He glanced at me, then went back to his work. “Nothing worth mentioning.”

  “Mention it anyway.”

  “I still have the tools from when we first started. Those ancient, underpowered things we used for our very first jobs.”

  Hope flitted in my chest. “Why?”

  “They’re not worth anything at a pawn shop.” There was a hitch in his voice.

  “But you didn’t throw them out.”

  He shrugged and moved to the next section of floor to spread the mortar. “Sentimental value. They remind me of starting with nothing and becoming something.”

  I followed the path he created, laying down the membrane. “So you wouldn’t be willing to part with them?”

  “If you need them, they’re yours. Not for anyone else, but for you, yes.”

  “Thank you.” I knew which tools he was talking about and they really were old and shitty, but if they still worked, I could use them.

  While I finished my step, Mick moved onto the next one, sealing the seams in the layer I’d put down. This didn’t need any discussion. We’d always had a good rhythm working together, and that didn’t seem to have changed.

  “This woman you’re living with—Sonya.”

  I was instantly on my guard. “Yes?”

  “She’s a girlfriend? A roommate?” Mick was gay, but he’d never questioned my bisexuality.

  I hesitated. My answer should be easy—it never changed—she was a woman I rented a room from. A friend of a friend. I didn’t want to force out my reply. “I rent a room from her,” I finally said.

  “You sure? Because I know you, and—”

  “You don’t. Not anymore.”

  Mick nodded. “That’s fair. But some things don’t change. I can’t imagine you’ve stopped being the loyal, loving, protective man who would do anything for friends.”

  “I hide it a lot better now.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my reply.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “So you’ve said.” I wanted to know if he was looking for more information about Sonya, but I didn’t want to tip my hand about how much I cared. And I did. More than I wanted to admit even to myself. Thinking the words came with an ache. I cared a lot about Sonya and even Jeremy.

  “Someone mentioned her in therapy the other day.” Mick’s casual comment and tone made my blood run cold.

  “Her as in Sonya?”

  “It’s not whatever you’re thinking, though,” Mick said quickly.

  I was thinking I might have to hurt someone if they came anywhere near her. “What am I thinking?”

  “Something that requires you to be her guard dog.”

  “You’re dragging this out a lot if that’s not the case.”

  Mick let out a short, dry laugh. “We were doing an exercise in the group where we envision good things happening to us. There are no restrictions. It’s supposed to help us accept that we’re allowed to have dreams and goals, even though we’ve screwed up.”

  I didn’t like the sound of no restrictions, especially if some random guy was fantasizing and Sonya was involved. I let Mick kept talking, but my entire body was on high alert.

  “This guy was a big name in Hollywood a few years back,” Mick said. “Worked for one of the production studios, gambled a lot of money that wasn’t his, and lost it all. He was saying his dream is to find that perfect diamond in the rough. That thing that people don’t know they want, and make it into something spectacular that puts him back in the spotlight.”

  Sonya was stunning, but I couldn’t imagine her being happy as an actor. Besides, how would this guy know her, to pick her out of every person in the world to say that about?”

  Mick knelt, hands on his knees. “He basically said like that author who came out of nowhere and became an overnight sensation. The one who topped the best seller charts literally overnight.” Mick sighed. “He said if he could sign a deal like that, take the Hollywood bullshit out of the entire thing and let her be herself, bring the show to life in a way that her readers love, that a win like that could make him someone again.”

  I gave a dry chuckle. “Everyone always wants something.” But it was better than some creeper fantasizing about Sonya.

  We finished the layer we were working on, and set about marking the floor for the tiles.

  “I have a hard time arguing with his dream,” I said as we started to dry fit the tiles. “I’d love to see her have that.”

  “Loyal and protective for the ones you care about.” There was a hint of longing in Mick’s tone. “I could give him your name. See if there was any chance of making it happen.”

  “I don’t speak for Sonya. You can give him her lawyer’s name.”

  “Really? That would be incredible for him.” Mick grinned. “You know, one of the things I loved about you back then was the way you looked at me. The way you looked when you talked to other people about me. That’s gone. The resentment that’s there now hurts, but I get it.”

  I was willing to give him more leeway than yesterday. Things didn’t ache as much as they used to. “You helped me a lot when I was younger. I did love you for that and I haven’t forgotten it. I hope to God you can find your way back to your own life, but I won’t be a part of it.”

  “I know you won’t, but thank you. I told you yesterday this isn’t about winning you back.”

  “But?” I heard the but in there.

  He put down spacers between the tiles I set on the floor. “But even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t have a chance. The way you look when you talk about Sonya? That’s the way you used to look for me.”

  I didn’t know what to say. His comment sat in my head as we worked in silence again. Could I let someone into my heart the way I had with Mick?

  I didn’t know. Considering it hurt, but ignoring the hope hurt just as much.

  21

  Sonya

  When I got to the office, I was greeted with Jeremy’s concern and Luna’s, plus Judith’s I’m just glad you’re safe accompanied by a stern look of I’m disappointed in you. You promised. She didn’t have to say it, I was repeating it in my head. The team had been counting on me to pull my weight, and I’d let them down.

  The testing was done, though. It had wrapped up before I arrived, and the noise level in the office was decibels higher than normal, thanks to an entire staff doing nothing after almost a week of frying their brains.

  I felt like I should still be working regardless. Like I hadn’t earned the celebration the way they did.

  “You put in as many hours as any of us the rest of the week.” Jeremy put himself between me and my computer. “It’s okay, really. Were things that bad last night?” With your mother.

  I didn’t need to hear the rest of his question to know it was there. “It could’ve been better. It also could’ve been worse. But I talked to Quentin after, and that helped a lot.”

  Jeremy clenched his jaw. “I’m glad he was there for you.”

  He was jealous. Because he wanted Quentin. I couldn’t keep pretending I belonged with them or between them. It would hurt that much more when I needed to go back to anything but friendship with them.

  “I’m here for you too. Always.” Jeremy squeezed my shoulder.

  “I know.”

  “Do you?” he asked.

  How was I supposed to respond?

  The ringing of my phone saved me from figuring it out. It was Dom. “Hello?” I switched to my phone voice in a blink.

  “Sonya, hey. Do you have a moment?”

  “Sure.”

  “I hate to do this, but I feel like it’s always best to deliver bad news over the phone or in person.”

  My gut sank. “What bad news?”

  “Three of the studios have withdrawn their offers. Only Epithet’s remains.”

  Oh. “I see.”

  “I’m sorry. But when more call, make sure to point them in my direction,” he said.

  Like that was going to happen. The fervor had died in the last week, and like Mom had predicted, I was already fading into the background. “I will. Thank you.”

  So this was it. My fifteen minutes of fame were about to be over.

  “Are you all right?” Jeremy asked. “What was that?”

  I told him, barely holding back the tears of disappointment that clawed at my throat and my eyes.

  He pulled me into a hug and held me. “I’m sorry.” His voice was soft.

  “Me too.”

  We sat there for a few minutes, and I let myself absorb as much comfort as I could.

  “Hey, a bunch of us— Oh.” Luna’s voice came from behind. “I’ll come back.”

  I dragged in a shaky breath and steeled myself. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Just dealing with some news.”

  “We’re going to lunch. Food makes a lot of things better,” Luna said. “So does talking.”

  “You guys go, I’m good.”

  Jeremy studied my face. “Come on.”

  “Just give me some time. You can tell them why, I don’t care.”

  He squeezed my hand. “We’ll text you the address if you change your mind.” His eyes grew wide.

  Before I could ask why, I was almost knocked over from behind by Luna hugging me tight. “I hope you change your mind,” she said, and left.

  Jeremy forced my gaze to his. “I need you to remember something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re the reason you’re at this point in your life. Your book hit bestseller lists because of you. It went viral on BookBocker because of you. Because of your talent, skill, drive. Your heart. You’re not here because of anyone else, including your mother. You did this.”

  The words bolstered me in a way I didn’t expect. They didn’t cut through the disappointment, but they washed away a layer of self-doubt.

  He kissed me on the forehead. “See you when I get back.”

  “Yeah.” I shooed him out of the office and sank into my chair, letting disappointment wash over me. Why all of the sudden? It didn’t make sense. Maybe one studio pulling out, but all three in one morning?

  My phone rang again, and my mother’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Hi, Sweetie. I have an appointment with your attorney in fifteen minutes. Would you like to join me?”

  She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Did she have the kind of pull it would take to get people to cancel contract offers?

  No. “Very much so. I’ll see you there.”

  I tried not to jump to conclusions as I drove the few blocks to meet her. Fifteen minutes. I was being manipulated into this. Why was she doing this to me?

  Like last time I was here, we were shown to a conference room and Dominic was with us right away. Introductions and pleasantries were passed around, and I fluctuated between anger and doubt.

  “This kind of meeting is atypical, especially so early in negotiations, but it’s not unheard of,” Dominic said.

  My mom smiled her frustratingly professional smile that always played in my head with the words bless your heart. “I suppose atypical depends on how many of these you’ve been a part of. They’re every day in my world.”

  I didn’t miss the underlying hint of condescension in her words, and I hid my wince.

  “I’m sure they are.” Dominic remained stoic. “I suspect there are a lot of ways in which you conduct business differently than I do.”

  “Yes. I like to accomplish something with my work.”

  That time my cringe slipped out.

  “I can appreciate that.” Dominic sounded like he was discussing weather. “The details of the goals matter to me as much as checking generic items off a list. Let’s get down to this. Are you certain you don’t want your legal team on the line?” He reached for the speaker phone in the center of the conference table.

  Mom shook her head. “That won’t be necessary. They’ll review the final contract before Sonya signs it.”

  “As I’m sure they do in your world, the words used mean everything in my line of work. If Sonya signs it.”

  And here I was a little girl again. Needing someone to fight my battles for me. It was so obvious to see what Mom was trying to do when I watched her talking to someone else, but when she directed it at me, I got lost in the words.

  “The revisions you submitted to us include modifying rights reversion to specifically define out of print as physical copies,” Mom said. “You do understand that most of these shows are only ever distributed electronically.”

  Dominic didn’t so much as twitch a finger. “I do. Do you? It’s not too late to loop in your legal team if you’re concerned about following some of the more specific language.”

  I swallowed a smirk as my mom’s jaw tightened.

  The next fifty minutes or so were a lot of the same. I heard every subtle insult from my mom, an attempt to break down Dom’s defenses, and watched in awe every time he reflected it.

  Mom was mid-sentence, talking again about rights reversion, when Dominic looked at his watch and said, “I need to cut this short.” He talked over her. “I have another meeting and I’m conscious how I spend my time when I’m billing clients.”

  “I’d just like to cover—”

  “Which we’ve already done. Ad nauseam,” Dominic said. “I’ll have someone send a revised copy of the contract from today’s meeting to your legal team.”

  We hadn’t made any changes based on my mom’s input. The document was exactly the same as what he’d submitted to her company already, unless I’d missed something.

  Mom worked her jaw, then stood, smoothed out her trousers, and shook Dominic’s hand. “I’d like to say it was a pleasure meeting with you today, but it wasn’t. I’ll ensure I note that to colleagues going forward.”

  I’d never heard anyone say I’ll tell my friends you suck in such an elegant way before.

  “I hope you do that.” Dominic’s smile was warm. “Enjoy the rest of your day.” As we turned to leave, he called my name. “Will you stay for a moment?”

  Mom sighed. “We need to go. I have a flight to catch.”

  Interesting how that wasn’t a priority until just this moment.”

  “I’ll have Reception call you a car for the airport if you’d like,” Dominic said.

  “I have it covered.” Mom was already walking out of the office.

  I hung back and closed the door behind her. It was a tiny thing, but it felt like defiance and it felt fucking incredible. I turned to Dominic.

  His mask had vanished, replaced with a tired smile. “I understand how people feel about family—mine means the world to me.”

  Defensiveness rose inside. I’d had variations on the your mom doesn’t treat you right argument with Jeremy too many times to not expect it. I didn’t know if I could argue anymore, though.

  “You hired me to do a job, so this is professional not personal. Please believe me when I say that.” He sounded sincere. The cold, calculating tone from earlier was gone.

  I wasn’t prepared for anything that came next. “Okay?”

  “Do not accept her contract. Don’t continue negotiations with them. Walk away from this deal now. My advice has nothing to do with Mary’s relation to you, but this is a bad deal and it will never end in your favor.”

  Talk about cutting straight to the point. I wanted to argue, but I also knew he was right. There was one thing he hadn’t mentioned though. “The other offers are gone. What if I don’t get any more?” It hurt far more to speak the fear than it had to think it.

  “I’ve seen a lot of contracts over the years, and I’ve never seen an instance where a shitty one is better than none at all. If you want to continue negotiations with Epithet Romance, I will represent you, and I’ll make sure you get the best deal they’re willing to give. But you should expect that their stopping point will fall short of the point where I’d advise you to sign.”

  “I need to think about it.”

  “I understand. Call me with questions.”

  I thanked him. When I reached the lobby of the law offices, Reception told me that my mother was already downstairs. I found her on the sidewalk, looking between her phone and her street.

  She smiled warmly as soon as she saw me, and I was instantly on edge.

  “Sweetie, I’m sorry I couldn’t visit longer.”

  “Mhm.” I couldn’t agree but I also couldn’t make myself disagree.

  She sighed and looked at me with a pity I’d come to expect from her over the years. “Before I go, I need to tell you something. I know you want to fly your own colors, and I understand that. You don’t think I do, but I do. I’m so proud of you for being yourself and creating the art you want to create.”

  I grasped the nugget of praise harder and tighter than it deserved.

  “But this isn’t about the book of your heart, it’s a commercial business decision. Your stories are not as commercial as they could be.” Like that, she snatched that glimmer of kindness away again. “I want to see you succeed and discover your full potential. Your lawyer is in this for the paycheck, but I care about you. I’m in this for your future. Our company makes billions selling women the life they want. You’re offering the kind of naughtiness that’s fun to occasionally dabble in, but it’s not reality.”

  “But it is reality.” I might not be able to take a stand for myself, but I couldn’t let her trash the world around me with her own jaded perspective. “I have friends who have that kind of love.”

  “So do porn stars, Hon. Orgasms don’t equal love.”

  I clenched my fists. “Porn stars are people like anyone else, and what my friends have is very real.”

  “And this is why you’re still single.” Her tone was disgustingly sugary. She climbed into the car that had just pulled up and shut the door before I could respond.

  Fury spilled inside me as I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, foot traffic parting around me.

  And I hated that it was muted by the voice asking if my mom was right about me not being worthy of being loved.

  22

  Jeremy