Mom let out a deep sigh then nodded. “Perhaps you’re right.”

  Dad walked over to my mom, pulled her into his arms then kissed her head. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  She nodded against his chest. They’d always been like this. Close. One unit. Dad worshiped her, and she adored him. I hadn’t wanted that. I always thought it made them vulnerable. I didn’t trust that. It was a gamble to love like that. I’d heard how awful most marriages were from Kelsey for years. I believed her.

  But watching them I realized I wanted that too. I’d had a taste with Lila Kate. A brief time where I knew she was all I would ever want. Now it was gone too soon. What my parents had wasn’t unique to them. It was simply that they loved each other.

  Kelsey didn’t love. There was the difference.

  My parents weren’t made vulnerable by their love. They were stronger because of it. My lies and secrets had to come out for me to see and understand that kind of love. Why did that have to be the case? Why couldn’t I have realized this years ago and saved so many people the pain?

  I wouldn’t lose Lila Kate without a fight. I’d heal everything I’d broken the best way I could. I would learn and move on. Then I would find some way for her to forgive me. Even if it took the rest of our lives. I’d wait for her. For us.

  Eli Hardy

  WATCHING LILA WALK toward me with the sun-kissed highlights in her hair and perfect features marked with pain, I realized something. She had felt “more.” She had experienced that “more” that we all hope for. That intensity that grabs you and holds you so tightly you can’t do anything but enjoy the ride and hope for the best.

  I wasn’t the ride for her. The night I met her she’d already been grabbed by it. Hell, she was already on the ride and didn’t want to be. Cruz had snagged her heart a long time ago. But I was thankful her journey had brought her to me. Without her, without my feelings developing for her I would have never believed I could love someone like I loved Bliss. I knew now that I was wrong. Bliss was my best friend, she was my childhood. We were grown now and our ride was over.

  Lila stopped at the table I had found us outside the bakery in Sea Breeze. One I’d eaten at many times before. She’d called me two days after Nate came by to see me asking if I had heard from her. I hadn’t at the time. But he told me some bad shit went down concerning Cruz and Lila had run.

  I had asked her where she was when she had called and she’d told me in Nashville. I thought about going to her. But I didn’t. She wasn’t mine. She never would be. But this morning I’d gotten a text. She was in Sea Breeze. She wanted to see me.

  The dark circles under her lovely eyes and the sadness obvious in her expression pained me. I hated to see her like this. I knew what heartbreak felt like. It was never easy. It destroyed you. Pulling yourself together afterward took strength. And I knew Lila had that strength.

  “I ordered your coffee the way you like it,” I told her as she sat down across from me.

  She attempted a smile. It was weak and didn’t meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

  I watched her take a small sip and then lift her gaze to look at me. “Thanks for meeting me here.”

  I shrugged. “Had nothing better to do. Sea Breeze has grown boring.”

  Lila didn’t laugh at my attempt to lighten the mood. Instead, I could see her eyes go somewhere else. Her thoughts lost in another moment. I let her go there alone while I drank some of my tea. She was more broken than I’d ever seen a female. Nate had told me the story. What Cruz had done. Why Lila had left and how she’d found out. It was a messy clusterfuck. But after meeting Cruz it didn’t surprise me. Nate said he’d known Cruz was fucking that married woman back when they were teens. He hadn’t really thought more about it over the years.

  “Have you slept any?” I asked bringing her back to the here and now. Not the demons in her head taunting her.

  She focused on me again then started to nod and stopped. “No, not really. When I close my eyes . . . I’m there in that room. She’s showing me the video . . . I hear them.” She stopped and shook her head. “And I know it was before me. I know he was with many, many females before me.” She closed her eyes as if she had to say something she didn’t want to say. That she couldn’t bear to look at me as she said it. “That woman took advantage of him. I don’t even blame him completely for the affair. She was the adult for the majority of their . . . relationship.” She slowly opened her eyes and met my gaze. “It’s the video. The things he said to her,” her voice was a whisper. “If that’s what he wants. He never said things like that to me. Our sex . . . had to have bored him.”

  As completely curious as I was to know what he had said during sex that had her so concerned, I asked the obvious question instead. “You’re not worried about her being pregnant?”

  Lila shook her head. “No. Even if she’s pregnant, which I don’t believe she is, it’s not his. Women have been claiming pregnancy trying to hold on to a man they’ve lost since the beginning of the human race, I’d guess. At first, I believed her but I was devastated. I’ve had time to think about her actions. The way she told me. How she said it. She isn’t a mentally stable person.”

  I had to agree with the mentally stable part. If she’d started fucking Cruz when he was sixteen then something was off in her head. “Are you going back soon?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I’ll have to eventually. I have my studio to finish. My life to get back to. It’s going to be hard. Cruz didn’t lie to me because I never asked about his past sexual experiences. But he had known this thing with Kelsey was about to blow up and he didn’t tell me. Maybe having sex with her when he was young and stupid can be forgiven. But the video I saw was more recent. He was older. He was still seeing her. How can I trust him if he had no guilt over screwing a married woman?”

  She had a point. And I wasn’t sure I had an answer for her. What I did know was that everyone had their secrets. Their own darkness. Something they hid from the world. Choosing to forgive them was a choice. Was losing a chance at having that “more” we all wanted worth being unable to forgive? Or could love be enough? To cover all of it and heal them both?

  “Do you love Cruz?” I asked her.

  She nodded.

  “Did this . . . video, or this woman’s words kill any of that love? Weaken it in any way?”

  She paused then shook her head. Her shoulders drooped sadly as she admitted it.

  “Then you owe it to yourself to listen to him and forgive him. If you don’t you’re only hurting yourself.”

  Lila’s eyes filled with tears. “But I may not be enough to hold him. I’m not . . . I’m not experienced. I don’t do things like what I saw and heard. I’m . . . I am boring.”

  That made me want to laugh. The woman in front of me was anything but boring. But I didn’t laugh because I had enough females in my life to know when they say shit like that they believed it. Laughing at it didn’t turn out well.

  “You are anything but boring. Sure, you’re polite, prim, and proper. You’re kind and thoughtful. You don’t use your beauty as a weapon. You are completely fascinating. Men watch you. They are stunned by you, and you miss it because you’re oblivious, which makes you more appealing. Cruz Kerrington and I have very little in common. But the one thing we do is we are both heterosexual males. I know what he sees when he looks at you. I also know that the man came running after you when you had left town. He didn’t want to lose you. He loves you, Lila. I saw it at your apartment that morning. Go back. Let him explain.”

  She gave me a small smile then. “You think all that about me?”

  “Every word.”

  “Why couldn’t it have been you? Why did my heart have to love him?”

  I laughed then. I wondered the same thing at first but I had time to think about it and I knew I had some things to face. Things to admit to myself. And before this past month, I wouldn’t have been ready to move on. I would be wasting my life wanting a woman who was never going to feel the same. I would still be messing up every date I had because I was comparing them to Bliss. But things were different now. I was different.

  I had her to thank. It was all because of Lila.

  Lila Kate

  IT HAD TAKEN me three hours to get my parents to leave. Once I texted them that I was home they had come over with food within the hour. They hadn’t talked about Cruz or the reason I left. We ate. I told them where all I had gone. It was awkward small talk at first. When my dad mentioned dealing with some issues, I immediately warned him I’d never forgive him if he said or did anything to Cruz. He’d looked very unhappy about that, but with my mother’s encouragement, he’d agreed to leave it alone.

  Getting them to leave and give me alone time had been another issue. When Ophelia came home they finally left. I let out a sigh of relief when they walked out the door.

  “They been here awhile?” she asked as she poured herself a glass of water.

  “Yes. But they were worried and needed to know I was okay. Just glad that’s over.”

  Ophelia walked over and sat down across from me on the sofa. “You talk to him?”

  I knew the him she was referring to was Cruz. I shook my head.

  “You going to?” she asked.

  I had thought about everything Eli had said on my way home yesterday. “Yes. Eventually. We will have to talk.”

  “Kelsey wasn’t pregnant,” she said watching me closely to see my reaction.

  “I never really thought she was. But how do they know?”

  “Mom said that Woods threatened to press charges for child pornography. She had videos in her office of sex with . . . well, when he was sixteen.”

  I couldn’t respond to that. I hated those videos.

  “Sorry . . . I shouldn’t have brought it up but I thought you would want to know. I mean, I was shocked you were with Cruz. The two of you, well, you don’t really fit. He’s Cruz. Sex videos, a different woman every night, drunk partying Cruz.”

  That was all people saw when they looked at Cruz. What he’d done. Not who he was. Had anyone ever looked closely enough to care? Anyone but me?

  “He’s smart, and he’s thoughtful. He has a big heart and he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. He loves his family. He doesn’t want to disappoint his dad. There is a lot more to Cruz than what he’s done.”

  Ophelia sat quietly, her eyes studying me. “You really do love him, don’t you?” It wasn’t a question.

  “My loving him isn’t the question. What worries me is if that is enough.”

  Ophelia got up and walked over to me and put her arm around me. “It’s about finding your own twisted perfection, letting yourself fall too far and taking a chance. If you’ve done all that. You have no reason to give up. Not now.”

  “What if it’s not giving up but accepting reality?” I asked her.

  She smiled. “You don’t know what that reality is just yet.”

  That all sounded easy. But I knew none of it was. Loving Cruz was like playing with a very hot flame. I was going to get burned eventually. I went to sleep that night wondering if that was worth it.

  One week later, I realized all my worry over forgiving him was pointless. Cruz hadn’t come to talk to me. He hadn’t called to check on me. All the voicemails and texts begging me to forgive him the day I left were it. He never called or texted again. This town wasn’t small. He knew I was back and he wasn’t coming to explain. He wasn’t doing anything.

  I spent the days working in the studio, ordered take out, cried in the shower until I was too tired to cry anymore and then went to bed. It had become a routine. My mom had called about us having lunch but I’d told her I was too busy. She was eventually going to show up with food at the studio one day.

  Ophelia left for Sea Breeze with her family. They were going to visit Nate and Bliss for a few weeks. The apartment was quiet. All I had were my thoughts, and those were always about Cruz. I was starting to look forward to the day I could take a shower and not cry until there were no tears left. I wanted my happiness back.

  The painting was done. Mirrors were being installed along with bars along the walls. Next would be the floor. The sounds of construction and workers gave me something to focus on other than Cruz.

  When week two since my return came to a close, I didn’t cry in the shower. I watched a movie before bed and ate an entire meal instead of just nibbling. Staring at the ceiling that night I realized my life was going to be okay. Cruz wasn’t coming to see me. But I needed the closure. His actions or non-action told me what I needed to know about us. He was finished. I had a few things to say to him first.

  I would get up in the morning, and I’d find Cruz. I would give us the closure I needed. Then I would finally put Cruz Kerrington behind me. I’d move on, and this time I wouldn’t look back.

  Cruz Kerrington

  HAPPIER. LILA KATE was happier. I had watched her. I went to Sea Breeze even after Nate had told me she wasn’t there—I’d found her. She’d been there. She’d been happier. Eli had sat across from her and she was smiling. He’d laughed. They’d been free of guilt, darkness, and pain. Lila Kate belonged with him. Accepting it had been painful. I wanted her to be happy. I had hurt her in a way he never would. I needed her. But she needed him. I loved her more than any man ever would.

  That didn’t matter. Seeing her smile. Laugh. It had all been so clear. She needed him. Not me. Fucked up Cruz Kerrington didn’t deserve Lila Kate. She’d have someone new. Someone who wouldn’t break her heart. I wanted her to be happy. Leaving her there with him had been one of the hardest things I’d done. But she’d come home. And now here I was.

  I’d watched her for two weeks. She didn’t leave. Worked all day, ordered out food, then went to bed early. More than a dozen times I’d almost got out of this damn work truck I was using from the club’s course maintenance department and walked over there and knocked on the door. But I couldn’t. She hadn’t called. She hadn’t come to find me. Not even a text.

  My past was more than she could accept. But what could I have expected? Lila Kate wasn’t tarnished in any way. She’d never messed up. I was her only fucking regret. I took a drink of the coffee I had resorted to drinking because I couldn’t sleep at night and the exhaustion that came with it required caffeine.

  My dad didn’t want me at the club. He’d said I had a lot of growing up to do and now that the issue with Kelsey was handled and she was gone, he decided it was best that I had no dealings with the club other than working on the lawn care crew for the golf course.

  I was up at four in the morning cutting grass, weed eating, and cleaning up trash seven days a week. Dad said if I didn’t want to do that and work my way up the ladder the hard way, I was welcome to find another future. The club meant too much for him to entrust it to me after exposing my immoral behavior.

  I’d forgotten the piece of cake in my hand that I’d gotten from the coffee shop when I saw Lila Kate walk outside for the first time in two weeks. I dropped it on the floorboard and sat my cup down as she made her way to her car. She was going somewhere. Was she going back to him? Leaving this place for Sea Breeze? Panic settled in even when I knew she deserved what Eli Hardy could give her.

  Once she pulled out, I followed her. I realized this wasn’t healthy, but I had decided I was fucked in the head like my dad said. I needed therapy or something. I figured this lawn care shit before the sun came up was good therapy.

  It didn’t take me long to figure out she was headed to my house, not Sea Breeze. Right before she turned into my driveway she pulled off the road and I slowed the truck down. Her car door swung open and she turned to look at me with her hands on her hips as if she was annoyed.

  I pulled over behind her, turned the truck off and climbed out.

  “Are you following me around?” she asked. “Do you think sunglasses and a baseball cap is an actual disguise?”

  I thought it had hidden me enough. I was driving this dusty old truck too. I was impressed she had paid that close of attention to her surroundings to realize she was being followed. “Yeah.”

  “Why?” she demanded.

  “I was worried about you.” And trying to build the nerve to talk to you. But I didn’t say that.

  Lila Kate stalked toward me and both her small hands shoved me hard in the chest. “I’ve been back two weeks. That’s all you have to say?” she yelled shoving me back again. “You were worried about me? Why CRUZ? Why were you worried about me? Because your insane married friend showed me fuck videos of the two of you and told me she was pregnant with your kid?” Lila Kate was getting louder, and her eyes were filling with tears. I reached out to touch her arms. To hold her back from pushing me into the road and to try and calm her.

  “NO! Don’t touch me. You don’t get to touch me! I loved you! And you wait for two weeks, sitting outside my place and watch me!”

  She knew I’d sat outside her place? Damn. She was more perceptive than I gave her credit for.

  Tears were flowing freely down her face now. She sobbed and hit me with her fists. Once on the arm and another on the chest. After she pummeled me, she spun around and started to run back to her car.

  “You said loved,” I called out. “That’s past tense, Lila Kate. Is it over? Do you love someone else that soon?” Fear was clogging my throat. I’d watched her while holding on to the small shred of hope that she’d forgive me. That she hadn’t moved on so quickly to Eli Hardy. That she still loved me. Not being able to love me after what she saw, what she knew, was worse. How did I fight for her if she didn’t love me?

  She stopped. We both stood there. Her back to me. I waited even though I want to run to her. To hold her. To beg her to love me.

  “What do you want from me?” she asked turning back to me. Her tear-streaked face was blotchy and red.

  “Everything,” I replied honestly.

  “Where have you been?”

  “Outside your place. In that damn truck,” I admitted.

  “Why?”