“I’m sorry,” I say. “I just… I need.”

  “Go,” he tells me, reading it in my eyes exactly what it is I need before leaning over and flicking off his light.

  “Night, Jess,” I whisper into the dark room.

  He grunts out something that kind of sounds like ‘night’ as I walk out his door and softly close it behind me. As I walk down the hall towards his room, my heart rate starts to spike. There’s a very real possibility that he tells me to go. I’m so close to my goal for the night and his rejection would absolutely kill me.

  My fingers curl around his door handle and I slowly push it open. Nate’s already asleep in bed but the sound of me at his door has him waking and pushing himself up onto his elbow. “Tora?” he murmurs into the quiet room.

  I watch him for a moment and as our eyes connect, I break. The tears flow and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make them stop. His eyes soften as he takes me in. “Come on,” he tells me, pulling the blankets back. From the look in his eyes, it’s clear he thinks I’m hurting because of us not because of the afternoon I had. I’d bet any money that he doesn’t know about it yet as if he did, there’s no way he’d be this calm.

  I crawl into his bed and a moment later, his arms are wrapping around me, pulling me in hard against his strong chest. “It’s ok,” he murmurs, trying his best to soothe me. His warm hands curl around my cold ones and just like that, I’m home.

  “You’re freezing,” he scolds. “Did you walk here?”

  I don’t respond but I don’t need to. The answer is pretty damn obvious. He lets out a sigh and it’s clear as day he’s not happy with it, but he’s choosing to let it go.

  As my body begins to warm, I strip out of my hoody and sweat pants and roll over to face into him. My head goes down on his chest as his arm curls around my body. Our legs become a tangled mess and then his lips are pressing against my forehead. “Go to sleep,” he tells me.

  “I love you,” I murmur into his chest.

  “I know,” he says. “I love you, too.”

  And just like that, I finally find the sleep my body has been craving all afternoon.

  Chapter 6

  Light seeps in through the window and my eyes peel open. The last thing I want is to leave the safety of his arms but I need to be home before my mom notices I snuck out.

  I push up off his chest and his arms tighten around me, pulling me back to him. “Don’t go,” he tells me. I snuggle back into him as he holds me. His fingers rub back and forth over my back and ass.

  “I have to.”

  “Just a minute longer.”

  “Nate,” I sigh. “Please, don’t make it harder. Mom’s not happy with me. I have to get home before she notices.”

  He grabs my hips and pulls me up on top of him so I straddle him. My hair falls down into my face and he pushes it back as he studies my eyes. “Are you ok?” he questions, not liking what he sees.

  I give him what I hope is an encouraging smile and nod. “Yeah,” I tell him. “I just really have to go.”

  “Ok,” he says sitting up. He curls his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me to him before he kisses me gently. “I’ll take you home.”

  “K,” I mumble before climbing off his lap. I find my hoody and sweat pants on the floor and grab my phone off the table.

  Nate takes my hand a second later and leads me down the stairs and out into the frosty morning. “You sure you’re ok?” he questions, opening the door of Jesse’s Range Rover for me. “You don’t look right.”

  “I’m fine,” I tell him. “I just had a really sucky day. I didn’t mean to intrude on you, but I just kind of… needed it.”

  “That’s what I’m here for,” he tells me as he starts up the car.

  We sit in silence as he drives home and I don’t doubt we both have a million things we each need to say, but now’s not the time. He reaches across and weaves his fingers through mine. It’s nice. Comforting. It takes me back to a time where this was normal.

  How the hell do I get that back?

  I hate the silence between us, but right now, it’s necessary. I know what he wants to ask me. The second he opens his mouth he’s going to give me the ‘you know you can talk to me’ speech and when it comes from him, I always cave. He has a hold over me that I can’t seem to break, yet I don’t want to break it. If anything, I want more.

  Thankfully, we get all the way back to my place before he lets me have it. “Tora,” he says, holding onto my hand a little firmer when I go to reach for the door handle. “What’s going on?”

  I shake my head. “It’s nothing,” I tell him.

  “When it comes to you, it’s never ‘nothing’,” he says, reaching over and taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

  “I… I can’t. I have to go.”

  “Can we at least talk about it later?”

  “Trust me, I don’t doubt we’ll be talking about it later,” I scoff as his brows crease. I don’t bother telling him it would be more like him talking at me when he finds out what the hell I did yesterday. I also don’t bother telling him that when he said ‘later’, what he should have said was ‘when I come tearing in here demanding answers’. “I’ll, um… see you later.”

  His eyes soften as he drops his hand from mine. “Ok,” he murmurs. Something screams at me that he’s dying to say something more and something else is telling me that I know exactly what it is he’s wanting to say, but the words just won’t come out.

  My heart silently breaks. I never knew just how hard it would be to not hear him say those three little words. I know he feels it so deeply and I know he said them last night, but having him purposefully holding back. That’s something new and it cuts right down to the soul.

  I close the door of the Range Rover and walk up the stairs of my home, not having the nerve to turn around and watch him go. I don’t bother with the whole sneaking back in thing. Mom is either up and already knows I’m not home or she’s still in her bed, meaning I can move around the place freely.

  I push through the door to find our home dead quiet and I realize I just got away with murder though something inside me was hoping I’d get caught. Maybe then mom would have screamed at me and then I’d have a chance to scream right back and give myself an excuse to mask my pain as something else.

  I get up to my bedroom and head straight for the bathroom. I never peed when I got up and my bladder is threatening World War Three if I don’t release it now. I attend to business and get in the shower. I don’t know why I bother. It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere today or the rest of my life for that matter.

  By the time I finish and get myself dressed, my mother is knocking on the door and pushing it open. “I’m heading out,” she tells me with her resting bitch face, letting me know she’s still extremely pissed off. “Under no circumstances are you to leave this house. Take yourself downstairs and eat a decent breakfast, then you can attend to the list of chores I have left for you on the counter. I expect it complete by the time I am home.”

  I silently nod and a second later, she’s gone.

  Shit. I’ve never seen her quite this mad before. I mean, apart from last night of course, but that was right after it happened. She’s not a grudge holder but I guess she’s going to start now.

  With a sigh, I sit down on the edge of my bed and wait as I listen to her Jimmy Choo’s on the stairs until they get to the bottom. She pauses by the front entryway table, digs through the keys, and a moment later, she’s out the door.

  Safe.

  I get my ass downstairs as the curiosity for this stupid list is far too great. I barge my way into the kitchen and find the slip of paper on the counter and scan over it.

  I want it all done before I get home. Every last thing.

  - Scrub kitchen.

  - Clean bathroom (including toilets… all seven of them).

  - Fold and put away laundry.

  - Dust whole house – even behind the TV.

  - Scoop leaves out of the pool.

  - Mop floors – upstairs and down.

  - Take trash out.

  Don’t even think about skipping one. I’ll be checking when I get home.

  P.S. Before you get smart and think the pool guy is coming – I’ve already cancelled him.

  P.P.S. I know you’re angry and feel wronged in some ridiculous way but remember that even though you’ve upset me, I love you with everything I’ve got.

  P.P.P.S. Eat something!

  P.P.P.P.S. You’re lucky this list isn’t longer!

  Damn it.

  I let out a huff and decide I better get started if I expect to enjoy any part of my holiday… I mean, suspension.

  I walk into the den and connect the speakers to my playlist and hit play. If I’m going to remain sane while spending the day scrubbing toilets, then I better have something to sing along to and stop myself from daydreaming about Nate’s perfect six-pack… and arms. And chest. Oh my, his chest. Wow, just wow.

  Hmmm, now where to start? Kitchen or bathrooms? Kitchen. Definitely kitchen. After all, there’s only one of them and seven bathrooms. Though, I don’t understand why I have to clean the bathrooms. It’s not like we use them. They’re all guest bathrooms and we each have our own private bathrooms in our bedrooms.

  Damn it. This sucks big, fat, nerd balls.

  I grab a fruit bar and get started. I may as well get it over and done with.

  Half an hour in and my phone starts going off in the den. I waltz on in and grab it off the coffee table. Shit, three texts from Brooke, on top of the calls and texts I ignored last night.

  Brooke – HELLO????? Are you alive or did your mom feed you to the neighbor’s dog?

  Brooke – Dude? What’s going on? You coming or are you up shit creek?

  Brooke – Screw you! I gave you last night because I figured you were upset, but now you’re just being a bitch.

  Shiiiiit.

  I knew ignoring those texts last night was going to come and bite me in the ass. I get typing as quickly as my little fingers will allow.

  Tora – FORGIVE ME!!!!!!! PLEASE???????? I got a week suspension. Mom tore me a new asshole last night.

  Brooke – Shit. You’re fucked!

  Tora – I know.

  Brooke – Elle’s my new best friend now.

  Tora – Whore!

  Brooke – Jealous much?

  I put my phone down and have to pick it back up when I start getting an influx of texts from Brooke.

  Brooke – Mr. Tall, Broody, and Sexy is here. He looks weird…. confused? Uh oh. He’s looking for you.

  Brooke – Shit. He sees me. Crap, he’s coming. What do I do? What do I do?

  Brooke – Does he know?

  Brooke – TORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I try to keep up with her texts but every time I go to hit send, a new one comes through. Shit. This isn’t good, slightly amusing, but so not good.

  I wait patiently, desperate to know what’s going on.

  Tora - ??????????

  Tora – What happened? Are you alive?

  Tora – Does he know?

  Crap.

  Brooke - …………

  Brooke – You’re fucked! Lock the doors and hide! A hurricane is coming your way.

  Oh no.

  I run out of the den and straight up the hallway to the front door. I flick the lock and hit the button to shut the gate. I have no doubt he’s going to be here in less than three minutes and it’ll be my head on the chopping block. Crap. I can only imagine what he’s going to say.

  This isn’t good. This isn’t good.

  I thought I had a least a few hours before he’d find out. I didn’t expect him to search out Brooke like that. The poor girl, she would have tried her hardest, but when Nate wants information, he will go to extraordinary lengths to get it. She probably shit her pants. I’m going to have to buy the poor thing a day at the spa to recover… actually, maybe I’ll book a spa day for us both. Sounds good.

  I hurry up to my room. I don’t know why though. Here is going to be the first place he looks to find me, but I feel safe here.

  Why am I freaking out so much about this? It doesn’t make sense. No way in hell would he ever consider hurting me. I mean, he is going to lose his shit in a big way, not to mention, he’s had the whole car ride over here to think about what he’s going to say. It’s going to be a big one, and to be honest, I’m not sure I can hold back when it comes to defending myself.

  I walk over to my window and peer out to find, at the end on my long driveway, the gate slowly peeling back as a very frustrated driver threatens to nearly run it down. Crap, he got here faster than I thought he would.

  Oh no. What do I do?

  I look at my bed. I mean, I could hide under it like a little bitch, or I can face the music. Bed? Music? Damn, the bed sounds good, but I’m sure as hell he’ll find me and drag me out by my little toe.

  Guess I’ll be facing the music.

  The Range Rover comes screeching to a holt and a second later, he’s flying out the door as I walk out of my room. I go down the stairs to hear him trying to break down the door. “Tora?” he yells through the door. “I know you’re there. You have three seconds to open the damn door before I knock the fucker down.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I mumble under my breath. “There’s no need to be so damn dramatic.”

  “I heard that,” he warns me.

  “You meant to.”

  I get to the door and flick the switch, I’ve hardly removed my hand before the door is flying open. I hurry back to avoid getting smacked in the face by the door and wait patiently for Nate to lose his mind.

  He comes storming through the door like a damn god and seeing him so enraged makes me want to jump his bones, but that’s going to have to wait until he can learn how to take a risk of his own. “Did you forget to mention something this morning?” He scoffs at me as he slams the door behind him.

  “Nope,” I say, turning around and walking up the hallway.

  “Hey,” he demands, grabbing my elbow and spinning me around to face him. “I’m not nearly done with you. I haven’t even started.”

  “Well, I figured if you’re going to be an asshole about this that I may as well get comfortable.”

  He groans and I do my best to ignore him as I turn back around and beeline down the hallway, this time going a bit faster and keeping just out of his reach. Nate follows me down to the den and I turn to face him before dropping down into the couch. “Well, come on then,” I tell him. “Let’s hear it.”

  “Are you seriously making a joke out of this?” he demands, looking absolutely appalled and disgusted.

  “No,” I tell him. “I’m making a joke of it to avoid screaming at you instead.”

  “Me? What the hell did I do?” he demands.

  “You came storming down here as though you have the right. You broke up with me, remember? You don’t have the right to come and curse me out for the shit I do anymore.”

  “The hell I don’t,” he scoffs, getting closer to me. “Whether we’re technically together or not, you’re still my girl. You always will be, so like it or not, I have every right to come down here and let you know when you fucked up.”

  “I didn’t fuck up,” I tell him. “I was defending myself.”

  “Bullshit,” he grunts. “She was walking away and you went after her.”

  Damn it. Looks like Brooke blurted out every single detail. Thanks a lot, Brooke. Some best friend you are. I’ll be taking the spa day back.

  I can’t help but look away from the disappointment in his eyes. I mean, this is so much worse than what it was with mom. This is slowly killing me from the inside. “She said things,” I grumble under my breath as I study the couch very carefully.

  He lets out a low breath before walking forward and dropping down into the couch beside me. “What kind of things?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him. “Just keep yelling at me and then we can move on.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Because clearly whatever she said is still bugging you. She hurt you and I’m not about to keep reminding you how much you fucked up when you’re hurting. That can wait.”

  My eyes lift from the couch and meet with his concerned ones. How did I get so lucky to have a man like Nate Ryder fall in love with me? He puts his arm out and pulls me into his chest, right where I need to be. “She said that I was nothing and now that you’re done with me, everyone else will see that I’m worthless,” I explain. “She said I was trash and after everything with the fire, I just couldn’t stop. It’s like I lost my mind. I hardly even remember doing it. One second, she was letting me know it was her who slashed my tire, the next, I was pinning her down and pulling out chunks of her fake, skanky hair.”

  “Shit,” he sighs, taking my hips and pulling me up onto his lap so he can look me in the eyes. “You know none of that is true? I’ll never be done with you, and believe me when I say you are the furthest thing from worthless. I fucking love you, Tora, and if anyone is trash around here, it’s Ashley Samuels.”

  I watch him silently as he tries to take my pain away, but no matter what he says, he’s still not mine. His words are amazing, but it’s the actions that count here.

  Nate pushes a stray lock of chestnut hair behind my ear and curls his hand around the back of my neck. “Why didn’t you tell me last night?”

  I let out a sigh. “Because I couldn’t bear the thought of you looking at me the way you are now.”

  His eyebrows crease as he watches me. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re disappointed with me and I see it all over your face. It kills me more than Ashley’s words.”

  He runs his knuckles down the side of my face as though I’m the most precious things he’s ever laid eyes on. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “You’re right. I am disappointed. The whole point of us not being together is so you can have a chance at a proper future. With me, you’re throwing that away, but now you're throwing it away all by yourself.”

  My eyes drop to his chest. “I know.”