These Heroines Are So High Maintenace 2

  Virgil Knightley

  Contents

  Copyrights

  1. Chapter 1

  2. Chapter 2

  3. Chapter 3

  4. Chapter 4

  5. Chapter 5

  6. Chapter 6

  7. Chapter 7

  8. Chapter 8

  9. Chapter 9

  10. Chapter 10

  11. Chapter 11

  12. Chapter 12

  13. Chapter 13

  14. Chapter 14

  15. Chapter 15

  16. Chapter 16

  17. Chapter 17

  18. Chapter 18

  19. Chapter 19

  20. Chapter 20: Epilogue

  21. Links to Follow

  Copyright © 2026 by Virgil Knightley

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission requests, contact [include publisher/author contact info].

  The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

  Chapter 1

  So there I was, staring at my former hookup’s brand new horse ears, as one does, and I genuinely had no idea what to say. This was new territory even by my increasingly bizarre standards. Portals spitting out trolls? Suuuure. Elf princesses demanding foot rubs and piggyback rides? Ain’t no thang. Dog-girls begging to be spanked? I… could be persuaded. But Clementine Kim, or whatever her name is, standing on my porch as some kind of sexy horse-human hybrid who apparently couldn’t resist the urge to track me down like I was made of sugar cubes? That was a curveball I hadn’t seen coming.

  I feel a little bad about the sugar cubes joke, actually. Feels a little… racially insensitive in retrospect. Anyway, I digress.

  “Well?” She crossed her arms, her glossy black tail swishing behind her. “You going to say something, or are you just going to stand there with your mouth open like a fucking goldfish?”

  “I’m… processing,” I managed in a measured tone.

  She snorted in irritation. Kinda like a horse. “Process faster, dickhead. I’ve been going out of my mind for days now. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, because most of all, I can’t stop thinking about finding you.” She gestured violently at her ears. “And then these started growing in, and my sexy little Asian feet turned into fucking hooves, and I’m probably going to have to quit my job because I’m willing to bet Pizza Dude has a strict no-bodaciously-buxom-horse-people policy. Which, like, I guess is fair.”

  From upstairs, I heard the distinct sound of Portia’s excited whispering. Great. We had an audience droppin’ eaves all over the place, apparently.

  “Look,” I said, “why don’t you come in and sit down? I can explain some of this, but it’s going to take a minute.”

  Her nostrils flared as her eyes narrowed. “Is this some kind of trap? Because I’ve seen enough true crime documentaries to know that going deeper into a strange man’s house is usually how you end up in a freezer somewhere, and you’re getting stranger to me by the second.”

  “We’ve already done the man-and-wife mambo, Tangerine. If I was going to murder you, I probably would have done it then.”

  “It’s Clementine, fuckface. And that’s not as reassuring as you think it is.”

  Even so, she followed me toward the living room, her hooves clicking against the hardwood floor in a noisy way I was probably going to have to get used to. I paused at the base of the stairs and looked up to find three gorgeous faces peering down at me through the railing.

  “Girls, I need you to head upstairs for a bit. Give us some privacy. It seems something has come up.”

  “It better not be your penis, Sir Josh,” Elysia seethed visibly.

  Portia’s ears drooped. “But Master, I want to see—”

  I held up a hand and silenced her. “Upstairs. Please.”

  Juniper was already retreating, her serpentine lower half disappearing around the corner with a soft rustle. Smart woman, and leading by example. Portia whined like a puppy but followed. Elysia, however, didn’t budge. She stood there with her arms crossed and her chin lifted, looking every bit the five-foot-nothing brat she was.

  “I refuse to leave you alone with this... this...” She waved a hand at Clementine, apparently unable to find a word offensive enough. “This creature who dared to spoil your purity before my arrival!”

  Clementine’s head whipped toward her. “Excuse me? Who the fuck are you calling a creature, you pointy-eared Barbie knockoff?”

  “I am Princess Elysia Silverleaf of the Elfhaven Kingdom, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner by some common horse-wench!”

  “Horse-wench?” Clementine took a step toward the stairs, her hooves clopping ominously on the hardwood. “Come down here and say that to my face, bitch.”

  “I would happily, but I’m far too valuable to waste my energy on you! By the Silver-Bark Tree, the nerve of this woman!” Elysia stamped one tiny foot, and the gemstone in her tiara caught the hallway light. “Daintiness is the essence of femininity, and I refuse to lower myself to brawling like some scorned tavern harlot!”

  Before this could escalate into an actual catfight, Portia and Juniper each grabbed one of Elysia’s arms and started dragging her away from the railing. The princess’s protests echoed down the hallway as she was forcibly relocated.

  “Unhand me! I must protect my champion from this lewdly proportioned woman! Josh! JOSH! If she attempts to seduce you—JOSH!”

  A door slammed. The muffled sounds of argument continued for another few seconds before fading into something similar to silence. I could still hear Portia barking once, followed by the hiss of a spray bottle that had to be Juniper’s doing.

  Clementine stared at the now-empty staircase. “What the actual fuck was that?”

  “That was Elysia,” I sighed. “She’s... a lot. But she’s cool once you get to know her.”

  “If you think I’m taking your word on that, you’re dumb as hell.” She turned back to me, and for the first time since she’d arrived, some of the manic energy drained out of her. She just looked tired. “Okay, fuckface. I think you’d better explain what’s going on here, because I’m getting the distinct impression that my situation is, like, somehow connected to whatever harem anime bullshit you’ve got going on.”

  I couldn’t really argue with that assessment. “Beer?”

  “God, yes.”

  I grabbed two bottles from the fridge and led her to the living room. Upstairs, the three-million-dollar Russian mattress loomed in my bedroom, still waiting to be properly christened, but that was a consideration for future Josh. Right now I had to figure out how to explain interdimensional invasions and magical destiny bonds to my once scorned lover.

  Clementine settled onto one end of the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her in a way that looked instinctive rather than learned. Her hooves folded under pretty naturally. I took the opposite end and maintained a respectful distance. She accepted the beer, chugged about two thirds of it, and fixed me with those dark eyes that now had an almost equine quality to them. Not in a creepy way. Just... different.

  “So,” she said flatly. “Talk.”

  I took a breath. “Okay. Where do you want me to start?”

  “How about with why I woke up three days ago with a fucking tail growing out of my tramp stamp? That seems like a pretty good jumping-off point.”

  Fair enough. “The short version is that I’ve been fighting monsters from another dimension for the past few months. They come through portals that appear on my property every night, and the portals are attracted to me specifically. I don’t fully understand why, but the working theory is that I’m something called a Champion of the Hero’s Party, and I’m supposed to help save the multiverse from some evil mage named Black Lazarus in about twenty years.”

  Clementine stared at me. Her beer bottle paused halfway to her lips.

  “I know how it sounds,” I added.

  “Why’s he gotta be black, though?”

  “Yeah, I’m hung up on the same thing, but anyway, I have three women from another dimension living in my house, one of whom is literally a giant snake from the waist down and something like a porno succubus from the waist up, so I’m pretty confident I got my story straight.”

  She processed this for a moment, her lips twitching the way they always did when she was thinking hard about something. “My mom told me not to get messed up with white boys.”

  I shrugged limply. “I feel like this situation isn’t very representative of us as a people.”

  Clementine rolled her eyes. “That snippy blonde bitch with the ears. She’s also not human, then?”

  “She’s an elf. Princess, actually. From a place called Elfhaven.”

  “Creative name for a place full of elves. And the others?”

  “Portia’s a Canid. Basically a dog-girl by way of golden retriever, best I can tell. She’s got ears and a tail, she barks when she gets startled, and she has this whole submission thing going on where she call
s me Master and begs me to spank her. She’s also a combat healer who can swing a war hammer the size of a mailbox.” I paused. “Juniper’s a demonkin with a snake tail that’s about twenty feet long, ram horns, little black wings, and some really glorious Biggle McTitties. Don’t tell the other two I said that. She’s the party smart girl. Just arrived yesterday.”

  “Biggle McTitties, you say.” She was getting pretty well-practiced with the eye roll.

  “They’re all part of that thing I mentioned called the Hero’s Party, and apparently I’m their destined... well anyway.” I winced at how close I came to almost just saying it out loud. “It’s complicated.”

  Clementine’s expression had gone through several phases during this explanation. Disbelief. Skepticism. Grudging consideration. It finally settled on annoyed acceptance. “Okay. Let’s say I believe you, because honestly at this point nothing would surprise me. What does any of that have to do with me turning into an Uma Musume?”

  This was the part I’d been dreading. “I’m not familiar with whatever that is, but when I unlocked my class in the System—that’s the leveling thing that gives me powers and tracks my progress, kind of like a video game interface only I can see—it assigned me something called Cavalier. It’s a mounted combat class. The System told me my steed would find me.”

  The realization hit her hard. Her eyes went wide, then narrow, then wide again. Her nostrils flared. “Are you fucking kidding me, Josh?”

  “I wish I was, Persimmons.”

  “It’s Clementine, dickhead. So this is your fault.” Her voice had gone dangerously quiet. “Whatever magic bullshit is going on, you did this to me.”

  I nodded. “In a weird, accidental way, yeah. It really is my fault. The System reached out and found someone I’d connected with. Someone I’d, uh, ridden. In a sense.” I immediately regretted my word choice, but it was what it was.

  Clementine caught it too. “Did you just make a sex joke about this?”

  “Not a joke!”

  “You’re such a fucking asshole.” But there was less actual anger in it now. She slumped back against the sofa cushions and stared at the ceiling. “A magic horse-girl. That’s what I am now. A magic horse-girl bonded to my one-night stand who’s apparently living out some kind of fantasy adventure with a bunch of hot interdimensional babes.”

  “It was more like a one-weekend stand. And that’s a fairly accurate summary, actually.”

  She laughed without any joy. “I’m just glad I’m a loser with no future. At least I haven’t lost anything. You know, when I came over here, I thought maybe you’d drugged me or something. Slipped me something that night we hooked up. Some kind of experimental military shit that made me obsessed with you and turned me into a freak.”

  “I would never—”

  “I know.” She cut me off. “I know you wouldn’t. You’re a heartbreaker and a dick, but you’re not evil or whatever.” She took another long drink of her beer. “So what now?”

  I blinked. “What do you mean?”

  She turned to look at me, and underneath all the cursing and hostility, I could see fear beneath the surface there. “I mean, what happens now? Am I stuck like this? Am I stuck with the guy who rejected me? What’s my life going to look like going forward, Josh?”

  Whenever she actually called me Josh, it surprised me. This, I think, was the second time.

  These were all excellent questions that I didn’t have great answers for. “I don’t know everything yet. We’re still figuring out the rules as we go. But I promise I’ll help you through this. Whatever you need—money, space, time, a place to stay. You’ve got it.”

  “Whatever I need, huh?” She set her beer down on the coffee table with a decisive clink. “Okay. First thing I need is to know what our relationship status is.”

  I furrowed my brow. “Our what?”

  “You heard me, dick.” She shifted on the sofa to face me more directly, her tail flicking against the cushions. “If I’m, like, magically shackled to you as your pony waifu or whatever, then you’d better take responsibility because I don’t think I’m going to be able to think about other guys anytime soon the way I’m hyperfixated on you. So what are we? Are we dating? Am I your girlfriend now? What’s the deal?”

  This conversation had taken an unexpected turn. “I... You know, the thing is, I’m already kind of in a situation with the other women here. It’s—”

  “Oh my god.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Are you banging all of them?”

  “No! Actually, no. I mean… Not yet.” She groaned, but I went on. “I won’t say we have the most chaste of friendships, alright? We haven’t had sex yet, though. But… we’re definitely supposed to. There’s some kind of ritual thing we’re waiting for, involving the full moon, and—look, it’s complicated.”

  To my surprise, she actually looked pleased by this information. A small, smug smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “So you haven’t sealed the deal with any of them?”

  “Not technically, no.”

  “Interesting.” She tucked this away with visible satisfaction. “I’ll remember that.”

  I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but it probably wasn’t anything good for my safety. “Can we table the relationship discussion for now? I think the more pressing issue is figuring out how your abilities actually work.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “My abilities?”

  “The System gave you to me as a steed. There has to be more to it than just the ears, tail, hooves, and badonkadonk. You’re part of my combat class, which means you’re integrated into the same System the rest of us are. We need to understand what you can do.”

  “Oh, so now I’m just a vehicle to you? A horse to be ridden?”

  “That’s not what I—”

  “Relax, dickhead. I’m fucking with you.” She stood up, stretching her arms over her head in a way that made her new curves very awesome to look at. Whatever the transformation had done to her, it had been generous in certain departments. Her chest strained against the Pizza Dude uniform in ways that uniform had never been designed for. “Fine. Let’s go figure out what kind of magic pony I am. But if you try anything weird, I’m kicking you in the penis. And these hooves can do some serious damage now.”

  “Noted.” I cringed at the thought.

  I led her out through the back door, across the yard, and toward the open field where the portals usually manifested. The night air had that Autumn bite to it, and the new privacy fence blocked any view from the road. We were alone out here.

  “This is where the magic happens,” I explained. “Per se. Every night, a portal opens and spits something out. I kill it, get experience points, and sometimes level up. Seemed like an appropriate place to test things out.”

  “Great. Monster field. Sounds safe and happy.”

  I closed my eyes and focused on the System interface, specifically on Clementine. This was new territory. I’d never tried to analyze another person through my connection to the System before. At first nothing happened. I just stood there like an idiot with my eyes closed while she made impatient noises.

  “Is something supposed to be happening, or—”

  “Give me a second, Clematis.”

  “...At least you’re getting closer.”

  I focused on the bond I could feel between us. There was something there. Faint but present. It was like a thread connecting me to her that hadn’t existed before my Cavalier class activated. I pulled on it mentally, requesting information.

  A blue translucent window flickered into existence:

  ERROR: INSUFFICIENT BOND STRENGTH

  “Well, that’s frickin’ annoying,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  “The System’s being a difficult bitch. Hang on.”

  I tried different mental commands. View Steed. Analyze Mount. Check Horse Stats. Each attempt either failed or produced the same error message. Finally, in frustration, I just thought: Show me what she can do.

  The window changed:

  CLEMENTINE KIM - Faithful Steed to Josh Becker

  Summon Level: 1 Bond Strength: 12%

  SKILLS: Transform (Unlocked)

  Shared Senses (Locked — Requires Bond Strength 25%)

  Spirit Charge (Locked — Requires Bond Strength 50%)