What in the hell was he doing?

  Expecting her to do?

  Wanting from her?

  If he...

  He’d just pretty much put the seal on her certainty of getting legal rights to the girls. According to her attorney, Jordon’s response would carry the only real weight against granting her request, if he’d chosen to fight it. He couldn’t take back his support. Not with his response officially filed. Not without cause and she’d give him none.

  At some point within the next few months, the court would rule and chances were almost certain she’d have legal rights.

  He was in it for the long haul.

  And...

  “You aren’t saying anything.”

  “I have no idea why you just said that.” And couldn’t deal with what the words meant. Figure out what he’d wanted them to mean.

  How she was supposed to take them.

  “I failed to communicate with total and open honesty in the past. I am doing everything I can to make certain that I don’t repeat the mistake going forward.”

  “And, so what, you give me the response to my filing and then confuse the issue?”

  “It’s not meant to confuse, Mia. But to educate.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Nothing.”

  Like that was going to happen. He might not know what she was going to do, but no way she could hear something like that and just pretend it hadn’t happened.

  “You love me like a friend?” she asked. “Like a copartner in the biggest venture of our lives?”

  “I’m in love with you, Mia.” His tone was kind. Soft. And unmistakably certain. “I never stopped loving you.”

  So...did he want to try again?

  The idea sent shock waves through her. Not all bad ones.

  Some very not bad ones.

  There were some not good ones, too.

  But...did he want to try again?

  Did she?

  “I don’t... I can’t... I...”

  “This doesn’t change anything.”

  His words fell into the cacophony rumbling around inside her mind. Making no sense.

  “It changes everything.” She practically cried the words.

  “No.” He met her panicked gaze, his look clear. Calm. “It doesn’t.”

  “But...”

  He reached out a hand, ran his fingers through her hair and then palmed her cheek. Leaning over, he kissed her.

  Her lips answered his. Naturally. Automatically. Without permission. But she didn’t pull back.

  He did.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. And then followed with, “I didn’t intend that part.”

  She needed to get in the house. To take a shower and wash off her wanting him. To cry and pretend the water on her face was from above. Not inside.

  “What did you intend?” Her voice shook, ending on a louder note.

  His gaze still didn’t break with hers. He was oddly sure about whatever it was he was doing to her.

  And she was more off-kilter than she’d ever been.

  “To start out with everything on the table so that we both know what’s here. So there aren’t any surprises down the road.”

  Oh. So, he really meant he wanted nothing more?

  “You think you can tell me that and we just go on with our plan as agreed upon?”

  “I think we have no other choice but to go on as agreed,” he said then, his elbows back on his knees, hands clasped.

  Hands that had felt so right, so wonderful, touching her again.

  “We’ve been over it all,” he continued. “Your life is here. Mine is in New York. What you do, what you love to do, it’s here. On this ranch. In this town. And my life is in New York. It’s as you said. I didn’t think about what you’d actually do, for a living, to complete you, or even to occupy yourself on a daily basis, in New York. I just saw how much we loved each other and I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

  She’d been right. Understanding helped ease past weights.

  But she felt zero vindication. She didn’t need Jordon to be wrong. To have wronged her. She needed them to be able to be happy. Both of them.

  “And if we try, and it doesn’t work, the girls suffer,” she said then.

  He nodded.

  Had obviously already laid the matter to rest. She wasn’t there yet.

  He’d had a head start on her.

  “You ever consider a long-distance relationship? Traveling back and forth?” She could live three weeks on the ranch. Or even two. And the other two in the city. And he could leave the city for two weeks. He’d just proven so...

  “With kids in school? How would that work?”

  They could be homeschooled. But she got his point. Because their future together was all about raising happy, healthy daughters. Those girls needed stability. Friends. Dance or art or swimming classes. An opportunity to participate in sports. One place to call home.

  And another to call summers on the ranch.

  “The truth is, you’re at your best here, Mia. And I’m at my best in New York.”

  And asking either of them to be anything but their best wasn’t love.

  She nodded. Leaned over and kissed him.

  Once. Softly.

  “I love you, too,” she said, feeling the tears pressing at her.

  And got up and went inside.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Landing in New York felt...odd. Incomplete. Glad to be on familiar soil at least, home soil, Jordon collected the car he’d left in long-term parking. Drove to the garage a mile from his apartment building. Grabbed his suitcase, his briefcase, and caught a cab home from the closest garage to his building.

  He did what he always did when returning from a trip.

  Routine.

  And was somehow off his mark. Hitting his shin with his suitcase as he pulled it off the conveyor in baggage claim. Catching a finger in the handle of his briefcase when he climbed into the cab.

  Hitting the elevator door in his building with his thigh as he entered.

  As soon as word had hit the day before that he was going to be in Tuesday evening, invitations had started hitting his text and email inboxes.

  He’d accepted three of them. Had lost time to make up for and was going to be gone again over the weekend.

  Once he showered, had a fresh shave and was wearing evening clothes, he’d be back in his groove.

  But first, he phoned Layla. To let her know he’d made it safely, for some unknown reason. He hadn’t called his mother after a trip specifically just to check in since...well, ever?

  And he talked to Ruby and Violet together on a video call.

  “Jordon Daddy?” Violet screwed up her face when she first saw him on the screen. “When are you coming home?”

  “Are you coming home in thirty?” Ruby asked then. “I can count to thirty, ’member?”

  “Yeah, me too!” Violet said, pushing her face a little closer. Not pushing her sister out of the way, but clearly making herself front and center.

  “And we got pichers of riding. Mama Mia taked them,” Violet said.

  He’d seen them. The second he’d turned on his phone when they’d landed on the runway. Mia had sent them. He’d texted back a heart emoji.

  And then, in the spirit of full communication, had told her that he was still in the plane, but that they’d landed.

  She’d responded with a thumbs-up.

  “I can’t wait for you to show me your pictures,” he told both girls. He asked what they’d had for lunch. If they’d been swimming, and what book they wanted Gran to read to them before bed. Listened to their sweet lispy answers. Watching the clock, taking every spare minute he could, and then told them that he loved them and to sleep well.

  “When are you coming home, Jordon Daddy?” Violet asked again then.

  “In four sleeps,” he replied. “Which is why you need to go get one of them done.”

  “Okay!” Violet said. “Come on, Ruby, let’s go to sleep and then Jordon Daddy will be back!”

  Didn’t seem to matter that it was only three in the afternoon their time.

  Ruby, who’d obviously been holding the phone, dropped it, leaving Jordon to stare at something light beige. Up real close.

  Until his mother picked up the cell, and laughingly told him goodbye.

  It was nice. Being a part of something of his own.

  Feeling better, Jordon left for an evening of energized work in the name of socialization.

  And wished he had Mia at his side when he went out to hail a cab.

  Right up until he got to his first stop—a gathering with drinks and hors d’oeuvres and some of Wall Street’s top investors—and saw all of the makeup, jewels and expensive dresses in the crowded room and knew that it would all choke Mia to death.

  * * *

  The week flew by in a blink. Layla, who was thriving back in the blue skies, sunshine and heat of the desert, had reconnected with friends in Phoenix and opted to spend the rest of the days Jordon was gone, in the city, spending time with Gloria and a couple of their mutual friends, before heading back to New York.

  Which had left Mia three days and three nights with her girls all to herself. Herself, plus Mariah Macy’s Mom and half a dozen others on the ranch as well. But for meals, bath time, story time and bedtime, they were all hers.

  She soaked up every moment.

  Took so many pictures and videos she had to get a bigger memory card for her phone.

  And knew a happiness she’d never imagined.

  Jordon was in touch every day. Several times a day. Just communicating, he called it. Asking her opinion on bed styles, dresser drawer pulls, color schemes and shower curtain design. They discussed the girls in detail.

  They never asked after each other.

  And neither even got close to mentioning their last in-person conversation. It was as though it had never happened.

  Except that Mia couldn’t get it out of her head.

  They’d loved each other ten years before, just as she’d thought. It hadn’t been a lie. Her heart had been true.

  And so had his been.

  It was their lives, their persons, that weren’t suited. Not their hearts.

  Didn’t matter.

  Heart and person went together. You didn’t get one without the other.

  And yet, knowing...understanding...what had happened...knowing what parts of her relationship with Jordon had been real—gave life a whole new dimension.

  Jordon called at bedtime each night, talking to the girls and counting down sleeps until he was back.

  She knew he’d just come in, or, on the second night, was still out but had stepped into a quiet alcove to call—but she didn’t ask him where he was, what he was doing or who he was with.

  And he didn’t say.

  Part of her wanted to know, in a kick herself in the teeth way. But mostly, she trusted that Jordon was doing what he needed to do and he’d do so while protecting those he cared about.

  And that was new to her older self. Nice.

  Introduced another dimension to the future they planned. One that sat well with her.

  All was well right up until Jordon caught a flight out on Friday, after the bell rang, rather than waiting until Saturday as originally planned.

  He’d wanted to have all day Saturday at the ranch with the girls, to talk to them, prepare, spend time with Mia and with them so they understood that they were a happy family together even though they weren’t going to live together all the time, before leaving on Sunday.

  Once she’d heard about it, she fully understood, and embraced his thinking.

  Problem was, since Layla left, she’d rented out his cabin through Friday night—to be available again before his Saturday arrival, and he didn’t let her know his change of plans before he arrived. Which meant that he showed up in Shelter Valley without a place to stay. He’d planned, apparently, to go to the cabin, have a little time to himself to unwind, and surprise the girls first thing in the morning.

  With a text to Mia to inform her before he actually showed up at the house.

  Instead, she got a text just after she’d put the girls to bed, letting her know that there were people in his cabin.

  As though they’d just happened to have a key or had broken in, and were openly on the deck having after-dinner drinks with family members from the next cabin?

  Come up to the house, she texted back. She couldn’t have him parked down at the dude ranch, glaring at her guests.

  And didn’t want to tell him over text that she’d rented out the place she’d told him he could use as long as he was in town.

  Baby monitor in hand, she waited for him outside. On the back step, since he’d chosen that destination the week before.

  Though darkness had fallen, she could see clouds in the sky, illuminated by the moon obscured behind them. The pinkish heat lightning transformed the desert sky into a glorious light show. Had she been alone, she’d have brought out her equipment and filmed a few shots to use as background for an upcoming boho wall hanging that had the same colors.

  As it was, she absorbed the beauty, the electricity, the potential for danger, as she stood there and watched as the father of her children exited his vehicle—all dressed up in New York style as usual—and headed toward her.

  The lightning burst, sending shards of light all over his tall, lean body, highlighting the chest behind buttoned-down cotton.

  He could cover that chest, but nothing hid the magnetism.

  And she couldn’t hide her desire for him from herself any longer, either. They’d admitted they still loved each other.

  He’d been the only man to spark both her body and her heart full force. Opening the one had set the other free, as well. She’d been fighting herself on the matter all week.

  When she’d just been attracted to him, as had been the case since he’d walked back into her life—muscle memory, she’d assumed—she could keep things under control.

  But knowing he still loved her...

  His confession had unleashed a power that could hurt them if they didn’t deal with it.

  But not then.

  That was a conversation to have with him sometime when he was in New York. Safely across the country and firmly out of reach.

  They’d find a solution for animalism just as they had every other challenge that had come at them over the past weeks.

  He’d always liked her natural style. Maybe she’d start wearing fashionable clothes, let her hair grow out and get professional instruction for globbing up her face with makeup.

  Once he no longer found her attractive, her own desire would die.

  “You rented out my cabin.” He said the words as he approached.

  “Just until tomorrow morning,” she told him. “It would have been cleaned and ready before you got back.”

  His lower lip jutting, he gave a half shrug. Nodded.

  Had to be tired. He’d worked all day, at a job that took a lot of energy. Then he’d dealt with busy airports, flown across the country, rented a vehicle and had driven an hour over a dark desert highway.

  “You can stay here.” The words spilled out. But she didn’t regret them. “I changed the sheets on the bed Layla used.”

  When he didn’t respond, she said, “I thought you knew your mom went to the city for a few days. She wanted to spend some time with her friends before leaving on Sunday. And...I think, though she didn’t say...she wanted to give me some time alone with the girls.”

  “She told me.”

  “There’s a family reunion,” she told him. “A brother and his wife who hadn’t thought they could make it suddenly could. Your cabin was sitting there empty.”

  “I understand.”

  He was standing all right. Right in front of her. With the sky exploding above him.

  “Come inside, Jordon.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll drive back to the city. Get a room there.”

  His suggestion was better for their lifetime plan. Safer. She needed to shut up and let him go.

  She didn’t want him driving another hour on dark roads. Not after the day he’d had.

  “The girls would be super excited to see you here when they wake up in the morning.”

  Hands in his pockets, he pinned her with a stare she didn’t expect. “And how excited would you be to see me in your room tonight?”

  Mouth open, she couldn’t look away. The moon. The lightning. Him. They were sucking her in. She was already wet.

  Honesty. That was their game plan.

  “I’d be super excited,” she said then. “But...”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  Did that mean he was going back to Phoenix?

  Disappointment crashed through her.

  “Maybe it would be okay,” she said softly, taking a step closer to him. “We’re already sharing two little people. We could share a bed now and then, too. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

  “You need commitment.”

  She shook her head, the sky seemingly inside her now, lighting her on fire. “I believe what I said I need is love.”

  His gaze sharpened. It was like he could see straight inside her to her deepest thoughts.

  “It’s not like it could become something more with us living across the country from each other.” His body didn’t touch her. His words caressed her nipples, hardening them.

  “Just something that happens now and then, as long as neither of us is in a relationship and we both want it.” She was ready to jump him, as she had the night he’d asked her to marry him.

  Taking a deep breath, Jordon maintained the distance between them. “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure that occasional sex with you would be one hell of a lot better than being celibate.” Beyond that, she didn’t know.