The quirk on Kara’s lips brought a moment of satisfaction, but it was quickly dashed when Kara asked the one question she hadn’t thought of.

  “Did you want that?”

  She knew she’d gone pale. She stumbled and hesitated and pulled back on her answer. Had she wanted that? Had she wanted more? Ideally, she had always wanted more. She was not the kind of woman who could readily move from one relationship to the next. She liked stability. As much as her career didn’t afford that, her personal life did. Rubbing her lips, Sarah nodded. “Yeah, maybe I did.”

  “Maybe?”

  “I don’t know. I need to think about that one.” Sarah let out a sigh of relief when the waitress showed up with her second beer. She needed it to calm the nerves Kara was suddenly finding so interesting to touch and play with.

  “Is she young?”

  Sarah narrowed her eyes. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Because, Sarah, a lot of young people aren’t looking for the same things you old folks are looking for. So...is she young?”

  “She’s younger than me, yes.”

  “How much?”

  “What is this? Twenty questions?”

  “Because you haven’t told me anything about her.” Kara’s voice had risen with an accusatory tone to it.

  Sarah was taken aback. “I have. Of course, I have.”

  “You haven’t. You’ve been curiously devoid of information about her—whereas all your other dates are the complete opposite. You can’t wait to tell me every little detail, and I mean, every detail, Sarah. But this time...I don’t know. It’s so different. You’re different.”

  “I’m different? What do you mean?”

  Their food was set in front of them before Kara continued. “Like I said before. Normally you share everything, but this time you haven’t. This time you’re moping like you went through the world’s worst break up, yet you sit here and tell me you weren’t even dating. And that song.”

  “What song?”

  “You know what song.” Kara’s gaze narrowed. “That song is not about a cow. You can try to believe that all you want, but it is not about a cow.”

  Sarah tensed. She had no idea what to say to Kara. She loved her friend dearly, but she’d never been so blunt in calling her out before.

  “You need to call her.”

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  “Call her, Sarah. You’re miserable, and I’m tired of seeing you this miserable. Just give her a call and see where it goes from there.”

  “She lives states away.”

  “Yeah, and you travel all the time. How would this be any different?” Kara took a bite of her sandwich.

  She did have a point, as much as Sarah didn’t necessarily want to admit it. But what would it be like to add in one more travel stop—more often than she came home for sure, because if she set it up only as often as she came home, it was never going to work. Sarah finally grabbed hold of the spoon for her soup and started in on her lunch, still mulling over everything Kara had said. Kara might have been young, but she was wise, which had been one of the reasons Sarah loved hanging out with her.

  Drawing in a deep breath, Sarah let it out and tried to think of something to change subject to. Luckily, Kara must have sensed her need for something else because the conversation turned to Kara’s own photography business. That had been how they’d met, surprisingly. Kara had worked on the photos for one of Sarah’s albums before she’d gone off and started her own business, which had taken awhile to flourish but it was finally doing well. They’d known each other for years at this point, and even if she was being blunt, Sarah did appreciate Kara’s advice.

  As they were getting ready to leave and Sarah’s rideshare was coming, Kara grabbed her elbow to get her attention. Sarah turned and stared down at her much shorter friend.

  “I want to say this, and I want to be clear when I say it.”

  “Okay?” Curious, Sarah turned to face her completely and raised an eyebrow, indicating Kara had her full attention.

  “Good. Now um...don’t take this the wrong way, Sarah, because I love you, and I want to see you as much as I can, and I’m really going to hate myself for this, but first I think you need to call Eli. You two need to talk and figure out whatever this is between you because I have a sinking suspicion it’s not one-sided.”

  Sarah was about to reject the notion when Kara held her hand up to stop her.

  “I’m not finished. If when you do call her, she is interested in something beyond whatever the other week was, I need you to do something for me.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I need you to not fuck it up. Don’t pull the shit you normally do. Don’t run away. You give her every moment—all the time and effort you can—to make it work.”

  “I don’t fuck up relationships, Kara.” One glare shut her up again. “Fine, I do mess some of them up.”

  “Right, so don’t do that to this one.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m pretty sure this one is different, and I don’t want you falling back into old ways that are just going to mess everything up. And this is hard, because if this really is how it’s going to be, I know I’m not going to see you as much.”

  Sarah dropped her gaze to the ground. “Yeah, and my family already complains about not seeing me. Imagine if I lived across the country from them.”

  The look in Kara’s eyes had Sarah’s heart thumping.

  “I’m not moving.”

  “You just—”

  “I’m not moving, Kara. Drop it. Oh look, here’s my ride.” Sarah bent down and pressed a kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I’ll call and text.”

  “Me or Eli?”

  Sarah didn’t answer. She got into the car that would take her home for the last time in months. She caught sight of Kara still standing by the door to the Saucer as she left, and she knew, as stupid as it sounded, that Kara was right. But she wasn’t going to call Eli. There was no way Sarah had enough gumption to do that. Her life was good the way it was, and she would like to keep it that way. Eli had just been a fling, nothing more.

  Chapter 18

  Sarah grinned broadly as she walked off stage. She was buzzing. Her body was full of adrenaline, moving would be the only way to get rid of it, and she would easily be up well into the wee hours of the morning. As her crew started packing everything up, Sarah grabbed a bottle of water and downed it as she fell into the soft plush couch in one of the backrooms.

  Everyone moved around her and did everything they were supposed to do. But what was she supposed to do? She knew the rhythm of tour. This wasn’t the first one she had been on. She knew she always felt lost after a concert was over and done with, but this time felt so different. She wasn’t just lost from the concert, she was lost. She had no center, no balance, and no way to find it again either.

  Kara had been right. Sarah glanced at the clock on the wall. It was midnight for her and past two in the morning for Eli. She couldn’t call, could she? Surely, she was done being up in the middle of the night for the cows by then. A month had passed with no contact.

  “Sadie!”

  Sarah swiveled her head toward the door.

  “Great job tonight.”

  “You too, kid.” Sarah swallowed. As soon as she was alone again, she wondered if she could call. If it had been a month and she hadn’t been able to get Eli out of her mind, maybe she did just need to call and see what all of it was about, perhaps find out if Eli felt the same or even anywhere near.

  Sarah set an alarm on her phone for one hour later. She hoped she wasn’t wrong in assuming Eli was still getting up in the middle of the night. She had mentioned calving season could last for a while, and Sarah certainly didn’t want to wake her up if she was resting. God knew Eli needed all the rest she could get.

  With the decision made, Sarah went to help where she could. She might have been the star, the name that drew everyone there, but she wasn’t above the grunt work, and she always made sure to help every time. She packed up instruments and coiled cables until they were neatly packed away in tubs.

  Before she knew it, the alarm on her phone was going off and she’d almost forgotten why she set it. Staring down at the device, she begged off the project she’d been working on and slipped into the back room with the phone pressed to her ear as Eli’s phone rang and rang.

  A sleepy hello greeted her, and instantly, Sarah’s lips curled into a smile. “Did I wake you?”

  “Who is this?”

  Laughing to herself, Sarah swallowed. “It’s Sarah.”

  “Why on earth are you calling me at...three in the morning?” Eli sounded slightly more awake by that point.

  “Uh...” Sarah rubbed a hand against the back of her head as she stared at the organized chaos around her. “I’m not exactly sure, truthfully.”

  Eli grunted. “Sarah. It’s three in the morning.”

  “Don’t you have to get up anyway?”

  “What?”

  “For the cows.”

  Eli chuckled. “No. The last calf was born last week. I’m done with that. I can get actual sleep now—well, unless you call. Why are you calling again?”

  “I don’t know.” Nerves sparked to life in her belly, something she had been missing all evening. “I’m sorry. I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

  “No, don’t hang up. I’m awake now, so you better talk to me.”

  Sarah’s lips parted in surprise. “About what?”

  “Sarah, you called me. Didn’t you have something to say?”

  She was at a complete loss for words. Sarah had no idea what to do or say or where to steer the conversation from there. She didn’t know what she’d been thinking when she’d made the call. To be fair, she probably wasn’t thinking. Her post-concert brain was always a bit muddled no matter how clear she thought it was. God, Kara was going to get a kick out of this.

  “Sarah?”

  “I’m still here, yeah.”

  “Where are you?”

  “California.”

  “So it’s what...one there?”

  “Yeah. We’re just finishing packing up.”

  “You’re helping?”

  “Always do.”

  “Don’t you have fans waiting outside or something?”

  Sarah pursed her lips. “Probably.”

  “Shouldn’t you go make nice?”

  “Do you want me to hang up?” Taken slightly off-guard, Sarah pressed her lips together. “Because just two seconds ago it sounded like you didn’t want me to hang up.”

  Eli groaned and rustled around on the other end of the phone. “No, no, don’t hang up. I’m just...you woke me up. Give my brain a bit to catch up with everything. How was the concert?”

  “It was good.”

  “Just good?”

  Sarah grinned. “No, it was really good. Probably one of the best I’ve done in a long time.”

  “How many have you done since you started?”

  Disappointment edged its way into Sarah’s chest, and she rubbed at it with her fist. For some reason, she had hoped Eli might have cared, might have looked it up to see where she was at or even where her tour would take her. She didn’t expect Eli to have it memorized, but some indication she had cared would have been nice. “Umm...we’re two weeks in, so…six events, I think?”

  “You think?”

  “I lose count after a while between concerts and press stuff.”

  “Press stuff?”

  “Yeah. Like in a few hours I need to go down to some news studio and do an interview and sing a song or two.” Sarah had already decided what songs she was going to do. The hit from her current album, but also the song she had written when she’d been with Eli. She would do that one alone, just her and the guitar because she hadn’t had time to write the rest of the music yet or have her team learn it.

  “What station? Maybe I’ll watch.”

  “I honestly don’t remember, Eli. I let the big important people handle all that. I just go where they tell me to.”

  Eli sighed. “I don’t believe for a second that you’re as hands-off as that.”

  “You’re right, but this was a last-minute addition, so I really don’t know where I’m going, but press is press, right? Any of it is good.”

  “If you’re trying to build a bigger audience and sell more.”

  They fell into a quiet silence, Sarah realizing quite clearly that of all the conversations she imagined having with Eli over the past few months, talking about the logistics of her tour and how things were planned was not one of them. She’d wanted to ask about Buddy, maybe try and convince Eli to send her a picture of him, but at the same time, she was scared to ask.

  “How’s everything there? Bridget behaving?”

  Eli snorted. “Yeah, she’s behaving if you want to call it that.”

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “Nothing at all, truthfully. But it’s only been a few weeks. She plays a long game.”

  “I hope she’s changed.” Sarah’s voice got quiet.

  “Me too. But I think I’ll always have my doubts about that, especially after the last time.”

  “I don’t blame you.” Sarah caught sight of someone beckoning her through the door. She held up a finger, telling them she wanted more time. “Eli, what would you say if I came out for a visit again?”

  “You know how to reserve a booking, Sarah. I don’t know why you’re asking me.”

  And that was her answer. Tears stung at Sarah’s eyes as she hung her head down. “No, Eli, the room I want isn’t available on your website.”

  “Hmmm...you sure that’s the room you want?”

  Sarah narrowed her eyes. She couldn’t tell for sure, but she thought there might be a tone of teasing in Eli’s voice. She certainly hoped there was, but she didn’t want to read into it if it wasn’t there.

  “You going to cook your own meals while you’re here, too?”

  “I’ll cook you anything, Eli, you know that.”

  The sigh echoed through the line. Sarah closed her eyes, wishing Eli would just answer already, give her some sort of hint as to what she wanted because Sarah really didn’t want to have to work out the words to ask her bluntly—although she knew Kara would yell at her for not just doing that first.

  “Sarah...”

  That tone was back again. Sarah wanted to run and hide from it, completely afraid of what it meant and where the conversation was going. She cut the conversation off before it could go anywhere. “Yeah, never mind, that was stupid. I’m on a six-month tour and barely two weeks in. I won’t be able to set up another vacation until next year at this rate. I’ll see you around, Eli.”

  “Sarah—”

  But Sarah didn’t answer as she hung up and stared at the small device in her hand. She rubbed her temple and the back of her neck. She had taken the risk, taken the chance on calling, and she had no idea what had just happened in that conversation. They really should have talked before she’d left, she should have just delayed her flight and gone to find Eli—wherever she had been—and forced her to have a conversation about what they wanted, what they needed. Instead, they had both willingly thrust themselves into this awkward tension.

  Sarah finished everything she needed to do and grabbed her jacket and her guitar as she headed out the back way. Sure enough, for some strange reason, there were still a couple fans out back waiting for her. She signed autographs, took pictures, made nice, but as soon as she got into the bus, she was exhausted. Maybe she was getting too old to be out on tour for so long. Two weeks in and she was already complaining about how tired she was—that didn’t bode well for the rest of it. Putting her feet up, she closed her eyes and drifted off until morning.

  Morning came way too early. She would have to talk to them about scheduling her an early morning show right after a big concert. She spent an hour warming up her voice and getting it ready to sing after such a late night.

  When she got to the studio, she was ushered in with her guitar, learning last minute she’d be doing both songs all by herself—which wasn’t a problem, it was just unexpected. Sarah sat down in the plush chair and smiled at the daytime show host. They’d done up her hair and makeup, as much as she begged them not to because whenever they did, she barely recognized herself.

  “Today we are here with rising country music star, Sadie Bade. She’s at the start of a tour for her newest album release, and you’ve probably heard her number one hit, which I believe, she’ll be singing for us later.”

  “Thanks, Carrie. Yes, I will be singing it for you in a minute, along with another song I wrote just this past winter.” Sarah gave a beaming grin like she was supposed to.

  “Now, you write songs that are kind of out of the box. I hesitate to even call them country songs because you cross over multiple genres of music.”

  Sarah’s heart thumped, her stomach a twisting ball of nerves. She’d gladly sing a concert any day instead of sitting there while being interviewed. Talking to people was not her strong suit, and with the conversation with Eli still fresh in her mind, it was a struggle to focus on anything.

  “I do, I do. I really try to go where the music takes me, and I love all kinds of music, so that plays out when I write songs.”

  “That’s right, because you write all of your own songs, don’t you?”

  “I do.” Sarah grinned again, a flush rising to her cheeks.

  “So what inspired you to write Now’s the Time?”

  “I wrote this song probably a decade ago but trust me when I say it is not what it was then. It’s much different now. But it started that long ago for me when I was really struggling with finding a balance of life and family and friends. And to be honest, I still don’t have that balance down.”

  “Who does?” Carrie giggled.

  Sarah’s stomach pulled tighter. “For sure. Anyway, this song was a representation of those struggles that many of us face. I think that’s why so many people can relate to it. It’s not easy to live life, but we’ve still got to do it.”