The expression on her face softened a bit, which made her look cute in a comical way. After all, she was still mostly covered in gleaming metal armor and built like a toddler, but her smile was sweet. “Let’s stop and eat. I had to go down quite a ways to find any monsters. It seems like the upper levels are emptied out. I can probably even scrounge something for a fire so you can cook us a real breakfast. I have those eggs in my spatial bag.”

  “Great and I have some salted bacon strips that I got before trying to buy the eggs.”

  “Okay, you cook and tell me about this new cloak of yours. Not sure what happened to it, but it reads as a Legendary item to me now. That shouldn’t be possible, but I get the feeling that things are kinda odd around you.”

  I began telling her about what the cloak could do, while leaving out everything about manipulating the code to create it. “I was thinking of naming the cloak, “Vic,” since a Legendary item deserves a proper name, but I think that was already taken.”

  Chapter 6- Donkey Kong

  Cooking turned out to be rather relaxing. My head was still a jumble, but standing there frying bacon was just what I needed. More even than the heaven-born scent, it gave me the opportunity to take control again. I could tell how much my body was changing. The power of this transformation was understated.

  My skin might not be as hard as stone, but it was definitely increasing in durability. The character sheet didn’t reflect any change, other than a rank increase for trans-dimensional body; but that wasn’t showing the entire picture. There had clearly been incremental changes, even if they weren’t being quantified.

  Again, the issue of whether Trans-Dimensional Body was a system skill or not came up. There was no way for me to know for sure, but it was a reasonable assumption that it was not. Whether that would land me in hot water or not was something else entirely.

  I cracked an egg to drop it into the bacon grease. The imagery wasn’t lost on me. That was all I was to the system. An egg to be cracked and then served, sunny-side up, with a big smile on my face -- right until I was chewed up and eventually crapped out. It was definitely worth the risk. I was tempted to take the shriveled-up hand in my pouch to complete the quest. Just thinking of it caused me to pull the notification up.

  New Quest: Building from the Outside In- Trans-Dimensional Body I

  Learn to temper your body with the aether of the cosmos. Flesh is but a dream. Reality is but perception. Beauty is only skin deep, but skin of stone is much harder to pierce.

  Reward: Mastery of Skin-Like-Stone Concept STR: +5, AGI: +5, CON: +10, Damage Resistance of all types +5.

  Failure: Is its own reward.

  The stat buffs were nice. I wasn’t going to turn down more HP or damage resistance. What I was more interested in, though, was that this quest was just the first in a line. If these were the rewards for the first level, then what about the second or third? It was generally the case that each level of a quest was more difficult, but the rewards… oh, that was what made it worthwhile.

  Already, it was paying off. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but the mana I poured into my frying pan flowed out of me more smoothly. It wasn’t a day and night difference, but it was there. I was becoming better at handling it -- or perhaps more specifically, my body was becoming better at handling it.

  Sadly, the bacon was from a farm-raised pig. So, while it tasted great, it didn’t offer any of the buffs that dire boar bacon did. The same for the eggs. I was just happy to eat.

  For her part, Violet seemed to appreciate the food, too. “This is so good. It’s almost as good as what Chelsea would cook back home.”

  Curious to learn more about my companion, I asked, “Who’s Chelsea?”

  Her face blushed. “Um… no one. Forget I said anything about it.”

  “I don’t think it works like that. Once you say something, it is sorta out there. Hard to unhear a word.”

  She fidgeted and stuffed the rest of her eggs into her mouth. I patiently waited till she was done chewing for her to reply. She must have realized I wasn’t going to let it go. Realistically, the more worked up she got about it, the more I wanted to know.

  “Was she a forbidden lover?”

  Violet was sipping from her waterskin when I asked. She sputtered and spewed water all over. I grinned but kept myself from laughing. I must have been on to something.

  Once she could speak again, Violet said, “Hardly, she was older than my parents.”

  My eyes lit up. “Oh, so a really forbidden lover?”

  I could see the frustration playing out across Violet’s face. If there was one thing I had learned about my diminutive companion in the short time I had known her, it was that she was prone to outbursts of emotion.

  “No, she was our cook.” As soon as it came out, she slammed her mouth shut as though to bite the words while they were still in the air.

  “Oh, your cook. You mean like one of the maids the nobles have?”

  “No, of course not. Sonya and Enrico were the maid and butler. My parents never would have let Chelsea waste her talents or time cleaning.”

  I let a large grin settle onto my face, and all color drained from Violet’s face.

  “How do you keep doing this to me? I said I don’t want to talk about this. It isn’t important.”

  “I’m not doing anything to you. You seem to be talking about of that all on your own. It is just interesting to learn that you are a noblewoman in your homeland. That must make for a great tale as to how you came to be here. It does, however, explain how you have spatial bags and that strange armor. You must be very rich,” I said, allowing a bit of taunting to come through in my voice.

  “Enough. Are you ready to fight? I want to kill some kobolds.”

  An angry three-foot-tall gnome was more cute than frightening, but I let it go. “Just a sec while I put my pan away.”

  A quick clean-up, and I was ready for fighting. This time, I suggested that we go together. The threats in here didn’t seem to be any worth worrying about. She was so eager to get going that she immediately agreed, and so I followed her down the winding stairs.

  They were at least ten feet wide, so plenty of room for me. I wondered if that was how they always appeared of if the AI had widened them when I zoned in, not that it mattered. When we reached the first cave, it was obvious that once upon a time someone had lived there.

  There was a cracked cooking pot, some shed scales on the floor, and a broken bed in the corner. It would have been hard for me to fit into the cave. The entrance couldn’t have been more than five feet high and three feet wide. I could have done it, but it would have required some contortions. The ceiling inside the cave couldn’t have been higher than six feet, so that would have been a problem. I was just as glad to stay out on the stairs. I might not like heights, but small spaces were definitely worse for me.

  We made it down three floors before even encountering any signs of current occupancy. When we did, the cave was still empty but in good shape. It was a bit larger, with two beds that were both made. A small table had the remains of a meal on it, but nothing that would have been amiss in a bachelor’s apartment.

  On the fourth floor we heard some scuffling around and encountered another Ko-dog. It went down so easily. I hit it with a triple-empowered Frost Rift, and that was all it took. There was no reason to let it give a warning. I’d like to say this was some grand adventure, but so far it was rather boring. We still kept moving slowly, out of habit, but I was growing impatient.

  No XP and no loot beyond damaged dog hides was not much motivation to continue. Each cave on the fourth floor was also empty, just like the one on third floor. There were signs that people had been in them recently, and even some indication that they had left in a hurry.

  “What gives with this?” I finally asked.

  “I don’t know. The last time I was in the dungeon, we didn’t make it past the third floor. Each level had more kobolds, and better equipped ones. Mostly they were all under level twenty, but so was my party at the time.”

  “Fine, but I’m getting bored with this.”

  The gnome shrugged back at me. With her armor on I could barely see her shoulders move, but I got the meaning. She thought I was being juvenile. But I didn’t know if I was. A dungeon run had sounded cool, but this was turning into more of a dungeon crawl, with an emphasis on the crawl. For all I knew, Elgar, Tauri, and Robert had already logged back in and were looking for me.

  When we hit the fifth floor, I judged that we were about halfway down to the bottom, but there was still an aura of darkness around it, which made it impossible for me to say for sure. The winding path got slightly wider with each floor it went down and was probably fifteen feet wide. I imagined that six or more kobolds could walk abreast on this path now. “Why would they need a path this wide? I thought you said kobolds were scrawny.”

  Violet looked back and me and gave me the universal sign for quiet along with another one of her specialty glares. “Shhh, your voice is almost as loud as your gas. Can you try to keep it down? We should be running into some kobolds soon.”

  Of course, I should have known better than to ask about the path, because no sooner had she said that than there was quite a ruckus up above. We stopped and flattened ourselves against the wall, hoping they wouldn’t see us. Well, when I say we flattened ourselves, I mean that Violet did. Truthfully, I was built more like a muscular blueberry. There was nothing flat about me.

  We heard voices but couldn’t make out what they were saying. At least I couldn’t. Then there was a creaking sound. It sounded like a squeaky rocking chair, but I didn’t know what that meant. Next, a rolling sound started up, but not a smooth type, more like a rhythmic clop, clop, clop.

  “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” I mumbled.

  “Ya think?”

  I ignored her and focused on what was going on up above. The cloppity-clop kept growing louder and faster. Then I saw what it was. There were large bundles of something bound up. Each cylinder was only two feet high and about four feet long, but they were racing down at high speed by the time I could see them.

  “Hide in one of the caves,” Violet suggested.

  I looked at the doorway of the closet cave and then back at the rolling obstacle and back at the Violet. “You go, I don’t wanna get stuck in the doorway and then battered by whatever those are.”

  She stepped into the doorway while still looking at the oncoming threat. I only had seconds. She didn’t ask me what I was gonna do, which was just as well. As the objects got closer, I could tell they were large barrels. I might have been tempted to say I was gonna go old school and Donkey Kong these barrels, but that might have gotten me in trouble with the AI.

  The first one reached me, and I was able to jump over it. I thanked whatever invisible god was out there messing with me, because it was just too fortuitous that the cloak was what I had decided to alter just before I would need to be able to jump. I was still being manipulated; I just couldn’t see the larger plan, whatever that was.

  Thirty seconds later, the next barrel was on top of me. I leapt again, but I had barely hit the ground before I had to jump again. This body was not built for this. Agility helped, and obviously the effect of the cloak was making this possible, but I was just inherently clumsy. It was like the Agility was the potential, but the hardwiring of this body just didn’t allow for fine movements.

  They started coming faster and faster. When I couldn’t leap over one, I did my best attempt at a juke. The first dozen I managed to avoid, but I was nearly tripping. I might survive being hit by one barrel, but I didn’t really want to find out what would happen if I was run over by a train of them.

  As if jumping and dodging the barrels wasn’t enough, from up above, I heard a cry of protest. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  At the time, I just ignored the kobold who cried out, but later I realized they were confused because they couldn’t see Violet. Dungeon creatures would have to be accustomed to players invading their dungeon, but wouldn’t have expected to see an ogre inside. I didn’t really have time for thoughts like that now, anyway, as a pair of kobolds stopped unloading the barrels and pulled out slings.

  After facing monster claws, swords, and dark magic, it would have been easy to dismiss slings and stones; but watching the tiny kobold spin his leather weapon drew uncomfortable comparisons to the tale of David and Goliath. This time, I was just on the wrong end of the story.

  I continued to dodge the last few barrels, but that made it entirely impossible to avoid the incoming slung stones. And sure, enough they hurt. The first one struck my shoulder, so that wasn’t so bad. I only took a few points of blunt damage. The second one was much worse. It cracked me right in the nose. Pain blossomed across my face, and I found myself flat on my back, where the last barrel ended up hitting me.

  It struck my flailing foot as I fell and jammed my knee. The momentum and weight of it made me feel like I had dislocated a knee, but I was big enough that the barrel was thrown up and off of the side of the ramp. I couldn’t see it falling, but I heard muffled screams of outrage when it impacted with a thunderous crash.

  You have taken 6 blunt damage.

  You have taken 28 blunt damage.

  Debuffs gained:

  Dazed- a blow to the head had made it difficult to focus. You can still move but are unable to cast or attack for ten seconds.

  Dazed and confused really shouldn’t be anything new for you.

  Hobbled- your left knee is injured. Mobility is reduced by 75% until the knee is healed. Attempts to move will be extremely painful, and your leg may not be able to support your entire weight.

  Take a hint- it might be time for a diet.

  My knee was throbbing, my head ached, and now the AI had decided it was a good time for some snark. I used my spear to help me sit up and saw that not only had the kobolds above not given up, but they had decided on a new tactic. They started to release barrels again, but this time some of them were riding the barrels down to me.

  How they were managing to stay on top of the rapidly rolling barrels was a testament to their Agility or just a plain cheat by the AI. Not that it mattered. They’d be on me in seconds, and I had limited options until the Dazed status condition faded. I looked around but instead found myself distracted and watching the countdown on the timer. It is amazing how long ten seconds can be when fighting for your life, digital or otherwise.

  Chapter 7- Joust

  I managed to make it to my feet. The timer was down to two seconds, but the first barrel-riding kobold was almost upon me. It was wielding a spear like a lance and treating the barrel like its noble stead. Two seconds was nothing, but also everything. I couldn’t cast. I couldn’t attack. I might be able to avoid the barrel, but I was still going to be skewered.

  But then I heard an explosion behind me. The kobold was struck by something and flung straight back. Better yet, he was knocked into the two barrel riders behind him. They got tangled up, and the two barrels impacted one another before bouncing off the side of the ramp. I could hear the cry of the kobolds as they fell, although one of them had been knocked onto the ramp and was apparently dazed.

  None of this saved me from the now-riderless barrel. The two seconds stretched out into an eternity, but it wasn’t like my mind was racing. It felt just as sluggish as time, and I stared like a deer in the headlights at my impending doom. Well, maybe that was too much. I was unlikely to die from it, but I supposed I could die if it knocked me off. It was still a long way down. Or worse, I might get stuck down there and not be sent to respawn. That was my new fear.

  Just as the barrel was about to impact me, my sluggish brain finally shifted into gear. I might not be able to cast for another second, but I was still a nine-foot tall ogre. Bum knee and all, I lowered my shoulder and dove straight into the rolling obstacle. It hit me, and despite my mass, its speed won out and sent me sprawling. I got a stream of notifications pointing out the repeated blunt damage I suffered, but when it was over with, I was conscious and laying on my back.

  The first thing I did was cast two Regeneration spells back-to-back. They had me in good shape in nothing flat, but even before that, I was moving back to my feet. I pushed my kneecap back into place, which was every bit as painful as it sounded, but the dual regenerations erased the pain in nothing flat.

  Then I realized that Violet was on top of the one remaining Kobold, or rather his remains. A second later I got an XP notification.

  Your party has killed or caused the death of a number of level 20 kobolds. Minimum XP awarded of 1 per kobold. 9 XP.

  Well, I wasn’t going to be leveling up anytime soon with those, but hey, it was something, at least. I had only seen three kobolds die, if you counted the two that went over the sides and assuming their wings hadn’t saved them. Apparently, the barrels killed some below. Of course, that left me with all kinds of fun ideas.