Before I can reply, he twists back around, and I glance over at Tanner, finding him watching me. Like always when our eyes lock, my stomach flutters and my pulse races. Pulling my gaze off his, I look down at the water and chew the inside of my cheek. Maybe Oliver is right; maybe I should just be honest and tell him how I feel. Then again, I’m not sure I can trust how I feel; plus, he might think I’m a complete loon for bringing up what’s bothering me, when we’ve only just met.

  As we slowly make our way across the lake, I go back and forth on what I should do, and I still have no idea as we paddle up to the small inlet where Maverick is waiting for us. Before I even have a chance to make it out of my kayak on my own, I find Tanner at my side, taking my paddle before helping me out. I start to thank him, but the look he sends me has me slamming my mouth closed.

  “You good with these guys for a few minutes while Cybil and I talk?” Tanner asks Maverick while locking on to my wrist as I try to move away.

  “Yep.” Maverick lifts his chin; then his eyes come to me, and he raises a brow. I shrug before Tanner starts to tug me toward the tree line beyond the bank.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask, but he doesn’t even acknowledge my question. Instead, he leads me farther into the woods, so deep I can no longer hear the group talking. “Are you not going to answer me?” I question, starting to get nervous; then, the next thing I know, he’s directly in front of me, and he’s cupping my face gently between his large hands.

  “I’m glad you want to talk, sunshine, because I really want to know what the fuck happened between the time I left you all sweet looking and smiling in your sleeping bag this morning, and when you came out of the tent looking like someone killed your puppy.” My heart stutters in my chest.

  I thought I had done a good job hiding how I was feeling. Apparently, I didn’t, and he is obviously mad—really, really mad—judging by the way his jaw is clenching.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I swallow, and he lowers his head, bringing our faces so close together that his nose brushes against mine.

  “Don’t start lying to me now, Cybil. Tell me what happened.”

  “Okay.” I lift my hands between us and rest them against his chest, rubbing my lips together. “I realized I’m leaving in just a couple of days, and when I do, this, umm . . . this thing between us is going to be over. So I’m thinking it might be better to put some distance between us before someone gets hurt.” I feel nauseous and wonder if he knows the person who is going to end up hurt is going to be me.

  “Is that what you want? You want this to be over when you leave and to just give up before we really have a chance to explore what this is?” he asks softly, and my chest starts to feel funny as my nose starts to sting. Gah, even just the idea of not seeing him after this makes me want to cry.

  “No.” I swallow again.

  “Can you stay in town for a few days after this trip?” he asks, and I nod, because I totally can. “Do you want to stay with me for a few days?”

  “Yes,” I say softly, and the look in his eyes makes me realize that maybe he has been hurt too.

  “Then that’s the plan, and we will figure out the rest.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Sunshine, did you really think I would let you go so easily?”

  “I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” I admit, and he skims his thumb across my jaw right before he kisses me gently. And just like that, I don’t know up from down, but I also can’t bring myself to care.

  Sitting next to the lake, with my hoodie up over my head to ward off the chill in the air, I watch the water ripple against the rocks as I dial Jade’s number. When I hear Avery laugh behind me, I smile; then my smile grows when Jade answers with a loud “Oh my God, Cybil. I’ve called you a million times!”

  “Sorry.” I laugh, picking up a small pebble and tossing it into the lake. “We haven’t had phone service until today.”

  “Are you okay? Are you having fun? What have you been doing? Tell me everything,” she rattles, and I shake my head.

  “I’m good, for sure having fun, and there’s so much to tell you, but I don’t have the time today. We just stopped for lunch, and this is the only time I’ll have cell service until we get back to the lodge the day after tomorrow. Are you okay? How are things there?”

  “I’m good. Things are good,” she says; then she pauses before adding quietly, “I had lunch with Galvin yesterday.”

  “Oh.” I drop my eyes, not sure what to say.

  “He got married,” she blurts, and I blink, positive that I heard her wrong.

  “What?”

  “I told myself that I would wait to tell you when you got home, but I just . . . I don’t want you to find out from someone else, or on social media, since it’s all everyone is talking about.” She takes a breath as I stand and make my way farther down the beach. “He . . . God, Cybil, he married Chris in Vegas the day you left for Montana.”

  “Chris,” I repeat, trying to wrap my mind around what she’s telling me. “Chris—his roommate from college Chris?”

  “Yes,” she confirms, sounding unsure.

  “Oh.” I close my eyes as things begin to fall into place.

  His third year at college, he got an off-campus apartment, and that’s when he met Chris. He broke up with me twice the first year of them rooming together, and I was not allowed to stay with him when I went to see him. Then a few months ago, he went to spend a week with Chris in Seattle—something he did every couple of months. When he came home, things seemed different between us. There was a distance that wasn’t there before, and he stopped wanting to be intimate.

  I didn’t really dwell on it too much, because I knew he was busy and I was too. Plus, planning the wedding of his mom’s dreams was stressing us both out. God, I was so stupid. It also now makes sense why Chris seemed to hate me so much.

  “His parents disowned him,” she says, and I take a seat as my chest starts to ache. I’ve known his mom and dad since I was a kid, and they are both very traditional. They always have been. Unlike some parents, who might come to accept their child when they open up about their sexuality, I doubt they will, which makes me wonder if that’s why he was with me.

  “Is he okay?” I ask quietly, even knowing that he’s not and unsure if I should care. He’s always tried to do everything his parents expected him to do, and I’m sure he’s devastated that he had to choose between making his parents happy and doing what he knew would be right for himself.

  “He’s upset. He hates that he’s hurt everyone, especially you. But . . .”

  “But he’s happy,” I finish for her. “I’m glad for him. I mean, I’m pissed that he obviously lied to me for God knows how long, but I’m glad that he’s doing what’s right for him, that he’s finally being honest.”

  “God, I fucking love you,” she whisper-hisses, and tears fill my eyes. “I told him that you would understand once you knew. I mean, I know you might not ever be friends again, but I knew you would still want him to be happy.”

  “I will always want him to be happy,” I tell her quietly as I watch Tanner walk toward me carrying two plates of food.

  “He’ll be relieved to hear you don’t hate him.”

  “I could never hate him,” I reply truthfully, dropping my eyes to the ground and trying to process everything I’m feeling. “I’m going to eat lunch. We’ll talk when I get back to the lodge. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Call as soon as you can,” she says before she hangs up, and I tuck my phone into the pocket of my sweatshirt, then try to smile as I accept a plate from Tanner.

  “Everything okay?” he asks, taking a seat next to me.

  “That was my best friend, Jade. She had lunch with my ex yesterday,” I tell him, and his body next to mine seems to fill with tension. “He . . . umm . . . got married the day I drove here.”

  “What the fuck?” His eyes lock with mine, and I shake my head.

  “He married his college roommate, who happens to be a guy,” I add, and his eyes widen slightly. Dropping my eyes from his, I pick up my sandwich that moments ago I would have devoured, but right now, the heavy weight in my stomach is making me feel sick.

  “Are you okay?” he asks softly, touching his knuckle under my chin, and I meet his gaze.

  “The truth?” I prompt, and he nods. “I’m hurt, not because he’s found someone, but because he lied to me. I’m angry with him for not being truthful with me, but I’m also relieved, because if he had kept his secret and married me, we would have both ended up miserable. I also . . .” I swallow. “I’m also wondering if he was cheating on me, if he cheated on me every time he went to meet up with Chris. The thought makes me want to be sick.”

  “Cybil.” His voice sounds gruff as he wipes at the tears I feel soaking my lashes.

  “I’m so mad, but I also feel bad for him, which is making it difficult to be angry.” I drag in a deep breath through my nose.

  “What do you mean?” he questions softly, studying me closely.

  “His mom and dad are very old school. I doubt they’ll accept him being married to a man, and he loves his parents, so I know he’s probably hurting. Even as mad as I am, I don’t want that for him.”

  “If they love him, they’ll learn to accept him however he is. Like you said, he lied, and I’m guessing he’s been lying for a long time. They might be upset right now, but they need time to figure out their feelings and come to terms with things. That said, what he did to you was wrong. Even if he wasn’t sleeping with someone else while you were together, the fact that he had an emotional relationship with someone else is fucked up.”

  “You’re right,” I whisper, and he wraps his arm around my shoulders and rests the side of his head against mine. “Is it wrong that I really wish I could kick him in the nuts?”

  “I don’t think so,” he chuckles, and I smile, thinking that even though it’s weird to lean on him right now, it also feels really fricking right.

  Chapter 12

  CYBIL

  Sitting around the campfire, with the lake just a few feet away and the stars glittering above me, I realize I’m going to miss this. Before this trip, I never would have thought I would fall in love with the great outdoors or camping, but this trip has given me a different perspective. It’s pushed my limits, forced me to try new things, and reminded me that I’m capable of doing just about anything.

  This trip has also given me a chance to reflect on myself and my relationship with Galvin that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t come. There’s something to be said about unplugging from everyday life. It gives you the opportunity to just listen to your inner voice, which you don’t always have when you’ve got technology at your fingertips.

  Then there’s the man sitting next to me with his pinkie wrapped around mine. If I hadn’t come on this trip, I wouldn’t have met Tanner, so I might actually owe my ex a thank-you.

  But only after I kick him in the balls.

  “I have a great idea,” Lauren says loudly, pulling me from my thoughts, and everyone sitting around the campfire stops talking and turns to look at her. “I think we should all go skinny-dipping.”

  “Lauren.” Oliver shakes his head. “We are not going skinny-dipping.”

  “Why not?” she pouts. “It’s our last night out here. We should do something fun as a group.”

  “Getting naked together isn’t really my idea of group fun,” I say dryly, and Parker, who’s sitting on the other side of me, snorts.

  “Don’t be a buzzkill, Cybil.” Lauren rolls her eyes while she stands and whips her shirt off, leaving her in her sports bra. “I’m going in, and whoever wants to join me can join me.”

  “I wouldn’t suggest you do that,” Parker says, but of course she ignores him and walks off.

  “Oh wow, she’s serious,” I whisper, watching her strip off her clothes before she runs naked toward the water.

  “I guess I should go grab a towel for her.” Oliver stands with a shake of his head; then, a moment later, I hear a splash and turn to look at the lake.

  “One thing can be said for that girl. There’s never a dull moment with her around,” Avery says as I watch Lauren’s head appear right before she dives under again.

  “Ain’t that the truth,” Jacob agrees as we all watch Oliver make his way down to the water, carrying a towel and muttering under his breath.

  “Oh my God!” Lauren lets out a bloodcurdling shriek before she starts paddling wildly toward the shore. “Something touched me!”

  “It was just a fish,” Oliver tells her calmly while holding open the towel for her as she runs out of the water and into his arms.

  “It didn’t feel like a fish, Oli,” she cries, clinging to his neck when he scoops her up. He starts murmuring quietly to her while carrying her to their tent.

  “How much do you want to bet that we’re going to hear them going at it for the rest of the night?” Grant grumbles, and my nose scrunches.

  He’s probably right; Lauren might not have taken an actual shower, but she’s now cleaner than any of us. And if that was the only thing stopping Oliver before, he might feel better about it now.

  “Well.” Avery pushes up off the ground and looks at her husband. “I’m going to bed, and with any luck, I’ll fall asleep before any of the vocals start.”

  “Be there in a minute,” Grant tells her, and she nods before saying good night and making her way up the bank to the grassy area where we set up camp.

  “I think I’m going to try to do the same.” I get up and say a quiet good night to the guys, and Tanner gives me a look that says he wants to kiss me but can’t.

  After I quickly brush my teeth, I change into a pair of sweats and a hoodie, then get into my sleeping bag with my headlamp and my book, hoping that reading will distract me from the chill in the air. Tanner won’t come to bed until everyone else has called it a night, so I still have a while before I can shamelessly take advantage of him for his body heat. Something I’ve done the last few nights—not that he seems to mind.

  In fact, I think if he had his way, we would squish ourselves inside one sleeping bag. My stomach flutters at the idea of him and me actually sharing a bed and having time alone within four solid walls. Really, I’m a little nervous about what will happen when we head back into the real world. I don’t know if we’ll even still like each other. I don’t know how the chemistry between us will translate when it comes to being intimate, and my experience with men is limited to Galvin, so I don’t know how to be with anyone else. And again, Tanner and I don’t know each other well, so I’m really trying to trust my gut, which has led me wrong in the past.

  And then there’s the fact that I’ll have to leave to go home.

  When anxiousness starts to replace the excitement I was feeling moments ago, I open my book. If I spend too much time dwelling on what might or might not happen, I’ll talk myself out of taking a chance, which I know I’ll regret in the long run, and with this last week as proof that sometimes trying something new can change everything, I don’t want to do that.

  “Cybil.”

  I spin around in my sleeping bag and then hold my hand to my chest.

  “You scared me,” I tell Tanner as my heart pounds under my palm.

  “I called your name about five times,” he says; then his eyes move to the book I dropped. “You didn’t hear me. I’m guessing you were at a good part.”

  “Yeah.” I pick it up and flip back to where I left off, then dog-ear the page to save my spot.

  “So what’s happening now? Did Katharine come around?” he asks.

  “You remembered her name?” I laugh, and he stops what he’s doing to look at me and shrug.

  “I guess.”

  “Well, Edward is not really giving Katharine a choice, and even though he’s all gruff and badass, he’s sweet with her, which is breaking down her walls.”

  “Good for him.”

  “Yeah,” I agree as a shiver slides down my spine.

  “Cold?” he asks. He changes into a pair of flannel pants and a long-sleeved shirt that molds to his body like a second skin.

  “Yeah, it feels colder tonight than it has this week.”

  “’Cause we’re on the lake,” he says. Then he orders, “Get up and hand me your sleeping bag.” Frowning, I do as he asked. As I jump around to keep warm, he unzips my bag, then his, and after a few curse words, he zips our bags together. “Now climb in.” I do, and a moment later, he gets in with me. “Now, come here.”

  I hesitate for only a moment before curling myself into his side, the position much more intimate without our sleeping bags between us. As I lay my head on his chest, he tugs my leg up over his hip, causing a mass of sensations to flood my system. My belly clenches, my pulse starts to race, and heat rushes between my legs. Lord have mercy, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself from hyperventilating.

  “Relax, sunshine.” His warm breath feathers against the top of my head, and I wonder if it’s possible to have an orgasm from just touching and if your hair is supposed to be an erogenous zone, because it feels like it is. Maybe I have nothing to worry about when it comes to us taking things to a new level, because I never felt like I do now with Galvin.

  “I am relaxed,” I lie through my teeth.

  “Right, you feel really relaxed.” He laughs, then says, “Hand me your book.”

  “Why?”

  “Just hand it to me,” he repeats, so I reach behind me to find it and hand it over. With my head against his chest once more, I watch him open to the page I left off on and then listen to him begin to read. Hypnotized by his deep voice and the feel of his fingers smoothing back and forth across my spine, I melt against him.

  “No one’s read to me since my mom did, when I was little,” I tell him quietly, and he stops, making me regret opening my mouth. I expect him to say something to that, but instead, he just kisses the top of my head, then goes back to reading.