She was babbling. But let the words pour out of her. Because they’d built up inside her, in the midst of all of the rest.

  “They could have just left them for me to find them a good home.”

  “I’m guessing they’d have stated as such in their bequeathment if that’s what they wanted from you.”

  He nodded, as though he’d already had the thought himself.

  And then it occurred to her. “Is it that you aren’t sure you really want them?”

  “Oh, God, no.” His response nearly brought tears to her eyes. He wanted their children. The babies that had grown from the embryos she’d talked him into making with her.

  “Then what?” It was kind of nice. The two of them talking with each other. Like...normal. Rather than having shields drawn at all times.

  “It’s us.”

  “Us?” And just like that, her walls shot up. She wasn’t in time to save her heart from harm. But she could hold on to her sanity. And to the part of her that would do anything for her children.

  “You don’t trust me.”

  Yeah, they’d already established that. She was done talking.

  “You really think it’s healthy for kids to be raised by parents who’ve already destroyed each other?”

  Destroyed each other?

  That was news to her.

  What had she done to hurt him? She’d given him everything. Had been honest from the beginning...

  “I really loved you, Mia. Deeply.”

  Her heart started to tear. She sewed it right back up.

  “I loved you, too.” Past tense. Dead now. He’d killed it.

  “Just not as much as you loved Shelter Valley.”

  Her entire body froze. She couldn’t draw air. Or even think for a second. She dropped to the bed, staring up at him.

  “That’s not true.” He really didn’t get it.

  “It seemed that way to me.”

  “Jordon, people are just different. They can’t help it. Introverts, they need what they need. Extroverts, the same. People who need sunshine to feel their happiest, and those who aren’t affected by the weather one way or another. Those who can survive in the desert and those who dry out and die. People who relate to animals better than they do most people. And those who need a crowd around to be able to thrive. To breathe freely.”

  She’d just proven that she and Jordon had never been going to make it. Not ten years before. And no time in the future, either.

  But...

  What?

  She could tell him she trusted him to make the decisions he thought best for their children and then try to convince him to do something he wasn’t sure about.

  The offer the night before...he’d made it because he knew it was what she wanted. Just like he’d always told her okay in the past.

  And she knew what she had to do. “Take the girls to New York, Jordon. Start your life with them. And if the court gives me visitation rights, we can figure out how we go about making that work.” Her insides crumbled, but sitting there, she didn’t let it show.

  She’d learned a lot in ten years.

  And she had Brilliant just a few yards and a barn away.

  Her heart might hurt like hell, but Jordon—life—wasn’t going to break her again.

  * * *

  Jordon listened. Really listened. To what he thought Mia was saying.

  And didn’t feel any better.

  “I don’t want to do it without you, Mia. It feels...wrong. And not just in terms of you and me and you being the one who convinced me to donate and then you lose out on raising your own kids. But in terms of the girls, too. They’re going to remember you. This week, Macy...you’ve helped them through what I hope turns out to be the toughest time of their lives. And when they get older, and find out that I’m their biological father, and want to know about their biological mother, and it’s you...they deserve to know you.”

  Just as she deserved to know them.

  The girls came first. Most definitely. But Mia mattered. A lot.

  Too much?

  Was he finding it so impossible to get around her because he didn’t want to? Was his hesitation to take the girls because a part of him knew that he was doing it partially because he wanted Mia in his life, too?

  Mia helping him along the way.

  And he was only convincing himself of what was best for the girls in a way that fit his own scenario?

  Like he’d done with Mia for four years?

  “I’m confused.” He’d seen her frown. Hadn’t been sure he was ready for whatever was coming.

  “Confused how?”

  “You want me to be a part of things like you laid out last night?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then...what...the bit about us not being healthy for the kids...”

  He almost didn’t want to say. In case he was saying it for the wrong reasons. His own selfish reasons.

  “It can’t be healthy for kids to be raised by two people who can’t be real with each other. Who have so many defenses between them it’s a wonder they can talk at all.”

  She seemed to consider his words, then said, “Or maybe it’s better this way. As long as we keep our defenses in place, we can’t hurt each other again. Which means that things are always civil between us. The girls won’t have to choose sides. Or even have a sense that there are sides. Because whatever differences we have, we work out without recrimination clouding the issues.”

  He didn’t argue. But didn’t feel convinced.

  “The past is past, Jordon. An ‘us’ is gone. Has been for a long time. We’ve created great, successful lives without each other. Which means the future can be two people who made babies raising them. Ruby and Violet are all that we have in common.”

  Jordon wanted to argue with her. Didn’t see a way for the pretty picture she was painting to work.

  And didn’t know how to tell her that he’d never be able to pretend that Ruby and Violet were all they had in common.

  * * *

  Mia was on a roll.

  Thinking completely clearly for the first time in a week. Finally seeing how it was all going to work.

  Until he said, “Except that every time I look at you, really look at you... I still find you attractive, Mia. Mega attractive. Like more attractive than any woman I’ve ever known. And in New York, I’ve...”

  She held up her hand before he could complete a sentence that would be with her forever. “I get it, Jordon,” she said.

  And was without clarity again.

  Completely. No more words.

  But there was one beacon of knowledge. Blinding her with truth.

  They had to deal with it.

  “I find you just as gorgeous,” she said, trying to maintain her hard-won ability to remain calm in all situations. “It’s natural, don’t you think, since the sex was so great between us?”

  When his eyes grew smoky, his particular brand of hot, she flooded between her legs, her nipples perked into nubbins, and she said, “But it was so good because of the love we thought we shared.” And knew there was truth there, too. “For me, the emotion is a huge part of sex, Jordon. More even than the body parts and how they look and what they do. Which means, for me, anyway, it won’t be an issue. I might want you, but I know what I’m lusting after is an illusion. It’s a memory that was built on a fantasy.”

  At least she hoped to God that was all it was.

  She truly believed that was all it was.

  “I need more than an assurance that sex won’t be an issue,” he said then, taking the wind out of her sails once again. He sat beside her, not touching her, but her body knew him.

  Liked having him there.

  “What do you need?” she asked because he was so close. And so much was at stake.

  “I need to know that we can be at our best, together, for the girls. Because if they have me, they’re going to need you. If not this year, then next, or the one after that. Or, the alternative, we give them to a two-parent couple in a healthy relationship.”

  Mia jumped up. She paced a minute. And when she felt like she was going to split in half, she blurted, “I need to use the restroom.” She barely got the words out before she was out the door. Needing air.

  Needing to peek in on Ruby and Violet.

  The twins were sound asleep, cuddled up together on the couch.

  And the movie still had a way to go.

  She didn’t want to go back to Jordon. She wanted to be in a stall. Visiting with Brilliant until she had her zen back.

  But if she couldn’t have a tough conversation with Jordon, how could she possibly be good for her daughters?

  Two things occurred almost simultaneously, then. She turned back toward her spare room littered with boxes and piles.

  And she knew what she was going to say when she got there.

  Because one thought of the girls made it happen.

  “Okay, here’s what I can promise you. I’ll do anything to bless those babies’ lives,” she said, standing in the doorway. “I love them that much. I think about them, and suddenly I have a strength I didn’t know I had. And my own emotions—it’s like they lose power in favor of their little hearts. And minds. And well-being. I’m guessing it’s a mother’s instinct, but I have no basis of proof for that.”

  That was it. Everything she had. Right there.

  Jordon stood. His intent stare never leaving her gaze.

  The future lay there in that gaze.

  She waited to see what it would bring.

  “I feel exactly the same way,” he said. “It’s the most bizarre thing...this feeling. These girls have me in their grips. Fatherhood. Not anything I thought I absolutely had to have. And yet, here I am. I’d run into a burning house for those two. Jump in front of a train for them. Whatever it takes, to be at my best, to give them my best...”

  Tears filled her eyes.

  Maybe they filled his, too. She couldn’t see clearly enough to know.

  But she knew one thing.

  She and Jordon had finally shared a set of vows.

  And they were promises she trusted both of them to keep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  They were doing it.

  And they weren’t.

  Elation warred with trepidation, common sense, details and bone-deep regret, too, as Jordon drove in the dark to get to his hotel suite in time for the morning bell on Monday. He’d left a sleepy Mia behind on her porch as he’d run out the door at her approach, handing off the baby monitor as he headed for the SUV.

  Which dug up another confusion of emotion.

  He was going to keep his daughters.

  The thought scared the hell out of him.

  And energized him in a way he’d never imagined. Who knew that life had this whole incredibly complex and invigorating dimension that he hadn’t even known existed? Why hadn’t his friends with kids told him?

  Friends...work associates, really. Ones he trusted and socialized with.

  When they weren’t with their families.

  Or when it was a “just adults” gathering and he had a date along.

  Dating.

  The word crossed his mind.

  No time or interest in pursuing a thought about it.

  Mia.

  She loomed hugely on his horizon. Just that. Loomed.

  He couldn’t do it without her. Not morally. Not emotionally.

  But couldn’t let himself get involved with her, either. Not personally.

  So...looming.

  Moving the girls to New York.

  His apartment was larger than a lot of places in Manhattan. No problem there.

  Furniture.

  Needed to order.

  Sooner rather than later so it was there when he and the girls arrived. Arrangements to be made to get it set up in his absence.

  Six names came immediately to mind.

  All six people he’d be seeing virtually, one-on-one, later that morning.

  He was a father.

  Had daughters.

  Brown Eyes and Blue Eyes.

  In a few years, they were...

  Nope. Not going there.

  Too much to worry about in the present.

  Everyone was going to be shocked.

  Might even think he couldn’t do it.

  Could he do it?

  Seriously...him.

  His lifestyle.

  No more going out most nights.

  He waited for the disappointment to hit. The caged feeling.

  He’d have power lunches.

  The city came to life most during the warmer months. He’d be free every night during the summer.

  Maybe become the guy who was seen out and about with his twins.

  Yeah, he liked that thought a lot.

  People were going to scoff. Him? They wouldn’t believe it.

  Ma.

  Damn. He pushed the phone button on the steering wheel, waited for the beep and said, “Call Ma on cell.”

  And noticed his palms were sweating.

  Like he was jumping off the bridge once and for all.

  Taking the dive of his life.

  “Jordie? It’s been six days and I haven’t heard from you.”

  Brows raised, he glanced at the dash screen, checking that he’d connected right.

  Ma. And the number was right, too.

  “I...don’t usually call every day,” he reminded, still trying to decipher the odd note in her tone. Not anger. Or even recrimination.

  But something more than the placid sounds that always came from her.

  “What did you decide, Jordie?”

  And, again, he felt like he took a brick to the head. What was it with him? Failing to see how his actions and words affected others?

  “Until late last night, nothing for sure, Ma. I’d have called if I had.” He’d have bet his life she’d have known that.

  “I know, Jordie.” Her tone quieted. And then she said, “I just...this is...”

  She cared. A lot.

  The idea energized him again.

  “Mia and I talked last night,” he told her, a bit more enthused to share his news. If his mother did think he was making a mistake, as he’d somewhat expected, then he’d just have to prove her wrong. She’d said she’d help, and...

  “And? Are you giving her the children?”

  “No, Ma, I’m bringing them home. For the school years. They’ll spend summers with Mia on the ranch.”

  No response.

  None.

  “Ma?”

  “Yeah.” She sounded...deadpan. Like he, his information, wasn’t even important enough to yield a reaction?

  “You said you’d help, Ma. Did you mean that?”

  “What?” A brief pause and then, “Oh, yes, Jordie, of course!” Her tone sounded odd. Maybe excited. Definitely distracted.

  What the hell?

  She didn’t trust him, either? Didn’t believe that he was going to do what he said he’d do?

  She’d never said...

  “Ma?”

  “Mmm-hmm?”

  “Ma!”

  “What?” Definite alarm entered her tone then.

  “Are you hearing what I’m saying here?”

  “Oh, yes, Jordie!”

  “You don’t sound like it.”

  “I’m just...hold on...” He held. Breathing harder than normal. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was confused or something.

  Then it hit him, maybe she had someone there. Someone she didn’t want him to know about?

  “I’m sorry, Jordie, I’m here. And yes, I’ll help you! Anything you need, son, anytime.”

  Babysitting.

  Bing. The answer had been right there all along.

  His mother was family.

  The girls would be with family when he had to be gone.

  But... “What were you just doing?” What was so important she’d been blowing him off?

  “Making my flight reservation.”

  “Your flight?” She was taking a trip? Right when he was bringing the girls home? She never took trips. She talked about them, but she never took them.

  “Yes.”

  “You just booked a flight.”

  “Yes.”

  “Where?”

  “Phoenix.”

  “Phoenix.” She was coming to him? She never ever came to him. Not when he was a kid, unless he’d called and asked. Then she was there. Every time.

  “I’m coming home, Jordie. Today. I can’t wait another minute to meet my granddaughters. I’ve been waiting all week, watching flights, hardly able to sleep...”

  Her words dropped off, almost as if she’d just heard herself. Jordon wished she’d continued jabbering.

  It was...refreshing.

  Nice.

  All except the home part. What was that?

  “You just booked a flight to Phoenix for today?”

  He needed her to keep talking to buy him some time to figure out what he was going to do with his mother in a two-bedroom cabin.

  Or at Mia’s place at all.

  Mia had just agreed to co-parent with him. They’d work together.

  There’d be hardships. Bumps in the road. They hadn’t said so, but the knowledge had been there between them.

  But he sure hadn’t expected one so soon. How did he ask Mia to coexist with her ex’s mother when she still wasn’t all that proficient at dealing with said ex?

  How did he tell her he was taking the girls to the suite after all, rather than leaving them on the ranch during the day?

  How did he take his girls away from Macy when he’d just told them they had another week there?

  Thoughts flew so fast he hardly noticed that silence hung on the line. Wasn’t sure how much time had passed.