The Doctor’s face fell. ‘Yeah, you’re right.’

  ‘Oh.’ Audrey looked crestfallen. ‘Surely just a quick trip can’t hurt?’

  ‘I really don’t think it’s a good idea. We can’t be jeopardising the Oscar win now, can we?’

  ‘Oscar?’ Audrey’s eyes widened even further. ‘You don’t mean …?’

  ‘Said too much already, I’m afraid,’ said the Doctor firmly. ‘Spoilers …’ She turned to her three friends. ‘I want you lot to get Audrey back to the set.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Ryan. ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Up to the mothership to see PhiLit’s Supervisor.’ Immediately there were three protesting voices, but the Doctor was having none of it. ‘It doesn’t need all of us to go. The KaaDok aren’t exactly breaking any of the laws of time, but it won’t hurt to just give them a friendly, Time-Lordy reminder of their responsibilities as time travellers.’

  ‘I thought she was meant to be the police officer,’ grunted Ryan, looking at Yaz.

  ‘Well, she’s certainly the responsible adult.’ The Doctor beamed. ‘So she’s the one I’m entrusting with my psychic paper.’ She pulled the small leather wallet from her jacket pocket and handed it over to Yaz. ‘You know how it works … If you have any problems, this should sort them out.’ She turned back to where PhiLit had been busying himself loading the wax-bot of Audrey back into its alcove in the teleport pod. ‘Right! One to see the Supervisor, please.’

  PhiLit looked at her dubiously. ‘That might not be a good idea … Mr AaRee doesn’t like anything that interrupts the routine, and I’m already running late, and—’

  ‘Mr AaRee?’

  ‘My Supervisor.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure we can straighten everything out with him.’ The Doctor scampered on board, settling back into one of the other alcoves and smiling at him expectantly.

  Realising that he wasn’t going to dissuade her, PhiLit activated the controls on his wrist device and the curved sliver doors of the pod started to close.

  The Doctor grinned at her friends. ‘See you later!’

  Moments later there was a sharp electrical crackle and the pod vanished.

  ‘Well, that’s just typical,’ said Graham with a sigh. ‘She gets to go off and have all the fun whilst we’re left here to do all the hard work.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Yaz shook her head in despair. ‘Because spending time looking after your all-time favourite actress is a real hardship, isn’t it?’

  Graham looked sheepish, and turned to where Audrey was waiting patiently. ‘OK, Miss Hepburn. I guess we’d better get you back on set, hadn’t we?’

  The actress said nothing.

  ‘Miss Hepburn?’ With a horrible sinking feeling, Graham waved his hand in front of her face. There was no reaction whatsoever. ‘Oh no …’

  ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ Yaz stared at him in disbelief. ‘It’s the waxwork!’

  Graham’s smile was rueful. ‘Looks like Audrey’s got her trip into space with the Doc after all.’

  The teleport pod materialised in a blaze of crackling energy. Moments later, the hull cracked open and the Doctor and PhiLit stepped out into the cavernous hangar of the KaaDok mothership.

  The Doctor looked around and gave a whistle of admiration. ‘I’m impressed. I had no idea that this was such a big operation.’

  ‘Oh yes.’ PhiLit nodded. ‘There are more than forty of us gathering neurological data from over a dozen time zones on this trip alone.’

  ‘How do you decide which celebrities to scan?’

  PhiLit frowned. ‘It’s based on ratings, I think. I do know that Audrey Hepburn has been top of the list of the most requested wax-bots for quite some time.’

  ‘I’m so very pleased to hear that.’

  Startled, the Doctor and PhiLit turned to see Audrey looking around at the vast interior of the KaaDok ship. Puzzled, PhiLit glanced at the settings on his neurological scanner. ‘That can’t be right.’

  ‘Oh no …’ The Doctor’s face fell. ‘Please tell me you didn’t … Please tell me you didn’t switch places with the replica.’

  ‘I most certainly did,’ said Audrey stepping out of the teleport pod. ‘This is the second time that unexplained events have interrupted my life, Doctor, the second time that I have found myself confronted by things that I barely understand. This time I am determined to see what it is all about first-hand.’

  The Doctor opened her mouth to argue, and then thought better of it. ‘Ah well.’ She shrugged. ‘I just hope that your replica remembers its lines.’

  Apparently unconcerned by what might be happening back at the film studio, Audrey continued to take in her surroundings. ‘So is this where the other replicas are stored?’ she asked the anxious-looking KaaDok.

  ‘Yes.’ PhiLit nodded. ‘Over here.’

  The little alien set off towards a hatchway on the far side of the hangar. Audrey and the Doctor followed. As they stepped through the opening, Audrey gave a gasp of astonishment.

  ‘Look at them all!’

  The chamber beyond was lined with alcoves similar to the ones on the teleport pod. Hundreds of them, each holding a different film star. Slowly they made their way along one wall, staring up at the ranks of motionless figures. ‘Mae West, John Wayne, Oliver Hardy, Gene Kelly …’ The Doctor gave a whistle of awe. ‘You’ve been a busy little KaaDok, haven’t you?’

  ‘It’s like a Who’s Who of the entire planet,’ exclaimed Audrey.

  ‘Looks like you’ve got a few gaps, mind you,’ said the Doctor, indicating a row of empty alcoves. Each of them was emblazoned with a sticker saying REJECTED. ‘Why have these been rejected? And what happens to them when they are?’

  PhiLit shuffled uncomfortably. The Doctor had a feeling that his reluctance to divulge what had happened to those particular wax-bots was not good news.

  Before she could press him further, a hatchway on the opposite side of the chamber suddenly slammed open, and a large figure heaved itself through.

  ‘PhiLit! What’s going on?’

  ‘Oh, good lord!’ gasped Audrey as the alien came lumbering towards them. ‘What on earth is that?’

  PhiLit was cringing, hopping from foot to foot. ‘That’s my Supervisor.’

  The huge KaaDok stared down at them angrily. ‘Who the devil are these two? And what are they doing interfering with my cargo!’

  ‘I don’t believe it.’ Graham had his head in his hands. ‘Audrey Hepburn goes off on a jolly with the Doctor and we’re left with a robot to finish filming her scenes on one of the most iconic films of all time. What are we going to do?’

  ‘I say we let the machine do its thing,’ said Ryan shrugging.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It looks like her, it’s got her brainwaves so it presumably thinks like her … Who’s going to know the difference?’

  ‘He’s right, you know,’ agreed Yaz, peering closely at the motionless wax-bot. ‘No one is ever going to know that it’s a robot.’

  ‘I’ll know!’ complained Graham. ‘I’ll never be able to look at that film the same way again. Besides, in case you two haven’t noticed, this thing still isn’t talking. How’s it going to do its scenes if it can’t speak?’

  ‘PhiLit did say that it would take a while for it to get going properly,’ said Yaz.

  ‘Perhaps there’s a switch we need to turn on,’ suggested Ryan.

  ‘No!’ said Yaz firmly. ‘Waxwork or not, we are not going to go searching Audrey Hepburn for hidden switches.’

  ‘Perhaps we just need to ask it something,’ said Graham, taking a step back. ‘All right, cockle? You feeling OK?’

  The replica turned towards her and smiled. ‘I’m feeling grand, thanks,’ it said in a broad Yorkshire accent. ‘But I could murder a cup of tea.’

  Ryan laughed out loud. ‘Genius! A northern Audrey Hepburn!’

  ‘It must be something to do with the Doctor getting in front of that neurological scanner,’ said Yaz. ‘It’s mixed up their brainwaves!’

  Graham was practically pulling his hair out. ‘Well, we can’t stick her in front of the camera sounding like that!’

  ‘This might just be a glitch or something,’ said Yaz. ‘Let’s just get her back onto the stage and hope that she settles down.’

  Reluctantly, Graham had to agree; until the Doctor got back with the real deal, there was nothing else they could do. Leaving the prop shed, the three of them led the wax-bot back towards the soundstage, the task made more complicated by the fact that the wax-bot, again like the Doctor more than Audrey, wanted to stop and talk to practically everyone she met. Finally they made it back to the stage, but as Graham ushered the wax-bot through the doorway, Ryan suddenly became aware of someone watching them from the far end of the alleyway. He frowned. He was sure it was someone he recognised.

  With a sudden jolt, he realised why the figure’s face was familiar and grabbed Yaz by the arm. ‘Yaz, look.’ He pointed at the figure. ‘It’s Alan Rickman!’

  ‘What?’ Yaz stared at him as if he was mad. ‘Don’t be daft. We’re in Hollywood in the 1960s, remember?’

  ‘I know that, but look!’

  Yaz followed Ryan’s gaze. The face staring back did indeed seem to be that of Alan Rickman. More than that, it seemed to be Alan Rickman as he had appeared as the Sheriff of Nottingham in Prince of Thieves. He was even wearing the robes.

  She was about to tell herself that she was being ridiculous when another figure stepped into view, and Yaz realised that she knew this man’s face as well.

  Ryan recognised him too. ‘Oh, my God! It’s whatshisname … Sherlock! Benedict Cumberbatch!’

  Yaz nodded. It was becoming fairly obvious that Audrey Hepburn wasn’t the only replica running around the studio backlot.

  ‘Are you two coming or what?’ Graham was calling to them impatiently at them from the doorway.

  As the two wax-bots turned and walked off, Yaz pulled the Doctor’s psychic paper from her pocket. She thrust it into Graham’s hands. ‘Here, you’re probably going to need this.’

  ‘What? Why? Where are you going?’

  ‘There are more wax-bots out here! We’ve got to follow them, we’ve got to find out how many of them there are.’

  Before Graham had a chance to complain, Yaz and Ryan raced off in pursuit of the replicas.

  Back on the spacecraft, the imposing figure of the Supervisor continued to glare down at the Doctor, Audrey and a trembling PhiLit. ‘Well, PhiLit? I’m still waiting for an answer.’

  Pulling the terrified little KaaDok to one side, the Doctor stepped forward with her most disarming smile. ‘Hi. Mr AaRee, right? Perhaps I can explain. I’m the Doctor. Now, I must admit that I usually have a clever piece of paper for moments like this that would tell you that I’m a really, really important person and that you should definitely listen to what I have to say, but I’ve had to lend that piece of paper to a friend, so perhaps you can just take it as read that I’m really, really important, and listen to what I have to say anyway.’

  ‘What?’ AaRee snatched the neurological scanner out of PhiLit’s hand and stared at the readout. ‘You’re not wax-bots, you’re organic. What are you doing here?’

  ‘Oh, it’s just a flying visit, honest. Miss Hepburn here fancied seeing your spacecraft …’

  ‘Miss Hepburn?’ AaRee sounded surprised. ‘Audrey Hepburn?’

  To her credit, Audrey didn’t flinch as the imposing alien leaned down to get a closer look at her. ‘Delighted to meet you,’ she said calmly. ‘I gather I’m becoming quite a celebrity in these parts …’

  AaRee was silent for a moment, and then let out a guffaw of laughter. ‘Well, well. Wait until the guys hear about this. Audrey Hepburn. On my ship!’ He shook his head. ‘You’re an idiot, PhiLit. You’re only meant to get the brainwave pattern, not bring the entire life form.’

  ‘Sorry, Supervisor AaRee.’

  ‘And what have you done with the wax-bot, eh? Left it down there on the planet, I suppose.’

  ‘Yes, it’s the location of a few other wax-bots that I wanted to talk to you about, actually,’ interrupted the Doctor. ‘I couldn’t help noticing that you’ve got a few empty alcoves. Quite like to know what happened to them?’

  AaRee grunted. ‘Some of the collectors left it too long transferring some of the brainwave patterns. The neural mesh didn’t take properly. Once that happens the wax-bot is useless.’

  ‘So you’ve just dumped them?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Where do you think?’

  ‘Down there? On Earth?’ The Doctor was horrified. ‘You can’t drop tech that sophisticated on Earth at this point in its history.’

  AaRee shrugged, obviously unconcerned. ‘Look, it’s a waste of my time and resources to ship defective ’bots back to KaaDok Major. Plus I have to explain to the management what went wrong and there’s a possibility of me having to pay for replacement ’bots. That cuts into my profits.’ He glared at PhiLit. ‘This lot struggle to get their little heads around that, but I shouldn’t really be surprised. They’re only children, after all.’

  ‘Hang on a second …’ The Doctor frowned. ‘Did you say children?’

  ‘Yeah? What of it?’

  Audrey was appalled. ‘Are you telling me that you are using children to do this work for you? It’s bad enough that you are happy to exploit any worker, but children?’

  AaRee rolled his eyes. ‘Oh, please. Not another do-gooder. I get enough of this back on KaaDok Major. Look, the transport pods put a lot of strain on a body. The kids stand up better to the process than adults, so I saw an opportunity and I put them to work. They’re fine! They get food, lodgings, and a bonus if they hit their targets. It’s not like they’re slaves, or anything.’

  ‘Oh? I think it’s a lot like that …’ The Doctor looked down at PhiLit’s anxious face, and felt a surge of anger beginning to rise in her. ‘And that means that I’m going to have to stop you.’

  As Yaz and Ryan trailed the two wax-bots through the studio lot, they began to spot more and more anachronistic figures – so far they’d seen Zoë Ball, Tom Selleck, a young Judy Garland, Bono and little Jimmy Krankie, and half-a-dozen more that neither of them had recognised. Strangely they all seemed to be drawn towards one another, and now there was a cluster of nearly a dozen or so mismatched celebrities wandering aimlessly through the bustling crowds.

  ‘They look a bit mindless, don’t they?’ said Ryan. ‘Like a herd of famous sheep.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Yaz nodded in agreement. ‘Remember how the Audrey robot just stood there until we spoke to it?’

  ‘Like it was waiting for orders.’

  ‘Exactly.’ She thought for a moment. Ryan’s analogy of the robots being like sheep was a good one. Perhaps rounding them up might be easier than they thought. ‘Maybe all we need to do is tell them to follow us.’

  ‘Follow us where?’

  ‘Back to the TARDIS. Surely they can’t do any harm in there and the Doctor can decide what to do with them once she gets back.’

  Ryan nodded. ‘Sounds good. Let’s do it …’

  Before they could try their plan, a voice rang out across the backlot. ‘Oi! You lot …’

  In unison all the wax-bots turned to face a man with a bullhorn who was glaring at them.

  ‘Did you all get lost? You should have been on set ages ago!’ He gestured at them angrily. ‘Come on! This film isn’t going to make itself, you know!’

  The robots began to follow the man, disappearing around the corner of a soundstage.

  ‘Looks like you were right, Yaz,’ said Ryan ruefully. ‘They were just waiting for orders.’

  ‘Yeah. And now they’ve got some. Come on we’d better get after them!’

  The two of them hurried after the gaggle of robots but, as they rounded the corner, Yaz’s heart sank. The robots were being ushered onto an expansive street set, crowded with technicians, actors, lights and cameras. From the look of things, this was the science fiction film that Audrey had mistakenly assumed PhiLit was part of.

  The man with the bullhorn was positioning the wax-bots into a larger group of supporting artists, hurrying them along impatiently. Yaz and Ryan edged closer to try and hear what instructions he was giving them.

  ‘Let’s join them,’ said Yaz suddenly.

  ‘You what?’ Ryan stared at her in astonishment.

  ‘It’s our best shot at keeping an eye on things. Besides, if we don’t look as though we’re part of this shoot, then eventually someone is going to spot us and chuck us out.’

  Before Ryan could argue, Yaz set off towards the waiting robots. Reluctantly Ryan followed her and the two of them joined the back of the crowd of extras.

  ‘Right, now everybody listen!’ yelled the man with the bullhorn. ‘The scene that we are about to shoot is the one just after the Zargons have landed.’ He indicated half a dozen actors clad in bright silver suits with mirrored visors and holding chunky-looking ray guns that were standing at the far side of the set. ‘The Zargon commander is using his mind-controlling ray on you, so when I call “action”, I want you do exactly what we rehearsed yesterday. The stunt team playing the soldiers are the enemy. Have you got that? I want perfectly choreographed mayhem. Good, now first positions everyone!’

  Ryan grimaced. ‘I’ve got a really bad feeling about this …’

  Yaz was horrified. ‘You think that robots are going to take him literally?’

  Before they could even begin to think about what they were going to do next, a single word boomed from the bullhorn.

  ‘Action!’

  Initially, it wasn’t that obvious that anything was wrong. Yes, there were screams and shouts from the set, but the crew looking on were unconcerned, and the director and cameraman seemed more than pleased with what they were getting. It was only when that chaos started to spill off the set that it started to become obvious that something was very, very wrong.

  Pushing a cameraman to one side, two of the robots grabbed hold of one of the heavy camera dollies and effortlessly heaved it onto its side, sending the camera itself clattering to the ground. Another robot hurled its weight against a lighting stand and it started to topple. Yaz and Ryan rushed forward, yelling at the shocked crew. ‘Look out!’