“Wasn’t tryin’ to be romantic.”

  “Well, congrats. You were anyway.” I cupped his chin, not letting up. I was so close to getting everything I wanted. No way was I giving up now. “You said it’s not up to you to decide whether I’m cut out for ranch life. That applies here too. Quit deciding for both of us that you’re not good enough or not what I need. What I need is for you to cowboy up and try. That’s all. Show up and try to make this thing with me work.”

  “You make it sound easy.” He met my gaze, but his eyes were cloudy and pained, not the expression of a man about to agree with me.

  “It is.” I dropped my hand and stepped back. “When you realize that, you know where to find me.”

  “Wait. You’re not gonna name the horse?”

  “Oh, I’m keeping him.” I had too much of a head of steam to manage much of a smile. “I need to cool off before I go and name him Stubborn after you. I want you, not the horse.”

  “Gray?” Kat called from somewhere in the next row of stalls.

  “Go on.” I waved a hand. “Wouldn’t want to be caught together.”

  “Adler.” He said my name like a plea, but I was already walking away. I’d meant what I said. I wanted Gray, and I was holding out for nothing less than the future we both deserved.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Grayson

  I finally reached my breaking point Sunday afternoon, right in time for Maverick’s birthday party. I could have avoided the whole shindig, seeing as how I’d never felt less sociable. I thought I’d done the right thing by gifting Adler the horse, but he wanted me, not a horse. And he called me the stubborn one. Everywhere I looked, I saw reminders of him.

  We could be so good.

  We were. We worked well together. We’d taken care of the dogs, survived Winnie’s foaling, performed hundreds of chores, quietly hung out, and loudly fucked. Adler’s memory was everywhere, from my front steps to my bed, and the four walls of my trailer were about to suffocate me.

  To the party it was. If Adler wanted me, then me he’d get. I put on my nicest shirt, gave myself one last pep talk, and headed into a gathering that was already in full swing. A large cake sat in the center of the island while a nearby table was heaped with food. A row of drink coolers sat in front of the table with all sorts of fancy-pants sparkling waters and sodas.

  I ignored all the offerings and mumbled a birthday greeting to Maverick while my eyes scanned the room for Adler. For once, he wasn’t at the center of the party. Maverick roamed between the kitchen and front hall while Colt, Faith, and the girls took up the couch. Various relatives of Colt’s, ranch hands, and local friends were scattered throughout the lower level of the house.

  Right when I was about to give up and ask Maverick where Adler was, I spied him sitting in the padded window seat of the family room, a seldom-used area off to the side of the entertainment center that looked out on the back porch and the acres of ranch land beyond.

  “Hey.” I stood in front of Adler. We were off to a smashing start, but words weren’t my strong suit.

  “The food table is that way.” He gestured behind me at the kitchen. I ignored him and sat anyway. Adler released a frustrated noise. Hell if I knew what to say to make this right. However, I’d always been one to believe actions spoke louder than words.

  Not letting myself overthink, I grabbed his hand, held it tightly.

  “What are you doing?” Adler didn’t pull away, but he did give me a quizzical stare complete with exaggerated head tilt.

  “Trying.” I gritted out the word. “Like you said earlier.”

  “Oh.” Adler gave a slow blink before glancing down at our linked hands. “Your hand is shaking.” He pursed his lips. “You don’t have to⁠—”

  “Yeah, I do.” I kept my gaze trained on his face, not at a point where I could look around and see who might have noticed us, yet not about to change course now. “I’ve got fourteen unwatched Jeopardy episodes, two depressed dogs, and a hole in my carpet from pacing. I miss you. That’s what I should have said earlier. I miss you, and I saw that rescue horse posting and thought of you, but every damn thing makes me think of you.”

  “Wow. Gray.” Expression softening, Adler squeezed my hand. “That’s quite a speech.”

  “I thought maybe if I gave you the horse that I could watch you enjoy it from a distance, and that would be enough. But you won’t even give it one of your goofy-ass names. And you say you want me, not the horse. So here I am. I’m done fighting.” I slumped into the window seat, wrung out by all the words I’d managed to string together.

  “Good.” A grin spread across Adler’s face. He reached his free hand toward me, then dropped it. “I really want to kiss you right now, but that might be a step too far, given how pale you currently are.”

  That sounded like a fine idea to me, one I wasn’t going to waste time ruminating over. Instead, I leaned in and gave him a fast, hard kiss. Not our longest by any means, but it got the job done.

  “Well.” Voice all dazed, Adler swallowed hard. “Okay then.”

  “Figured I might as well cowboy up.” I shrugged as if my heart wasn’t nearly pounding out of my chest. “My dad gave a shit ton of bad advice, but the first time I signed up to rodeo, five minutes before go time, I told him I was scared. He said to do it anyway because if I waited until I wasn’t scared, I’d miss my chance.”

  “If it helps, I’m scared too,” Adler whispered.

  “You?” I scoffed. Adler was nothing if not fearless. He’d tackled everything from skinny dipping to riding to difficult chores with his patented brand of reckless enthusiasm. In fact, his full-speed-ahead mode was one of the things I liked most about him. “Of what? You already know how to relationship. Date. Whatever. I don’t even know the right verb.”

  “Your faith in me is admirable.” Adler gave a nervous chuckle. “But I’m as new to this as you are. I’ve never made a serious relationship work. I’m a lot. I try not to be, but I am. I’m dramatic. I have to work hard to not be messy. I’m chronically impulsive. I tend to leap without looking.”

  “I’m not worried about any of that.” I waved my free hand, internally cursing the world that had told Adler he was too much of anything. He wasn’t. He was the perfect Adler and perfect for me. “I scrape horseshit for a living. Your mess doesn’t scare me. You leaping got us this far. And got me two dogs.”

  “I don’t always like following orders.” Apparently reassured, he offered a flirty smile.

  “Luckily, I know how to deal with that.” I matched his suggestive smile with one of my own. “Hell, I might prefer your bratty side.”

  “You do seem to bring it out of me.” He winked, making me feel like we were the only two people in the room. I knew we weren’t, and I was vaguely aware of chatter around us, but as long as I focused solely on Adler, I didn’t care about anything other than his easy smile. “Speaking of out, how long are you planning to sit here?”

  “You’re saying we can leave early?” My exhale was undoubtedly loud enough to be heard three rooms away. I might be coping surprisingly well with knowing at least some of the chatter was about us, but I was also more than ready to make my escape and get more kissing in with Adler without an audience.

  “Your work here is done.” He chuckled warmly before standing and offering me a hand up. “Let’s go watch some of those neglected Jeopardy episodes at your place.”

  “My dick might have other plans,” I said in a low voice.

  “Excellent.” Keeping our hands linked, he led me toward the back door.

  “Not staying for cake?” Maverick stood near the door, knife in hand, knowing grin firmly in place.

  “Nope.” Adler cheerfully answered for both of us. And with that, we collected our coats and headed out into the cold afternoon, where dusk was already threatening. My heart, though, was anything other than dark and gray. I couldn’t remember ever feeling lighter and more hopeful.

  “Maybe your optimism is wearing off on me,” I mused to Adler on the walk to my place. We were still holding hands, even with no one to see. Felt right, his hand in mine. I squeezed it a little tighter.

  “You say that now. Are you going to be okay tomorrow when someone tries to tease us?” His tone was more serious than mine. “That’s probably inevitable, even if it’s more good-natured razzing. There were enough raised eyebrows that I’m sure Maverick wasn’t the only one who noticed.”

  “That was the point.” I shrugged. “Let them. I’m done letting fear of gossip hold me back from living my life. You were right that I was letting my past hamstring my future. I’ve got enough old wounds as it is. I don’t need to keep poking the one my parents’ split left.”

  “It’s okay to acknowledge the pain and honor that part of you too.” Adler stopped so he could meet my gaze. “I’m not asking you to take out a billboard, only to live your life, like you said.”

  “I called my mother.” I stamped my feet against the cold. I hadn’t been intending to share that tidbit, but it came out anyway.

  “Oh? How’d that go?” Adler’s tone was understandably cautious.

  “Awkward.” My breath hung in front of me. The temperature was dropping, so I resumed our walk. Adler, bless him, waited quietly for me to continue. “Better than expected, I guess.”

  “I’m glad you took the step of calling her, even if it was hard.” Adler stepped close enough to bump my shoulder.

  I released a self-conscious chuckle because the hardest part had been hitting the Call button. She’d answered right away, wary but not at all unhappy to hear from me. We’d both been conversationally rusty, but I didn’t regret dialing.

  “I spent a lot of years blaming her alone for the gossip firestorm.” I slowed my strides as we reached my trailer. “Easier than seeing both my parents as human. Way easier than admitting how much my dad’s drinking was also to blame.”

  “You can be proud of him for getting sober and still admit the toll it took on your whole family, you included.” Adler lingered in front of my steps.

  “Yeah.” I exhaled hard before unlocking my door. Calling my mother had felt weirdly disloyal to the man I owed so much, but Adler was right that my father’s drinking had affected all of us. Ignoring that fact wasn’t doing me any favors.

  I waited through the usual circus of greeting the dogs and letting them out before I resumed our conversation.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about second chances.” I hung up my coat as Adler threw his onto his usual spot on the loveseat before stooping to remove his boots. “This ranch was a second chance for both of us, but if I stay rooted in the past, my own second chance might pass me by.”

  “It hasn’t.” Adler came over to where I stood to loop his arms around my neck. “Maybe we’re each other’s second chance.”

  “True.” I kissed him, lingering far longer than I had at the party. “You warned me off you, but I’m an old dog in a lot of ways. Probably always going to be cranky and set in my habits.”

  “I don’t need you to change who you are, Gray.” Adler’s eyes were soft pools of blue. “I just need you.”

  “You’ve got me.” As I kissed him again, my worries over being enough for him temporarily receded, like a creek in summer. He said he wanted me, and I was neither stupid nor brave enough to let him go again.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Adler

  Grayson Campbell kissed me, and all was right in the world. Nothing else mattered, not the cold weather, not the impending gossip, not my lingering doubts that I might yet prove to be too much for Grayson. At the moment, however, he couldn’t seem to get enough of me, kissing me so deeply that my head spun and I clung to him.

  I needed him in the worst way and was in no mood to wait. Even his bedroom seemed too far. My eyes landed on his chair. Perfect. Breaking away from the kiss, I dragged him over to the chair, but the man stubbornly stayed standing.

  “Wait.” He wrinkled his forehead. “Are we watching TV now? I thought we were gonna⁠—”

  “Oh, we are.” I gently shoved until he had no choice but to sit. Near us, the dogs sprawled on their bed amid a pile of toys. I flipped the remote, queuing up the first episode it landed on. “You’re going to watch the TV. I’m going to be otherwise occupied.”

  Leaning over him, I deftly unbuttoned his fancy shirt, letting it hang open and reveal his deliciously fuzzy chest. I danced my fingertips down his torso until I arrived at his shiny belt buckle.

  “Thought I gave the orders around here,” he drawled, but he didn’t otherwise stop me from undoing his fly.

  “You do.” Having arranged him to my satisfaction, I dropped to my knees in front of him. “Most of the time.”

  I grinned widely, enjoying the unexpected surge of power. I loved giving up control to Grayson, loved pushing him until he took over an encounter with his stern words and strong will. But as it turned out, I also loved being in charge of this otherwise commanding man. Grayson yielding to my whims was heady stuff, and a tremor raced through me as I withdrew his cock.

  I blew lightly across his shaft. “What was the first answer?”

  “What?” He blinked, all his focus on my lips, not the TV.

  “You’re not paying attention.” I laughed.

  “Oh, I’m paying attention.” His eyes stayed riveted on my mouth. “And making notes for payback later.”

  “Payback? More like a reward.” I was more than confident in my skill at getting him off, and as I hoped, my bragging earned another chuckle from him. His laugh, however, abruptly ended as I swallowed his cock in a single, fluid motion.

  “Goddamn,” he groaned. “This isn’t gonna take long.”

  “Says you.” I pulled back long enough to tease. What he hadn’t counted on was that I’d spent the last few months memorizing how to make him come and how to edge the pleasure out. I knew exactly when he tended to slow down during a fuck, knew how close to push him before backing off, and I put all that knowledge to use as I sucked him.

  Rather than a steady rhythm, I varied my speed, going hard and fast with rapid bobs of my head only to retreat into shallow teases and glacially slow descents. He moaned and cursed and tangled a hand in my hair, but he also didn’t order me to stop my little game.

  “You’re doing so well,” I cooed, mimicking how he usually praised me. “What category are they in?”

  “Hell if I know.” He stroked my hair and cheek, eyes soft with something beyond pleasure. Emotion. He’d said he wanted to try, and I believed him. He wasn’t the type to take an action like coming out publicly lightly, so he had to care for me as deeply as I’d suspected. The simple act of holding my hand at Maverick’s party had meant more to me than the horse, more than any gift, almost as much as his heartfelt words.

  I cared as well, and I lavished attention on his cock, trying to convey my appreciation for how far he’d come for me. For us. For himself, really. That was the biggest thing. He wanted a future with me, but he’d also shown an unexpected level of growth. He wasn’t merely running on the fear of losing me.

  “Adler.” He moaned, half scold, half praise. I slowed to a creep, a few little licks and lighter suction until his hand finally tightened in my hair. “Have mercy.”

  That I could do.

  I had infinite mercy for Gray in all his complexity. He deserved all the pleasure I had to give, so I redoubled my efforts, going for the harder suction and faster speed he craved. I also reached up and patted his hand, giving implicit permission for him to drive if he felt so inclined.

  Apparently, he was content to let me be the bossy one tonight, and I moaned my approval, sucking harder. Spit gathered in my mouth as we approached the inevitably sloppy finish line. Digging my hands into his thighs for leverage, I poured on everything I knew he liked until he groaned.

  “Adler.” This time, my name was a warning, one I gladly welcomed, and I swallowed as his orgasm hit. And hit. He came so much that I had to swallow twice. His big body shuddered under my hands and his head fell back. Satisfaction swept through me, and I very nearly came right along with him. I held off, though, because I knew he’d appreciate my restraint.

  “Come here.” He hauled me upright before opening his arms. “Lose the clothing.” We were back to him giving the orders, but I happily complied, shucking my pale-purple shirt and slim gray pants. On a practical level, being naked spared my clothes from a telltale come stain, but on a sensual level, I certainly loved the contrast of him half-dressed and me naked in his lap, especially when he whispered in my ear, “Believe you earned that reward.”

  “I did.” I preened right up until he took hold of my cock and started jacking me. He knew exactly how to get me close without tipping me over, and I moaned. “No edging games.”

  “Says the champion cocksucker who edged every last brain cell out through my dick a few minutes ago.”

  “Fair.” I drank down the praise, letting it add to my pleasure. Truth be told, I did love the way he masterfully managed my orgasms. I groaned as he stroked me faster while nibbling on my neck. “Kiss me.”

  He complied with a low growl, claiming my mouth in a deep kiss. Knowing he could taste himself was an added turn-on, especially when he moaned as well. He kissed me, stroked my cock, and held me close. I did my damnedest to draw my orgasm out, make myself wait for his command.

  “You’re such a good boy,” he whispered against my lips.

  “Please,” I whimpered.

  “Go on, now. You earned it.” He swallowed down my answering moan, tightening his grip on my torso and dick, jacking me hard and fast until I came with a choked cry. It wasn’t the first time he’d moved me to tears from orgasm, but the way he kissed me through it, murmuring sweet praise, and holding me close felt different, more emotionally charged.