Instead of joy at going to see him, all Seth wanted to do was cry.

  That changed, though, when the Uber got him to the train station. Once the train pulled into the station, it wasn’t very far afterward—a five-dollar ride—and Seth was driving through the familiar tree-shaded parts of Sacramento he loved best. It was weird, he’d seen two other cities since he’d left, San Francisco and Oakland, and even though he lived in a sort of poor neighborhood in Sacramento, he’d never appreciated that there were trees everywhere until he saw the good neighborhoods in other places.

  He really liked the trees, even if they crumpled the sidewalks sometimes with their roots.

  There was a big tree root under the blacktop in the complex of fourplexes he and Kelly lived in—it was so big it felt like a speed bump as the car went over it, and Seth remembered watching Agnes go sprawling over it more than once when she was a baby. As Seth grabbed his instrument and his backpack and went walking up to the chipped stucco of his home, he had a thought that someday they’d have to rip that out and take down the tree. The thought made him sad. Everybody said you learned things and you got better as time went on, but sometimes you just had to rip shit down and start from the beginning.

  He tipped the driver—a rather harried-looking girl who had talked about her college classes during the entire trip, making Seth so self-conscious about his free ride at Bridgford and a possible college afterward that he didn’t even want to talk to her—and then turned, wondering which door he should go through first. His dad’s car, a gracefully aging Cadillac that his mom had loved with all her heart, wasn’t in the carport, so he wasn’t home.

  Seth realized he didn’t even have his key.

  With a dry swallow, he pulled out his phone and texted Kelly. Where are you?

  Watching TV at your dad’s place. Why?

  Don’t be startled. I’m going to knock on the door.

  He’d taken two steps when the door flew open and Kelly launched himself into his arms.

  His eyes were all puffy and red and—oh! God!—he was even skinnier than Seth. Seth just gathered him close and held on, like soothing a wriggling puppy, except this puppy was wriggling with tears.

  He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but before he could even think of what to do next, Kelly was tugging him to the open door of his apartment.

  “Inside,” he said. “C’mon. Before my brother sees you. Or the neighbors.”

  It dawned on Seth that the thing he’d gone running from in the first place hadn’t gone away. He allowed himself to be hustled into his apartment, which looked exactly the same as it had when he left.

  Seth took in the curtains, which were still open with the two-inch gap in between, and grimaced.

  You’d think that, at least, would change, right?

  With a sigh he walked over and shortened the gap by hand, and Kelly snorted.

  “You think so?” he asked skeptically, and it took Seth a minute to figure out what he meant by that.

  “No!” He turned and opened his arms, and Kelly stepped in again. “No. That’s not why I came here. I just….” He half laughed. “Did you know my dad saw us?”

  Kelly let out a bark of laughter and buried his face against Seth’s chest. “No!”

  “Yeah. That’s how he knew about us.”

  “Well, that and the place probably smelled like come.”

  Seth chuckled. “Well, yeah. But you can pretend that’s something else if you don’t see your kid naked on the couch, you know?”

  Kelly nodded again. “He never said anything.”

  Seth just kept holding him, thinking that he needed to eat more, but that Seth had been drained dry by their absence too. This moment, here, was like drinking a big glass of water after he’d been practicing for hours.

  “Why’d you come?” Kelly murmured after another moment.

  “You needed me.”

  “The investigation’s not over.” Kelly let out a big sigh. “Castor Durant’s dad is all over the news still, yelling about who killed his little boy.” He pulled back and feathered a touch over Seth’s jaw. “Why didn’t you tell me? All those emails and texts. You didn’t mention it once.”

  Seth shrugged. “I wanted you to get better. Had to make sure you weren’t scared. That’s all.”

  Kelly gave a short bark of laughter, but it wasn’t a joyous sound. “That’s all? Seth, you can’t go outside while you’re here. You can’t let my parents see you, or my brother. Dad lied to the policeman who came to my room—and he was the nice one. But he got shot, and this other guy is all hard and shit, and he comes pounding on my dad’s door and starts yelling at him to get with the program!”

  “What’s the program?” Seth asked, thinking about music. Was he supposed to play something?

  “Telling them what we know about Castor Durant’s death!”

  Seth blinked at him. A big bag full of slimy wet cement. “What do you know?” Did Kelly know he was a killer? Oh God. He had to go. He couldn’t be here if Kelly thought he was—

  “I know you got beat up,” Kelly said, touching his face. “I know someone else was there—”

  “All I know is that I got beat up,” Seth told him, pulling reluctantly out of his arms. “And that Castor Durant was dead. I don’t know anything about someone else, though. Do you need me to go now? I… if you think—”

  “Don’t you fuckin’ dare!” Kelly said thickly, holding on to him so tight he couldn’t breathe.

  For a moment Seth was soaring, flying so high in an attempt to get away from this conversation, from what it would do to him if Kelly told him to go away.

  “Seth, mijo, stay with me.”

  From far away, Seth said, “What did your dad say?”

  “Dad didn’t say anything to the second cop, like he didn’t say anything to the first cop. But if Matty had been there—”

  Seth frowned. “Matty?”

  “He’d have told on you.”

  Seth nodded, unsurprised, coming back to earth again a little. “Well, then, I’ll just stay in here until it’s time to catch my train.”

  Kelly shook his head, and his red puffy eyes filled up again. “That’s it? That’s all you got?”

  “You needed me,” he said again, his throat aching. He wiped away one of Kelly’s tears with his thumb. “I can’t be here all the time, but as long as you want me, I can be here when you need me.”

  Kelly closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay. It was a hard day. Not gonna lie.”

  Seth dropped all his stuff at his practice corner, thinking sadly that it was probably lonely without him, and then kicked off his shoes. “C’mon. Can we snuggle? I want to sit on the couch with you, and you can tell me all about it.”

  Kelly nodded and wiped his face with the back of his hand. “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s do that. Your dad’ll be here in a while. You want pizza? I’ll text him. He told me to do that—let him know if I was here and wanted anything.”

  Seth bit his lip, wondering if this was the first time Kelly had really asked. “Yeah. Yeah. Tell him to bring pizza.”

  After fumbling with his phone a little, Kelly stuck it back in his pocket, and they settled themselves on the couch.

  “What?” Kelly asked. “What was that grunt?”

  “This couch is… broke. I never noticed that before.”

  Kelly grunted too. “Yeah, well, don’t expect new furniture anytime soon. Your dad made like it was no big deal to buy me that tablet and the phone, but that shit’s expensive.”

  “I’m trying not to spend much,” Seth confessed. “I… extra food’s pricey.”

  Kelly cocked his head. “You keep sending me stuffies!” he protested.

  “But Amara showed me how to do that so it doesn’t cost a zillion dollars.” Seth grinned. “You like them?” Kelly told him so, often, but Seth wasn’t above needing praise.

  “Oh yeah. I keep most of them upstairs, and the girls play with them. Mom got me a shoebox, right? And they decorated it super cute, and it’s the Seth’s Friends Home. It’s got glitter and rainbows and shit. And Matty glares at it, but he can’t yell about it because Mom threatened to send him to her mom’s house to finish school if he did that. It’s all the way in West Sac—he’d have to go to a way worse school than ours, and he wouldn’t see his skinny-assed girlfriend there. So he’s mostly just taken to glaring at stuffed animals. It’s sort of funny.”

  They both sighed because it wasn’t funny at all. Seth had lost his friend. Kelly had lost a brother. It was like Matty was dead to them and this angry stranger had taken his place.

  “You need to take pictures,” Seth told him, ignoring the pain in the ass that was Matty for the moment. “Like, with the girls and stuff. I can print them out and put them on my wall.”

  Kelly stroked his chin again, and then laughed. “Mijo! Your chin grew fuzz! When did that happen?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Seth mumbled, although he’d mostly been ignoring the phenomenon because he was pretty sure once he started shaving, that would be it. He’d be stuck on that hamster wheel forever.

  “Yeah, well, I wish I didn’t. I’ve got to shave every day now. It’s bogus. Dad bought me an electric thingie so I don’t have to spend as much time in the bathroom with puke face.”

  “Mm.” Seth was so done with Matty. He was tired from the trip and from worrying and just so happy to have Kelly in his arms, chest to chest. It was funny that Kelly thought he’d start going at the sex thing as soon as he shut the curtains. He wanted the joy of getting used to having Kelly in his arms again. “Why’d today suck?”

  Kelly let out a sigh. “Do I have to say?”

  Seth rolled his eyes. “No, but if you tell me now, you don’t have to talk about it for the rest of the weekend, and we can just pretend, you know? That it’s… it’s last year. And I don’t have to go anywhere Sunday afternoon.”

  Kelly sighed and sagged against him. “Okay. That’s a good offer. I can pretend that. I’m all about pretending it’s last year. And I can do this with you every day.”

  Seth’s own eyes burned. “I’d love to do this with you every day. Now talk.”

  Kelly rambled—that was a given—but this ramble was worse than the others, ranging from Jimmy Durreson touching his shoulder in second period and Kelly freaking out, to how he hadn’t had anyone to eat lunch with because Seth and Amara were gone, to how the rape counselor would not shut up about the rape, to about how his sisters were just so loud and just so shrill, to how the things he used to love, like his sisters and like school and art, all had scary sharp edges to… to….

  Seth had no words at first, but as Kelly came to a halt, panting on his chest, Seth realized he was humming.

  “What’s that?” Kelly asked after a moment.

  “It’s the theme from that movie—you know, the one about people’s dreams?”

  Kelly laughed softly, some of his manic emotion seemingly drained just by telling Seth about it live, in person, where they could touch. “Seth? That’s about most of the movies out there.”

  Seth smiled, but he kept humming, changing the song.

  “The Little Mermaid? Are you kidding me?” But Kelly was relaxing even more. The skin under his eyes was dark and bruised, and he seemed to melt against Seth’s chest like he hadn’t slept in months.

  Three months. More.

  He hadn’t slept in three and a half months.

  Oh God. They hadn’t touched like this in almost four months.

  Seth changed the song, and if his voice wobbled a little, Kelly was too relaxed to hear it.

  “Shrek,” Kelly murmured. “I know that song too. This is nice. It’s like my little sister’s music, and they make me happy.”

  Another few bars and Seth changed it again.

  “El Dorado. Mm. I liked that movie. Like you and me without the girl. Except I’d be one of the people in the village, and you’d be an explorer who had to leave and break my heart.”

  Seth took a breath, ready to change the song.

  “No. No. That one. It’s pretty. Do the funny song about being a god.”

  So Seth did that one, from beginning to end, only stopping when he realized Kelly was fast asleep on his chest.

  When would his dad be there? An hour? Half an hour? Seth remembered that he didn’t have to worry anymore because his dad knew, and they weren’t doing anything bad, just sleeping, with all their clothes on, Kelly’s mouth slightly open like it had been the day Seth realized they were in love.

  TWENTY MINUTES later the door to the apartment flew open and his dad rushed in, a giant pizza in his arms.

  “Kelly! Did he call you! Did Seth call you and tell you where he was going?”

  “Shh!” Seth hushed violently, waking up and trying not to startle Kelly. “Hush. He’s asleep.”

  His dad stared at him, his angular jaw so much like Seth’s that it was like looking into a pale mirror. He fumbled for a moment and almost dropped the pizza.

  “Seth?”

  “Yeah?”

  “The school called! You left and didn’t check out. Your roommate got worried and told them you’d disappeared!”

  Oh crap. Amara hadn’t put Tell Vince you’re going home on the list, so Seth hadn’t said anything. He’d just packed his shit and left.

  “Oh.” Seth blinked slowly. “I’m here.”

  His dad took a really deep breath, slowly, and again, and again, walking to the table with measured steps and setting the pizza down.

  “I can see you’re here,” his dad said, like he was holding on to something tightly with his teeth. “Why are you here?”

  “Because Kelly needed me.”

  Some of the tension leaked from his father’s back. “Ah. Yeah. Well, can’t argue th—”

  “And you did too.”

  Dad turned around, the skin around his eyes fighting itself to decide if he was going to smile or cry. “Can’t argue there either. Could you, I don’t know, maybe call the next time you do this?”

  Seth smiled. “Sure. I can do this again, right? I mean—” He bit his lip. “I guess it’s not a real good idea to be seen here for a while.”

  His dad shrugged. “Nobody’s said anything directly, but no.”

  “Well, still.” His mouth wobbled. “Did you think I wouldn’t miss you, Daddy?” And now his eyes were burning again, dammit.

  His dad saved him, kneeling by the couch and kissing his brow, like he had when Seth had been a really little kid, before Mom died, before the dark time when Seth hadn’t had a daddy but a violent shadow looming over his life. “I know I missed the hell out of you,” he said, and they leaned their heads together over Kelly’s sleeping form.

  Some breaths. Some heartbeats. Seth’s dad stood creakily to his feet. “Here. I’ll go change and shower. Maybe you can wake Kelly up and we can eat. Watch a movie.” His dad’s mouth twisted. “I… Kelly’s been sleeping in your bed. I… I’m at a loss here, Seth. It’s not appropriate but—”

  “Clothes on, Dad,” Seth promised. “He….” His voice cracked. “He’s so tired.”

  Dad nodded. “I’ll take your word for it.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  And it was funny. For the rest of the weekend, his dad did that. Maybe because they weren’t fighting over Bridgford anymore, or because his dad knew about Kelly. Maybe the having no secrets was the thing, or the moving out. But even when his dad and Kelly took turns trying to teach him how to shave the next morning, laughing uproariously as Seth managed to leave five perfect scraggly hairs in different places on his chin, he didn’t feel like an angry kid anymore.

  His father had given him that, maybe.

  His dad had given him his adulthood, so Seth could come home and be his boy.

  And most of the weekend was quiet—by necessity. Kelly woke up to eat pizza and then fell asleep on Seth again as they sat on the couch. Seth woke him up to go strip to T-shirts and boxers, and then Kelly fell asleep almost instantly, Seth snugged up behind him.

  It was as if he was making up for not sleeping for a really long time.

  In the morning, Kelly went upstairs to play with his sisters, say hi to his parents, maybe convince them everything was normal, and Seth stayed downstairs to play chess with his dad. At one point, he looked longingly at the violin, and his father shook his head.

  “The whole world knows when you’re practicing,” he said gravely. “You may just want to practice fretwork or run through it in your head.”

  Oh.

  Seth hung his head. “No music here?”

  “Well, maybe just for now. I… I’ll be honest. A young guy—Rivers—kept coming by, talking about how he’d make sure the guy who took out Castor got a fair hearing. I was….” His father shrugged. “I was thinking about it, Seth. I hate that you’re… you’re afraid while you’re here.”

  Seth thought about it. “Not afraid,” he said, moving his rook. He was really good at chess. “Just limited.”

  Craig Arnold sighed. “Well, I’m not sure what to do about it until the case goes cold. Rivers got shot. He’s still in the hospital, from what I hear. I guess….” He grimaced. “Kelly’s dad didn’t like his partner—at all. It turns out, Rivers was wearing a wire because his partner was dirty. So we actually had a good cop on the case, but now we don’t. The guy that’s taken his place is, well, not a good guy. Nobody’s telling him shit, but then you aren’t here. So maybe you’re right not to be afraid. Just… limited. But what are you going to do about Kelly with these limits?”

  Seth didn’t look up from his rook, which he was about to sacrifice for his knight. “Come when I can. And when Kelly turns eighteen, I’ll take him with me.”

  “Oh.”

  Seth finally glanced at his father’s expression. “Oh what?”

  “That’s actually a good plan, Seth. But… but that’s a long time away.”

  Seth shrugged. “I can practice a piece a thousand times. The night of the performance, the flute section can rush the tempo, the cymbal can crash a half a beat late, and my strings can fray at the worst time in the world. All I can do is practice, Daddy. I’ll talk to Kelly. All we can do is plan.”

  His dad snorted softly. “Wow, you’re really getting wise.”