“The confusing kind,” I reply glumly. “The all-encompassing kind. The kind where I’m not sure where the lines between friendship and lovers are blurred.”

  “Are you lovers?” Bebe blurts out.

  “No.” I’m alarmed she’d even suggest it, but in the same thought, I’m not afraid to admit, at least to myself, that I’ve thought about it a time or ten. “But… we’re talking about feelings that are surpassing friendship, so that’s obviously something to think about.”

  Or rather, not think so much about.

  I take another sip, set the cup down, and then just go all in with my curiosity with Dozer’s best friend. She asked some probing questions, so why shouldn’t I? “What are Dozer’s feelings for me?”

  The look she gives me is chastising. She’s his confidante, and she’s not going to spill anything Dozer’s divulged.

  Instead, she asks me a follow-up. “Why don’t you just sit down and talk to him about your… um… complicated feelings?”

  That’s easy. “Because once I tell him, if he doesn’t feel the same, I can’t take it back. I can’t take away the awkwardness that will come and the inevitable way he’ll balance every single thing I say to see if I’m hopelessly in love with him. Eventually, it’ll cause him to withdraw from our lives.”

  To my surprise, Bebe laughs, and it’s not just a slight chuckle. It’s a deep belly laugh, and she throws her head back. When she brings her eyes to me again, she says, “God, you’re fucking adorable. So is Dozer.”

  “Um… thank you,” I drawl slowly, not sure if I’ve been complimented or insulted.

  Bebe hops off her stool, finishes her espresso, and sets the cup down. She puts both her hands on my shoulders and squeezes. “My biggest piece of advice to you is to be honest in your feelings. Nothing good will come of you keeping things in.”

  That advice is actually wasted on me. Not because it isn’t good, but because it’s too good. I’d already considered that as the wisest course of action, and yet I’ve been scared to move forward with it.

  “We’re having dinner here tonight in the communal area,” Bebe says as she heads back to the staircase, glancing once over her shoulder. “Look forward to meeting Thea and your mom.”

  “Thank you, Bebe. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  She smiles. “I only want what’s best for Dozer, and I believe that’s you. You just need to believe it too.”

  I’m stunned when tears sting my eyes, and I blink hastily. How this woman has that much faith in me is beyond comprehension, but she apparently sees something of value.

  “I know,” I murmur. I want what’s best for Dozer, too, and maybe that is me.

  CHAPTER 10

  Dozer

  Settling onto the couch, I stare at the dark TV screen. I’m in no way tired, even though it’s getting late. I’ve got too many thoughts swirling in my head to find any peace in slumber.

  All is quiet outside in the communal area. I decided to stay in a Jameson apartment next door to the one Jess, Claire, and Thea are in. On one hand, I feel like I should put space between me and Jess as the threat of actually needing to confront feelings hangs over me. I’m facing some serious shit to keep her safe, and I can’t get distracted.

  On the other hand, I want to be close in case she needs me. I want her to need me.

  In all ways.

  Practically, Kynan wants me to stay here. If Borovsky has the right connections, I’ve been identified and Russians could storm my house at any time. It hasn’t happened yet, and my house has the same state-of-the-art security we offer to our clients, including night vision cameras that cover every angle of my property. Additionally, our security software can identify the difference between a human skulking about and a pesky squirrel so that only legitimate threats are flagged.

  I should feel a bit at ease after the gathering this evening. The communal area was filled with people, mostly there to welcome the newest member, Kellen McCord, to our team. All the Pittsburgh field agents not out on active assignment showed up, some with their significant others, and even Rachel flew in from Vegas, although she has other business to discuss with Kynan. She comes in quarterly to go over management issues.

  The atmosphere was light and festive. Using a vetted and trusted vendor, Joslyn had the event catered, and it was a joy to watch Thea running around, getting extra-special attention from everyone because she’s the cutest thing ever.

  Admittedly, I didn’t like watching Kellen flirt with Jess. They apparently met earlier in the day, but I got a chance to talk to him later and learned he has a girlfriend who he apparently adores back on the West Coast.

  Still, I kept my eye on him.

  Little by little, the party broke apart. It started with a yawn by Thea, so Claire took her off to bed, and within an hour, almost all had vacated except Joslyn, Kynan, Bebe, Griff, me, and Jess who helped with cleanup behind the caterers.

  I subconsciously avoided Jess most of the night, not letting myself get caught alone with her. Afraid she’d want to “talk,” and I wasn’t ready. As she, Bebe, and Joslyn wiped the kitchen down, Griff and I picked up empty cups in the living area and straightened up.

  “You’re really good with Thea,” he said offhandedly, and I thought it a weird comment to make out of the blue. I frowned at him, and he laughed. “I’m just saying… as a man who fell in love with a woman who had a kid, I know it can be hard to make that work. You make it look so easy, and that little girl thinks you walk on water.”

  I’m warmed by that observation, especially since none of it ever seems like work where Thea is concerned. Much of tonight as she bounced around entertaining everyone, she most often returned to me for attention. I fucking love that kid so much, I think I’d actually die if something happened to her.

  Which is why I’m more determined than ever to do whatever it takes to put Borovsky back in prison or six feet under.

  The planning is deep underway. We’ll need to dangle me as bait and hope Borovsky snaps it up. We need to make sure my guys here have all the resources necessary to track me to Borovsky and take him down.

  Bebe is currently down in the R&D lab tweaking some micro-tracking technology we’ve been working on together, which will be the linchpin in our entire strategy. I insisted on helping her with it, but she refused. She told me there’s a danger in me being overly involved in everything. She didn’t want me wearing myself thin trying to micromanage all the details, and this resonated. As it stands, I trust Bebe implicitly to develop what I need, and we’ll test it together when it’s done.

  Until then, however, we wait.

  Knowing that I want to get up early tomorrow to hit the gym, I decide to force myself into bed and hope that the act of lying under a blanket on a mattress might relax me enough to fall asleep. I push up from the couch, turn off the side table lamp, and move through the darkened living area to the one and only bedroom.

  A knock on the door startles me slightly, and I frown. Everyone cleared out of the communal area over an hour ago, and I assume Claire, Jess, and Thea are all deep into hopefully pleasant dreams.

  Kellen, maybe?

  I move to the door and open it without bothering to look through the peephole. No matter who’s on the other side, they’re friend and not foe.

  To my surprise, it’s not Kellen standing there. It’s Jess.

  Christ, all my resolve to try to keep her at arm’s length fractures as I take in her beauty. How in the hell does she make navy sweatpants and a long-sleeve T-shirt look so damn sexy?

  “What’s up?” I ask, pulling the door open wider for her to enter.

  She passes by, smelling like sweet flowers, and I close my eyes briefly to savor it. I commented on it once a few years ago, and she told me it was her favorite body lotion. I almost asked her the brand so I could buy it for her for Christmas or her birthday, but then decided I didn’t want to be thinking about her putting lotion on her body because that would lead my thoughts down a rabbit hole of desire that I had no business traversing.

  “Can we talk?” she asks without looking back at me. She heads straight for the couch I just vacated.

  That dreaded word… talk.

  “I’m actually tired and heading to bed,” I say without closing the door.

  She flips on the lamp and shoots me an exasperated look. “You’re a night owl like me, Dozer. Cut the shit. You’ve been avoiding me most of the night, and I really need you to tell me what the plan is that your team has come up with. I hate not knowing.”

  I sigh far too audibly, in relief that she wants to talk about Borovsky and not about our feelings for each other. Jess tips her head in curiosity.

  Waving it off, I move toward the couch. “Sorry… just got a lot of stuff running through my mind.”

  She nods in understanding. “Who ever thought we’d be on the run for our lives, right?”

  “Yeah, right.”

  We both sit on the couch, opposite ends. She curls her legs under her—a flash of pretty coral-painted toes—and drapes an arm over the back to study me. “You look uptight.”

  “We have a lunatic wanting to kill you. I am uptight.”

  It’s something we might have laughed about, all things considered, but this shit is real and heavy.

  She nods again, a grave expression on her face. “What plan did you come up with today?”

  I’ve been waiting for this question, and I have the lie on my lips, ready to fly. I decided that I couldn’t tell her our plan just yet, because she will do everything in her power to stop it. She’d go so far as to put herself in danger to stop me from putting myself in danger, and while I’ve never lied to this woman in my life, I have to now.

  “At this point, after talking to the law enforcement agencies involved, we think it’s best we just hunker down here to give them a chance to catch Borovsky.”

  “Will they catch him?” she asks dubiously.

  “They’ve got local police, FBI, and federal marshals on it,” I assure her.

  Jess sighs, rests her head on her arm, and stares at me. “I guess we can’t do anything more.”

  I don’t affirm that, because I don’t want to lie to her more than necessary. Instead, I ask, “How are you holding up? Your mom and Thea?”

  “Mom’s fine,” she says with a soft smile. “You know she’s practically unflappable. Thea thinks this is just a fun adventure. We’ve kept it all from her, so she’s happily oblivious.”

  “And you?” I ask, since she withheld that information.

  “I’m good. I feel safe, but I also don’t want this to go on too long. I have a life back in Miami. A job and students depending on me.”

  My gut twists at her surety that her life is in Miami. It’s another thing that separates us… distance. This could never work.

  “We really need wine,” she says, lifting her head with a mischievous smile. “We always have our best couch talks with wine.”

  I laugh, because that’s true. We’ve had so many over the years, I can’t begin to remember them all. “If I had wine, I’d offer you a glass. But this apartment is bare.”

  “These are cool,” she says, glancing around the room. “That Kynan offers these accommodations to his employees. It’s certainly making the transition easier for Kellen.”

  “Oh yeah?” I ask curiously, wondering just how well she’s gotten to know him tonight.

  She nods, a fond shimmer in her eyes. “He’s still got his home back in California he’s trying to sell. His girlfriend is there with his dog, Bubba, and—”

  “Bubba?” I ask with a laugh. “Isn’t his dog a K9 cop or something?”

  “A Belgian Malinois. He showed me about a hundred pictures tonight, and he’s so beautiful.”

  “But Bubba?” I can’t wrap my head around it. “Bubba’s something you name your coonhound.”

  Jess snickers. “Bubba’s just a nickname, actually. His real name is Omega, but Kellen calls him Bubba. I think it’s cute, but I agree—that name doesn’t inspire fear and respect.”

  Chuckling, I acknowledge the name doesn’t mean anything. “I suppose if he’s doing his job properly, no criminal will make fun of that name.”

  “So true,” she laughs, and fuck… I really love her laugh. Throaty and joyful, both sexy and sugary.

  These are the types of couch talks I love best. When we can laugh over silly things.

  Next, I love our deep talks about politics, philosophy, religion. We’ve always been that way, ever since freshman year. Chase was more of a “let’s tell jokes over beers” kind of guy, but Jess was actually the most cerebral of the three of us. Despite her inherent artistic nature, she wanted to peel away the layers of profound topics to debate them.

  I could talk to her for hours.

  And while I hate to think of that night she cried on the couch while telling me her innermost shameful feelings about Borovsky—to this day still provoking murderous thoughts within me—I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. It means the world to me that it’s my proverbial shoulder she wants to cry on.

  The last of Jess’s humor dies, and her eyes swirl with serious intent. “Can we talk about us?”

  Fuck.

  My head rears back, completely caught off guard. She sucked me into complacency, the comfort of a known friendship, and I’d forgotten for a few blessed minutes that we both had something serious hanging over us.

  “Is this really the time?” I croak, my throat suddenly very dry.

  The look she gives me is one of fondness and pity. “I get discussing feelings is hard for you, Dozer—”

  “Wrong,” I cut in, slightly offended she considers me weak on that front. Chase was the one who wouldn’t discuss feelings, and it’s because he never wanted to admit to her that he couldn’t commit. I’m not that man. “It’s not hard for me to discuss my feelings with you. It’s just that it’s going to be a pivotal conversation, and are we ready for our lives to shift while we have danger lurking around every corner?”

  She tips her head, her raven curls bouncing with the motion. “You make a good point, but honestly, I need to talk about it. It feels more important to me than Borovsky.”

  There’s something in her voice that I’ve never heard before. As if she’s lost and there’s an unyielding desperation to find her way back. I didn’t hear that tone even when Chase died or when she went through all that shit with Borovsky.

  I’ve never heard this woman—one of the strongest I know—sound so vulnerable.

  It prompts me to lean forward and grab her hand resting on the back of the couch. I squeeze it, and I don’t let go. “Let’s talk, then.”

  She blows out a breath of relief, lifting curls from her face briefly before they flop back. “If I understand the brief conversation we had in Miami, you and I might have stronger feelings for each other than we’ve been willing to admit, and we’re just recently figuring this out.”

  “Not so recently for me.” It’s a bold proclamation. “From the very beginning for me.”

  Jess’s eyes glimmer with sadness. “I wish I had known. Things might have been different.”

  “No,” I rush to assure her. “You were with Chase. You had Thea. Thea was the absolute best deal we all got out of that.”

  Her head drops, gaze going to her lap as she processes. When she lifts her eyes back to mine, she asks, “It’s been seven years since he died. Why are we just talking about this?”

  “At first, I didn’t want to betray him.” I squeeze her hand again, a punctuation of how earnest I’m being. “Chase was yours. He was also mine… my best friend. In my mind, he was always watching from beyond. Wanting me to take care of and protect you, but never, ever did he want me to be more.”

  Jess smiles almost sadly. She knew Chase as well as I did. He wouldn’t commit to marriage, but he was very possessive of Jess. He would be the type who couldn’t bear to think of her with someone else.

  “I can understand that,” she whispers. “But… after Borovsky, I mean, there came a time when I dated again. How come you—”

  “I don’t have answers, Jess. I guess fear. I didn’t want to ruin anything, and frankly, I was pretty convinced it was a one-way street. I didn’t think you’d ever see me as more than a friend.”

  “God,” she exclaims, pulling her hand from mine and covering her face. “We’re so stupid.”

  She peeks at me by opening her hands, then they fall away. “I thought the same thing. That you wouldn’t return my feelings. You seemed untouchable as anything more than a friend. I didn’t want to be rejected.”

  “If all I could have was friendship, then that would have to be enough,” I say, finishing her thought process. I know it well. We stayed away from each other romantically because we shared the same fears and insecurities.

  Jess smiles from across the couch, and I can tell by her expression the wheels are turning. And then she does the unbelievable.

  The thing I have fantasized about for years.

  She rises to her knees on the couch, leans forward, and proceeds to crawl my way. Right up to me where she curls herself on my lap, arms wrapping around my neck, and she places her mouth on mine for our very first kiss.

  CHAPTER 11

  Jessica

  I don’t know what I was expecting.

  Nothing, really.

  I had no expectations, because I didn’t even think or plan what I was doing. One minute we’re acknowledging we’ve been stupidly hiding behind fears and having deeper feelings for each other, and the next I’m in his lap.

  My body made the move and my lips pressed to his, but that was where my efforts ended and Dozer’s took over.

  His strong arms band around me, hand to the back of my head, and his mouth plunders. His kiss blows through me with the force of a hurricane, leaving me breathless and needy.

  Years of pent-up desire I failed to admit? Deep love developed over years that we’ve finally realized is not the friend type? Perhaps it’s even the fact we’re facing life-and-death circumstances, so we’re being given license to act.