“Mona said you wanted to see me?” We shook hands. “If it’s about the lead, I’m afraid my decision is final.”

  “No, well, it’s sort of about the lead.” His bushy eyebrows dropped into a V. “Would you please just listen to this? Give me two minutes to clear my name? Please?”

  He looked as if he were going to argue so I tapped the play button to replay the whole nasty mess. Listening to it all over again turned my stomach and I clutched my midsection.

  “Jesus,” Roland murmured after I hit stop and sat back down, my hand falling on my dog’s blocky head for comfort. He sat down beside me. “Sullivan, my God, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, mostly.” I tried to smile but failed. “I just…I needed you to know that this is the kind of man Julian is.” I shook the phone at him. “What he said about me was not true. None of it.”

  “I am so very sorry. He’s got such a good reputation in the trade. Sullivan, please know that if you need a witness of any kind I will gladly speak up on your behalf.”

  “Thank you.” I so wanted to vomit. “But I’m not sure if pressing charges is the way to go.”

  “What? Sullivan, you can’t let a man like that roam around free,” Roland whispered when three members of the cast hurried past, scripts in hand. That hurt. A lot. “I wish I could make it up to you, but we’ve already begun rehearsals and Mika, our lead, is doing a wonderful job although he lacks that belt voice that you have.”

  “I understand, and I didn’t come here to beg for the role I just wanted to clear my name. If others are talking about me will you speak well of me?” I glanced over at him.

  “Of course. I feel terrible.” We rose and shook hands. “I know this is scant compensation, but would you ever consider being an understudy?”

  “Yes! Yes, of course. I’d be flattered!” It wasn’t a starting role, but still, it was something in the theater and I sorely needed a boost.

  “You realize it’s not the principal understudy as that’s been filled?”

  “Yes, I know it will be a standby. Truly that’s fine.”

  “Good. We’ll get you a script and then when we start rehearsing you’re to sign in, hang around to make sure Mika will be able to perform, and then go lounge around backstage.”

  “Of course, and that’s wonderful. Thank you!” I grabbed his hand again, pumped it, and then five minutes later exited with a script and a job, measly as it may be. Oh, and Pizazz had a dog treat for the ride home. Good thing I’d landed that standby understudy job as the trip to and back was damned expensive. I checked my bank account and grimaced at the balance.

  Once we were back in Brooklyn, we made our way to the dog park. Once there, I let her off the leash and watched my baby running like the wind was under her wings. I stood under a bare maple tree for a long time, letting Pizazz’s enthusiasm for life and her sheer joy over running seep into my soul.

  “This isn’t our bench.” I screamed and leaped, lashing out with my tote. Duane threw an arm up to block my attack. “Holy shit,” he gasped.

  “Oh God. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…you were…I was lost in thought and…thought you were someone trying to…” I choked up and buried my face in a handful of poncho.

  “Oh, Sully honey. Come on.” He draped his arm around my shoulders. I wheeled around and pressed my nose into his chest then I let it all out. I felt so asinine. Yet I couldn’t stop shaking even after the tears had slowed. “I should have hit that fucker a lot harder and a lot more often.”

  “I’m such a wreck. I’m just a mess!” I dabbed at my eyes with the edge of my poncho. Tibby bounced around at our feet, barking madly. Pizazz loped over and sat on my foot, worry tugging at her precious face.

  “It’s okay, I mean, you were assaulted yesterday. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you. You just looked so pretty standing here lost in thought.” He rubbed my back. I hiccupped. “I brought us some food.” He held up a bag from a fast food burger joint. I opened my mouth to speak but he rolled right over me. “Nope, no, do not mention your ass or calories. You’re going to eat this burger and the fries. And the milkshake that goes with it. When did you eat last?”

  “I don’t know. I maybe had a yogurt yesterday morning.”

  “No wonder you look so pale.” He offered me his arm, and I took it. We made our way to our bench, the one just south of the statue of some old Brooklyn mayor, and then we sat down. The dogs went off to investigate the squirrel trails. Duane dug out a small burger wrapped in bright yellow paper and handed it to me. “Eat that. All of it. Don’t pick off the bun or feed the meat to the dogs. Eat it.” He passed me a cup of fries. “And eat those too.” Then a vanilla milkshake was placed on the bench between us. “Drink that too. No excuses.”

  I unwrapped the burger and took a small bite. My stomach roared in approval. “Mm, oh this is glorious.” It had been ages since I’d glutted myself on this kind of crap. Maybe I did need a few calories. Comfort food and all that.

  “Good. Eat.” He dug into his own lunch. There wasn’t much talking. We were both too busy shoving food into our faces, but after the last fry was gone, Duane turned to me with some real concern in his beautiful eyes. “Okay, so, now that you’re not ready to pass out, we need to talk.”

  “Please, no preaching. I just…” I took a sip of my milkshake and could feel my ass expanding. This would have to be the last time I did this for the foreseeable future. “I know you don’t understand where I’m at in here.” I tapped my temple. Tibby raced by followed by Princess Pizzy and a brown poodle dog. “I just cannot deal with all of that right now.”

  “All of what?” He gently pressed. I toyed with the straw a bit. “Sullivan, if you won’t tell me how you feel how can I know? Please, just give me something to work with here because your refusal to press charges is confusing the hell out of me.”

  I exhaled through my nose. The high pitch of a police siren drifted over us as I mulled my words carefully.

  “I can’t go to the police and tell them what he did. I just…I just want to go back to work and forget it all.” I peeked over at him. He pushed some hair behind my ear, and I melted at the affection in his gaze. “Roland gave me a role as an understudy after I let him listen to the incident. That’s what will make me better. Going to work and putting Julian and all his tongues in the past.”

  “Yeah, I understand, babe, I do, and I know it would be super hard to have to tell some cop how Julian groped you, but if you don’t speak up he’ll keep doing it. Sullivan, there are kids in that school. What if he decides to molest one of them?”

  “Do not lay that on me!” I shouted, the food in my belly suddenly feeling heavy and gross. “I can’t do that, I can’t deal…I love those kids! Oh God, what if he does that?!”

  Duane pulled me close, tucking me into his side. More tears flowed. Where the hell they all kept coming from I didn’t know but I wished they would stop. Duane took my face between his hands and swiped at my leaking eyes with his thumbs.

  “I know you’re in a bad place and everything inside your head is a mess, but you have to go to the police, babe. If you don’t he’ll just keep harassing his employees or worse. You’re super strong. You can do this.” I shook my head or tried to. “Yes, you can, and I’ll be right there with you. And so will Aliyah and Ronan and Minnie and that crazy Russian ballet teacher.”

  “I want to. I do. I just…I can’t.” He frowned, just for a moment. “Please, try to understand. I can’t talk about it now. It’s too gross, and I can still feel him…no. I just can’t. Don’t be mad. Please hold me. Don’t leave me.”

  “Okay, okay, it’s all okay. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Sullivan.

  “Hold me, hold me.”

  He did both. I clung to him, even going so far as to wiggle up onto his lap. “I love you too,” I whispered beside his ear.

  We were then attacked by two rambunctious dogs who, it seemed, thought Sully on Duane’s lap meant they had to be on Duane’s lap as well. Tibby fit well. The pit bull was another story, but we managed to wiggle her in on the four-way snuggle. We sat there for quite some time but then Duane’s left leg went numb, so we had to move. I got to my boots, tugged my sweater and poncho down, and extended my hand to Duane, who was snapping leashes to collars.

  “Will you walk me home?” I slipped my tote further up my arm.

  He slipped his fingers between mine. “We’ll all walk with you, wherever you go, we’ll be there.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Duane

  I woke up the following week with Tiberius’ back hair in my nose. I snorted and pushed him across the pillow, and he didn’t even wake up. I rolled over and grabbed my phone, groaning at the time. It was Saturday, why did I have to be awake at six? I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but my phone buzzed with an incoming call.

  “Mom?” I asked as I answered the call. “It’s six in the morning, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing!” she squeaked through the speaker. I sat up in bed, hearing rustling sounds in the background. My dad said something to her, and she shushed him.

  “What’s happening?” I groaned, rubbing my hand over my face. So much for sleep.

  “Well, I know you told us not to worry about your work situation, but we miss you and worried anyway.” I had to chuckle. Mom was a grade A worrier. I wondered if she would like Sullivan. I guess I should have actually told them I was bi before doing that though. And she was still talking…

  “…so that’s why we’re taking a little road trip to come visit!”

  My eyes bulged. “Like, today?” I asked, a little louder than I intended.

  “Today!” she repeated, and I finally made out the sound in the background as someone brushing their teeth.

  “Oh! Okay! Great!” I shot out of bed and into the living room, where Ronan was sprawled across the couch with a box of pizza on his chest. Jesus fucking Christ, this place was a cesspool.

  “We’ll talk to you soon, okay? We love you,” my mom cooed before hanging up. I turned around and whipped my phone onto my bed before rushing Ronan and shaking his leg.

  “Four and a half hours, shithead!” I exclaimed, his eyes flying open to stare at me.

  “What the fuck are you going on about?” he asked, jerking his long limbs toward himself until he was in a ball. I was already gathering all the work uniforms I’d thrown on the living room floor over the past month into my arms.

  “My parents will be here in four and a half hours!” I yelled again, not looking up from my cleaning. I heard the couch squeak and Ronan flew by, tossing the pizza box into our garbage. This is why I always insisted on going to Sullivan’s. This place was a festering ass boil that I hadn’t had the balls to pop.

  By the third hour, the place looked like we were a middle-aged white couple trying to sell. We even washed the windows. Those windows hadn’t been scrubbed since the place was built, but goddammit, if Ronan didn’t put his skinny little elbows into it. Our beds were made, the curtains were opened, the couch was vacuumed. We both collapsed into the couch, exhausted.

  “Bloody fucking hell,” Ronan gasped, his pajamas soaked with sweat. Mine were no better.

  “Agreed,” I muttered, looking around at the job we did. “Dude, this place is on fleek though.”

  “Agreed.” Ronan smiled at me, bumping his fist against mine. I showered first, taking some extra time for my hair. Sullivan had let me borrow some of his countless bottles of shampoo and conditioner, and they were working wonders for my hair. I smelled like mangos every day.

  As Ronan traded the bathroom with me, I dug through my dresser for something nice looking that didn’t seem as though I was trying to impress them. I wore the same outfit I had for Sullivan and mine’s first date. I froze halfway through putting on my shirt.

  I had to come out to my parents tonight.

  I couldn’t be seriously dating a guy and keep that from them. I should have told them way earlier, but I hadn’t because I’m a dumb-shit, and now Sullivan would want to meet them. I hoped, and they didn’t even know I was—

  My phone buzzing snapped me out of my trance. I grabbed my phone from the floor, where it had wound up after fixing the bed, and found several texts from Sullivan. They were more of a rant, really, explaining how relieved he felt for the first time in a week, and how he wanted to see me tonight. I swallowed and texted him back.

  Hey so my parents are coming up tonight. You wanna meet them?

  His response was an immediate yes, followed by several heart and star emojis. My hands were shaking slightly as I finished putting on my shirt. How the fuck was I going to do this? Dinner? That was pretty formal, and Dad hated people. Take out? No, Mom had acid reflux, and I really didn’t want them to be in this apartment for too long.

  Tiberius wandered into my room, his stumpy tail flying as he leaped into my lap. I rubbed his head, smiling, feeling my heart rate slow.

  “You get to meet my parents too,” I muttered to him as he curled into a ball. Maybe we could take Tiberius with us wherever we decided to go. There was a lot about my life my parents needed to be brought up to speed on.

  Ronan came into the doorframe, his hair spiked up and a skinny tie half undone hanging around his neck.

  “What do you think, man. Black shirt with a cat smoking a J on it or the pizza one?” Ronan held up both, and my eyes immediately went toward the pizza.

  “Totally pizza. My mom will love that.” I smirked. A lightbulb went off in my brain. New York pizza place down the street. Not too much traveling, not too fancy, not too crowded. It’s perfect. I guess there are worse places to come out of the closet.

  Sullivan arrived in a flurry of scarves and mango shampoo. He walked cautiously into my apartment, observing the immaculate living room. He gave a tiny clap as he walked into my open arms.

  “Well done, I could barely tell this place used to be a bachelor pad,” he teased, kissing me gently. I smirked against his lips.

  “Yeah, well, what can I say. I’m great.” I turned toward Ronan as Tiberius finally realized Sully was here and began his little greeting dance. Sullivan picked him up and fussed over him dramatically. He loved it. Ronan grinned at me, buttoning up his pizza shirt.

  A sharp knock on the door made us all tense. Sullivan recovered the fastest and quickly bounced over to the door. Before I could react, he flung it open and squealed.

  “Hello!” he sang, flinging his arms around my very confused mother. My asshole tightened as I saw my dad’s dark eyes go wide in surprise. My mom glanced at me over Sully’s shoulder, shooting me a ton of questions with her taken aback smile. My dad shook his outstretched hand, an awkward half-smirk playing across his lips. Oh no, he was already uncomfortable.

  Sneaking past the tidal wave of Sullivan Haines, my mom leaped into my arms, rustling my hair as she did. I could feel her smile against my shoulder. I was grinning too even as I watched in thinly masked horror as Sullivan plucked fuzz from my dad’s shirt.

  “Welcome to paradise,” I gestured grandly to our ugly furniture. Dad finally escaped and clasped me firmly in a bear hug. His huge hands pounded my back fondly.

  “Traffic was shit,” my dad grunted, tugging his black jacket closer around his beer gut. My mom elbowed him in the ribs.

  “It’s New York. Traffic is always shit.” Ronan chuckled, extending his hand out to both my parents. My dad took in his pizza shirt, a small smile creeping across his face. The tension melted from the room like ice, and a cool comradery settled over the room. Sullivan complimented my mom’s leggings. Ronan grabbed my dad a bottled water, and I felt at ease for the first time all day.

  After half an hour of relaxing, I brought up the idea of pizza. Everyone—especially Dad—was quick to agree. I felt the anxiety sneak back into me, and by the time we exited the apartment, I was jittery and playing with the zipper of my coat non-stop.

  I lagged behind a bit, and when Ronan noticed, he began pointing out various landmarks like a tour guide, making sure to express each lamppost’s individuality and spunk. Sully lagged behind with me, looking up at me with concern. I smiled weakly.

  “So…my parents don’t know I’m bi,” I muttered, glancing up at my dad’s wide back. His dark, bald head was following Ronan’s pointing finger, and I saw a small smirk as he was shown a particularly graffitied dumpster. Sullivan’s eyes grew wide beside me, pinning me with a disbelieving stare.

  “Oh God, I came on too strong, didn’t I?” He tugged his scarf closer around his face. I shook my head, pulling him into an awkward side hug as we walked.

  “No, you didn’t. I should have told them years ago, but it just never seemed important. And I was gonna do it at Paulie’s Pizza Place tonight, but maybe that’s not a good place either…” I stop, looking down at his pretty blue eyes. I was rambling. He rubbed my back as we rounded the street, and I saw the street menu for Paulie’s. I took a deep breath, gave Sullivan’s hand a gentle squeeze, and caught back up to my parents.

  We sat ourselves, and a thin boy with glasses took our drink order. My mom leaned across the table, lowering her voice like we were discussing mob business.

  “Have you heard from Kenzie since…?” she asked, peering at me behind her glasses. I shook my head then filled her in on everything that had happened. I’d told her the basics through text but hearing it out loud must have satisfied her. She shook her head, leaning back as our drinks arrived.

  “We dislike talking about the Big K,” Sullivan huffed, sipping his ice water. My mom nodded then seemed to actually notice Sully for the first time. Mom and Dad had met Ronan before, so when he ordered the pizza for us, no one minded. When Sullivan asked for a small salad with no dressing, Dad raised his eyebrows.

  “So, Sullivan, you’re a dancer, right?” my mom grinned, and he nodded vigorously.

  “I’m actually working in a play right now.” He beamed, looking up at me. He went off about the plot and the other actors and how he wasn’t actually in the play. My dad glanced at me from behind a sip of his Mountain Dew. I swallowed, glancing back toward the doors to the kitchen. There were only the five of us in here at the moment, and I could feel myself getting nervous again. Ronan elbowed me when my leg began to bounce.