Perun gave Cole’s arm a squeeze. “No, it does not. All life is sacred.”

  I grimaced. “Oh man. Now I feel like I need to object to that oak tree petition.”

  Perun smiled. “I would be grateful if you did.”

  “When I get back my hot dog suit, I can protest in front of it,” I said. “It’s kind of my specialty.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but it sounds like you have more important matters to attend to right now.” Perun offered his hand and I shook it. “It was good to meet you.”

  “Same.” He seemed too nice for Hera. I sort of hoped he’d meet someone else before he decided to woo her.

  As we left the locker room, Cole inched closer to me. “Did you really address the Slavic god of thunder as ‘bro?’”

  “Do you think he minded?”

  Cole couldn’t resist a grin. “Would you care if he did?”

  I smiled back. “Not so much. If there’s one thing I was good at back in the mortal realm, it was thumbing my nose at authority figures. You don’t want to know how many times I got detention in school. The more they tried to silence me, the louder I was.”

  He chuckled. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

  Chapter Nine

  The good news was that we’d confirmed Taranis and Perun’s alibis. The bad news was that we now had no suspects and no new leads. Thankfully Cole agreed that I should have the afternoon to shop for necessities. He was even kind enough to lend me his DP card, which was their version of a credit card. I promised myself I wouldn’t take advantage of his generosity, but boy was it hard.

  My arms were laden with bags after a whirlwind shopping spree through the village and I was in desperate need of caffeine. I nearly dropped to my knees in gratitude when I spotted the sign for Jolt.

  I used my back to push open the door to the coffee shop and eased my way inside. Most of the tables were taken, but I spotted one in the back corner and made my way there to dump my bags before I ordered.

  “You don’t belong here,” a gruff voice said.

  I whipped around to see the elderly wizard from this morning seated at a small table in the corner. A wooden staff rested against the wall beside him. His white beard was long and unkempt and he wore a blue cloak with silver stars all over it. A pointy hat rested on the table in front of him.

  “And you belong in Middle Earth,” I said, looking down at him.

  “Been watching you,” he said.

  “Well, that’s not creepy at all.” I slid into the seat opposite him. “My name’s Eloise.”

  “Harold.”

  “Nice to meet you, Harold,” I said. Cole advised me to stay away, so naturally I wanted to make him my new best friend.

  “You’re human.”

  “Good eye.” I leaned against the wooden slats of my chair. “Did you use magic to figure that out or one of the five senses?”

  “Word gets around,” he said. “You obliterated Zeus. I suppose I owe you a drink.”

  I broke into a smile. “Big fan, huh?”

  Harold gestured to a passing server. “Yolanda. Please bring my new friend the coffee of her choice.”

  “I don’t need to order at the counter?” I asked.

  “No, ma’am. Not if you don’t want to.” The server smiled and I noticed a set of fangs. Were all vampires in the hospitality industry here?

  “Eloise is new here,” Harold said.

  Yolanda blew her wispy bangs from her eye. “What are you in for?”

  “Caffeine,” I said. “I’ve been shopping and…”

  She laughed. “No, I mean what are you in here for—Divine Place?”

  “Apparently I died.”

  “Get the girl a coffee with cream and sugar,” Harold said.

  Girl. I hadn’t been referred to as a girl in a long time. To be honest, I kind of liked it.

  “Sure thing. Anything else for you, Harold?”

  “I’ve had enough tea for one day, thanks.”

  Yolanda gave a crisp nod and threaded her way through the tables to return to the counter.

  “She makes it sound like we’re in prison.” I lowered my voice an octave and copied her serious expression. “What are you in for?”

  Harold didn’t crack a smile. “The last villager that asked me that question ended up with my staff in an unwanted location.” He inclined his head toward the wooden stick against the wall.

  “Oh, I wasn’t actually asking you. I only meant to imitate Yolanda. It’s not like we’re really in prison.”

  “Might as well be,” he said. “We’ve been sent somewhere we can’t leave as a consequence of our actions.”

  “Huh. I guess that’s kind of the same.” I drummed my fingers on the table. “Why have you been watching me?”

  Harold’s gaze flicked over me. “I like to watch the newcomers. See how they adapt to their new environment. It keeps my mind occupied. I was especially interested in you when I heard you were human.”

  I folded my hands on the table. “And why is that?”

  “I haven’t spent time with humans in many, many years. I was interested to see what you’re like now.”

  “I doubt I’m a good representation of the human race,” I said. “Probably best to wait for another glitch.”

  Harold swirled the remainder of his tea in the cup. “Have you cried yet? As I recall, humans like to cry when they’re upset.”

  I opened my mouth for a snarky response when the realization hit me. “No,” I said.

  He grunted. “Well, I suppose that’s interesting.”

  I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “It’s weird that I haven’t cried, isn’t it?”

  “Like I said, I haven’t been around humans in a long time. Could be you’re all cold-hearted monsters by now.”

  I barely registered his response. “I mean, I died and ended up here in a very awkward situation, and I haven’t shed a single tear. Is it because I’m dead? Does that mean my tear ducts don’t work anymore?” I touched my eyes, though I wasn’t sure how to check for inoperable tear ducts.

  “Are you normally a crier?” he asked.

  “Not really.”

  “What do you do when you stub your toe?” he asked.

  “What everyone does. Scream and use profanity.”

  “How about when your beloved pet dies?”

  My thoughts turned to Mischief and I felt my throat tighten at the memory of the Siamese cat. “I don’t know.”

  “You never had a pet?”

  “I died before her.” It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. Who would take care of her? Not my mother. She was too self-absorbed to properly care for anyone except herself. Not my father and Anita. They were dog people. Not my brothers either. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as I realized that no one would love Mischief the way I did.

  He gestured to my face. “There you are. Now you can say you’ve cried.”

  I wiped away the tears. “Gee, thanks.”

  “Eloise? I thought that was you.” Donna appeared beside the table with the trepidation of a fawn at the side of a busy highway. “Am I interrupting anything?”

  “Not at all,” I said. “I was just getting acquainted with my new friend, Lord Gandalf.”

  “Harold,” he said.

  Donna fidgeted with the strap of her purse, her gaze fixed on the wizard.

  “He won’t bite,” I assured her.

  Harold winked. “That’s only on Tuesdays by special request.”

  I laughed. “Never would I look at you and guess that you had a sense of humor.”

  The elderly wizard scowled.

  “I don’t mean to bother you,” Donna continued. “I know you must be so busy.”

  “Yes, busy shopping,” I said. I gestured to the bags on the floor. “I still have a few more necessities to buy.”

  “Like what?” Donna asked.

  “Cole gave me a potion to drink that cured my hangover,” I said. “Any idea where I can buy more of it?”

  Donna pulled over a chair and sat. “Oh, I can help with that. I shop for all my potions at True Brew. It’s in Zone 2. I bet that’s where Cole goes too.”

  “All your potions? How many do you need?”

  Donna smiled. “They’re not all for hangovers, you know. I buy potions for all sorts of things. Keep my skin youthful and clear. Help my grass grow so my neighbors don’t complain. Heal a sore throat. The list is endless.”

  “Don’t mix those up or you’ll end up braiding the hair on your chin,” I said.

  Yolanda delivered my coffee and Donna took the opportunity to order a cup of lemon and ginger tea.

  Donna shuffled her chair closer to the table and placed her purse on her lap. She kept one hand on top of it like it was her security blanket.

  “I hope I’m not being a pest,” she began, “but I was wondering how the investigation is coming along.”

  “Never mind the investigation,” Harold said to her. “How are you getting on, my dear? It must’ve been a terrible shock to lose him so suddenly.”

  Donna drew a calming breath. “It’s been a shock for everyone, not just me. Zeus was larger than life. I feel fortunate that I got to have the relationship with him that I did.”

  “You must feel cheated,” I said.

  Donna’s expression grew pained. “Cheated?”

  “Sorry,” I said. “Poor choice of words. I only mean that your relationship got cut off before you were ready.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “I would never have been ready. He was the love of my afterlife. I still can’t believe he’s gone.” Her lower lip quivered and I regretted the conversation. I wasn’t comfortable when others cried in my presence. I wasn’t even comfortable with my own tears.

  “I’m working as hard as I can,” I said. I opted not to remind her that I had zero experience in criminal investigations. That wasn’t exactly reassuring. “If there’s anyone else I should speak to, please let me know. He must have a long list of vindictive exes.”

  “I know you’ve spoken to Hera,” Donna said. “You’d better watch your back with her. She pitched a fit about it in the spa afterward.”

  My eyes popped. “To you?”

  “No, a friend told me about it,” Donna said. “Hera was ranting loudly enough for everyone in the spa to hear. She was livid that you had the gall to question her about anything, yelling that Zeus had plenty of exes that should be suspects, including ‘that green shrew.’ Then she said ‘the only question that misplaced human should be asking me is how long I’d like her lips affixed to the ground I walk on.’”

  “That Hera has ruled the roost for too long,” Harold said. “Her power has been allowed to remain unchecked.”

  “You’re a fancy wizard with that outfit,” I said. “Can’t you magic her into submission?”

  Donna recoiled in horror. “Do you have any idea what Hera would do to him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Obliterate him on a cricket field?”

  “Mind your tongue when it comes to Hera,” Harold warned. “She will have no qualms about turning you into a toad.”

  I gave an unconcerned shrug. “She’s not a witch.”

  “No, but she can buy a witch’s potion as easily as anyone,” Harold said.

  “I welcome her to try,” I said. I didn’t tolerate bullies during my life on earth and I didn’t see why Divine Place should be any different.

  Donna stared at me in awe. “I never imagined humans were so brave.”

  “It’s more stubborn stupidity, but I’ll take it.” I took a careful sip of my coffee and relished the taste as it slid down my throat. “Hey, what’s a green shrew?”

  “She was talking about Sylvie Green,” Donna said.

  “Who’s that?” I asked.

  “One of the Dames Vertes,” Harold said. “That’s French for Green Ladies.”

  I thought of the demon I’d met outside of the Gods Complex. “She’s green?”

  “Not literally,” Harold said.

  “Sylvie is another ex,” Donna said. “One that Hera particularly despises. Of course she’s no fan of anyone Zeus dates, including me, but she particularly hates Sylvie.”

  I tapped my nails on the side of my mug. “Sounds like Zeus had a lot of ex-girlfriends. What’s so special about Sylvie?”

  “Zeus left Hera for Sylvie,” Harold said.

  “For someone who hides in the shadows most of the time, you sure know a lot of local gossip,” I said.

  Harold straightened. “It’s precisely because I hide in the shadows that I know so much. If I were in the thick of it, I’d miss out.”

  Yolanda set a cup of tea in front of Donna. “Sorry to interrupt, but I heard you mention Sylvie Green.” Her gaze flicked to Donna and back to me. “I should probably mention that I saw Zeus and Sylvie together in Zone 2 the night before…you know.”

  Donna frowned. “That can’t be right. Zeus and Sylvie weren’t even on speaking terms.”

  “They were speaking that night,” Yolanda said. “For about an hour.”

  “Where did you see them?” Donna asked. She appeared visibly distressed and I worried we were about to have another waterworks situation on our hands.

  “Bloodlust,” Yolanda said. “Not your kind of place.”

  “Which is perhaps why they were there together,” Harold said.

  “I’m sure they weren’t there together,” Donna insisted. “He probably ran into her and they decided to smooth things over.”

  “Zeus didn’t mention anything about meeting up with her?” I asked.

  “No, but it’s no big deal. I trusted him.” Donna tried to look chill about the server’s revelation, but I could tell she was rattled.

  Harold wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I’m not sure why you’d trust him with his miserable track record.”

  “I thought they looked pretty cozy,” Yolanda said.

  Donna looked ready to burst into tears.

  “Did you even know Zeus was at Bloodlust that night?” I asked.

  She squirmed in her seat. “I knew he was at a bar, but he didn’t say where. He told me he was meeting a few friends to play darts.”

  “Did he say which friends?” I asked.

  Donna suddenly found the grain of the wooden table fascinating. “No. I didn’t ask. He didn’t like it when I asked questions.”

  I almost laughed but stopped myself. Why were women so foolish? The god had a long history of lying and cheating, yet somehow Donna believed she would be the special one to tame his wild heart.

  “Sylvie has a reputation as somewhat of a femme fatale,” Harold said.

  Donna’s fingers gripped the edge of the table. “Sylvie has a boyfriend and Zeus would never have done anything behind my back. He promised me.”

  I felt a stab of sympathy for her. I still remembered how I felt when I discovered that Brad Houlihan was cheating on me with Katie Principato. Of course I was no stranger to revenge schemes. Drama was in my nature. I went to Katie’s house with a bucket of clams and scattered them in her shrubbery along the side of the house so that they’d smell once they were past their best. Apparently the noxious odor had her neighbors up in arms and she even received a citation for violating community standards. And because I was a feminist and not one to only lay blame at the woman’s feet, I added sugar to the fuel tank of Brad’s beloved Mustang.

  “Either way it sounds like I should have a conversation with Sylvie,” I said. “She’s in Zone 2?”

  “Yes,” Donna said quietly. She stared at the purse in her lap, probably stuck on the revelation about Sylvie and Zeus. Maybe she was right about the innocent nature of it—maybe they did run into each other and break their mutual silence. Unfortunately, there was only one party left to ask and, if Sylvie Green had played a role in Zeus’s death, it was doubtful I’d get an honest answer.

  Yolanda swept away Harold’s empty cup. “I’m sorry to bring it up in front of you, Donna, but seems like it might be important.”

  “I understand.” Donna wiped a runaway tear from her cheek. “I know he was flawed, but someone doesn’t have to be perfect in order to deserve love.”

  “No one’s suggesting otherwise,” Harold said gently.

  It sounded to me like Zeus wasn’t deprived of love at any stage in his life, but I wasn’t about to argue with her. She’d been through enough.

  “I’ll let you know what I find out from Sylvie,” I said. Hopefully that would placate her.

  Donna’s look of gratitude was enough to pierce my heart, assuming I still had one. There were times I even questioned its existence when I was alive.

  “If you don’t mind, I need to use the restroom.” When she stood, her legs wobbled slightly. Harold and I sat in silence until she was out of earshot.

  “I don’t envy her right now,” Harold said. “I don’t envy her ever for that matter. Can’t be easy to live amongst all these godly meatheads. Always getting wooed.”

  “Yeah, that part sounds really tough.” Not.

  “I was in here last week when some moron hit on her.” Harold clucked his tongue. “I don’t think he realized she was with Zeus.”

  “What happened? She wasn’t polite, was she?” I preferred to give a savage brush-off so there was no confusion.

  Harold nodded. “She said she was very much in love and if he had a problem with it, he could take it up with Zeus. Fella didn’t respond well. Told her she should be so lucky to experience his thunder down under.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Nice metaphor.”

  “The fella told her to be sure to contact him when Zeus inevitably left her for another woman.”

  “Jerk,” I hissed. Especially now that it seemed to be a possibility.

  “Can’t say I blame him for trying, given Zeus’s track record. Hell, if I were younger, maybe I’d have done the same.”

  “You would not have,” I said. “You’d admire her from a hidden corner and never say a word. You’d pine away, writing poems in her honor.”

  I thought Harold would laugh or maybe scoff, but instead he glanced away. “You know, I think I’ve reached my quota of interaction today. I’ll tell Yolanda to put everything on my card.” He grabbed his staff and struggled to his feet. “See you around, human.”