Fine, there was the other thing. Being in his arms had thrown me into a near, dizzying, mistake-making attack of desire. Every inch of me had come alive. I’d imagined leaning closer, placing my mouth against his and kissing him until he hauled me to his house and had his way with me.

  I wouldn’t have done it. I couldn’t. Not with the boys to think of. I didn’t have the luxury to fall apart and sleep with a bunch of inappropriate men.

  I’d thought it would be strange to dance with a man who wasn’t my husband; however, it had felt just fine. Better than fine. For all intents and purposes, I’d still been a kid when I fell for Rex. Now I was a woman. Letting Mr. Sweetheart Handsome into my bed could be catastrophic.

  But his arms? They’d felt so strong and sure. Like nothing could happen to me if I was within his embrace. With Rex, it had always felt dangerous. Even at the end when we hardly touched, there had been a hint of something forbidden. Was that what I wanted? To rebel against expectations and my parents? God, if that was true, I really needed to get to therapy.

  “You okay?” Jasper asked, turning slightly to get a better look at me.

  He’d been surprisingly strong, given his job. However, after learning about the renovation of his house, it made more sense as to why those shoulders were as wide as one of our hundred-year-old trees. That and flipping houses, which must be why he could afford this brand-new truck.

  “What year is your truck?” I tapped the dashboard, hoping to distract myself.

  “A year old, give or take. I bought it before I came out here.”

  I turned all the way on the seat to face him. Even in the scant light cast by the neon glow of the tavern, I could make out his fine features. Strong jaw and sleepy bedroom eyes. Cheekbones to die for. All well and good except it made him extremely attractive. I’d fallen for a man with good looks and no substance and it had ruined my life.

  But that wasn't the deal with this guy. I knew it deep in my bones. This was an "I love my mama and promote my employees and remodel houses and bake pies" kind of man.

  Not that it mattered. Who would want a woman with five kids and a ranch that barely broke even? Not this good-looking, all put together, grown-up person.

  “What did you drive back in the city?” I asked.

  “I drove a truck there too. Because of the construction I did on the side.”

  “Why didn’t it come to Montana?” Why I was asking about trucks, I couldn’t say.

  “She broke down on me just before I moved. I’d had her ten years and she’d served me well. I’m the type who’ll hang on to something even when it doesn’t work as well as it should.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “You talking about your ex?” Jasper asked before taking a pull from his beer, watching me with eyes that glittered in the light. For heaven’s sake, he was sexy.

  “I guess so.”

  “How come you don’t like me?”

  “I like you fine.” I shrugged one shoulder.

  “Doesn’t seem like it. Most people do, too. It’s kind of my thing.”

  I fiddled with the zipper on my boot, avoiding his gaze. “You seem pretty great. It’s more…your face.”

  “My face?”

  “Yeah, it’s too nice. Too good-looking. And you’re charming and polite. I bet you can talk a woman out of her jeans like nobody’s business.”

  “Good thing you’re wearing a dress then.” He chuckled and swiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

  “Funny.”

  “I wish what you said was true. However, that’s not really my speed. I’m more of a monogamy kind of guy.”

  “Why aren’t you married then?”

  “Like I said, I had a long-term girlfriend. I thought we’d get married. In fact, I was ready to ask her when I let myself into her apartment and found her naked on the couch with my buddy.”

  The idea of it made my stomach queasy. “I’m sorry. That must have hurt.”

  “Gut-wrenching.”

  “I’m sure Rex has someone this time. Someone serious.”

  “Why do you think so?” Jasper asked softly.

  “I don’t know. Just a feeling I have. When you’ve lived with someone as long as I lived with Rex, you start to pick up on things, you know? He’d slimmed down, for one. No one does that unless they’ve got a piece on the side. I mean, no one like Rex does that. He loved his beer and his chips. Suddenly, he was asking me if we had any broccoli. That should have been my first sign.” I giggled. Halfway through this second beer and suddenly I was feeling wild and free. “Sorry. I’m a little drunk.”

  “You barely ate any dinner. Never a good idea when drinking. Or anytime, really.”

  I took another swig of my beer and watched him for a moment. Jasper Moon was comfortable in his own skin. Didn’t have pretenses or guile. Not like Rex. Rex was all about the show. Until you got him home and the real man came out.

  “I bet you wonder why I have so many kids,” I said.

  “Not really.”

  “Why not? Five is a tremendous number. All boys, too.”

  “I don’t suppose you can just order what you want, right? I don’t know much about kids but I seem to recall that from health class.”

  I laughed. “No, you have to take what you can get. My boys are the best thing in my life. All five of them are sweet, even though they’re so different from one another.”

  “Do you have a favorite?”

  I gaped at him and then surprised myself by flicking his hard shoulder. “Of course not. Why would you even ask such a thing?”

  “My best friend growing up was from a big family and he said his mother had favorites. He was not one of them.”

  “Well, I love them all the same. Some of them are easier to raise than the others, but that doesn’t change how I feel about them.”

  “They’re lucky to have you. I had a great mom, too, and it means the world. Whether you turn out good or bad—so much of it’s about how your mama raised you.”

  “I guess.”

  “What do you say that?” Jasper asked.

  “My mama was not like me. Never showed me any affection or warmth. When I had Atticus, I swore to myself I’d make sure he knew I loved him every second of his life.”

  “He’ll do just fine then,” Jasper said. “They all will.”

  “Thanks.” Embarrassed, I took another slug of beer.

  “Okay, I am a little curious, since you asked, why do you have so many kids?” Jasper asked.

  “You mean because I was married to a man who had one foot out the door?”

  “Yeah, sure,” he said. “And from everything I can gather, you were way, way too good for him.”

  I glanced out the front window. A half-moon hung low tonight. “I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. The answer is, I don’t know. I just kept getting pregnant and I kept not minding. I guess I was made for one thing and that was to be those boys’ mother. It’s the only thing I’m good at.”

  “I doubt that,” he said.

  “I used to be good at things. I used to be full of life and so smart. I thought I’d be a vet by now, making my dad proud.”

  “He’d be proud of you whether you’re a vet or not.”

  “I thought I’d have a life somewhere else. Somewhere with more than one tavern. Anyway, I’m all dried up and old. So it’s too late for me.”

  “You’re not old. Or dried up.”

  I pointed my beer bottle at him. “Don’t you lie to me. I know you see nothing but a tumbleweed when you look at me. All prickles and thorns.”

  “I’ll have to respectfully disagree.” He set his beer bottle between his legs and placed both hands on his steering wheel, looking up at the stars. “It won’t matter what I say, though. Whatever you feel like inside is all that matters. I could tell you how pretty you are until I’m blue in the face. It’s you who has to believe it.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked, suddenly hot.

  He spoke slowly, as if he didn’t want to further anger me. “It means you’re gorgeous. Drop-dead. Obviously smart and tough and a great mother. But my opinion doesn’t matter. You’re the one who has to look in the mirror and see your own worth.”

  I sighed, letting go of my irritation. Anyway, he was right. “I’m a few years from wearing nasty old sweatpants around town and forgetting to brush my hair.”

  “That would be a real pity. You have a lot more to offer the world. Your next chapter’s going to be epic.”

  For a second, I let myself believe him. An epic next chapter? Yes, please.

  “When I was a girl, I was sure I was going to have this big life. I wanted to be a veterinarian and come back a hero ready to save horses and cattle with my magic touch. Instead of leaving and returning on my own terms, I never left. I’ll tell you one thing, though. This land of my father’s is more important to me than I ever thought it would be. I hope I can hang on to it. I want the boys to have a choice. Stay or go or come back. It’ll always be here, waiting for them.”

  “I’ve never felt like that before, but I hope to someday have a place to call home,” Jasper said. “A house and piece of land that feels just right. Something and someone worth fighting for.”

  We were quiet for a moment, sipping our beers.

  “You know,” he said, breaking the easy silence between us. “Being a good mother is more important than anything you’ll ever do. Take it from me. My mother’s the best, and look how great I turned out.”

  “Still to be determined,” I said, smiling.

  “I’m sure you’re fun in addition to being quick-witted. You know, way down deep.”

  “I’m totally fun,” I said flatly, then laughed

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  I tipped back my bottle, emptying the last of the beer into my mouth, before answering. “I used to be sweet. Compliant. People-pleasing. You should have seen me back in the day. Not a sharp edge anywhere.”

  “Sorry I missed those days.”

  I laughed. “I guess I am too.”

  “You want me to take you home?” Jasper asked.

  I glanced at my watch. It wasn’t even eight o’clock. My little boys would just be getting ready for bed. If I went home now, I’d break up the routine. Plus, I wasn’t ready to go home. At the same time, I had no interest in going back into the bar.

  “I’m not ready to go home.”

  “What would you like to do?” Jasper asked. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Or we can stay here, just like this.”

  “You have beer at home?”

  “My house? Sure.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You want to come to my house?”

  “Just to see this remodel Jennie won’t shut up about. Then you can take me home.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  For the third time in less than a half hour, I laughed. When had that last happened?

  10

  Jasper

  “You’re doing what?” Jennie asked from the bathroom stall next to me.

  “I want to see what he did to the house.”

  “Okay,” Jennie said, elongating the vowels.

  “Don’t okay me. It’s not what you think. I’m not even divorced yet.”

  “I didn’t say a word.”

  I stood and pulled my wool stockings back up and smoothed the front of my dress. “You’re pretty sure he’s not a serial killer, right?”

  “Can one ever be entirely sure?” Jennie asked, before her toilet flushed.

  I stepped out of the stall to wash my hands. Jennie had beaten me there and was scrubbing her hands like a doctor before a surgery. She’d always been worried about germs. When we were kids, her hands used to get red and chapped.

  “I’m not weird about germs,” Jennie said, reading my mind.

  “I didn’t say a word,” I said, echoing her previous statement.

  Jennie dried her hands with a paper towel, then grabbed another. “Give him a chance. He’s a really nice guy. Although you know what they say about rebound guys.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Everyone knows a rebound guy will never be the one.”

  “I’m not looking for a guy. Anyway, who is going to want a woman with five unruly boys?”

  “They’re not unruly. Colorful maybe, but not naughty.”

  “You haven’t seen them at bedtime,” I said.

  She placed her hands on my wrists and looked me in the eye. “You deserve the best there is in this life, Stella McKinnon. It’s time you start taking what’s yours.”

  I had no idea what that meant, but I nodded and smiled to appease her. “Sure. No problem.”

  “Don’t forget how much I love you,” Jennie said. “Whatever happens.”

  Why did it feel as though she was saying much more than the words suggested? She turned to leave, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her around to face me. “Hey, are we all right? It felt weird between us yesterday.”

  “Of course we’re fine.” She wasn’t meeting my gaze though. Something was off.

  We walked out of the bathroom together but parted ways so she could rejoin Mark at the table as I headed out the front door. Jasper, as promised, was waiting with the truck running. I hoisted myself up and into the passenger seat, enjoying the leather smell once again. “Oh, that heat feels good.” I placed my hands over the heating vents for a moment.

  “This weather’s no joke.” Jasper backed up his truck and then pulled out to the main drag of town, mostly dark this time of night. The grocery store stayed open until nine. When we drove by, I saw a lone checker flipping through a magazine, probably counting the minutes until she could go home.

  A layer of frost sparkled in the headlights as we headed down the highway in the direction of my ranch. About a mile before we would have reached my place, Jasper took a left into his dirt driveway. A light over his front door beckoned to us. A shape of a cat in the window drew my attention. “You have a cat?”

  “Yeah, that’s Penny. The love of my life.” Jasper parked in his garage, ten or so feet from his house. I couldn’t be certain, given the darkness, but it seemed that he’d made a lot of improvements to the house’s exterior as well as the yard. The last time I’d seen the old place it had been abandoned and home for rats and mice.

  “Did you know my family used to own these acres?” I asked as I followed him into his kitchen. A light flickered on, revealing a large kitchen with a massive wood-block island. Farmhouse sink, deep and wide, was positioned near a window. I couldn’t see this time of night, but my house was just over the hill.

  “Yeah, the agent told me the history of it. Including the death you so politely pointed out to me earlier.”

  I flushed, embarrassed. “Sorry about that.”

  “I’m only teasing you.”

  “You can almost see my house from here.” I gestured toward the kitchen window.

  He unzipped his jacket and hung it on a peg in his mudroom. He wandered over to stand beside me, while rolling up his shirtsleeves. I stepped a few inches to my right, so we could both stand at the sink.

  “Do you see anything out there?” Jasper asked. “Or just darkness?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “You have to promise not to tease me if I tell you.”

  I mimed a zipping motion across my mouth.

  “Sometimes I get a little creeped out living by myself. I check the locks like three times before I go to bed.”

  “But you’ve got Penny here to protect you,” I said. “She won’t let a bad guy get you.”

  He placed both hands on the rim of the sink and nudged my shoulder with his. “I hope you’re right. And thanks for not making fun of me.”

  Darned if he didn’t smell delicious. I was too aware of him. Almost delirious. Good Lord, his hands were gorgeous. Those long, sensitive fingers. Palms and the pads of his hand were probably calloused from all his hard work. They would feel good on my skin. I just knew they would.

  I blinked and took in a steadying breath.

  This was not good. Not good at all.

  I hadn't thought it possible to ever find another man besides my husband attractive. Even when I suspected Rex of cheating, I never felt the need to look outside of my marriage. If only he had felt the same way.

  For the thousandth time, I wondered where he was and what he was doing. Who he was doing, for that matter. Was he in love?

  Never mind that. Do not let him ruin yet another one of your evenings, I told myself. Here I was with a nice man and instead of enjoying his company, I was thinking about the one who hurt me. The mind can be so fickle and untamed. Especially mine.

  “You all right?” Jasper asked, turning his head to look at me. “Is it weird to be here?”

  “No, not at all.” Yes, totally and completely. “Your kitchen’s beautiful.” Spotless too. Maybe we had tidiness in common?

  Who cares if you do? He is a friend. That is all.

  “You want a beer? Or, I could open wine?” Jasper asked.

  “A beer’s good.”

  He reached into the refrigerator and pulled two longnecks from the door. After popping their tops on an opener hung on the side of the cabinet, he handed one to me.

  A loud meow and a thump came from the other room, followed by the pitter-patter of paws across the floor. An orange tabby cat appeared, lunging for Jasper’s foot as if it were a piece of halibut. She battled the tassels on his loafers before plopping onto her back to show us her white tummy.

  Jasper knelt to pet her. “This is my very spoiled cat, Penny. She doesn’t like it when I’m away and usually punishes me for a good ten minutes. However, she’s showing off for you. She’s really proud of that tummy of hers.”

  As if she understood, Penny stretched her paws over her head while staring at me with suspicious green eyes.

  “Can I pet her, or will she scratch my eyes out?” I asked.

  “Let her get used to you first. She can be a real jerk.”

  “She’s a cat.”

  “Do you want me to hang up your jacket?” Jasper asked. “I kept the heat on while I was out. Otherwise, my California blood can’t take it.”