Shadow magic, p.70
Shadow Magic,
p.70
‘Interests outside of killing my friends. I have few left, so you’ll need to come up with something else to entertain you.’
Jacques was taken aback. ‘My intention was never to hurt you or your friends. My goal has always been to protect Mance-Jolune-’
‘What part of it?’ he said, finally meeting his gaze. ‘Is King Theuder Mance-Jolune? Is Prince Alexandre? The Laurent dynasty? Is it the people you helped push into a meaningless war? My friends who you took advantage of? You don’t know what you’re protecting, Jacques. Your duty is empty, devoid of any love for those you claim to work for. You need some outside interests. You need some perspective.’
Jacques fell silent. He didn’t know how to respond to such a harsh and unfair critique. Guy had looked inside him, and to judge him so unjustly, so incorrectly!
‘You want to know why I’m here?’ Guy continued. ‘You really shouldn’t need to ask.’
‘Why you’re sitting up at a table?’ Jacques asked weakly, forcing a smile.
‘I plan on ensuring the safety of my remaining friends before I leave.’ he fixed Jacques with a hard look, made all the more unsettling by the deep shadows concealing his eyes. ‘If you want to be helpful, get Quince Abelard out of his office.’
CHAPTER 120
31 Dagfir, 1353
A few months after arriving back in Mance-Jolune, Asmara arrived at the home of Emerré Albier in Belcanon. She knocked on the door and then retreated to the garden. She looked up at the windows, and then walked even further from the house.
Cadel came out a little while later, a letter in his hand.
‘Asmara. It’s been a while.’
‘I’m sorry, I hope I’m not too close to-’
‘You don’t use your shadow magic. Your presence shouldn’t upset Emerré, besides, she was expecting you.’
‘She was?’
‘You don’t usually visit your sick friends?’
‘She’s not sick, she’s dying!’ she cried. It had taken nearly a month and a half to reach Clare from southern Poirive. News reached Clare slowly, but Jacques Dulère had insisted on keeping her informed of the wider world. His reassurances that Emerré had survived Cadel’s disappearance felt like a cruel joke.
Cadel frowned and handed her the letter. Asmara opened it. She immediately knew the writing wasn’t Emerré’s, but the signature at the bottom was.
‘She dictated to me. She’s getting much better.’
Tears formed in Asmara’s eyes and she almost crumpled the letter. ‘Getting better? N-not being able to walk, or write, m-months later. S-she’s...Blaise and Linette are gone, and she’s going to-’
‘She’s not.’ Cadel insisted. ‘She has me and she has our son. She won’t leave us. My wife went to the trouble of writing you a letter, now read it.’
Asmara didn’t say Emerré hadn’t actually written the letter. She smoothed it out and read:
Asmara,
I heard your heart returned to you. You forgot, for all these years, but I must let you know that you are not like me. What worked for me will not work for you, but do not be discouraged. I need Cadel, but you don’t need anyone else. You have resisted your shadow magic better than anyone I know, and I know you can keep doing so. For a long time, Asmara, no one would have known you were a shadow mage unless you told them. There are others like you, with the potential, but who do not use it, or do not manifest, who live a long time, a normal lifetime. No one notices they are shadow mages and so the myth that we cannot live for long continues. You are like them, not like me or Blaise, Brigitte, Linette or Guy, or the shadow mages of Lakasha. I would like to see you stop worrying about it, Asmara, and live a happy life. It’s going to be a long one, so I know you will have the chance to work this out for yourself.
Emerré Albier-Vayles
Asmara finished reading and sniffed. She shook her head. ‘I don’t believe her.’
‘She didn’t think you would.’
Asmara cried quietly, the letter in her hands. Cadel stayed and watched. He stood and inspected the rose bush near Asmara’s bench and picked one.
‘For Emerré. She likes the red ones.’
Asmara shook her head. As if a shadow mage would appreciate a flower.
‘Do you want to meet Jonathan?’
‘Jonathan?’ Asmara looked up.
Cadel frowned. ‘You don’t know the name of our son?’
‘No, of course, I mean-’
‘Do you want to say hello?’
Asmara was surprised at the offer. She nodded. It was a strange thought, a shadow mage with a child.
‘Wait here, I’ll go get him.’
Cadel disappeared into the house. He returned a few moments later with a baby in his arms. The boy had a dark head of hair and was giggling and laughing.
Cadel sat down next to Asmara. ‘Hold him gently.’
Asmara took the baby and looked down at him in wonder.
‘He had blond hair when he was born. Then it all fell out and grew back black.’ Cadel said in a bemused tone. ‘I thought there was something wrong when he suddenly went bald.’
Asmara bounced Jonathan gently on her knee. She couldn’t bring herself to respond to Cadel’s utterly normal conversation about a perfectly average looking baby. It clashed too greatly with what she knew must be hidden in the house, a woman barely moving or speaking. A shadow mage, just like her.
‘Even though Emerré’s a shadow mage, she has a normal life. She’s getting better. She knows who I am, and Jonathan. She even remembers you enough to write you a letter.’
Asmara nodded and swallowed. She didn’t ask what Emerré had forgotten. She didn’t want to know.
Asmara handed Cadel back his son and wiped at her eyes. ‘I suppose I should stop moping.’
Cadel nodded. At his serious expression Asmara laughed. Jonathan laughed too.
Asmara stood. It wasn’t going to be so easy, to just stop worrying about her shadow magic and what it would eventually do to her. She thought of Emerré’s letter. It was too painful to hope.
‘What are you going to do now?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know, I think... I’m getting better with a sword again.’ she thought of Dorian, ‘I think... I think I’ll go away somewhere. I know I liked working and exploring new places... maybe I’ll go somewhere north, visit Chelleska, and keep going...’
Cadel shrugged. ‘Last day of the year. A good time to start something new. Make sure you write to Emerré.’
Asmara nodded. ‘The new year can’t be much worse than the last. I’ll write her, and... maybe when she’s better I’ll visit her properly.’
‘Don’t go too far then.’ Cadel said, ‘she’s getting better every day.’
‘I’ll come visit when Jonathan is all grown up.’ She wondered if he would end up a shadow mage too. She pushed that dark thought away and stood up.
‘Say thank you to Emerré for me.’ she said, with a soft smile.
‘I will.’ he said. ‘She’ll look forward to seeing you again.’
‘Me too.’
CHAPTER 121
28 Jarna, 1354
Julietta looked up disinterestedly at the knock on her door.
‘Come in.’ she called.
Her disinterest evaporated as a familiar sorcerer entered her office.
‘Dorian!’ she exclaimed.
‘Julietta.’ he greeted her, looking around her office. ‘So, you’re working at the Collegium now?’
She nodded. ‘I’m teaching some of the basic courses.’
Dorian raised an eyebrow. ‘Basic courses?’
Julietta shrugged. ‘Sit down, if you like. Yes, that’s all I feel like doing.’
Dorian took a seat. ‘I’m surprised to hear that.’
‘How have you been?’ she asked.
‘Not bad. I stopped by Bo’s place in Mercôt. He found a wife pretty quick.’
‘So she said yes. How is he?’
‘Good. His wife came with two children, and Ukrit is doing well.’
Julietta couldn’t help laughing. ‘Just like he said! Did Palmira and Amina make it?’
‘They reached Walmon, and that’s the last I heard.’
So they survived. She thought of Blaise and Linette. The young shadow mage had been her only friend in Dartham. She’d saved Bo’s life. Guy’s the only one left...
‘I thought you’d join the Royal Mages.’
‘No.’ she said flatly. ‘No, I’ve... come to terms with the limits of my ability, and I think this is a fitting place for me.’
‘Limits of your ability?’
She nodded, looking away. ‘My time as a student was the peak of my abilities... I just went downhill after that... unfortunately, I am not as skilled and intelligent as I thought.’
Dorian stared at her. ‘What?’ he said finally.
‘I’m come to terms with the fact that I’m average.’
Dorian frowned. ‘I don’t understand. You did well when you worked with me and Bo and... and Bo says you were great too, healing all the soldiers-’
‘I was average.’ she repeated firmly. ‘I didn’t impress anyone with my rare and unusual talents, I’m not a world-renowned sorceress and I’m never going to be.’
‘You made a boat and protected it during that storm. You had a sea dragon sitting on the boat, Julietta. A sea dragon!’
‘Yes... but... I don’t seem to do well in places like the Royal Mages. I’m not... I’m not cut out for that kind of work. I’m just not good enough.’
‘If you’re going to set yourself up to be the very best in the world, then you’re most likely going to fail...’ he said. ‘I’m surprised you’d quit so easily. You’re only twenty!’
‘I know but-’
‘You’re an excellent sorceress, Julietta, definitely better than most. I don’t understand why that’s not good enough for you.’
‘I’m not.’ she replied. ‘I decided to settle for this position because I’m tired of trying all the time and failing, trying and failing... not everyone can be as good as they think they are. Maybe it’s better to accept that and be happy instead of... failing all the time.’
Dorian pushed the hair out of his eyes. ‘I thought you wanted to go to Walmon. Are you just going to stay here for the rest of your life?’
Julietta shrugged. ‘Mother wants me to get married... so until they kick me out, I think I’d prefer to stay here.’
Dorian almost laughed at that. ‘Well, that’s too bad.’ he said.
‘Oh?’
‘I was going to ask you if you wanted to work with me again. I was going to get out of Mance-Jolune and head up to Walmon.’
Julietta stared at him before a wide grin bloomed on her face. ‘You want me to go with you?’
‘Not if you’re going to mope the whole time.’
‘No, no certainly not. But... we’ll need more people. I think we should get another young man, around our age.’
‘Our age? I’m five years older than you. And...’ he frowned, ‘why a man in particular?’
‘Another young lady too.’ I can’t have anyone thinking what Bo did! Imagine! ‘When are you leaving?’ she asked quickly, before he asked any more questions.
Dorian, still confused, said, ‘how long will it take you to quit?’
‘Oh, that’s easy. We can leave tomorrow. You know, today two years ago I joined you and Bo.’
‘Is it? Seems longer than that. Are you sure you can leave that quickly? Won’t they need to find a replacement?’
Julietta shrugged. ‘It’s basic magic, Dorian, anyone could teach it. I imagine you’d even do a good job, even without a solid theoretical foundation-’
‘Got it.’ he said, ‘so, should I meet you in the city tomorrow?’
‘Of course...’ she hesitated. ‘Um...’
‘What is it now?’
‘Have you seen Asmara?’
Dorian’s face suddenly clouded over. ‘No,’ he said flatly. ‘And I don’t want too.’
Julietta didn’t say anything.
‘Bo tells me she’s gone travelling somewhere, not to Walmon, otherwise I wouldn’t go there.’
‘Mm.’
‘Did she come and see you?’
‘Yes, briefly.’ It had been strange, like Asmara was a completely different person. It hurt too, because Julietta had considered her a friend, and always thought she felt the same. It hadn’t been easy for Asmara either, she’d seemed uncomfortable, like she wasn’t sure what to say or how to treat her. She hadn’t bothered to say where she was going either. Julietta was surprised she’d visited her, after abandoning them all in Poirive without even a goodbye.
‘That was nice of her.’ Dorian replied, his voice tight.
Julietta regretted bringing it up, seeing his face. Asmara hadn’t visited Dorian.
‘Are you ok?’ Dorian asked, seeing her expression. His concern only made Julietta feel worse.
‘Yes, it’s just... I... I really liked travelling with you and Bo and Asmara... but I guess it was my first time, and you’ve all done this a lot so it didn’t....’ didn’t mean as much to any of you as it did to me...
Dorian smiled. ‘Why do you think I came to find you? And I know Bo would be happy for you to visit.’
Julietta smiled back. She didn’t say anything, just smiled. She thought again of Asmara. Maybe it’s hard for her too, maybe she thinks we’re angry at her... Dorian certainly is. She decided she’d send a letter to Emerré Albier before she left. Emerré knew her, maybe she’d be able to pass it on. I hope I get to see Asmara again one day. She looked back to Dorian, a smile on her face, but first, I’m going to Walmon with Dorian.
###
Sarah Chapman, Shadow Magic
