But for just that one second, she wished that Greg would always be there with her. In her home. In her heart...forever.

  Chapter 26

  Josh was going to be fine. Sore. He’d need therapy to get back full use of his shoulder, but by the next afternoon he’d been released from the hospital. As there were no longer any charges against him, he was free to see Bella. Jasmine knew that if he’d intended to seriously hurt her in the cabin, he’d have succeeded. After speaking to her counselor and Josh’s, with his permission, she agreed to bring Bella and stay the first couple of nights with him after his release. He had some real issues to work through; he’d purposely put his foot up to slow Jasmine down, though he hadn’t meant her to fall flat on the ground. And he’d backhanded her—though not with full force as their father had done. It was nothing that would hold weight in court in terms of charges. And after the hell Heidi had put him through over the past year, Jasmine wasn’t pressing any. Josh had just risked his life to save hers. He deserved a second chance. And he’d already met extensively with his therapist. After visiting her own doctor to make certain that she was fine, and hearing that her ribs were only bruised, Jasmine took Bella to pick her father up from the hospital and then back to her own home for the first time in a while. She didn’t see Greg at all.

  He called, though. Each night.

  And they texted, too, after each of them got in their respective beds. They didn’t talk about what had happened, other than Greg asking how Josh was doing. And she asked how his father was getting along.

  They didn’t talk about cases. Or Heidi.

  Or them, either. They just...talked.

  Something was different with him. He seemed warmer and yet more distant, too. Maybe he’d had second thoughts about their friendship arrangement.

  She wasn’t ready to hear about it if he had. She just needed another few days. Long enough to be able to sit up without holding her breath.

  “We have to talk,” Josh said to her on the second night at his house. Bella was in bed, and she and Josh were in his living room—him lying back in his recliner, where he’d determined he could sleep more comfortably. She’d just come out to check on him before turning in herself.

  She shook her head. “Not now, Josh. Someday, maybe. Not now.” She was leaving in the morning to head back home, back to work. And taking Bella with her. For the time being.

  “Now,” he said, pushing the foot of the recliner down as he sat up straight. His movements were slow, controlled. The tears in his eyes weren’t.

  “Josh.” She was on the floor at his feet, kneeling there. Not in submission. Or fear. Nothing but love emanated from her. Healthy love. “Don’t do this...you saved my life. You were going to die for me. That trumps any and everything else.” She’d already come to that conclusion. What had happened in their cottage that night...it was their secret. Two kids who’d grown up in hell and somehow managed to save each other from it, too.

  “It’s not okay, Jas.” Reaching out, he smoothed the hair off her forehead, her cheek. “Hurting you is not okay,” he said softly. “Throwing myself in front of that bullet... I’d rather be dead than hurt you.”

  She covered his hand on her face with her own. “I know.” She got it. “I hurt you once, too, Josh,” she reminded him. “The important thing is that it never happened again. And it won’t with you, either.”

  She’d worked it all out... He’d been absolutely certain that the only chance of saving Bella from Heidi had been to get her away from Jasmine and out of the country. With Heidi’s last lies being believed, Josh had lost all trust in the system.

  “You pushed me in desperation, not anger,” he said, a look in his eye she’d never seen before. Resolution. Acceptance.

  “And that’s exactly why you lifted your foot when I was about to take Bella and go. You knew if I did, Heidi would get her.”

  “I was just in a bad place. Feeling completely trapped. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but right wasn’t going to win.”

  “I know.” She was glad to know that he knew, too.

  “I want to go forward with the custody thing, Jas. Just for now. I want to give you guardianship of Bella.” With Heidi in jail, where she would most likely be for the next couple of decades, he could proceed more easily.

  “Josh, please. You’re such a great dad. And she needs you.”

  “She needs me healthy, sis. And I’m not. All of these years with Heidi...” The charges against him had been dropped. He’d been telling the truth all along, as Heidi had finally corroborated. Each time she’d been hurt, she’d been egging him on and had worked it so that she got hurt. Even the foot in the door. She’d deliberately put her foot in the way of the door closing. She was hoping, by confessing, to win back Josh’s love and support.

  “I need some time. Counseling. I need to learn how to trust myself again.” He looked at her. “And to forgive myself. And...”

  He looked away, and then back again. “I need you to press charges against me, Jasmine.”

  She stared at him, mouth open. Was he insane? Had he... What on...

  “Hear me out,” he said when she started to shake her head. Vigorously. “I need you to do it for me. I have to be held accountable. To pay for what I did. Or I’m never going to be able to get past it. It will always be there with me. Unfinished business. But more, I need it for you, Jas. I can’t look at you, love you, knowing that I hurt you and you just took it. It’s eating me alive inside that I’m that guy.” He started to cry. “Please, sis. If you do nothing else for me, please, go to the police. Tell them what happened that night at the cabin.”

  But Josh...he was a victim who’d made a horrendous mistake and was holding himself accountable to it. He was giving up his daughter until he knew he was well. Pressing charges...the court wasn’t going to do anything but recommend counseling.

  “I’ll tell you what,” she offered. “I’ll tell Greg. He’s an officer of the law. If he thinks we should take it further, we will.”

  Josh studied her, his bottom lip jutted out. And then he nodded.

  “And if he agrees with me, that there’s good reason, for anyone, to not let this go—with the understanding that you complete counseling—then we let it go.”

  “Let’s see what he has to say,” Josh told her. But he gave her a sad smile. “I love you so much, Jasmine. I can’t believe I let her get to me to the point that I betrayed your trust. Even for a second.”

  “Yeah. You want to know something I’ve figured out through all of this?”

  He nodded again.

  “Trust doesn’t die because the human holding it, or giving it, makes one mistake. Trust dies when the same mistakes are repeated multiple times.” She was never going to forget that horrible night, or the pain he’d caused her, emotionally and physically. What he’d done wasn’t okay. But she’d already forgiven him for it. More, she trusted him not to do it again.

  Just as she’d always known Wynne’s lack of verbal control that one time had been a momentary overload, not an underlying illness. Or a personality factor.

  Josh reached for with his good arm, gave her a gentle hug, about the shoulders, careful of her ribs. “I love you, Jasmine. In so many ways, you are my salvation.”

  “And you are mine,” she told him with complete honesty.

  * * *

  Greg had no idea what to expect when he showed up at Jasmine’s house Friday night—her first night home from Josh’s. He called just outside the gate to let her know he was there. He’d leave if she asked him to do so.

  It was eight thirty. Long since dark. Bella would be in bed. And Jasmine might be lying in bed already, after the week she’d had.

  Bella...if things worked out with Jasmine, and he had to believe they would...he’d have a child in his life full time. Not his biologically, but he wasn’t his parents’ biological child, either. It didn’t take biology to be a good protector and teacher. All it took was love.

  And he wanted it.

  All of it. The good, the not so good. He wanted what his parents had made with him. A family of his own.

  She answered on the first ring, as though she’d been waiting for his call. Sounded excited when he told her he was outside.

  If she wanted him over that badly, she could have invited him.

  He’d debated what to wear—such a dramatic thing for a guy who lived life on the sidelines—but he was getting more used to the other man who’d been lurking in his skin all these years. Guiding his life.

  In black jeans, a button-up shirt and leather slip-ons, he knocked on her door. He wasn’t sure about spending the rest of his life living alone. But knew that, for her, he had to try.

  Drama had a way of showing you the truth. About yourself. About life—and about those in it.

  He didn’t get a chance to knock. She was there, pressing her lips against his, her hands on his hips, as though steadying herself. He ached to pull her against him, beneath him, on top, next to him, just to have all of her touching all of him.

  And didn’t want to hurt her. Those ribs. They were going to have to talk about them.

  “You smell so good,” she told him. “So...you.”

  So did she. Smell good. He wanted to take her to bed, even just to lie next to her, and smell that scent all night. Kissing her back, hard and wanting her, he thought about ways they could have sex without hurting her.

  Her on top, for sure. Naked. His hands on her hips. Or her nipples. Nipples were good. Not attached to ribs...

  He broke the kiss.

  They had some details to get through first. Because he was, after all, the guy who took care of things...

  Taking his hand, she led him back toward her bedroom. He knew he should stop her. That there was serious business ahead. But watching her move in those leggings, the long shirt hiding most of what he knew was beneath it...wanting to be in bed with her won out.

  Wanting to be in her bed.

  “I’ve never had a relationship with a child in the house,” she was saying. “I told Bella that if she ever wakes up in the night and Auntie JJ’s door is closed, then she should just knock and Auntie JJ will answer right away. We practiced and made a game of it. She waited until I opened the door and then laughed and squealed when I made a big deal of her being there.”

  She was speaking softly as they made their way down the hall. And shut her bedroom door behind them as they arrived.

  The suite was opulent. Off-whites. Some gold. Roses. Maroon and darker green pillows propped up against an entire wall of pillows, some with shams that matched the comforter. Off-white with rose prints. He could see into the bathroom from two steps into the room. Could see the garden tub, at least. He knew she had a walk-in tiled shower from a conversation they’d had late one night. And double sinks.

  She always only used one—the same one.

  “And there’s the monitor,” she said now, pointing to the speaker on one of the two nightstands. The right one. She’d said she slept on the right side of the bed. He was a middle, take-up-the-whole-thing guy. When he slept alone.

  “Can you stay?” she asked him, reaching for the top button on her blouse. And it occurred to him that she was trying too hard.

  Talking too much, but not about anything they needed to discuss.

  Walking toward her on the thick carpet, thinking he should have removed his shoes, praying they didn’t leave marks, he took both her hands. Sat on the end of the bed with her.

  “We need to talk.”

  Everything about her stilled. Her energy. Her breathing. The way she’d been looking all over the place. Head bowed, she nodded.

  “I expect you’re going to tell me that you’ve had a change of heart...”

  “I have.”

  “I don’t blame you. At all. My family... Josh and I, we’re messy. That whole thing with Heidi. I know it was over-the-top out there. Who does that? What kind of family continues to care about a person like that? How can I understand Josh still loving her? It’s just...until you’ve lived it...”

  He listened. It was what he did. He was good at it.

  When it seemed like her pause was more than just that, he said, “My change of heart has nothing to do with your family. Or what happened.” He thought for a second. “Or rather, it does have some to do with what happened. But then, I realized that as much as I want to be married, to have a traditional home and family life, I want, no...I need you more.”

  Not looking at her, he pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. “I just need you to know, before I say any more, that I will agree to whatever relationship constraints you need. I just have to try...”

  He handed her the envelope. All sealed, with the contents notarized.

  “What’s this?”

  “I know it’s way too soon to discuss marriage between us,” he said. “But I’d like it to be on the table. For the future. I’d like it to be where we’re headed. To that end, I’ve drafted up a pre-confession and had it notarized.” He nodded toward the envelope. “It’s yours, to keep someplace safe. Someplace I can’t get to. In it I admit to being fully at fault for the demise of our relationship.”

  She sucked in a breath. Dropped the envelope like it burned her. “Is this some kind of joke?” He supposed, from the outside looking in, he was out on a serious limb here. But he knew her. He trusted her.

  “I agree to give you our home. To take only my personal possessions when I leave. And to split with you whatever we’ve earned together. The rest of your money is your own. And...Bella, even if I were to adopt her, too, you’d get full custody.”

  Jumping up, hands on her hips, she stared at him. “Have you lost your mind? I don’t get it. What on earth are you doing here? Because if you think...”

  He took one of her hands. As gently as he could with her all het up. Held it between both of hers. “I’m a big man,” he started.

  She pulled her hand away. Kicked at the envelope with her foot. “I’m not the least bit bothered by your size. I don’t really even notice. It’s just you.” The kick might have been more effective if the envelope had actually moved.

  Taking her hand again, he looked her in the eye long enough for her to take a deep breath. She was still blinking more than normal. Something he’d noticed she did when she was pissed. “Hear me out, please?” he asked.

  She nodded. Kept looking him in the eye.

  “I know you aren’t ever going to have cause to use the contents of that envelope, Jasmine. And I trust you so completely I can give it to you knowing that you would never use it without cause. But I also know that it’s the only way I can make you feel safe about contemplating a live-in relationship with me. The very first time you feel in danger of being abused, you pull out that envelope. It’s your get-out-of-jail-free card.”

  “Oh God, Greg...” She picked up the envelope, taking a bit of extra time standing back up with it. And then ripped it. Again and again and again. “I don’t need this,” she told him. “I don’t even want it. I want a healthy relationship, not one with escape cards.”

  Watching the pieces of paper fall to the floor, he was a bit irritated. His plan had been a good one. The only one he could come up with...

  Moving her legs around his, she slid onto his lap, facing him. Her hands on his shoulders.

  “I want you to have the envelope,” he told her, not one to give up easily. “I’ll make another copy.”

  “Make a hundred of them,” she said. “A thousand. I don’t care. Paper the entire house with them. I’m telling you, I don’t need it.”

  She was looking him right in the eye. Paper the house? As in one? Hers? Or his? Or...just one house?

  “I love you, Greg Johnson. So much I can hardly believe it’s possible. This is all I’ve ever wanted. To love and be loved. In my home. Or yours. Or wherever we end up. The others... I was so anxious to have that home I wanted that I jumped too soon. Yeah, I’ve got a pattern. I am attracted to a certain type of person. And some of it might have to do with my growing up. But that’s true for pretty much everyone. What I know now is that I’m a survivor of domestic violence, but not a victim of it. I’m not that person. For whatever reason, I get myself out. I survive. And if I ever find myself in danger again, I’d get myself out again. Or die trying. There are no guarantees in life, but I know myself. I trust me, Greg. Which allows me to trust my feelings for you. And to believe in the trust I feel for you.”

  That was a whole lot of stuff in a very short time. While the woman of his dreams was straddling his thighs.

  Greg wanted to sit right there and savor every bit of it.

  “You’re saying that you want to move toward...”

  “Everything. All of it. One house. One family. Hopefully more than one child.”

  Well, that pretty much said it all. His heart pounded. His penis shot up beneath his fly in celebration.

  “There are some other things we need to talk about,” he remembered before he did something foolish, like throw caution to the wind and just...

  “I know. Josh, for one. And the whole rib thing. It’s been taken care of, but I promised him I’d run it by you...”

  “Promised him?”

  “Yeah. He wants me to press charges, but I’m not going to. Assuming you agree, of course.”

  Just damn it to hell. He and his big mouth. His details. Afraid she was going to slide right off his lap and maybe even out of his life, he said, “He did do it, then? Your brother physically abused you?” His voice rose. He tried to temper it. To remain calm. But...

  “Yes,” she said, putting a finger to his lips. “But hear me out. Please?” She mimicked his earlier request.

  And so he did. He sat there and listened to her far into that night. On his lap. And as the conversation continued, propped up on pillows in the dark. He asked questions. Hard questions. She had answers. Some that made him sick to hear.