“No!” She turned then, standing upright, facing him. The afternoon sun put glints in the long dark hair tumbling over her shoulders to cover her breasts. “Of course not!” She studied him, eye to eye. “I thought you were open to the truth. All along, you’ve just been using me to get a conviction?” she accused, but without the drama he’d been expecting accompanying the anger.

  The anger wasn’t really there, either. More like disappointment. Bitterness.

  Vile things to have slung at him. He didn’t want to hurt her. To add his name to the crushing list of people who’d let her down in her life.

  And as he met her gaze, he grew confused. Using her? That had come a bit out of left field. She was upset about their growing relationship when her brother was almost convicted?

  Their relationship. Like they had one.

  “I want the truth,” he told her, looking her straight in the eye. Leaning in so she could feel the strength of his words. Know their validity. Then he added, “You said you talked to Josh last night. Let’s start there.”

  “What about him and Heidi back there?” She nodded toward the direction from which they’d come. “Shouldn’t we go make sure things are okay?”

  He shook his head. “I alerted an officer I know on the High-Risk Team. They’ll have someone drive by and check things out, but legally, we can’t stop them from talking to each other. Your brother canceled his restraining order six months ago and, as you know, Heidi refused the one offered to her yesterday.”

  “Yeah, didn’t you wonder about that?” she asked then, turning back to face his side, while he continued to lean against the SUV, his hands on the hood on either side of him. She crossed her arms over those breasts. “She’s accusing him of abuse but isn’t afraid of him?”

  “She doesn’t think he’s a permanent threat. Doesn’t think he’ll seek her out to hurt her. She says he only gets violent when they’re fighting, and she doesn’t plan to fight with him. She doesn’t want to ruin his life...”

  He stopped when he realized she’d heard most of it in court the day before and realized her question hadn’t been about the legalities. “I think Heidi cares about Josh,” he told her. “She truly doesn’t want to hurt him. At the same time, she needs to send a strong message to him that hurting her—or anyone—isn’t okay. For Bella’s sake as much as her own. And for his sake, too.” He’d been in the room when William had talked to her before court—trying his best to get her to go for a permanent restraining order, explaining that doing so would strengthen their case.

  “She’s going for sympathy with the court,” Jasmine said and then shook her head, her mouth turning downward, like she wasn’t expecting to be believed.

  He was losing her. He couldn’t lose her.

  Didn’t matter that she wasn’t proving to be a source of information to help William’s case. She was involved. She needed the truth.

  And for some ungodly reason, he needed to help her see it.

  Chapter 13

  Jasmine didn’t really see what good talking with Greg was going to do. He’d made up his mind that he had his proof. That Josh was guilty. While she couldn’t find any reasonable explanation for Josh to have misled her, she knew there would be one. An explanation. She just had to talk to her brother. And she couldn’t trust Greg to be open-minded. The way he’d jumped automatically—with a tone of expectation—to the idea that Josh had confessed guilt to her the night before...

  Wynne’s words rang in her ears. Because they’d been in her own mind, too. She knew herself. Knew her weaknesses.

  Greg Johnson played to them perfectly—whether he meant to or not. Wanted to or not. Just thinking about how she’d felt climbing into his car—like it was a tiny oasis of good feeling—made her cringe.

  Had Josh risked everything, having this meeting with Heidi?

  Confused, hurting for her brother, afraid for all of them, she shored her defenses.

  “Why does Josh want you to take full custody of Bella?” Greg’s question was soft, his expression looking like he really cared, pulling her out of the muck into which she’d sunk and back to the problem at hand. Back to what really mattered.

  She had to be honest with him if she had any hope he’d see the truth.

  “He’s afraid that Heidi’s going to be successful at manipulating the court, that he’s going to get convicted. While the sentence probably won’t amount to much, it sets a pattern that he doesn’t see ending. He doesn’t want his daughter to grow up in a home that is disrupted every time her mother comes after her father. He also fears that if he’s convicted, the court will determine that he’s not a fit custodial parent, even though there’s not one bit of evidence that he’s ever, or would ever, hurt that baby girl...” Her throat clogged, and she swallowed. Then continued.

  “Despite what Heidi might have convinced herself to believe, even if Josh gets convicted, she’s not going to be eligible to take custody of her daughter. Because of the charges against her before, and the proof that she hurt Bella, she has to wait a minimum of five years before she’ll even be considered as a safe parent. And if Josh is deemed unsafe, Bella could become a ward of the state. If I have her, they can both talk to her every day, video call with her, have their visitations, get to spend holidays with her and go to school functions... We’re still a family, and providing Bella with a secure and stable home life at the same time.” Josh had it all worked out.

  And as much as she’d love to raise her niece full-time, as badly as she wanted to be a mother/aunt to the toddler, her heart broke every time she considered her brother’s home without his baby girl.

  “Josh knows that I’ve decided to remain single, and he sees this as a win for me, too,” she continued. If there was a chance Greg was open to the truth, she was going to put it all out there so he could get it. For Josh and Bella. “I’ve always wanted children...”

  The man had turned to face her, his gaze so warm she shivered like she did when she first stepped into a deliciously warm bubble bath. She wanted to immerse herself. To soak in it. And know the peace that came from being able to just relax and feel good for a moment.

  “What did he say when you asked him if Heidi had been living with him?”

  His gaze was inches from hers. His face inches from hers. She desperately needed to know if he was digging for dirt or sincerely looking for truth—she just couldn’t tell.

  Didn’t trust herself to be able to tell where he was concerned.

  And wanted him to hold her, regardless. To just squeeze her up against that body and do things to her that made them both feel so glorious that the world and its troubles didn’t seem so all encompassing.

  “He said that she’d asked to be allowed to spend the night sometimes, so that she could be there when Bella went to bed and when she got up in the morning. So her daughter had a sense of her being a real part of their home life.”

  “So he let her move in?”

  “No.” It was important that he get this. That he get that Josh—both a victim and a survivor—was a very capable, loving father. “He just let her spend the night sometimes, for Bella’s sake, because he agreed that it could be better for her to know her mother in a more normal light, once or twice a week, depending on his schedule and Heidi’s emotional state. She slept in a downstairs guest bedroom. His and Bella’s rooms are upstairs. And he installed a motion-sensor light that would alert him immediately if she tried to climb the stairs during the night.”

  “She could have tampered with the light.”

  “She’d have had to do so from upstairs, and he checked it before he went to bed each night. He always sleeps with his door open. And, just in case you’re wondering, he also has a child safety gate at the top of the stairs in case Bella gets up.”

  He appeared to be paying avid attention. She still couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Or believing. His gaze seemed softer still. More personal, too. She wanted to get distracted by that. To distract him. And couldn’t afford to do either.

  “He’s a guy who thinks of every eventuality and protects against them,” she said. “Not a man who’d ever hurt anyone. All those years... He’d stop my father, but he never gave back. He defended, but never attacked. It’s just not Josh.”

  He nodded. But whether or not it was in confirmation, she didn’t know. Wasn’t sure she could trust herself to know.

  She wanted to trust him, though. So badly.

  “Josh is meeting with Heidi today to discuss giving me custody of Bella, at least for now. I assumed, with all that’s going on, that he’d do it virtually, but obviously not. He’s going to offer, at my suggestion, that the two of them go to counseling together at whatever point it’s deemed appropriate. That they work together to become good and healthy parents to Bella. He’s telling her that I’ll make visitation as easy and home friendly as the courts will allow—she’s currently only allowed supervised visits, which I’m sure you know, and I’m sure you heard yesterday that that’s all Josh gets right now, too.”

  He nodded again. Felt like confirmation that time. Did that mean the prior one had not been?

  “She doesn’t really have a say at this point, as he’s been Bella’s full custodial parent, but he wants Heidi’s buy-in. He wants her to be willing to sign whatever papers are necessary to give me full guardianship. We aren’t sure about all the legalities, but he wants us all agreed before he calls his family lawyer to put things in action.” He’d actually talked about adoption if it came to that, but she’d cut him off at that point. There was no way he was going to give up Bella to that extent. No way.

  “I didn’t know he was going to meet with Heidi in person,” she added, again. “I would have warned him against that.” And wasn’t sure Josh would have listened on that one. Which could be why he hadn’t told her. If he was falling for Heidi’s lies again, they were in much more serious trouble than she’d even thought.

  “You think he still loves Heidi?”

  She shrugged. Had asked herself the same question many times. “Maybe,” she said. “I think he definitely loves the person she can be when she’s in a good place. But I know he sees the other side clearly now, too. Mostly, I think he knows what it’s like to grow up not knowing your biological parent, and he doesn’t want Bella to go through that. At the same time, he recognizes that it’s not healthy for her to be around an abusive mom. I think he’s hoping that the counseling, the divorce and losing custody have helped Heidi change.”

  “But you don’t believe that it has?”

  “I’d hoped, but, no, not really. She just didn’t seem... I don’t know...” Heidi had said the right things the time or two she’d seen her, but there’d been a missing...something, too. It was like she wasn’t fully engaged, and Jasmine had worried about what would happen when Heidi let it all loose. Would she be able to control it?

  “And now that she’s pulling this stunt, and I find out she was working him for partial custody when she’d already been told by the state that she wouldn’t be eligible for five years... I know she hasn’t changed.”

  He pushed a lock of hair away from her face, grazing her skin. She stared up at him. “Are you sure you’re open to seeing the change? To believing it can happen?”

  He wasn’t asking about Heidi, now. It was like she read words in his eyes. He wanted to know if she could believe that her brother had changed from who she knew him to be? Wanted to know if she believed Josh had become an abuser?

  Or was he just needing reassurance that she’d know if he had? That she’d be able to see if he had?

  She’d grown up a victim. He knew her history with adult relationships. She understood his doubt.

  “I know I’m able to see it,” she told him. And then added more, even though she was opening a door she’d rather not have him enter. “I’ve seen it in Wynne.”

  She wasn’t ashamed of her relationship with Wynne. Of having had a same-sex partner. She just didn’t expect others—men, mostly—to understand. Or not get all weird about it.

  Noah had thought it was cool. Until he found out that it didn’t make her open to threesomes.

  And while Greg most definitely didn’t send out that kind of vibe, she didn’t want to find out she was wrong and be disappointed some more. It wasn’t like she and Greg were ever going to be anything. It didn’t hurt to want to think good thoughts about him.

  “You still care about her,” he said, seeming to take a step back without moving his feet. Cars flew by occasionally. She’d been aware. Paid no attention. And suddenly felt as though they were on display, standing out there with his SUV between them and the road.

  Who was going to think twice about seeing them out there?

  “I do.” She wasn’t going to lie. Most particularly not to him. If he caught her in one little white stretching of the truth, it could be over for Josh. After seeing William Brubaker in court the previous afternoon, she was fairly certain the man was determined to win his case. Regardless of whether or not Josh had abused his wife. She figured he believed Josh had done it. That he believed Heidi. And his mind was closed to any other scenario.

  “Is it hard for you? Seeing her married to someone else?”

  “No!” She heard how loud her voice had become and softened her tone. “Not at all. I want her happy, and it wasn’t going to happen with me.”

  “Because you couldn’t give her a second chance? You said all three of your exes were abusive, so I’m assuming she was? And agreed to leave you alone as long as you didn’t ruin her political aspirations by going public with her abuse?”

  He paid attention to what she’d told him. There was no doubting that much.

  “Because she’s a woman who faces public scrutiny, and backlash from political opponents, every day in her public life, which gives her a tendency to be insecure in her private one.” She told him another truth she hadn’t spoken to anyone else. Because she had to. For Josh’s sake.

  Or was it because there was something about this man that compelled her to be her real self with him, in a way she’d never been able to be with anyone else?

  Oh God, was she in trouble here? Falling for this guy for real?

  Did that mean that underneath all of his avowals of wanting honesty, and his good-guy demeanor, he had a mean streak, too?

  “And I’m too sensitive to other people’s emotional nuances to be at peace with that. Wynne’s a strong, public person. She has to be to make the differences she’s making. I’m someone who likes to keep my private stuff private.”

  She couldn’t decipher his expression as he continued to watch her. And couldn’t have him thinking she didn’t know her own mind. Or wasn’t perfectly rational and reliable.

  “Wynne was there when I got the rest of my stuff out of the place I’d shared with D—Mike.” She’d almost used Des’s real name. She had to be more careful. “She stood up to him, not backing down, when he made a verbal slur or two. And when we left, she was so understanding—in an emotional way. She sat with me as I worked through it, sharing the emotion with me. It was...oddly compelling. Of course I know now that I was susceptible, due to the relationship challenges I face. Wynne fit my pattern. Anyway, a deep friendship was solidified that night, and I found myself relying on her as things happened in my day and wanting to be there for whatever she happened to be facing. I knew she was gay, but didn’t care, one way or the other. I never really have thought too much about a person’s sexual orientation. She was Wynne, and I was falling in love with her, with the us we were creating. To me, sex is a culmination of being with someone who you want to be with more than anyone else. That’s what powers the need to see, to touch, to be intimate. That’s what powers the arousal. Sexual attraction grows out of an emotional bond, not a predilection for body parts.

  “I can be equally aroused, and satisfied, from either sex if the emotional bond is there. And, for me, it also has to be monogamous from the very beginning. Sex is the one thing you share with your partner that no one else in the world gets to share. Or have a part of. Truthfully, for most of my life, I thought everyone was built that way, but that a lot of us just followed societal norms because that’s what we’d been taught. Or for procreation. It wasn’t until Wynne had such a hard time accepting that I could be satisfied with just her after I’d been attracted to men, had sex with men, that I saw how different I was. She was beautiful and charming...and I never wanted anyone else when we were together...” She shrugged.

  “And that’s when she became abusive? When she started to think you were attracted to men, too? That you couldn’t be satisfied only by her?” he asked.

  His voice, the motorcycle that sped by, the sun in her eyes, all hit at the same time. She wanted to get back to the Stand. To collect Bella and go home.

  And wished she’d met Greg under different circumstances. That he wasn’t a cop. In a position of power.

  How could he sit there so calmly, accept her so calmly? As though it all made sense to him? As though she made sense to him?

  “She was never physically abusive,” she said, needing to finish this off. She’d started it. It had to end. “She just got extremely possessive, and she’s already got that take-charge personality. And then, once, when I wouldn’t say that I was a lesbian, she was verbally abusive. It was like, in her mind, I wasn’t fully accepting of who we were as a couple. The abuse only happened that once. Neither of us allowed it to go any further than that. And I didn’t offer her an agreement—she asked for one. She heard herself screaming horrible things at me and immediately stopped. Midsentence. She knew we had to break up. She had other issues going on and put herself in counseling and got herself right. And while I care deeply about her, I’d already begun to realize that we weren’t right for each other. Not because of the sex, but because of the lives we’d chosen to live. I wasn’t happy being the partner of a politician. I dreaded the dinners, the constant smiles, the fund raising. And once that emotional bond waned, so did the sexual desire. We stay in touch, though we don’t see each other all that much anymore. I get the feeling Andrea doesn’t like me.” She shrugged. He now knew all about a part of her life even Josh didn’t know.