She hadn’t driven since the accident, though, and the thought of getting behind the wheel of a vehicle didn’t seem like the most pleasant experience, even if it was only driving around town or even down to Garden. She swallowed hard again as Eli took a left as soon as she got to the edge of town and drove the dirt back road along the railroad line to Jensen’s lot on the northwest corner.

  She wasn’t prepared for it. Her eyes widened as she saw most definitely what was left of her cruiser, which wasn’t much. The entire right side of the thing had been completely crushed, much like her own body. There was a definitive pull down on the left side where the combine tire had circled exactly where she had been sitting, enough to avoid killing her but not avoid injuring.

  Bridget stayed in the truck, staring wide-eyed at the damaged vehicle before her. Her heart raced, and she was cold and clammy. But she had to get out. It took every ounce of courage she had to open the door to the truck and grip her crutches like they were her lifeline. Eli didn’t move to follow her. When her feet were on solid ground, Bridget clenched her jaw and crutched her way closer.

  Glass had been shattered in every window, and she knew some of it was from the jaws of life. She could see the marks where they’d used the tool to get the roof up to get her out. Tears stung her eyes, but she held them in, moving around the vehicle slowly so she could take the whole thing in. She hadn’t realized how impactful this would be, how much she needed to see it firsthand.

  It wasn’t just a dream anymore. Every nightmare she had about it had been reality. Every moment of fear and panic when she woke up cold and sweaty was because of this moment. The moment when her work interfered with her life and nearly ended it. How the hell was she ever going to go back into that office and sit in another cruiser? How was she supposed to still be Sheriff?

  Tears streamed down her face, and she hadn’t even noticed it at first. Bridget let them, not even bothering to wipe them away or pretend like this didn’t affect her. She wasn’t going to kid anyone. This would be a shock to anyone who drove by and saw it, and she was pretty sure everyone in town already had and that was why she hadn’t been told much about the accident itself.

  As she got to the driver’s side door, which was no longer there, Bridget could see the small trinkets she’d left in the vehicle just for her. She brushed some of the glass off the seat and awkwardly leaned in to grab them out, snagging the red quartz stone heart, the metal cross, and the very first badge she’d been given as a rookie at the academy.

  She put her hand against her pocket and grabbed her crutch to stand up again, although it wasn’t easy and she nearly fell over. Still, Eli remained in the vehicle and didn’t come out to help her. God, she loved that Eli understood moments like this, that Eli knew to give her the space to process and think and just be by herself. There would be plenty of time to talk as they drove the rest of the way to town.

  Bridget patted the only place of smooth metal that she could find, paused a moment, and then straightened her spine as she crutched her way back to Eli’s truck. No one had been lying when they told her she was lucky to be alive. She was. She knew that viscerally now, and there would be no denying it ever again.

  The drive was relatively quiet, which was somewhat surprising to Bridget. She’d expected Eli to be talkative, probing Bridget to talk about what she’d just seen and experienced and thought and felt. The silence was almost unnerving, and she couldn’t figure out why Eli wasn’t talking, why she insisted on remaining silent.

  Jerica had told her where the spare key was and to make herself comfortable. Eli made sure she got into the house and up the stairs, since she’d been surprised to find it a split-level house like her own. It would be a good trial run for living on her own soon enough. She couldn’t stay with Eli forever, as much as that thought did appeal to her in some ways.

  Eli left with a hug and a clap on Bridget’s shoulder. Bridget was cast into the silence of being alone, something she hadn’t experienced in nearly two months. Two months of being surrounded by people, especially the past week with everyone being there to plan the wedding and do the finishing touches.

  Shivering, Bridget grabbed a drink and made her way to the living room. There was a couch against the far wall and a television in the corner. The remotes were on the back of the couch, so she grabbed one after she lowered herself to the cushion and put her leg up. All of the moving around with her crutches bothered her arm and her wrist, not that she’d admit that to anyone, so she was glad to give it a bit of a rest.

  She really had to work on getting strong with that. Sighing, Bridget flicked through the stations, finding something mundane to watch that wouldn’t take a whole lot of brain power. She hadn’t been able to get the image of the crushed vehicle out of her mind yet, and she wasn’t sure when that would happen, either.

  If she’d known what an impact it would make, she might not have gone, but it would have been next to impossible to avoid as soon as she got back into the swing of work. Jensen’s lot wasn’t known for moving cars out quickly, and she had an inkling that her car might remain there for a decade before he finally sold it for parts after he’d pillaged all he could from it.

  Putting her head against the arm rest, Bridget pulled out her phone and texted Jerica to let her know she’d arrived safely and couldn’t wait for her to get home. She had plans for the few nights they would be together, plans that would involve all her muscles. The thought warmed her, although the overwhelming image of the car was still the reigning vision in her head.

  It took hours for her body to finally give in to sleep. The nightmares had been so bad lately that she hadn’t managed to get a good night’s rest in days, maybe even a week. Though again, she would be hard pressed to admit that to anyone. The couch was so comfortable that when her eyes drooped, Bridget gave in and curled on her side with the blanket covering her and let sleep take her.

  Waking in a panic, she flung her arms out around her as she tried to figure out where the hell she was and what she was doing. The sun was already setting outside, casting an eerie glow into the room. She had to blink several times and wait for the spinning of the room to stop before she managed to catch her breath in any reasonable manner—except she didn’t.

  The next breath was just as ragged, and she struggled to find the balance that she’d normally been able to get. Every muscle in Bridget’s body was poised and ready to run, except she couldn’t. She couldn’t get up and run out the door, and she had nowhere to go. It took her far too long to even remember where she was.

  Grasping her phone, she called the only person she could think of. It rang too many times, and the panic welled deeper in her chest until finally, Eli’s gruff voice came through. “I thought you’d be spending time with your girlfriend.”

  Bridget could hardly do anything except breathe heavily, and that wasn’t helping the situation any. She couldn’t even explain to Eli what she needed.

  Something must have clicked in Eli’s brain, because suddenly her tone changed and softened. “Hey, hey, calm down, Bridge. Take a deep breath for me, will you?”

  As if on command, Bridget dragged cold air into her lungs, holding it. She had to consciously think about exhaling slowly rather than rapidly and forcing her body to do what it should normally. She did it again.

  “There you go. Keep going. Is Jerica still at work?”

  Bridget nodded, not even aware enough to realize that Eli couldn’t see her.

  “Did you have another nightmare?”

  “Y-yeah,” Bridget stuttered out, finally able to form a word.

  “Okay, keep breathing slowly. It’s not real, not anymore.”

  Those words brought on the tears. How the fuck has she ended up with such a compassionate friend? She’d never deserved Eli. Not from the start, and yet somehow, Eli had ended up in her life. Her parents would say it was God who had put Eli there, although they’d also probably say it was the Devil. Bridget didn’t believe in such things, and she didn’t know what she’d done to deserve someone who was so calm and with-it.

  “When you can talk, I want you to talk to me, okay?”

  “Yeah.” Bridget sounded much more cognizant that time than she had the last time, which was a good improvement in her mind. One step forward, no more steps back.

  “Want to tell me what happened?”

  “No.” Bridget tightened again, the images flooding her brain even if she didn’t want them to. There was no way to get them out. The sounds, the sensation of being crushed by hot rubber. The scent of something burning. She gulped.

  “Bridget, take another breath.”

  She did as she was told.

  “Can you call Jerica and maybe ask her to come home early?”

  Shaking her head again, Bridget closed her eyes and attempted to focus. She didn’t even know what time it was. She’d fallen asleep and it was still light out, but now it looked far darker than that. “What time is it?”

  “It’s about four in the afternoon.”

  “I fell asleep.”

  “I gathered,” Eli answered. “At least you’re giving more than one-word answers now.”

  “Yeah.” Bridget chuckled lightly, but it was still nervous and not a full boom of her voice. “If it’s four, then I think Jerica should be off soon.”

  “Look at your phone and see if she told you when she’d be back.”

  “Right.” Bridget moved her phone from her ear and stared down at it. It took her another second to think about even opening up her text messages to read the last few exchanges between her and Jerica. “She’s off at five.”

  “So you don’t have much longer to wait then.”

  “I guess not.”

  “How are you feeling now?”

  “Better. Calmer,” Bridget corrected. “Like I know where I am and when I am.”

  “Well, that’s a bonus. How many nightmares have you been having, Bridge? I know I don’t wake up to all of them.”

  Bridget sighed heavily, but Eli had asked for openness. So she told her. “Every night.”

  “Bridget!” The shock was enough to tell her she should have said something before then, but Bridget still didn’t want people to think she was weak or that she couldn’t handle her own shit. “That’s insane.”

  “I know. Not all of them are awful, but I think this one was bad because I’m alone and not somewhere I’m super familiar with.”

  “And you saw the cruiser today. I worried it might do this to you.”

  Bridget rubbed her temple. “While that may not have been the wisest choice, I still think it was a good one. I would have seen it anyway, sooner or later.”

  “Yeah, but you could have been more prepared for it.”

  Bridget frowned. She wasn’t sure she would ever have been prepared for that. Not in a million years, knowing what she saw. Bridget clenched her jaw and relaxed slightly into the couch. Eli was good for helping her out with this. She needed the calm, the steadiness of someone who was stronger than she was in that moment. Even through her fearful haze she could at least admit that.

  “I don’t think I could have ever been prepared for that,” Bridget admitted. “All I’ve remembered about it have been tidbits here and there, sounds or smells. Never anything as full on as realizing if he’d been two more inches to the left I wouldn’t be here.”

  “You almost weren’t with us.”

  Bridget had ignored that fact as much as she could, and perhaps it was seeing the vehicle that reminded her that she couldn’t ignore it any longer. She had nearly died, and it was only by the grace of God that she hadn’t, it was only because of skilled hands and quick thinking that she had survived.

  “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t.” Admitting that was harder than she’d ever thought it could be. She had died, and she’d been brought back to the land of the living only seconds later. She didn’t have some out of body experience like everyone talked about. She didn’t have a moment of clarity where she understood her purpose in life. Her near-death experience wasn’t even significant—at least not in the ways everyone thought of those

  “I would have missed you,” Eli whispered, as though the words pained her to say. “And I’m so glad you’re not dead, Bridge.”

  A fresh wave of sorrow filled her chest, and Bridget wasn’t sure what to do with it. She hadn’t thought her life meant anything to anyone, that anyone even cared for her beyond her job. Yes, she and Eli had been working on repairing their friendship—sort of. She had mostly ignored that too, but to hear those words from Eli’s lips shattered her.

  “I’m so sorry,” Bridget answered.

  “Don’t be sorry. It’s not anything you could control, but do know that I love you, and Mom loves you, and that you have family that would miss you if you were gone, and we’re so happy that you’re not.”

  Bridget fought back a new wave of tears even as she embraced them this time. Those words were the most precious she had heard from Eli, and it was something she could never live without. She’d tried, and those few years had been absolute hell. She didn’t want to be alone again, not like that. It made her bitter and jaded in ways she couldn’t begin to comprehend, but she knew she didn’t want to be that person any longer.

  “I’d feel the same way if I lost you,” Bridget finally said back. “So don’t be going and doing anything stupid on that ranch of yours, Eli, because I don’t want to take that call.”

  Eli laughed lightly, obviously crying as well as she poured out her heart. “I promise I won’t do anything stupid.”

  “Good.” They fell into silence, and Bridget felt as though she was far more grounded than she’d been when she called. “I’ll let you go, Eli. I’m feeling much better. Thank you.”

  “Any time, Bridge. Please know that. I’ll answer your call whenever and wherever I am.”

  “I know that.” A fresh wave of tears entered her eyes, and she pushed them away with her fingers. “Jerica will be home soon, and I don’t want to be a mess when she gets here.”

  “Never,” Eli answered. “Go take a bath or something to get looking good for your girl. Oh, and Bridge?”

  “What?”

  “I’m serious that I expect to be in the wedding party when you two get married. I will continue to take credit for this match as long as humanly possible.”

  “Shut up,” Bridget muttered, shaking her head. “If anyone deserves the credit, it’s Sonny.”

  “Eh, you’re probably right on that one. Call me, though, if you need anything. Please.”

  “I will.”

  They hung up, and Bridget was once again cast into silence. She zoned out, thinking about her friendship with Eli until the lock on the front door turned and Jerica popped her head in, a brilliant smile on her lips.

  “You have no idea how amazing it feels to come home and have you here,” Jerica stated, coming right up the stairs. “I’ve been waiting all day, literally, for this moment.”

  She swooped in and planted a kiss right on Bridget’s lips. Bridget reached around the back of her head and dragged her down, deepening the kiss as much as she could. The stability of having someone there in the flesh was exactly what she needed, and while she used the kiss to distract herself, she knew she equally had to tell Jerica about her day and what had happened while she’d been gone.

  When they parted, Jerica grinned at her. “How was your day?”

  Well, they were going to get right to it then. Sighing, Bridget wrinkled her nose. “Not too great, actually, but it’s much better now.”

  Jerica looked absolutely concerned, and Bridget reached over as Jerica sat on the edge of the couch and took her hand, squeezing lightly. “On the drive down, I had Eli take me by Jensen’s lot to see my cruiser. That might not have been my brightest idea, but I also think it was a necessary evil.”

  “Wow.” Jerica’s eyes widened. “How bad was it?”

  “Awful. Oh yeah, here.” Bridget shifted slightly and reached into her pocket, grabbing the three items she had pulled from the cruiser. “I took this while I was there. I put them in every cruiser I drive.”

  Jerica held her hand out and took the small items. “What do they mean to you?”

  “Well, the cross is obvious. I may not go to church or really believe, but I’m not going to discount there might be a God either, and if God is going to protect me, I’ll take that protection as much as I can.”

  “And what about the other two things.”

  Bridget pointed at the badge. “This is to remind me where I started and how far I’ve come. It’s a good memory, and I don’t want to ever lose it.”

  Jerica smiled and pinched the quartz heart between her fingers. “And this?”

  “That is to remind me where my heart always is, and where it always will be. But I think, instead of putting it in my next cruiser, that you should keep it.”

  Jerica stared down at the small item, her eyes lighting up. She canted her head to the side, a mischievous look crossing her beautiful features. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

  “I’m saying nothing in words yet.”

  “But—”

  “Uh-uh. You can wait a bit for those, I think. But keep it.” Bridget grabbed the cross and her badge and shoved them back into her pocket, leaving the heart for Jerica. “Let it mean what you want it to mean.”

  “I don’t think that’s how this is supposed to work, Bridge.”

  “Well, it’s how it’s going to work today. Leave it be for now. I have to tell you about the rest of my day. Then you can fill me in on yours. Deal?”

  “Deal.” Jerica leaned in and kissed her fully. “Talk away, Sheriff.”

  Bridget spent the next hour going through her nightmares. The one she’d had that day and the ones she’d had most nights before then. She opened up in a way she never had before, making specific decisions about what to share and taking those risks to be vulnerable. She never would have done that with anyone before, but Jerica had already seen her at her worst, multiple times. They talked for hours, eating dinner somewhere in the mix, and then falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was one of the best nights in Bridget’s life.