“Try what?” I asked, hesitantly.

  Jared turned towards me and took a deep breath. Izzy had laid down in the sand beside us, panting from the summer sun. “I had to reach out. I had to ask if there was any way that we could salvage this. Any way that I could get you back. Rhys, I messed up. I mean, I really messed up. And there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about how I should have stayed and proposed like I wanted to instead of running like a coward. I’d never thought I was good enough for you, but I should have tried.” I watched the first tear fall from his eye. I’d never seen him so vulnerable in all the years that I knew him.

  “Jared, you were always good enough for me.” The tears were flowing now, and I made no effort to stop them.

  “Is there any chance? Any chance we can be us again, Rhys? I’m ready to marry you right here and right now. I know that with my entire body, heart, and soul.”

  I think in that moment, I stopped breathing. I felt my chest squeeze and swell all at the same time. My throat went dry and my sight tunneled in. “Wh-what?” I stuttered, sure I hadn’t heard him right.

  “Rhys, I want to marry you. I don’t just want to date you. I want to make that commitment. I’m ready to make that commitment. I want to be there with you, buying vegetables. I want that life and I want it with you. I never want to be without you. I need you. And I am ready to say I do if it means keeping you by my side for the rest of my life.”

  Jared reached out for my hands, taking both of them in his before pulling them up to his lips and laying a soft kiss on my knuckles. His heart was bared open right in front of me and I could tell every word coming from his mouth was pure honesty.

  But I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t even think straight.

  CHAPTER 8

  I should have been thrilled. Ecstatic. The man that I admittedly was still in love with me wanted to be with me. Hell, he was ready to marry me. He was ready for me to be his wife and him to be my husband.

  So why wasn’t I jumping up and down? Why wasn’t I screaming it to the world or calling my family for a group video chat?

  Why was I wallowing in my bed at two in the afternoon on a Wednesday, having called out sick to work? I knew they didn’t believe me, but I couldn’t care less at this moment. The only thing that seemed to comfort me was Izzy nuzzling her nose under my chin.

  “I’m so sorry I told you I wasn’t ready. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” His words ricocheted in my mind, cracking my heart more and more. “I’m ready to marry you right here and right now.”

  My phone continuously going off didn’t help matters. If it wasn’t Becca asking for updates, it was Jared checking in on me.

  Understandably so. I walked away from him without even so much as a word. Even Izzy was confused, not sure if she should stay with him or follow me. She caught up though when Jared started running towards me. I could remember him calling my name, asking me to at least say something.

  And I remember that the only words that left my mouth were “I don’t know.”

  I managed to drag myself out of bed and in to work on Thursday. No one questioned my mystery one-day illness. I think it was still written all over my face. Between the puffy eyes and deep dark circles, I probably looked like the walking dead. I spent the entire eight hours hiding in my office with my door closed, fighting the urge to grab my purse and find my solitude under my blankets again.

  The only saving grace was my volunteer shift at the clinic. It would be easier to ignore the constant ringing and beeping of my phone if I had fluffy dogs and sweet cats to distract me. And it worked until I had to cover the front desk. It was a slower night, so I didn’t have nearly enough to distract me. Izzy was off somewhere with Rocky and the other dogs.

  So, I tried to busy my time by organizing—and reorganizing—the files behind the counter.

  My phone went off again and I huffed before I finally turned it off and threw it in my bag. I still didn’t know what to say.

  “Everything okay?” I heard Luca’s voice as he came up behind me.

  It was almost time for us to close and head out for the night. Him, upstairs for his weekend off, Hilary off to her boyfriend’s place, and me to my apartment. Alone. At least I had Izzy.

  “Yeah.” I lied.

  “I don’t believe you.” His accusation caught me off guard.

  I whipped my head around just as he leaned against the counter beside my chair and crossed his arms. As he did so, his shirt raised just enough to expose half an inch of the deep ink running around his hip. I wanted to change the subject, asking him what his tattoo was but I knew he wouldn’t go for it. I’d finally caught a better look at the one on his arm one of our evenings taking the dogs out. It looked to be a part of a family crest with a few names and dates scrolling around it.

  “It’s just…” I trailed off. “It’s nothing.” I signed.

  “Obviously, it’s not. Something is wrong.”

  I swallowed a few times. He was right. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it. If I couldn’t find the words to say to Becca or Jared, how would I say them to Luca? He might not have known how enamored with him that I was, but I did. I wasn’t about to crack open, blubbering about my ex-boyfriend proposing to me when all I could really think about was Luca’s sweet smile and warm eyes.

  “Well, I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk about it.” Luca stayed, hesitating, hoping I’d suddenly have the courage to open up to him. When he realized I wasn’t ready, he pushed off the counter and silently made his way into the back.

  I didn’t touch my phone for the rest of the evening. I waited to turn it on after I’d finally climbed into my car, silent and locked away from anyone who could see me. Izzy was laying in the back, completely worn out and oblivious to my inner turmoil in the driver’s seat.

  The moment my phone booted up, it began vibrating.

  Jared: Rhys, please answer.

  Jared: Rhys, I’m sorry. I just had to tell you. I know I scared you but please, can we talk about it?

  Jared: Please talk to me.

  Jared: Rhys, please call me and give me a chance when you turn your phone back on.

  Becca: Dude, why is Jared calling me? What happened?

  Becca: Rhys.

  Becca: Hey.

  Becca: Yo, why is your phone off?

  Becca: Okay, now you’re freaking me out. If you don’t call me back, expect me to be waiting on your doorstep.

  I took in a deep breath and put my car into gear, turning up the volume on my music just enough to try to drown out my thoughts. I wasn’t ready to face him. I didn’t think I ever would be.

  As much as I didn’t really want to talk to anyone, part of me wouldn’t be upset if Becca was waiting at my place for me.

  But when I got home, there wasn’t anyone on my stoop. I admittedly felt my heart drop as I walked towards my front door, until I heard him call out my name.

  I spun and saw him emerging from the side of the building. Right behind him, Becca was hot on his trail.

  “Jared!” She yelled, obviously already exacerbated. “Jared, stop!” Her voice was fierce and enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

  But not him. No, Jared kept towards me, eyes only focused on me like I was the only thing in the world. “Rhys.” He finally said when he was within a foot of me. He started to close the gap, but I instinctively took a step back, bumping into the hood of my car. As I did, I heard Izzy bark beside me, causing me to jump. I turned, trying to squeeze past him to get her. “Rhys.” He said again, catching my arm with his hand. The fire shot through me, causing all of my nerves to fire and clash together. I didn’t know how to react. His touch was still electricity to me but now, I could tell there were frayed ends, fizzling out. It wasn’t all right anymore. It wasn’t all smooth and beautiful between us. It was tainted.

  But it was still there. And I hated it.

  “Rhys, can we talk? Please?” His voice was low, and he still had his hand on my arm. He stepped closer again, as if he needed to be against me to know my thoughts.

  “Rhys.” Becca called out as she tried to wedge between us. “Rhys, do you need me to stay? Do you need me to do anything?”

  I gulped but didn’t nod or shake my head.

  “Well, I’m going to be in my car. And Jared?” She turned her attention to him. “My finger will be hovering dangerously close to the call button for 9-1-1 if I so much as think I’m getting a signal from Rhys.”

  “Understood.” He muttered but didn’t look at her.

  I waited until she was secured in her car before I finally opened my mouth, pulling courage from somewhere I didn’t know I had. “Jared, I don’t know what you expect me to say. You left me a year ago. You broke my heart without even so much as a reason. Not a reason that you were honest with me about at least. Then you suddenly show up, telling me that it was just because you were scared? Do you know how ridiculous that is? No one told you that you had to propose. There was no timetable. No requirements out of you. The only thing I ever wanted from you was to love me.”

  “And I always have. That never wavered.” He interjected.

  “But it obviously wasn’t enough for you. It was for me, but you didn’t give me that chance. You didn’t talk to me, tell me what you were thinking. You clammed up and just ran away. And now you’re back, telling me that you can’t be without me? That you’re ready to marry me? Don’t you think that’s just a bit insane?”

  “Yes, it is. But I learned my lesson. I’m here if you’re willing to take me back. I promise, I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  “And how am I supposed to trust that? How am I supposed to believe that a year without me has got you so damn sure of yourself and of us? We couldn’t survive before. What makes you think that we could now?”

  “Because I’ve had to live a year without you, and it was the worst year of my entire life.”

  “You didn’t have to live without me. You didn’t have to wait a year. You had over three hundred days to reach out. And you didn’t.” My last words came out as a whisper. I was struggling to keep the tears from erupting but felt a few spill over. “You broke me, Jared. And I still haven’t healed from it.”

  “I know.” He hung his head, and I watched his jaw quiver. “I know.” He whispered.

  “I don’t know if I can take that chance again.” I pulled my hand from his. “I love you, Jared. I won’t lie. I still do, definitely far more than I should. But I can’t do this.”

  I slipped from between him and my car and made my way towards my door, Izzy reluctantly following. I didn’t dare turn back. I couldn’t.

  Because if I turned back, I knew I’d run back to him. I knew I’d let him wrap his arms around me. And I knew I’d let him hurt me all over again.

  CHAPTER 9

  “Rhys, what are you doing here?”

  I looked up from the desk and saw Luca standing in front of me. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and I hated the way my eyes wanted to trail every inch of him.

  “Oh, uh, I decided to help out tonight.” I lied. Hilary almost wouldn’t let me stay. But since I was a volunteer, she couldn’t exactly force me out. And I didn’t want to be home.

  “Uh huh.” Luca said, narrowing his eyes at me and seeing straight through me.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Just checking in.”

  “Is that so?” I shot back the skepticism.

  “Kind of. I saw your car out front.” His honesty shocked me. “And after last night, I wanted to check in on you again.”

  “Luca, I’m fine.”

  “See, the way you say that tells me that you’re not.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the counter and bringing his face within inches of mine.

  “I appreciate it, Luca. I really do. But I just want to distract myself tonight.”

  “Okay, let me propose something then.” His eyebrow shot up and a smirk spread across his lips.

  I narrowed my eyes out of curiosity, ignoring his choice of words. “What’s that?”

  “Let’s go grab some dinner and catch a movie. A movie is the perfect distraction.”

  “What about Izzy?”

  Luca stood and reached his hand out. “You already know that answer to that. So, don’t look for another excuse.”

  “But Hilary.” I started.

  “Hilary will be just fine, right?” He looked up and past me and I spun the chair around to see Hilary standing just a couple feet behind me.

  “Yep. Go, Rhys.” She gave me a sweet smile, but her eyes told me I’d better listen to her.

  “Okay. Fine.” I sighed and pushed back the chair. I grabbed my purse and made my way around the counter.

  Luca reached out, gently slipping his hand onto my lower back to ease me towards the door. Just the heat from his hand was enough to cause me to let out a small gasp. It was warm, soft, and sweet. There were no hidden agendas, no façade he was holding up. Not even a hint of him being selfish. Just Luca trying to help me forget the anguish he knew nothing about.

  He drove, letting me pick the music. We made our way to a small Italian restaurant on the other side of town.

  “It’s the closest I can get to my mom’s food. She was an amazing cook. And this place is pretty authentic.” He shot me an excited smiled before making his way out of the car.

  As we made our way to the front, he slipped is hand into mine and it just felt like home.

  “Luca, amore mio!” A woman much shorter than me but stout and with a head full of gray hairs reached up, grabbing his cheeks. “It’s been too long, Polpetto.” She pulled him into a hug, dancing around with him. “And who is this bella donna?” The woman turned towards me and held out her arms. I walked into them, welcoming her embrace.

  “Giada, this is Rhys. Rhys, please meet my adoptive mother. She spoils me and fattens me up almost as good as my own mother did.”

  “Not good enough, Polpetto.” Giada playfully smacked the back of her hand against Luca’s stomach and he faked clutching it. “You need more spaghetti.”

  “Oh, you’ve done plenty. I have to work out twice as long after you feed me. I have to keep up the muscle so I can continue lifting the great Pyrenees dogs who love donuts.” Luca winked at me and I swore I felt my heart melt.

  I let out a chuckle. “I for one, am starving and all for letting you fatten me up if it tastes even half as good as it smells in here.” I felt my eyes go wide as I rubbed my rumbling stomach, finally hungry for the first time in days.

  “Follow me, mio caro.” Giada led the way through the small and packed dining area towards the back. She stopped once she found possibly the most secluded booth in the entire restaurant. The backs of the booth were high enough that once seated, no one could see in. It was rounded so we wouldn’t just be forced to sit across from each other.

  “Thank you, Giada.”

  “Of course. Would you like to order tonight or let me pick?” Giada’s eyes flashed and I watched Luca look between us.

  “Oh, have at it. I think I trust you with my life at this point.” I joked.

  “Good choice.” Luca said, through laughter.

  From there, we enjoyed a sweet bottle of red wine—not normally my choice but in this case, I never wanted to drink anything else—some calamari and bruschetta to share. Giada had the chef bring us Saltimbocca, carbonara, and lasagne to share. But she didn’t stop there. She brought us a small plate of tiramisu and a delicately wrapped bag of what Luca told me was something called Torrone, which was one of his favorite desserts. Despite being absolutely stuffed, I had to try a bite. My eyes rolled back as the taste of the honey, citrus, and toasted nuts hit every taste bud.

  We talked the entire night too. Not once did he ask me more about what was going on with me. He avoided it and I was thankful. Instead, we focused on everything else under the sun. He told me more about his childhood—both here and in Italy. I told him more about my family and our holidays parties, including fourth of July. I watched as his eyes lit up every time I talked about my siblings and how close we were. I could feel myself falling in love with how enamored he was with every word I spoke. And I loved hearing his stories from when he was young, all the way up to an adult.

  By the time we left the restaurant, I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to walk. We’d had to package up much of the food still and Giada had thrown in a brand new bottle of wine for us. I tried to offer to pay at least part, but Luca gently pushed my hand back, slipping his own credit card into the black folder. I was terrified to think of how much the bill would be but Giada and Luca both insisted that she was taking good care of us.

  When we made it to the movie theatre, I refused to let him pay for the tickets, nearly shoving him to the side as we approached the will call counter.

  “No, you got dinner and I don’t even know if I want to know how much that cost. I’m getting this.”

  “Oh, come on.” Luca smiled, trying to weasel his way back in front of me. “Giada treats me like her son. She doesn’t charge me nearly as much as she should.”

  “The only way I’d even let you help pay for the movie is if you told me it was free.”

  “Well.” He trailed off, his voice higher pitched.

  “Okay, then back off.” I joked. “Besides, you’re already doing me a huge favor tonight.”

  “I am?” He raised one eyebrow, puzzled.

  “Yeah, remember? You’re distracting me.”

  He nodded, remembering. “Ah yes, from the thing that you still won’t tell me about but that has you severely distraught.”

  I dropped my head, hiding the pain that flashed for a moment. “Yep.”

  “Hey, don’t worry. Tonight is just for us to have fun. I think that’s something we both deserve. You can tell me tomorrow.” He bumped my shoulder, causing me to look back up at him. Again, he had his warm smile and I felt it cascade over me.”

  I had to look away to keep him from seeing the blush rising into my cheeks. I couldn’t help but wonder if he meant to say tomorrow or if it was just an expression for him. I led the way to the theatre, finding our way towards the back. As we climbed the steps, I felt his hand slide onto my back, as if it was just the normal thing to do.