He slides his hand to my back, and slowly strokes my skin.

  “All I know...” he murmurs against my lips, “is that I want you to lose your head over me.”

  A smile is woven in his voice, but I also sense seriousness in his voice.

  “What do you get if I lose my head over you?”

  “Everything.”

  11

  Eve

  Monday morning finds me a wreck, a battle of conflicting emotions, a clash of contrasts, a blend of inner pain and sore muscles.

  My phone rings earlier than my alarm.

  I jerk upright, and for a moment, I look around the room, dazed, struggling to plug back to reality.

  “Rain?”

  “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

  I glance at the time. It’s six thirty.

  “Don’t worry. I needed to get out of bed anyway. Is everything all right?”

  “Yes. I just wanted to tell you that Thea gave birth to Leia and James.”

  “Oh, my God. That’s great news. I am happy to hear that. How is she?”

  “She’s fine. I just left the hospital. I need to go home and get some sleep.”

  She keeps talking about Thea and Ed and how excited she is to organize a big Thanksgiving party in her home.

  Head buzzing, I drag myself to the kitchen and set the espresso machine on before I totter down the hallway, heading to the bathroom.

  As her words keep rolling in my ear, my brain fog lifts but my mind is still very much not able to focus.

  I promise to call her later in the day after she gets some sleep, and I get my mind clear, and then I walk into the shower.

  Seconds pass by before the stream of water rolling down my shoulders and my back does the trick and snaps me out of my haze.

  I seem to regain my focus and clarity as the minutes pass by, but my mind is still a war zone filled with conflicting thoughts.

  Perhaps, I should fly back to Colorado. There’s no point in staying here if he’s going to be away anyway.

  Hmm. Christian. The man with a thousand unknown sides of him. The man who kept me awake last night, well into the early morning hours.

  The man who admitted that he wanted me to get addicted to him.

  The man who is on his way to Rome right now.

  I’m still very much baffled that he took a break from running his escort business for me, or perhaps not, but I am too vested in believing him that I don’t want to make inquiries and find out something different.

  The same man who left the imprint of his body in my bed, I muse, as I walk back into my bedroom, wrapped in a white towel.

  I round the bed and lift the pillow on his side.

  He didn’t sleep here last night, but his scent is all over my sheets and pillows. Discreet, evocative of the warmth of his skin and body. I let the pillow drop on the mattress as I stare blankly at the bed.

  It’s funny how empty my place feels right now after he spent some time in here and left it as if he never walked into this space.

  The clock alarm buzzes on the nightstand.

  I pick up my phone and turn it off, a soft sigh falling from my lips.

  This is going to be a long day.

  ‘Make it a week’, a voice says in my head.

  Somehow, I manage to tame the storm of mixed feelings and get myself ready for work.

  I enter my office a few minutes before nine. The firm is quieter than other times.

  A few people took time off, Samantha Jackson and Curt Clemens amongst them. People in the Accounting Department and a few in Human Resources.

  The schedule is free of client meetings or presentations, but there is a lot of other work to do and catch up on.

  “Good morning,” Lillian says, as she walks into my office, carrying a bouquet of red and white roses, beautifully wrapped.

  “He’s right on time, isn’t he?” I mutter, tearing my eyes away from the flowers and lowering myself into my seat. “How come Samantha Jackson didn’t get hers?”

  “She did. But this is not from Lars Swenson.”

  I flip my gaze up.

  “Is it not?”

  “No.”

  She walks around my desk and sets the flowers in my arms.

  I rise to my feet.

  “Who is it from?”

  “I don’t know. It came without a card.”

  I toss her a questioning look.

  She shrugs.

  “Okay,” I mutter, looking at them.

  They are fresh and perfect in their beauty.

  “Can you bring me a vase?”

  “Sure.”

  Moments later, I tuck them in a bowl.

  My phone hums with an alert. I pick it up from my desk and read the message.

  Christian: When innocence meets passion.

  I look at the words for a moment before a smile starts crawling on my lips and my gaze journeys to the roses.

  White. Innocence. Red. Passion.

  Me: Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.

  Christian: Like you.

  I smile, pretending that I’m not flattered.

  Me: I think I’m flying home this week.

  I tap ‘send’ and wait for his response.

  A few minutes later, I type another message.

  Me: Are you still there?

  I wait in vain for a few more moments before I give up and slide my cell phone to the side.

  That’s him.

  Always keeping things interesting.

  “Good morning.”

  Surprised, I whip my eyes to the entrance.

  Samantha Jackson looks at me from the entryway.

  “Good morning. I thought that you took the day off.”

  “I was. I am. But I just got a call from Curt that we may be getting the Maverick Project. I need you in my office with everybody else. Marla, Jean, and Tony. We have a meeting with the client on Monday morning. We need to get everything ready before then. I know how people get distracted with the Holidays and all. And this is not the time to drop the ball. We are looking at a multimillion-dollar contract. Tell Lilian to come too.”

  She spins on her heel before she makes a beeline for her office while I pick up my laptop and phone and knock on Lillian’s door.

  “Samantha’s here.”

  She shoots me a questioning look.

  “Don’t ask. We have to work on a new project. You need to order the lunch for all of us now before it gets too busy. Have it delivered at twelve thirty, and get ready for a long day.”

  “Okay.”

  I pivot away, and then I stop and turn to her again.

  “When you get the chance, book me a flight to Denver, preferably on Wednesday evening.”

  Her lips part to ask a question.

  “I know it’s at the last minute. Money won’t be an issue.”

  “All right.”

  With that, I turn around and head to my boss’ office, my muscles still sore from last night and Saturday night.

  Smiling contently, I pace down the corridor.

  12

  Eve

  Colorado

  Three days later

  My parents’ place is warm and welcoming as it always was, my room quiet, tucked in the back of the house further away from the living room and the kitchen, but even so, I can hear my mom and dad’s voices, and I smell the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

  I tilt my head to the side and look out the window.

  The thing I like the most about winter is the silence that comes with it. It drapes all over the ground and the rooftops, the trees, and the homes, the roads and the open spaces, forcing a different life rhythm on everyone.

  It’s more evident here than in New York. There, winter feels like a truce. Here it feels like a complete conquering.

  The doorbell rings before I hear my mom’s voice, and then Rain’s.

  I push out of my bed and check the time.

  It’s almost noon.

  Rushed, I run my hand through my hair and slip my robe on before I start looking for my slippers.

  The door slides open.

  Mom walks in first, followed by Rain.

  “Look who’s finally up,” she says, opening her arms and hugging me.

  “Did you sleep all right?” my mom asks.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  “No. Coffee would be good, though.”

  She shifts her eyes to Rain.

  “Do you want something, sweetie?”

  “No. I’m good. Thank you.”

  My mom leaves the room before Rain swings her gaze to me.

  Her eyes sparkle like a pair of diamonds.

  “I am so happy that you’re here. You have no idea...” she says, hugging me again.

  I give her a second look.

  She’s never looked better. Her hair cascades down her back in big waves, her skin glowing and her lips glistening. Some of her blush I credit to the cold air outside and the flurries of snow that kept pouring from the sky all night.

  She sports a soft, red knit jumper that molds to her body, and faux fur white boots.

  As I look at her, I realize that she’s never been more optimistic and enthusiastic about life.

  It turns out that I’ve never been more secretive with her as well.

  “How was you flight?”

  “Good. Late.”

  Rene walks in with a cup of coffee.

  “Something sweet for you,” she says, offering Rain a plate with a slice of pie.

  “Oh... Thank you.”

  “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,” my mom says before she walks out of my bedroom.

  Rain sits on my bed while I fold my legs under me in an armchair.

  Silence fills the house for a moment.

  “You’re coming, right?” Rain asks before she takes a bite of cranberry pie.

  “What time it starts?”

  “Four o’clock, but you can come with me now if you want to.”

  “I have to ask my mom.”

  “She’s okay with it. She told me that they have a lot of guests as well.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Please.”

  She looks at me, waiting for my answer.

  “You have to give me a little time to pull myself together. It’s been a rough week.”

  “Work?” she asks, chewing.

  “Yes.”

  I bring my cup to my mouth and sip.

  The aroma fills my nostrils as the caffeine sends a rush a pleasure through my body.

  “Where is your man?”

  “He’s, um... traveling?” I say, smiling.

  She cocks an eyebrow, shooting me a questioning look.

  “Is he?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Where?”

  “Italy.”

  “No way. What is he doing there?”

  “Work.”

  “What kind of work?”

  “Sports events. Promotional tours. That’s what he says.”

  “Cool.”

  She studies me for a moment.”

  “You said that he’s into sports?”

  “Yeah...” I say, a bit distracted.

  My gaze slips down.

  “Things are good with you two?”

  “Yes,” I say curtly.

  “You don’t sound too happy.”

  I lift my gaze.

  “I didn’t know he was leaving. He told me last Sunday. I thought I’d spend some time with him this week. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

  Annoyed, I gesture before I continue.

  “It’s stupid that I feel so crazy about him. I barely know him. We only spent a few nights together, and here I am, getting my panties in a bunch because he’s not here with me. ”

  She sets her plate on the nightstand, studying me at the same time.

  “It’s normal,” she says.

  “I don’t understand. How can it be? I didn’t even know the man a couple of weeks back.”

  “You slept with him.”

  “That was the whole idea, wasn’t it?” I ask, breaking into a smile.

  “And he was nice to you.”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “And he is hot and skilled, and he has you wrapped around his finger.”

  “Where exactly are you going with this?” I ask, grinning.

  A smile curls her lips too.

  “You should be celebrating instead of moping.”

  “I am. I’m here, celebrating Thanksgiving with you and my friends and my parents...” I mutter, hiding my smile behind my cup. “And yet, I can’t stop thinking about him.”

  I drink more coffee.

  “That was his plan,” I add.

  “He said that?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  Perked on the edge of the bed, she leans back and props herself on her hands, dangling her feet.

  “So, he’s serious about you.”

  “He’s serious about fucking with me. The whole weekend with him was a guessing game, and in the end, he didn’t tell me much. He was warm and affectionate and sexy. And yes, he set me up. He showed up on Sunday night, charmed me, and got me all worked up before he dropped the news. We fucked the entire night, and off he went. ”

  She tips her chin down and looks at me, stretching a knowing smile.

  “He got you good.”

  “He knew how to get me.”

  “I don’t think it was that hard, but you shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself. I would’ve probably felt the same if I were you. I actually felt the same when I met James. He hooked me on early on, and he hooked me good, and there was nothing I could do about it. You’ve been looking for someone like him for so long it’s natural to feel that way. It doesn’t matter that you’ve only known him for two weeks. He gave you everything, and all at once, in one big shock dose. You wanted sex and attention and emotions, and he delivered. It was everything you longed for all these years. And every failure and disappointment that you had experienced before him were stacked against you. There was no way you could’ve played cool with this guy. No one could’ve.”

  “So what do I do now? I don’t want to come across as creepy-clingy.”

  She laughs.

  “I’m sure that’s not how he sees you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t want you to long for him so much.”

  I muse for a moment.

  “My fear is that he has complete control over me because of the way I feel for him.”

  “How does he feel about you?”

  “He, um... He seems to be into me, but I don’t know,” I say, grappling with self-doubt.

  She observes me for a few more moments.

  “I think...” she starts and pauses for a second. “I think there’s nothing wrong with him and he is probably genuine. I also think that you torment yourself for nothing. You know that he is real, but that fact alone increases your anxiety tenfolds instead of calming you down. You fear that something bad could happen and you might lose him. You sort of prepare yourself for that possibility by looking for problems where there are none. You should relax and see where this thing is going before you kill your mood with childish suppositions.”

  She goes quiet.

  “I guess you’re right.”

  “Of course, I am.”

  I ponder a little more.

  “How do I ever know if he is real or not?”

  Her smile withers away.

  “There’s not one good way of knowing. It’s usually when you experience something bad that you find out how much you mean to someone else. Quite often, that person doesn’t know either until it happens. And that’s because you don’t learn much from good things, but a whole lot when things get rough and go to hell. You’re kind of forced to learn your lessons.”

  13

  Eve

  Later that day

  I am so happy that I manage to pull myself together and join Rain and James and everybody else in Thanksgiving’s celebration.

  We pull away from my parents home around three o’clock, leaving behind a house filled with guests and laughter before we take the snowy road to Rain’s house.

  Idyllic scenery parades in front of my eyes.

  Homes covered with snow, and draped with strings of lights rising along the road, the small town tucked under a clump of fog while dogs, and children play outside.

  We take the road that crosses downtown, rolling past shops and restaurants. Most of them are closed right now, but even so, the images revive so many memories.

  Some memories come from the past winters, wrapped in fog and snow, while others flash the brightness of the summer, fall or spring.

  “Are you okay?” she asks, turning the heat up.

  “Mmm-hmm,” I mutter.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  A moment ticks by.

  “Life,” I say, smiling softly.

  She looks at me again.

  “You are so quiet. So not like you,” she comments, a smile tinging her voice.

  I weigh my words for a moment.

  “I haven’t felt like myself lately.”

  “Because of Christian?”

  “No. I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t know...” I murmur. “Some of it may have to do with him, but there were other things before him.”

  “What things?”

  I take my time to respond.

  “I, um… I’ve started to question my current life lately.”

  “What’s wrong with it?”

  I breathe out a sad chuckle.

  “Yeah... Exactly. There’s nothing wrong with it. I accomplished everything I dreamed of, and yet, I don’t feel as happy as I thought I would.”

  She gives me another side glance.

  “And then I had this conversation with my boss. I told you about her. When she caught me with porn on my phone.”

  “Uh-huh. You told me that she talked to you, but not much about the things she said to you.”

  I move my gaze to the scenery.

  “She told me about her life. How she got married, and went through a divorce and then, how she had to reinvent herself. There were a lot of things to learn from her experience, but one struck me in particular. She had a lot of regrets. Ironically, that’s precisely what made her lenient toward me and saved my ass. From what I gathered, she would’ve liked to take more risks in her life. It reminded me so much of myself. Always doing the right thing when it came to career, money, and even men. Although I broke this rule this past weekend,” I say, breathing out a quiet chuckle.