I hadn’t expected to miss someone’s company again the way I did theirs. Not that it was the same as with Mick. She was a friend. Jeremy was a friend of a friend.

  Usually I’d have work to keep my mind occupied, but I did a lot of one-off construction jobs and this time of year they weren’t consistent. I spent the morning cleaning the house—not that it needed it and not that I had to, but it gave me something to do. By early afternoon, I was tapped for ideas. I could head to the library.

  My phone rang, and I reached for it, grateful for the distraction. Mick’s new number taunted me, and I scowled.

  “What?” Why did I answer?

  What else was I going to do?

  “Please.” Mick made the word sound as sincere as anything. Not that I was surprised. “Meet me for a late lunch. Give me half an hour.”

  Maybe it would give me closure. I doubted it, but I was spinning my wheels regardless. Maybe this would be a chance to take my frustration out on him instead. “All right.”

  A short while later, I arrived at the restaurant Mick picked. It was one of those that couldn’t decide if it was family-style dining or a sports bar, and this time of day, the parking lot was mostly empty. As I approached the entrance, Mick was already waiting. As I drew within hearing distance, I opened my mouth to remind him this needed to be short and sweet.

  “I’m sorry.” He cut me off.

  “I’ve heard that before.”

  “And I always thought I meant it.”

  So this was going to happen the way it had in the past. “And yet, here we are.”

  Mick raked his fingers through his hair—dark strands long enough to brush the top of his ears, that I’d always told him was too long. He was positively shaggy compared to Jeremy.

  “I’m not here to try to win you back,” Mick said. “I’m here to apologize. Talk if you’re willing to listen. But the apology is the important part.”

  “Why? Are you on Step Nine right now?”

  Mick nodded. “Yes.”

  I rolled my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. I’d seen him go through recovery before, for his gambling addiction. There was always a relapse, and he got better at hiding it each time.

  “But also because you deserve an apology,” he said. “Have lunch with me, You’re here, it’ll be easier to sit and talk than to stand out here and do it…”

  I wasn’t interested in making things easier on him. “All right.” I wasn’t sure why I agreed.

  We headed inside, the lack of other customers reflecting the emptiness of the parking lot outside, and a waitress showed us to a booth near the back. She took our drink orders and left us alone.

  “You look good.” Mick’s tone was casual.

  Not what I was interested in. “Hmm.”

  “How have you been?”

  “Seriously?” I looked at him in disbelief. “I’m in debt up to my fucking eyeballs, I can’t get licensed again, and even if I could, no one’s going to hire me. Not after I had to leave so many people fucked, thanks to you. How do you think I’m doing?”

  This time Mick was the one who sighed.

  But thank fuck he didn’t try to initiate more conversation.

  Our waitress returned with our drinks and asked if we were ordering. I wasn’t, but Mick asked her for the same appetizer platter we always used to get, and two plates.

  I didn’t know what this was or why I was here. This wasn’t the closure I thought I might find.

  “I was going to call the woman you’re staying with—Sonya?—to see if she could get you to talk to me. I thought that might piss you off more, though.”

  I glared at Mick, my fury surging white-hot. “If you go near her…”

  “That wasn’t a threat.” Mick held up his hands. “I know it came out as one, but my point is I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you.”

  “And yet, you’re not saying anything concrete. How did you find me, by the way? How do you know her name?” My last question came out on a growl.

  Mick looked surprised. “A friend of hers tagged you in a photo, but it tagged our old shared account instead. She was easy enough to look up. I’m not stalking you.”

  “You’re not winning me over or convincing me of anything.” Except to ask Sonya’s co-workers to be more careful with what they shared online.

  The food arrived. The scents of spices, fried cheese, and grease churned my stomach. Mick gestured to the large plate and I shook my head.

  He placed some of each on his own plate, but didn’t eat. “I’ve rehearsed this so many times, and no version feels right.” He dragged in a deep breath. “Here goes. I know I fucked you over and that I can never make up for what happened. I’m sorry anyway, but I don’t expect your forgiveness. I gambled us to a point where I owed some scary people a lot of money—apparently that actually happens in real life—and I didn’t realize how much it was going to hurt you until I hit rock bottom.”

  “Back then I would’ve gone through anything with you. Even that.” I wasn’t sure why I was admitting that, but saying the words lifted some weight from my chest.

  “You shouldn’t have had to.”

  He had that right. “No, but you were my husband and I loved you and I would’ve done it anyway. But now…”

  “Like I said, I’m not trying to win you back. We’re done. I accept that. But I don’t want what I did to hurt who you are going forward. I don’t want to cast this shadow over anyone else you meet. I’m an addict and I fucked up. Not everyone is like me.”

  I clucked and shook my head. “Enough people are that it’s not worth the risk.” I was done here. “I’m glad you’re taking the right steps, and I hope for your sake that it sticks this time, but it doesn’t change what you did to me or how I feel about it now.” I walked out of the restaurant.

  Leaving Mick behind didn’t mean I could push the encounter from my thoughts, but replaying the conversation wasn’t getting me anywhere. There was something I needed to grasp, and I couldn’t quite reach it.

  When the doorbell rang later that evening, I was still mulling things over. If that was Mick again, he could go fuck himself.

  I opened to door, those words on my lips, and stalled when I found myself face to face with a woman who looked like an older version of Sonya, in much more expensive clothing. “I’d like to speak to Sonya, please.”

  “She’s not here right now.” I was already on edge and the way she looked me over with disdain made my neck tighten.

  “I see. I didn’t realize she was seeing someone.”

  And who the hell are you that you care? I shouldn’t ask that if this was her mother, which was what I assumed. I was tempted to say she’s seeing two someones and she’s never been fucked better, but that wasn’t my place. “I rent a room from her.”

  “And she lets you wander around her house while she’s at work? She must trust you a great deal.”

  I was almost choking on this person’s disdain. “May I help you?”

  “I’m Mary Russel,” she said. “I’m here to see my daughter and she said she’d be home soon. I’ll wait.” She stepped past me without waiting for an invitation.

  Sonya would’ve called or texted if she was expecting a guest and didn’t think she’d get here in time. Unless she was too busy. But why would her mother lie?

  I didn’t like anything about this.

  18

  Jeremy

  By Thursday at about five in the evening, everyone in the office was the kind of exhausted that resembled being drunk. The developers were working on the most recent round of revisions and the rest of us were waiting.

  I needed something to keep me awake. “Rule 34.”

  Phillip groaned. “No. Please. I don’t have enough energy to fuck right now.”

  “I’m sorry.” Luna patted Adrienne’s shoulder.

  Adrienne giggled. “What? Like any of us do?”

  “Also, hate to be the wet blanket here—”

  “But do you really?” Luna cut Nigel off.

  He glared at her. “Rule 34 is probably inappropriate at work.”

  “Since when?” Dustin asked.

  “Probably since always, for normal people.” Adrienne tried to stifle a yawn and lost the struggle. “Fortunately, none of us are normal.” Her tone shifted to drowsy as she lay her head on Dustin’s shoulder.

  The two of them and Phillip were lucky they got the in-office fucking, and the actual relationship out of the way before the new rules. They were also lucky they were so good together.

  I snuck a glance at Sonya. I wouldn’t dare risk our friendship, our working relationship, to pretend we could have something like Phillip, Dustin, and Adrienne, even if the temptation was there.

  Dustin twisted his head to kiss Adrienne on the forehead without jarring her. “Okay, different game. A year after the zombie apocalypse—five things you always have with you when you leave camp.”

  “A condom,” Danny said.

  Nigel’s sigh was heavy and exaggerated. “We just agreed no sex talk. And it’s the fucking zombie apocalypse.”

  “This isn’t sex talk, it’s about protection,” Danny argued. “And I know what it is, that’s why I’m strapping one on while I’m fucking.”

  Luna scrubbed her face. Her eyes were ringed with smudged eyeliner and she looked like an adorable red headed raccoon. “But you’re leaving camp.”

  I was pretty sure that was Danny’s point. “Exactly. You don’t know who has what out there. It’s not like there’s anyplace to get tested.”

  “So don’t fuck random people your meet in your supply run.” Nigel made it sound like his answer was the obvious answer.

  Maybe in the real world.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Nigel.” Luna sounded disappointed in herself. “You’re going on a supply run. Do that and then get back to safety.”

  “Whoa.” Dustin dragged out the word. “Am I in Looking Glass land? Where’s the Cheshire Cat?”

  “Alys is with the other devs.” Adrienne offered helpfully.

  “But Luna and Nigel just agreed on something.” Phillip pinched Dustin, who made a noise much more like a groan than a yelp. “Nope. Not dreaming,.”

  Luna sat forward, her expression determined. “Because survival is more important than fucking during a zombie apocalypse.”

  “But it’s been a year,” I teased. Despite the light arguing, everyone was smiling, even Luna and Nigel. This was fun.

  “Which means you’ve had a year to find yourself a real girlfriend or boyfriend,” Danny said.

  “Oh.” Adrienne sat straight up. “I have the world’s last inflatable sheep. Her name’s Baahtty. You don’t need a condom for her. A year? Really? You poor thing.”

  I glanced at Sonya.

  She raised her brows and turned to Luna. “What are you grabbing, then?”

  “The one-handed military axe I have a special holster for.” Luna may have put more thought into this than the rest of us combined.

  Nigel pointed at her. Except him. “What she said. And the leather jacket I keep near the bed.”

  “Arm protection. Smart.” Luna tapped the side of her head. “Also, a can opener.”

  Elliot had joined us. That must mean he had news. “This is starting to feel like a supply run and not a sex run.” Or not.

  “And honestly, it’s starting to sound pretty serious,” Phillip said.

  The sound Luna made was somewhere between a sigh and a growl. “It’s the zombie apocalypse. It’s serious by default.”

  “You get to bring your fist,” Nigel said. “By default. I bet it doesn’t even have to be one of your five things. Does it?” He looked at Dustin.

  Dustin shook his head. “Does not count toward the list, because you can’t leave it behind in favor of something else. Or rather, you shouldn’t.”

  “Are you sure? I’m starting to wonder with you people.” Nigel sounded exasperated, but he was grinning.

  “You’re all ridiculous. Thank God,” Elliot said.

  Dustin held up two fingers. “You get two more things. Might as well finish the list.”

  Luna and Nigel stared at each other for a moment, lips pursed and brows furrowed. They both nodded.

  Creepy. But also hilarious. I almost let a giggle slip out, though I wasn’t sure why.

  “Water,” Luna said.

  “Exactly,” Nigel agreed. “Something to drink that you know is safe”

  Luna sighed. “And I guess if you have to…”

  “A condom.” Nigel relented.

  “Yes,” I said at the same time as Danny. We high-fived each other.

  The room erupted in giggles that grew until we were all gasping for breath. It wasn’t quite this funny, but I couldn’t stop and it looked like I wasn’t the only one.

  “You should all go home.” Elliot managed between snorts of laughter and gasps for air.

  Dustin managed to bring himself under control. “It’s barely six.”

  The laughter faded in the room. My cheeks ached and my eyes burned, but I’d missed this kind of connection with the team.

  I looked at Sonya again and the bright pink of amusement coloring her cheeks. The laughter sparkling in her eyes. I had this with her even when no one else was around. I was so lucky.

  “The next development step is going to take us a while,” Elliot said. “We’re tag-teaming the code.”

  “Good thing you brought the condoms,” Sonya snorted.

  And then we were all laughing again.

  “No. Really. Go home,” Elliot said when the noise died again. “Be back early, because we’re going to need extra eyes on this work. I guarantee you the devs don’t make much more sense than all of you.”

  “He said as if we made sense to begin with.” I channeled Sonya.

  She grinned. “That’s what she said.”

  Elliot shook his head. “Go. Home.”

  With the mental stimulation gone, exhaustion settled into the room quickly. Everyone packed up in silence, and trickled out of the room in groups of one to three.

  I watched Sonya shove her laptop into her messenger bag, then yank on her fingerless gloves—the pair with quotes from The Raven on them. An unfamiliar ache pinged in my chest. She was going home. To Quentin. And I was going back to my house, with nothing and no one to keep me company except empty rooms and that big, empty carriage house on the back of the property—

  Inspiration struck. Holy shit, it was perfect. I fell into step beside Sonya as we headed outside. “I have a brilliant idea,” I said at the same time she did.

  “You first.” Her smile was tired but bright.

  “Okay, so you know that big garage on the back of my lot? We should set that up so Quentin can work there.”

  Sonya squealed. “That is brilliant. Yay.” She threw her arms around my neck.

  I should let this be a quick hug, but her warm body molded to mine, and I wanted to hold her here for an eternity. To claim her mouth. To make her do more than squeal.

  “What was your idea,” I asked huskily.

  She leaned more of her weight against me. “You should come back to my place, tell Quentin yourself, and then we see what happens from there.” Her voice was soft.

  At the loud sound of someone clearing their throat, we put a hallway’s worth of distance between us in an instant.

  Danny, Luna, and Nigel were watching us.

  “Don’t let Judith catch you like that,” Danny teased.

  Right. Sonya and I joined them and the five of us walked toward the parking lot.

  Luna singing, “Sonya and Jeremy sitting in a tree,” should be soft enough no one but our group would hear her. Danny joined in.

  Because of course he did. Not that I ever complained about hearing Danny sing—dude had a haunting baritone—but this was likely to draw attention.

  When Nigel picked up the tune too, I almost passed out from shock. Fortunately, no one else seemed to care what the five of us were doing.

  When we reached our cars, Danny, Nigel, and Luna went their separate ways. I stopped next to Sonya’s car, and she nudged me playfully with her shoulder. “You should still come back to my place.”

  Her whisper combined with a fried brain were enough to shove any negative thoughts out of my mind. I followed her home, letting my thoughts trip along half a dozen next steps once we arrived.

  I parked in front of her house, met her in the driveway, and rested my hands on the roof of her car, on either side of her head, boxing her in.

  “I can’t believe they spent almost an hour arguing about condoms, after telling you we couldn’t play Rule 34.” Her face was pink from the cold, and illuminated by street lights. She looked positively angelic and completely delicious.

  I dragged my nose up the side of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. “We could make up our own Rule 34 right now.”

  “Porn of us?”

  “Precisely.” I nipped at her earlobe and slid a hand under her shirt.

  She squealed when my cold fingers met her warm skin, but quickly relaxed against me. “What’s the scenario?”

  “Nothing elaborate.” I teased my thumbs up her ribs, to brush the bottom of her breasts. “Best friends and co-workers who want more out of their relationship.”

  “So they fuck on the hood of her car?”

  I nipped at her lips. “Not unless they want ass frostbite.”

  “Now you sound practical, like Nigel.” Sonya was playful.

  “You take that back.”

  Sonya shifted her weight and her entire body rubbed against mine. “You know what makes most porn better?”

  “Cheesy music and people actually enjoying themselves?” And this change back to the original topic.

  “Well, you’re not wrong…” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth.

  I brushed my thumbs over her bra, teasing her nipples underneath. “What were you going to say?”

  “An extra dick.”

  Should I be hurt or intrigued? I was too tired and turned on to know. “Well, you’re not wrong…”

  She nudged me back, grasped my fingers, and tugged me toward the front door. After a moment of fumbling, she fit the key in the lock, and let us inside.