“I just . . . I don’t know what to think or say. I want to be terrified of you, but for some reason, I just can’t, and it has me questioning everything,” I tell him, lifting my shoulder to wipe the tear off my jaw. “Was any of it real?”

  “Of course, it was,” he says. His brows furrow, almost looking horrified at the idea that I would think to question it. “Every fucking day, I wake up and think of you, even after we’ve been together, and I’ve walked you back to your apartment. I wonder what you’re thinking. What you’re doing. If you’re happy or sad. I’m fucking crazy about you, Mace. Just because I take that crazy to a whole new level, doesn’t mean that any of it was any less real.”

  I swallow over the lump in my throat and hold his gaze, my heart racing a million miles an hour. “Why am I so different from the other women you’ve killed?” I ask.

  “You want an honest answer?”

  I nod, unsure if I really want to know.

  “With them, it was about getting off. I’d fuck them, but it was always missing that adrenaline rush that comes when you take somebody’s life. Watching the light fade from someone’s eyes has always gotten me off in a way nothing else could.”

  “You don’t think you’d feel that rush with me?” I ask, wondering why I want to know this so badly.

  “Fuck, Kyah. The opposite,” he admits, giving me the cold hard facts. “Ending your life would be the biggest rush I’ve ever felt, but I quickly realized that I couldn’t bear the thought of what would come next.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Having to grieve you,” he says bluntly. “I don’t want to miss you, Kyah. I don’t want to wake up every day and not have you living across the hall from me. I don’t want to be sneaking into some other woman’s room. Not now that I know how fucking good it is with you.”

  I let out a heavy breath, my cheeks blowing out in the process as I try to process everything he’s saying. “Shit, Alex. You’re making it really fucking hard to hate you right now.”

  “I know, baby.”

  The tears continue down my face, and he holds me tight, pulling me into his chest so that I can rest my head on his big shoulder, his hands roaming up and down my back, gently soothing me. “I thought I was falling in love with you,” I tell him, my heart breaking at the thought of having to end things with him.

  “You still are,” he tells me, his voice like velvet flowing across my skin. “I’m still the same guy you met in the hallway. There’s just a deeper complexity to me that you’re still discovering. I have a dark past and indulge in a lifestyle that isn’t socially acceptable, but that doesn’t change a damn thing between us.”

  “How can you say that?” I question, my voice trembling. “It changes everything. You stalked me for weeks. I put lingerie on for you and let you do things to me that I wouldn’t have been so brave to do with you so soon in our relationship. I was happy exploring those messed-up fantasies with the stranger in my room because it didn’t mean what it would have meant had I known it was you. It was a thrill that I never knew I was even into, but in a relationship, they’re things that I would have liked to explore with you and taken my time when I was ready. Hell, for those few weeks, I feared for you. I thought this stalker was going to realize that I was falling for you and hurt you, and you allowed me to believe that.”

  “That’s just the thing, Mace. Everything that I threw at you, you were more than ready for. You just didn’t know it,” he says. “Running through the park last night, it was the fear that got you off, not me. Before I’d even touched you, you were already soaking wet, but had you known what I was planning, it wouldn’t have been the same.”

  “So, what? You’re saying I have some kind of fucked-up fear kink and that I should be thanking you for helping me discover it?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying at all, but for the record, a fear kink is exactly what you have, and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s hot as fuck, and as long as you know where to draw the line, they can be the best sexual experiences you’ve ever had.”

  I scoff, pulling away just an inch, but that’s as much space as he’s willing to allow. “I don’t think you know a damn thing about drawing lines.”

  He shrugs his shoulders as that cocky, boyish grin I love surfaces on his face. “Perhaps you’re right,” he tells me. “But ask yourself, have I ever hurt you? Have I ever crossed a line when it comes to sex?”

  My brows furrow as I think over the times he’s snuck into my bedroom. He’s always scared the shit out of me, always left me trembling with fear, but he’s not once physically hurt me. You know, apart from the syringe in the neck, but desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose. And as for crossing the lines, there’s been plenty of times, more than I care to count, but when it came to being physical, I was always more than eager to allow him to touch me. I was more than a willing participant.

  “I mean, you ate my pussy while I slept,” I point out. “A girl can’t exactly consent to that while she’s sleeping.”

  “Are you telling me if you could go back and tell me no that you would?”

  I swallow hard and shake my head. He’s got me there. He knew I wanted it. He knew how much the feel of his mouth closing over my clit turned me on. Hell, if I could go back, I’d tell him to do it a million times over.

  Pride flashes in his dark eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

  A heavy silence surrounds us, and I find myself clutching his hands, wishing that things could be different, that we could have fallen in love the normal way and then he could have slowly introduced me to all of this craziness instead of dumping it on me like this. “I want to trust you, Alex,” I tell him, meaning every single word.

  “You shouldn’t,” he says. “Just because I don’t want to end your life, doesn’t mean that I won’t slip. If you push me too hard or I’ve had a bad day . . . I’m not sure I will always have the control to hold back, Kyah. You need to be careful with me. I talk a big fucking game, telling you that I’m not going to hurt you, but the truth of the matter is that I’m only human, and I have plenty of downfalls. I lose control just like everybody else.”

  I shake my head, snaking my arms back around his neck and pulling him in, his lips barely an inch from mine. “I think we’ve already proven that I’m a little messed up too, and for some reason, I trust you. You’re not going to hurt me, Alex. You’ve had plenty of opportunities to take my life. You stood over me while I slept and didn’t lay a finger on me. I trust you.”

  Alex considers me a moment, leaning back onto his hands, just sitting there deep in thought. “What do you want, Kyah?” he asks. “I don’t want to let you go, nor do I think I’d be able to leave you alone if you were to walk away, but I also care about you too much to keep you locked up like this. I know you love your home, and you’re proud of your work. It’s a part of who you are, so I don’t wish to keep you from that, but now knowing who I am, what do you see?”

  I roll my tongue over my lips, trying to figure it out, but it’s not exactly an easy question. “I . . . I don’t really know,” I tell him honestly. “I’ve only just found out, and it’s a lot to take in. I mean, you’ve just told me that you’re a serial killer and get off on ending women’s lives—”

  “Men’s, too,” he adds just for clarification. “That’s uhhh . . . that’s a new discovery.”

  My brows furrow, and despite how badly I want to delve into that, I feel now isn’t exactly the right time to ask. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to need a little time to figure it out, but in the meantime, I know it’s kinda messed up for me to admit, but I don’t want anything to change.”

  His brows furrow as if he didn’t expect that response, but I go on before he gets a chance to change his mind. “I like feeling the breeze through my window and knowing you’re there. I like the anticipation of knowing that when you get closer, you’re going to touch me. I like the way my heart races and the way my gasps get caught in my throat. But most of all, I like it when you grab me and spread my legs so far apart it hurts.”

  I pause, letting out a shaky breath, feeling wrong for admitting all of this out loud, but once the words start, it’s impossible to stop. “When I was blindfolded, and I was just waiting there in my room, knowing that you had something so unbelievably wicked in store for me, I couldn’t control myself. I’ve never felt a rush like that. And last night, running through the park with bare feet, knowing that when you caught me, you were going to fuck me while I screamed, was the biggest thrill I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want that to end, Alex. But I also can’t stand the thought of losing the guy I’m falling in love with, the guy I can run to across the hall when I’ve had a shitty day. The idea that everything could change is killing me, and that honestly scares the shit out of me. I should be running from you. I shouldn’t want you like this, but every time you touch me, I become more addicted to everything that you are.”

  He pulls me in and crushes his lips to mine, and despite knowing everything that he’s done, knowing the brutality of his actions against other women, I can’t help but melt into his delicious kiss. He takes his time, his tongue moving against mine until finally pulling back. “Baby, nothing has to change if you don’t want it to,” he says. “But I need to know you won’t run when it gets too hard or if I cross a line you’re not willing to bend on.”

  A slow grin stretches across my face, and I lean in closer, my heart starting to race once again. “So what if I do?” I challenge. “You’re only going to find me again, and judging by the raging hard-on I felt in your pants in the park, something tells me you like it when I run from you.”

  Alex grins right back at me, and the way his eyes sparkle with lethal excitement has everything south of the border clenching. “You’re damn fucking right, I liked it,” he growls, his hand curling around the back of my neck as he stands, picking me up with him and slamming my back against the cellar wall, pinning me with his big body.

  As his lips come down on mine and he grinds that thick cock against my core, I groan, feeling the most intense rush pounding through my body.

  Alex pulls back just an inch, his curious gaze locked on mine. “I don’t scare you,” he comments as though the thought is foreign to him.

  I shake my head, pulling him back into me, more than ready to be fucked in this filthy storm cellar. “Not even a little bit,” I tell him. And with that, his hand locks around the base of my throat, and I look deep into the eyes of my wicked stalker—the chilled-out, cocky asshole from next door now nowhere to be seen.

  39

  KYAH

  So much for letting me go. The asshole has kept me here for three days, though I suppose that’s a bit of an exaggeration. He took me out of the storm cellar and brought me into an old, rundown suburban home. While it’s nothing special, it comes fully equipped with a bathroom and coffee, and that’s always a bonus in my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, that bathroom is about as far as I can go. I’m still bound to a bed, but it’s definitely an upgrade, especially considering he’s given me a sketchpad and pencils to occupy my time.

  Not gonna lie though, the past three days have flown by, solely because it’s been nothing but a fuck-fest in here. I’ve barely had a chance to come up for air.

  Alex sleeps on the bed beside me, his big hand gently splayed across my bare thigh. Most nights, we’ve fallen asleep together, but tonight, my thoughts have run wild, and I couldn’t resist picking up the sketchpad to help channel the madness occupying my mind.

  Almost every wild thought that has plagued my mind over the past few days has centered around the fact that the breathtaking man beside me is a killer. There’s blood on his hands, and I’m struggling with the fact that I’m willing to keep my mouth shut about it. Does that make me just as guilty? Is the blood of his victims now staining my hands for not handing him over to the police and giving their loved ones some form of justice?

  God, I’m such a mess.

  Placing my pencil and sketchpad down on the small table beside the bed, I fall back against the headboard, the guilt weighing me down. My gaze sails over Alex’s face as he sleeps, and when he’s like this, he appears so innocent. If I hadn’t seen his face on my security footage, I never would have figured out that it was him. He’s so clever, so sneaky, and when it comes to lying through his teeth, he doesn’t even flinch.

  As I sit and watch him, stewing in my thoughts, I play with the cuff around my wrist. He switched it out for a more comfortable one with padding on the inside, kind of like the ones they use in mental hospitals. My fingers trail over it, mindlessly pulling at the binds when the old lock snaps right off.

  My eyes widen, and I glance down at the cuff, barely able to believe what I’m seeing.

  That didn’t really just fall off, did it?

  My heart lurches in my chest, and my gaze immediately snaps toward Alex, making sure the slight drop of the cuff landing on the mattress between us hasn’t woken him.

  Seeing he’s still sound asleep, my mind starts to race.

  I’m free. I could run.

  I could escape this crazy man beside me. I’ve been gone for three days, and after everything that Nat and I talked about in her apartment, I’m sure she’s already got Big Jim, the Grim Reapers, and the whole police department out searching for me.

  Shit. The police.

  I didn’t think about that. Is that going to set Alex off? Is he going to punish me for talking to Nat about it, or is he going to go straight to the source and hurt Nat for calling the cops? Fuck. I’ve been too scared to ask him about Viper, but if he were to hurt Nat, there’s no going back for me. That’s the one line I won’t allow him to cross. But if she has spoken to the police or the Grim Reapers, Alex is no longer safe.

  The Grim Reapers aren’t going to let him get away with the murder of their Vice President. They’ll kill him without a second thought, and it will be brutal, but that’s assuming they get to him before the cops do. Otherwise, he’s about to spend the rest of his life behind bars.

  I have to get out of here. I have to speak with Nat. Maybe I could tell her it was all a misunderstanding, that I took off on a spontaneous retreat to a spa in the middle of the night, leaving all my shit behind at her apartment.

  She definitely wouldn’t believe me, but at least it would give her reason to pull back. Let’s be honest though, no matter how many times I tell her that Alex and I are together, she’ll never trust him, but she trusts me, and that’s got to count for something. If I tell her that I’m in love with him and explain the whole fear kink, she’ll come around much easier, but she’ll always be wary of him. As for the article stating he killed his mother . . . I have no idea what we’re going to do about that.

  Trying to figure out my game plan, I glance around the room. Getting up and running out the door isn’t going to cut it with a machine like Alex. He’s proven time and time again just how strong and fast he is. I don’t stand a chance, but if I could somehow slip out of here silently, I might just make it. But what happens then? He’s going to find me, and he’ll be pissed that I ran, but it’s not as though he doesn’t enjoy the chase. After all, I’ve gotta keep things interesting in a relationship with a serial killer.

  Goddamn. What is wrong with me?

  Letting out a shaky breath, I spy Alex’s things on his side table, and my brow arches. There are car keys, two phones, a pocketknife, and his wallet. It’s a strange little mix of things to be carrying around, but I could definitely use the car keys and one of those phones. We’re out in suburbia and back home, I would usually just walk everywhere, but getting anywhere from here on foot is going to take forever. Hell, I’m not even sure where here is, but I’m sure the phone will help with that. The second I can get far enough away, I can pull over, figure out where I am, and call Nat to let her know I’m alright. After that, who knows.

  With a bunch of old moving boxes piled high on Alex’s side of the bed, I have no choice but to reach over him, and I curse myself for even attempting this. Maybe I would have a better chance if I just take off on foot. Though that begs the question, how did Alex find me in the first place? Does he have a tracker on me?

  Being my only chance to make a move without the cuff, I try to gain control of the wild butterflies soaring through the pit of my stomach before pulling myself up onto my knees. I think light thoughts and inch toward him, hoping like fuck he doesn’t wake. Then trying to offset my weight, I grip onto the headboard while slowly lifting my knee up and over his hips.

  Think light thoughts. Think light thoughts.

  I’m as light as a feather. I’m a soft breeze blowing through the wind. I’m a falling leaf, gently sailing through the air.

  My knee comes down gently on his other side, and I find myself holding my breath as I start to lean over, reaching toward the bedside table. I hold my breath, stretching my arm out as far as it’ll go. Just another inch and I’ll be there.

  Alex’s body stiffens beneath me and before I can even drop my gaze, his hand is shooting up to my throat and squeezing tight. I suck in a gasp, fear pounding through my veins.

  Fuck. I’m an elephant.

  His furious gaze locks on mine, and I panic, terrified that this could be the end, but as a wicked smirk cuts across his face, I glance down, finding his pocketknife braced in the palm of my hand, the sharp blade pressed firmly against his throat.

  I remain still, unsure where the hell to go from here. Despite the knife in my hand and the damage I could inflict on him, he still clearly has the upper hand. “What are you doing, Kyah?” he questions as I stare down into his dark gaze, the one belonging to the vile stalker who I see each night, not the dazzling man from across the hall.

  “It’s been three days, Alex,” I remind him, my brain barely working as I scramble for something to say. “I’m bored of playing your little house bitch. I’m going home.”

  He narrows his gaze, quickly assessing the situation like a perfect soldier, and despite the cuff laying freely beside us, he doesn’t make a move to lock me up, knowing damn well that any move I try to make can be easily counteracted. “You’ll leave when I say you can leave.”