Anyone could have come by and seen them, any one of Eli’s guests or Eli herself. Closing her eyes, Bridget kissed Jerica’s cheek gently. “I’m glad you came up today.”

  “Me too.” Jerica pulled away. “But I also suppose I should start driving back since I’m pretty sure this is only the start of a very long storm.”

  Bridget shook her head. “I honestly haven’t looked at a weather report in weeks.”

  “Good for you. Take the time for yourself.” Jerica pulled Bridget in for another soft kiss.

  She was right. This time was different. It wasn’t awkward or full of stress, even if that niggling sensation of guilt pushed its way through her. Another five minutes of being close on the porch swing, and Jerica finally rose to her feet. She said her goodbyes, gave Bridget a quick kiss on her cheek. Bridget watched her drive down the road until she disappeared into the distance. Bridget found herself smiling again before shame filled every crevice it could find in her body and in her mind.

  The crunch was the first thing she heard, but she was already in a panic. Her belt kept her in place, locking her to the seat. No matter how she tried to get out, she wasn’t able to. Bridget pushed harder, moved faster, but she was stuck.

  Everything happened in slow motion, the crunching getting closer and closer to her, the rocking of the vehicle as it was pushed in abnormal ways. Bridget wanted to scream out, the pressure in her chest building as if she was going to burst, but no sound erupted. Everything swirled around inside her, and she was barely containing it, even though she didn’t want to.

  The crunch again, this time closer. Turning, she saw the black rubber of the large tire coming toward her, the spin as it moved in her direction. Bridget threw her hands up, blocking her face as if that would protect her as it crushed her into a million pieces.

  Pain seared through her arm and her chest. She could barely breathe, gasping as if it would make any difference. Popping her eyes open, she felt weightless, as if she was floating above the world. She was so lightheaded, spinning in an instant of opening her eyes. Clenching them shut again, Bridget sank into what she felt. The noise was so loud that she could barely hear anything else, couldn’t think, couldn’t figure out where she was or what was going on.

  The shake against her arm jarred her. Sitting straight up, Bridget opened her eyes wide, staring right into Eli’s worried light brown eyes. Her chest heaved as she gasped for breath, a cold sweat covering her body and soaking her clothes and hair and sheets.

  “You were having a nightmare,” Eli said, fear riding on the back of the worry. “I took me a bit to wake you up.”

  Bridget sucked in a breath, cringing when she realized she was putting weight on her bad arm. Eli helped her to move so she was leaning against the headboard.

  “Let me get you some water.” Eli disappeared from the room, and Bridget realized every light was on in the living area and her bedroom.

  The dream must have been far worse than she thought, though the sting of it was already fading. Every nerve in her body was ready to go, fight or flight, and she gladly would have taken either. Except she was stuck with fright because she could barely move. Eli came back in, a water bottle in her hand. Twisting the top, she handed it over.

  Bridget gladly drank, the cold temperature floating through her overheated body a soothing balm. Eli didn’t just sit on the edge of the bed like Bridget expected, she crawled onto the mattress and sat next to Bridget, mimicking her position against the headboard.

  “You’ve been having nightmares for days, but this was the worst one yet. I had to wake you up.”

  “I’ve been…what?”

  Eli frowned. “You don’t remember them?”

  Bridget shook her head in surprise. “I barely remember this one.”

  “What do you remember?”

  “I was in my cruiser, stuck, could hear the crunching of metal. Then it was like I was floating.”

  “I wonder if that’s the life flight.”

  Bridget grimaced and sucked down more water. The rational side of her brain was already coming around and taking over, putting up barriers and walls right where they were supposed to be. It was the perfect way to distract and protect herself. “Probably. I don’t remember any of it.”

  “I bet you do, and that this is just your body’s way of telling you that you remember.”

  “Great,” Bridget murmured. “Just what I wanted…nightmares.”

  Eli shrugged. “Do you want to talk more about it?”

  Bridget stayed put, staring off at the far wall before she answered. “I want to see my cruiser.”

  “I can take you down there soon if you want, but I’m warning you, it’s not pretty.”

  “I know. I just…I want to see it.”

  “Then we’ll go next time we have to go to town, all right?”

  Nodding, Bridget finished off the bottle of water and set the empty plastic container on the nightstand. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “Don’t be. That’s what I’m here for, remember?”

  Bridget didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure what to say. Instead, she settled her head on Eli’s shoulder, closed her eyes, and tried to relax her still-racing heart. She supposed the nightmare had been more of a doozy than she’d thought, but at least this time, she hadn’t tried to take off someone’s head or beat them up in the process.

  They stayed there, quiet, for some time. Bridget wondered if Eli had fallen back asleep before she realized she didn’t even know what time it was. Shifting around, she grabbed her cell phone, glanced at the time, and saw a text from Jerica.

  “I think she’s good for you, you know,” Eli murmured.

  “Do you?” Bridget remarked, only halfway paying attention as she tried to unlock her phone through her sleepy haze and read the message.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.”

  “Why?”

  Bridget gave up on the text, not able to read and have an intricate conversation at the same time. She sighed and put her head back on Eli’s shoulder. “Because I’m so fucked up.”

  “What’s to say she’s not equally fucked up?”

  Bridget was glad Eli wasn’t looking at her and couldn’t see her face because there was no doubt in her mind Eli would be able to read between the lines of what she was thinking, and that scared the living shit out of her. It was part of why she’d pulled away all those years ago. Eli was too good at reading her, about knowing what she was thinking and feeling before she knew it herself.

  “Bridge?”

  “What?”

  “What’s to say she’s not equally fucked up?”

  “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “But my kind of fucked up isn’t exactly what people want when they go to find the love of their life.”

  “Who said anything about love?” Eli shifted, and Bridget assumed she was trying to look her in the eye but didn’t quite manage it because Bridget refused to move. “I thought you two were just dating.”

  “We are. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not sure I should continue it. I mean, the other day was fun and nice. She’s a very sweet girl.”

  “Girl?” Eli yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. “I don’t think I’d call her a girl.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Well, she’s a nurse. She’s got to at least be in her early twenties.”

  “I guess.”

  “That doesn’t make her a girl,” Eli countered.

  “Well, she’s an adult. I’m not dating a kid.” Bridget scoffed. “But she’s young.”

  “How old do you think she is, really?”

  “Old enough that she should know better than to date me.”

  “Then why do you think she still wants to date you?”

  That was the question that kept stumping Bridget. Why would Jerica want to date her? Why would she push to be in a relationship when Bridget came with so much baggage and detriment that any relationship she had was doomed before it even started? Her family would never accept a girlfriend, or God forbid, a wife. She’d be ostracized from them, tossed out to the curb on her own in a way that no one could come back from it. How was she supposed to be in a relationship with a woman when she ran for Sheriff next? Surely that would screw her chances over.

  “Bridge?”

  “What?” The bite in her tone was not wholly unexpected, but Bridget did regret it.

  “I like her for you. I think she’s a good match, and I think she pushes you in ways I never could.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Eli sighed and rubbed her hand against her thigh in a nervous gesture. “I don’t know how to explain it. Can you just trust me on it?”

  “No.”

  “Fine.” Eli’s tone was sharp. “Just forget it then.”

  Guilt swam in Bridget’s belly again, and she stopped. She really should listen and see what Eli was trying to tell her. Never once had Eli tried to steer her in the wrong direction. She had, but it was never on purpose. “No, I’m sorry, tell me.”

  Eli didn’t move, and they sat in silence for what felt like minutes before Eli finally spoke again. “I never challenged you. We just always were, and I think Jerica challenges you in a way that you need.”

  “I need?”

  “Yeah.” They fell into a soft silence again, Eli breaking it once more. “You need to decide what you’re willing to give up in order to gain love. That was something I could never convince you of, but I really hope Jerica can and that you’re in a different place now than you were when we were together.”

  “I…I would have given everything to have you.”

  Eli shook her head, and Bridget pushed herself to sit up.

  “I would have—”

  “You wouldn’t. You didn’t. And I don’t blame you for that, Bridget. Not anymore, but at some point, if you want to have more than a fling here and there, you are going to have to find a way to give up certain things for someone else, and that may include your family.”

  Bridget shook her head. “How do I give up my family?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never had to do it, but I think you need to remember that you have more family than you might realize, and that this town is your family. I am your family. I will always come when you call for help. Don’t you know that by now?”

  “I guess I do.”

  “Do you trust it?” Eli gave her a hard but sincere look, earnestly searching for the truth in Bridget’s words.

  Bridget paused before she answered, wanting to make sure that the response she gave was as truthful and as honest as she could make it. “I do. I do trust you.”

  “Good. That’s a good step. Now, find at least one more person to trust, because we’re not as scary as you may think we are. And there are more people here who love you than you know.”

  Eli didn’t wait for an answer as she slipped out of the bed and Bridget’s room, leaving the light on as she went. She shut the door, casting Bridget into silence. The conversation wasn’t an easy one, and it didn’t sit well with her. She wanted to follow Eli, to ask her more questions and push her for more answers, but at the same time, Bridget knew Eli wouldn’t do it. She’d given her advice, she’d given her words of wisdom, and then she left, like she always did.

  Loneliness seeped its way into her heart, and she struggled to wrap it up and bundle back where it came from. Perhaps Eli was right and it wouldn’t be as bad a falling out as she thought it would. Still, she couldn’t understand what it would mean to cut her parents off, her siblings. She’d spent so much of her life trying to get their approval, and to just not seek it anymore? Was that even possible?

  Gripping her phone, she checked on the message from Jerica, finally having the brainpower to read it. Her stomach dropped at the words, not because it was unexpected but because she still didn’t have an answer to the questions she couldn’t stop asking.

  Did she want to see Jerica again? Did she want to potentially fall in love and risk her family and her career for a woman she barely knew? Did she want another date?

  Because Jerica certainly did.

  CHAPTER 10

  Jerica had been waiting for a text from Bridget for two days. She’d sent a few others, just checking in and ignoring the fact the one asking when they could go on another date was equally ignored. She wasn’t having any of it, and the longer she thought about it, the angrier she became that Bridget wouldn’t just give her an answer one way or another.

  They could talk about life, the farm, work, anything, but as soon as the conversation of dating or a relationship came up, Bridget would ghost her, ignore her, avoid her. Jerica stepped into the break room at the hospital and switched out the coffee grounds for some new ones. She added her special ingredient, vanilla bean, and set it to run.

  She was just about to sit down and wait for the first cup when Ann walked in, her wide hips and salt and pepper hair always a welcome sight. “Are you down here for some extra hours?”

  Ann nodded as she eyed the pot of coffee that was barely started. “Thought I could use the extra pay this week.”

  She slid across the table from Jerica and relaxed into the chair. “How’s the world with you?”

  Jerica sighed. Ann had always been a good friend the times they had spent together, including work and outside of work. Normally she would talk to her sister, but that was out of the question for a bit since her sister was so preoccupied with her own shit.

  “It’s going.”

  “That doesn’t sound like it’s going well.”

  Pursing her lips, Jerica sighed heavily. “Have you ever had someone give you loads of mixed signals?”

  Ann snorted. “Yes. But which mixed signals are you getting?”

  Jerica eyed Ann up and down before she decided to dive in. Bridget wasn’t her patient any longer, and since it had been weeks since she’d been admitted to the hospital, surely it would be okay to spill the beans that they’d been on a date or two, right? “Bridget. You remember her?”

  “How could I forget?” Ann eyed Jerica up and down. “Did you…talk to her outside of the hospital?”

  “Yes.” Jerica answered slowly, treading the line of whether Ann would find this appropriate or not. When she said nothing and didn’t give any indication that she thought it was a bad idea, Jerica continued. “She’s been…I don’t know. We went on a date, which she agreed to. It didn’t go that well, but it certainly wasn’t the worst first date I’ve been on, more…amusing. Anyway, she then didn’t talk to me, so I showed up and we had a second date, a much better date.”

  “And now?”

  “Now she’ll text me and talk to me about anything other than dating.” Jerica sighed, rubbing her temple as the coffee pot gurgled.

  “Interesting,” Ann murmured, her gaze sliding to the coffee pot. “Have you asked her what’s up?”

  Jerica grimaced. “Not directly, but I have tried to get some understanding of what’s holding her back or if she really wants to date. I don’t want to force her into anything, you know? If she wants me to stop, I’ll do that. If she just wants to be friends…that’ll be a little harder but not impossible.”

  Ann nodded. “When Heidi and I first got together, we were friends first, then we started other things. It wasn’t as easy for her. She didn’t have a lot of experience with dating, or being in a good and healthy relationship. She needed that time to adjust.”

  “How long did it take?”

  Ann snorted lightly. “A year before we had our first kiss.”

  Jerica flushed slightly. “We’ve already done that.”

  “And did it feel right?”

  “The second time. The first? Not so much. I can’t quite put my finger on why.”

  “Was she as ready as you? She was just in an awful car accident, work related at that, don’t you think that’s a lot of weight for a person to carry.”

  Nodding, Jerica folded her hands and stared at the top of the table. “Yeah, it is. I get that, and I don’t mind taking it slow.”

  Ann got up and grabbed a Styrofoam cup, pouring herself coffee before it was finished so the stream hissed against the burner. “Sorry, couldn’t wait for this.”

  Jerica shrugged it off, but she didn’t grab her own coffee. She could wait until it was finished brewing. “I think it’s just hard to know what to do when there’s no communication to tell me what to do.”

  “Ah, that.” Ann settled into the chair across from Jerica again. “Communication is key in any relationship that is going to survive. Though, be warned, it can take years and years to learn how to properly listen and talk.”

  Jerica frowned, eyeing Ann as if she held the worlds secrets. Ann and her partner had been together for years, and yet they never seemed to have any problems. She’d always taken their relationship at face value, they were quiet about it because of living in a rural part of the country and being in a same-sex relationship, add in the fact they were both older, so it wasn’t as common then to be out and proud.

  “Did it take you a long time to figure out how to communicate?”

  Ann raised an eyebrow. “We’re still figuring it out, but it’s much better than it was two years ago. Trust me on that one. If you’d asked two years ago, I wouldn’t be sure if we’d see twenty years. Now? I think we’ll make it.”

  “Twenty? Wow.” Jerica pressed her lips together. “And here I am just wanted to get to the third date.”

  Ann chuckled lightly. “Go at whatever pace she needs.”

  “I’m trying to.”

  “Are you?”

  Chastised, Jerica thought back to their conversations, to that first kiss she had kind of forced Bridget into. That had been why the second was so much better. They’d both wanted it, and it hadn’t been awkward and out of tune with the sense of the conversation or the moment.

  “You’re right,” Jerica confessed. “I need to.”

  “Start there. Being in a car accident like that is traumatic. She’s going to need some time to get over that. Meanwhile, you don’t know what else she’s dealing with unless she’s told you, but from when she was my patient, I’m betting she hasn’t actually told you much. Just remember, we all have underlying trauma. She needs to tease it out for you to see, and then you need to shut up and listen when she does it.”