you’ll never be as fulfilled as you were with them. Yes, once mate bonded, you’ll have the ability to ‘feel’ one another stronger than a non-fated pairing, but there is no telepathy. On a side note, though, I really wish it were true. Second to invisibility, that would be the best superpower ever.”