“I like it.” He worried the corner of his mouth with his teeth. “I simply like giving more. Lying back and letting someone suck me always feels a bit weird, like a pampering I don’t deserve.”

  “You deserve to be taken care of.” I pitched my voice for the stern tone that usually earned his compliance and trust. I could admit to a certain curiosity about going down on him, but my desire ran deeper than a few recent fantasies. “And I want to take care of you tonight. Let me?”

  He inhaled sharply before nodding. “Okay.”

  I started slowly for both our sakes, pressing soft, closed-mouth kisses all over his shaft before getting my tongue in on the action to discover all the places that made him gasp. He tasted like skin, maybe a little saltier, but the familiar Adler taste I was used to, and I gradually became comfortable with taking more of his cock into my mouth. I stretched out next to him, getting cozy for a long playtime. Didn’t take long for the newness of the experience to transform into an urgent desire to earn more of his little noises.

  “Oh.” Adler moaned as I sucked his cockhead deeper, swiping my tongue across the tip. “Oh. I like that.”

  I took that encouragement and ran with it, staying shallow but with plenty of tongue action. Each of his moans went straight to my own cock, which pulsed insistently against the mattress. I ignored it in favor of indulging Adler as much as I could.

  “Gray…” His voice turned uncertain, and he cast his hand around restlessly.

  “I’m right here.” I grabbed his hand, held it fast. There was something achingly sweet about how being on the receiving end of pleasure was so new for Adler, who was the most giving person I knew. I continued to offer a reassuring grip as I found more of a sucking rhythm, the need to bring him more pleasure gathering low in my belly.

  “I might come,” he warned.

  “That would be the whole point.” I chuckled like I wasn’t already half desperate for his climax. Assuming I was on the right track, I resumed taking him as deep in my mouth as I could with tighter suction while continuing the tongue action that earned me the loudest moans. His cock was heavy in my mouth, a surprisingly sexy weight and stretch that made my pulse pound.

  “Trying to last.” His whole body stiffened as he gritted out the words.

  “Stop trying.” I gave him a stern glare. I was only too happy to play our edging games at other times, but right then, I wanted to make him come in the worst way. “And stop thinking. Let go, baby.”

  More than needing his orgasm, I wanted him to know this was a safe place to let go and enjoy being taken care of. Here, he could set aside his relentless giver energy, that misguided belief of his that he was only of value if he were taking care of others. Oh, I knew him and knew him well. He was constantly in motion, trying to serve, but I wanted to be the place where he could land.

  I sucked harder and faster, wanting to give him everything I could. He deserved to be well-loved, and while he wasn’t mine to keep, I could be the person to pleasure him, make him fly, and be there to catch him. Being the person he finally trusted and let go with became my singular goal in life.

  “Gonna…” He gasped a sharp warning, and I kept right on sucking as he came. A bit more fluid than I’d expected, a little earthier of a taste, but also kind of hot to be swallowing him down. I thrust against the bed as he came and came. “Oh, Gray.”

  Releasing his cock, I peppered his belly with kisses before sitting up next to him.

  “My turn to play?” His voice was all sleepy and come-drunk. “You can have whatever you want after that.”

  My entire point had been to render him boneless, not as a warm-up to fucking or in hopes of an equal exchange. Besides, I had another urge I wanted to indulge in. Kneeling next to him, I stroked my cock hard and fast.

  “Want to come on you.” My tone didn’t allow room for argument.

  “That’s an easy yes.” Adler stretched like a satisfied cat. “On me, in me, it’s all good.”

  “Gonna paint you with it.” The urge to mark him was almost overwhelming. Ever since the spanking, I’d been overcome with the thought of marking him even more—love bites, fingerprints, handprints, and ropes of my come. And now he’d said in him, and I couldn’t shake that image from my brain either. I was close enough from getting him off that merely thinking about fucking him condom-free had me on the edge in a hurry.

  “Yes, please.” Adler arched toward me like he truly wanted to be marked, and the “please” was extra gasoline on the fire of my impending climax. “Do it, Gray.”

  His voice was still so satisfied and spent that pride pushed me right into a climax that left my thighs shaking and my throat hoarse. I came in three or four hard spurts, creamy ropes all over Adler’s chest and belly.

  “Holy fuck.” I dragged a finger through the resulting mess on Adler’s stomach. Seeing as giving in to my impulses had led us this far, I brought my finger to my mouth and licked it.

  “Okay, that’s even hotter than you coming.” Adler reached down and gave his dick an experimental tug. “I might be up for a round two.”

  “Us old dudes need a bit more recovery time, but stick around.” I flopped down next to him. “Might have a Christmas miracle.”

  “Good.”

  No way was I sending Adler out into the Christmas Eve cold, but I had no clue what I was going to do with him either. All I knew was that I liked having him in my bed and in my life far, far too much.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Adler

  New Year’s Eve dawned clear and sunny despite the frigid temperatures. The cloudless sky was the perfect something blue for Maverick’s wedding. The week since Christmas Eve had been a flurry of last-minute wedding prep. The busyness had almost been enough to distract me from the weird place I was in with Grayson. Almost.

  Christmas Eve had been the sweetest sex of my life, and he’d welcomed me back to his bed all week. But like Cinderella, I’d been gone before the clock struck midnight each night. It was one thing to claim I’d been checking on the dogs or helping Maverick with wedding stuff and another to pull an all-nighter in a bunkhouse full of curious eyes. Grayson was as reluctant as ever to be anything other than my foreman, and his stiffness every time I raised the topic was more uncomfortable than the tight collar of my itchy dress shirt.

  I’d gone with fashion over fit, a decision I was already regretting as I swept into the kitchen at the main house. Maverick was nursing a cup of coffee at the counter, tux jacket over a nearby stool.

  “We better hurry if we’re going to get you to the courthouse on time.” I’d appointed myself chauffeur for the day. I’d drive Maverick, Hannah, and Faith to the courthouse and reception in his truck. Then later, I’d drive Faith and the two girls home in Colt’s truck while the newlyweds made their way to the little cabin Maverick had booked for their wedding night.

  “I could drive myself.” Maverick set aside his coffee and pulled on his jacket before straightening his shirt and tie.

  “It’s your day to let others do the work, so you can enjoy yourself,” I said brightly. Besides, I needed to feel useful to keep my complicated emotions at bay.

  “Okay. Okay.” Maverick strode over to the stairs. “Faith? Hannah, are you ready?”

  “I guess.” Hannah was first to come down the stairs, looking surprisingly glum in her fancy purple party dress. “Do I look okay?”

  “Amazing.”

  “Marvelous,” I enthused along with Maverick, both of us applauding, but Hannah kept right on frowning.

  “Willow’s outfit is fancier.” Ah. There was the problem. Willow and Colt had taken an early morning ride together before leaving for Colt’s mother’s house to finish getting ready. We’d all seen Willow’s outfit when she’d shown it off after purchasing it in Denver. Rodeo queen vibes for days, it was a rhinestone-embellished sparkly pink. Very Willow, and totally at odds with Hannah’s more understated personal style.

  “And your dress is perfect for you.” Maverick patted her on the shoulder.

  I joined him in stepping closer so I could add, “One thing I’ve learned is that it’s better to be yourself than be caught up in comparisons and fake personas.”

  “Thanks.” Hannah offered a small smile as she went to fetch her coat from the row of hooks by the back door.

  As soon as she was out of earshot, Maverick snorted.

  “What?” My back tensed. I undoubtedly wasn’t going to like his reply.

  “No offense, but you’re the biggest people pleaser I know.” Maverick laughed like he’d made some big joke. I didn’t. “You’re one of my closest friends, but I’m not sure even I have seen the real you.”

  “Oh.” I exhaled hard, no idea how to reply to that. He was right on all counts, not that I’d admit it aloud. Giving people what they wanted from me was far easier than offering up my messy real self. Besides, pleasing people felt good. Was it so wrong to want to put up an affable front?

  “It was good advice though.” Maverick’s tone was encouraging, warm enough to not be condescending. “You should try taking it.”

  “I’m not sure the world is ready for the full Adler experience.” I forced a teasing tone, but my voice came out too stiff. Regardless of Maverick’s intent, my stomach churned.

  “The world might surprise you,” Maverick said as Faith floated down the stairs.

  “You look great.” I seized the distraction of Faith’s arrival like the last life jacket on a sinking ship. Whirling into action, I herded all of us to the truck. Maybe if I kept moving, I wouldn’t have to think about what Maverick had said.

  Didn’t work. The whole drive to the courthouse, I considered the persona I’d cultivated for well over a decade, probably closer to two. My helpful demeanor and unflappable attitude made me who I was, made me good at my job, won me friends, and…

  Made me quietly miserable behind the mask. Never let them see you sweat. I’d taken that adage to heart, to the point I might as well get it tattooed on my chest. Even after getting sober, I’d been careful to never be too heavy about my recovery experience, never confess to the loneliness, and never own up to how hard the work I was doing was. At meetings, I occasionally found the courage to share deeply, but more often than not, I found my solace in comforting others, not in examining my own truths.

  Except around Grayson. With him, I could admit to my complicated family situation. With him, I could be in a bad mood or play the brat, and he not only didn’t send me away, he seemed to like it better when I let the persona drop. He let me push and push, giving me the space to be real in the midst of a relationship that could never be.

  Fuck my life. I shook my head to clear it as we arrived at the courthouse, shifting my focus wholly to Maverick and his nerves. As we waited outside the courtroom along with other guests, Maverick paced away from the throng of eager family and friends.

  “Nervous?” I asked as I followed after him. Dumb question when he was radiating restless energy, yet I felt honor-bound to try to soothe him. The official witnesses were Colt’s aunt and Faith, but I wasn’t about to shirk my friend duty.

  “Not about whether I’m doing the right thing.” Maverick stopped to lean against a wide pillar. “I love Colt, and there’s nothing I want more than to marry him. I hope I can be the spouse he deserves.”

  “You’re the husband he wants.” I hadn’t seen Colt yet, but anyone who’d spent any amount of time with the two of them would never doubt the depth of feeling on both sides. “And you’re Maverick Lovelorn. If anyone can rise to the challenge, it’s you.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Maverick offered a smile. Giving him a pep talk was laughably easy. They had love on their side, along with a willingness to do the hard work of making a marriage last. Working in hospitality, I’d seen any number of weddings where impending doom was only too obvious. Colt and Maverick were the real deal, though, the rare couple who made me believe in happy endings.

  For them at least. My earlier melancholy followed us into the courtroom, hovering over me as I took a seat on a long bench with Faith and the girls. Fittingly, Colt and Maverick stood alone in front of the judge. They hadn’t wanted to pressure the girls into standing with them, but their choice to keep things simple was rather fitting, a symbol of them taking on the world together.

  The judge was a stately woman with a long history of working with Colt on county business, and she said all the right things during the short but meaningful ceremony. I very consciously didn’t glance around to see if Grayson had made it to the ceremony. However, he was certainly on my mind as Colt and Maverick took their vows. How ironic that I’d met the man of my deepest dreams, yet couldn’t tell a soul, let alone hope for a moment like this.

  After the ceremony, I shoved my jealousy and longing back down where they belonged and pasted on a wide smile as I greeted the happy couple.

  “That was beautiful.”

  “We did it.” Maverick’s expression was a mix of relief and awe.

  “You did.” I slapped him on the back. “Now to party.”

  The reception was out at the fairgrounds in one of the buildings available for event rentals. The Spartan space had been transformed by twinkling lights and glittery decorations, in keeping with the New Year’s Eve theme. I busied myself helping Colt’s relatives set out tables full of food and desserts. The familiarity of the host role was comforting, and I’d almost relaxed into a decent mood when I spied Grayson lurking against the back wall. The smarter thing would be to avoid him entirely, but I couldn’t resist marching over.

  “I see you made it.”

  “I did.” He kept his gaze on the tables full of happy guests and didn’t even turn in my direction.

  “You clean up well.” Another super obvious statement, but it was true. He wore a dove-gray western dress shirt with pearl snap buttons and jeans so crisp they had to be new, along with shiny black cowboy boots. “Did you get some food?”

  “Yep.”

  “Good.” I was rapidly losing my ability to make small talk with him, and the frustration of needing to act like near strangers leeched into my voice.

  “You’re mad at me.” He made it a statement, not a question.

  “Not mad.” The lie was far easier than the truth.

  “Adler.” Not surprising that Grayson saw right through me as always.

  “Irritated maybe,” I allowed. “I can understand your reasons for not wanting any sort of public friendship, but I don’t have to like them.”

  “Fair.” He shrugged, easy as if we were discussing the weather.

  “I’m not always going to be a hand.” My voice was more pointed than a cocktail skewer. Maybe I was more than frustrated. I wanted him to look at me, really look and see all the potential we had. Reluctant as I was to move on from bunkhouse life, perhaps that was the only solution. “Maverick wants to meet soon to discuss next steps in the dude ranch plan. He’ll need more of my time on that project.”

  “Appreciate the heads-up.” Grayson’s tone was maddeningly even, impossible to read. “It’s slow season, so likely we can cover your work, but I need to talk to Maverick about adding a few hands for spring and summer.”

  Okay, now I truly was mad. “You missed the point entirely.”

  “I heard you.” His expression was blank in keeping with his bland tone.

  “And it makes no difference to you?” I kept my voice low to maintain the privacy of our conversation, but my hurt shone through the whisper.

  “Still your supervisor tonight.” Grayson’s gaze had shifted to the dancefloor, where Colt was dancing with Faith. “Still hate gossip.”

  “Well, I hate this.” I stamped my heel for emphasis, dangerously close to kicking him instead.

  “There’s that anger,” he said mildly as he finally looked my way. His eyes were dark with sorrow and the lines around his mouth were deep canyons of regret. “And I’m sorry.”

  “Not sorry enough.” I was in a petty mood, wanting him to hurt as much as I did. No way could I let him see my pain. Needing to get away, I brushed by him. “I better check the food table.”

  “Adler…” He trailed off, apparently thinking better of whatever he’d been about to say. “Fine. I might as well get on home to the dogs anyhow.”

  His voice was cryptic, but the message in his eyes was clear. He’d leave a light on for me. He wouldn’t dance with me, wouldn’t even spare me a friendly greeting, but he wouldn’t turn me away if I knocked on his door tonight. And I probably would. I wasn’t strong enough to stay away, but the inevitable sex wouldn’t be enough to stop the longing deep in my chest.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Grayson

  “Can you hand me that screwdriver?” I asked Adler. Winter meant a chance to catch up on chores that were easy to put off in the busier summer months. Today, I was working on repairing a wonky door in the machine shed. Much as I’d prefer working alone, it was a two-person job, and as always, Adler had been quick to volunteer.

  “Of course.” Despite the fact that we were alone, his tone was formal, with the stiff edge he’d had since New Year’s Eve. “Need me to steady the door?”

  “Sure. Thanks.” I moved so he could come up alongside me and brace the heavy metal door, allowing me to work on the hinges. His cautious demeanor and less chatty self were entirely my fault. We were in a weird place ever since the wedding, one where we were reserved strangers during the day and desperate lovers at night.

  “No problem.” Like me, Adler was avoiding the conversation we’d needed to have the past few weeks. A better man than I would find his damn spine and set Adler free instead of clinging to the late-night secret moments we shared, knowing perfectly well that he wanted more. Deserved more.

  Watching Colt and Maverick get married had underscored two things for me. One, that sort of domestic happiness wasn’t for me. Maverick had practically jumped out of his skin with nerves the whole week prior. And no wonder. He was taking the biggest leap of faith a person could. His whole heart had been on display at the wedding, right there for the crushing. Which, admittedly, Colt wasn’t about to do, but the level of risk both were undertaking scared the fuck out of me.