The next thing I knew, there was a sharp pain in my ribs.

  I howled as the troll came bulldozing into me, butting me off the bridge and into the river below with a colossal splash.

  I dragged myself up on to the bank, coughing and spluttering, then – with as much dignity as I could muster – parted the pondweed on my head so I could see out.

  The troll scowled down at me from the bridge and yelled ‘NO TAX, NO CROSSING,’ before shuffling off out of sight again.

  Well, I wasn’t too happy about that, I can tell you. My fur was caked with river mud, and I’d only just washed it too. Then to top it all off, who should I see strolling over the bridge? Those three ANNOYING little piggies, on their way back from market, no doubt. And what was worse – they were pointing down at me and

  They were giggling their little heads off!

  I growled at them and they shut up pretty quickly. But not quickly enough.

  THEY’LL PAY FOR THAT!

  Managed to swipe a fish from the river at least before I headed home, but my fur is not looking its best right now.

  Saturday 1 April

  All right, we’re in business now!

  Getting stronger and faster every day… I’ve had a couple more fish from the river to keep me going while I build myself back up.

  I’m going to devour that little red-caped girl – you see if I don’t… And those three little piggies will make a lip-smacking starter!

  Sunday 2 April

  I DID IT!!!

  I HIT MY TARGET!

  I was panting like a dog in a heatwave by the end of it, but still – any way you look at it – I am BACK.

  I’m the BIG BAD WOLF, BABY!

  I just know Little Red is going to be strolling over that bridge today, and when she does, I’ll be waiting, ready to greet her… or should I say…

  EAT HER!!!!

  Monday 3 April

  Still in shock.

  Can’t actually BELIEVE what happened yesterday.

  I’d better explain…

  As soon as I’d finished my exercises, I shot down to the river. I wasn’t taking any chances.

  I’d probably been waiting an hour or two when at last Little Red came skipping over that bridge. Actually, it was more of a stomp than a skip. I should have taken that as a sign…

  Anyway, as she crossed the bridge, there I was, leaning nonchalantly up against a tree at the entrance to the woods, looking down at my nails as if I hadn’t been waiting hungrily for this moment all winter.

  When she passed me, I looked up, feigning surprise and delight. ‘Well, HELLO there!’ I said. ‘Didn’t I see you here last week? We have to stop meeting in the woods like this!’ And I laughed my most charming laugh.

  This time, she didn’t even say anything. She just shot me a withering look and kept on walking.

  PHEW – if looks could kill! Luckily, I’m thick-furred.

  ‘So, you off to Grandma’s again?’ I said, bounding after her, then slowing to a casual stroll as I entered the woods beside her. ‘Woah there, what’s the hurry? You should take a minute, stop, look around… The woods are beautiful at this time of year. Have you seen all the pretty flowers?’

  She glanced across at me. ‘Uh-huh,’ she said, and kept right on walking.

  ‘Say, what have you got there in that basket anyway? Certainly smells good…’

  ‘Pies, for my grandma,’ she said. Then she stopped and, looking me dead in the eye, she said, ‘Look, wolf, if you’re hungry, why don’t you have one?’ She held up the basket.

  ‘What’s in them?’ I asked, bending down to give them a sniff. I have to admit, I was tempted.

  ‘Cheese and vegetables,’ she said.

  I had a sneaking suspicion I had seen those pies before.

  ‘Where did you get these?’ I asked.

  ‘A friend of mine makes them,’ she replied.

  ‘You mean… Squirt?’ I asked.

  ‘That’s what you bullying wolves call him,’ she replied. ‘But he hates that name. I call him Spice Dog.’

  I stepped back. ‘Thanks, but no thanks… I’m on a diet,’ I said, patting my stomach.

  ‘Suit yourself,’ she said, setting off again.

  I can tell you, that girl walks FAST! I weaved between the trees, keeping pace as best I could, all the while trying to work out my next move.

  ‘So where does Grandma live anyway?’ I asked, keeping my voice casual. I was thinking,

  If I could somehow

  get

  to

  Grandma’s

  first…

  Little Red stopped again. We had come to a sort of crossroads in the woods. There was a path leading straight ahead, and paths off to the left and right. She looked at me a second, as if she was thinking. Then she smiled.

  ‘That way,’ she said, pointing off to the right. ‘All the way, as far as you can go, about half an hour, ’til the path disappears, and the trees get all old and gnarled and close together. In the shadow of a giant yew tree, you’ll see a little house. That’s where my grandma lives. You can’t miss it.’ She smiled again.

  I blinked. It took me a moment to respond. I couldn’t believe she’d fallen for my cunning plan so easily! I thought I’d have to try a little harder than that, but I gathered myself, and went on.

  ‘Here’s an idea,’ I said, smooth as anything. ‘Why not pick Grandma a little posy before you go? Have you seen the flowers down that path?’ I pointed straight ahead. ‘They are SO BEAUTIFUL… Blooms of every colour, and they smell delightful too. I bet Grandma would LOVE a bunch.’

  ‘Good idea,’ said Little Red, flashing me a captivating smile. ‘I’ll be off this way then. Bye.’ And with that, she marched straight ahead… instead of to the right, where she had literally just told me her grandmother’s house was!

  She was heading down the wrong path!

  This would give me all the time I needed to implement my plan…

  The first thing would be to trick my way inside… by pretending to be Little Red, of course!

  By the time the REAL Little Red realised her mistake, and arrived at Grandma’s house…

  Well, I don’t need to fill in all the gruesome details, do I? Let’s just say, Grandma might be in bed with a terrible headache. In the dark. She’ll have a furry face and a very wolfish grin… and Little Red will have to come right up to the side of the bed to see that…

  Honestly, I had to pinch myself. I couldn’t believe my luck. What an idiot she was to fall for such an obvious trick!

  I waited till she was out of sight, then raced down the path to the right.

  I ran and ran, following the path as it wound deeper into the woods until it disappeared completely. Little Red was right: the trees were different down here – they were older and twistier, and seemed to be huddled closer and closer together. It was dark down this end of the woods too. The tops of the trees were all knotted, so hardly any sunlight could get through.

  An owl hooted in a tree above, though surely it was still daytime? It was so dark, it was hard to tell. I slowed my pace a little, hoping I was still going the right way. There was a strange vibe down here – SPOOKY, you might say, even for a Big Bad Wolf like me. It didn’t seem a nice place for a little old lady to live, but what do I know about little old ladies, except that they make a wonderful starter? In any case, if I haven’t mentioned it yet, let me put you in the picture: I was HUNGRY.

  I was just beginning to worry that maybe I was lost when there it was – a huge twisty old yew tree, and lurking in its shade – a house!

  It looked so cute!

  I sneaked up to it, inspecting the doors and windows, working out how I was going to get in… I had just decided the best way would probably be to go right up and knock on the door, put on a voice and pretend to be Little Red when I noticed this… smell. It reminded me of the bakery in the village. Kind of biscuity. And then I realised – it was gingerbread! The weird thing was, the smell seemed to be coming from the house itself. I sniffed again. Yup, no doubt about it. It was coming from the walls. The walls were made of gingerbread!

  Well, I’m a wolf, I’m a carnivore, my number one dish is meat, but I do have a sweet tooth too. I’m only animal after all! Who doesn’t like sugar?

  Well, it can’t hurt to try, I thought. So going up on my hind legs and resting my front paws on the wall, I leaned right in and took a nibble. By my bushy tail, those walls tasted good! Sweet and crisp, with a bit of warm chewiness too. I got lost in that delicious gingerbread, I can tell you. So distracted, in fact, that I didn’t notice anyone coming out of the house.

  Suddenly a voice from just beside me said, ‘Hello.’

  I jumped right out of my fur. This was one scary-looking granny! All warts and wrinkles with a strange, leering gleam in her eyes. A little black cat twisted round and round her ankles as she stood there, smiling at me intently.

  ‘Um, hello!’ I said, swallowing my mouthful, and wracking my brains to come up with a new plan. Obviously the old ‘pretending to be her granddaughter’ trick probably wasn’t going to work now she’d seen me. I tried another tack.

  ‘Your, um, granddaughter sent me,’ I said. ‘Little Red. She said she was sorry, but she wouldn’t be able to make it today…’

  Granny frowned. ‘Who?’

  ‘Your granddaughter? Little red cape? Basket of pies?’

  She stared at me blankly. Poor old dear must be losing her marbles, I thought.

  ‘Just help yourself,’ she said, waving at the walls. ‘You look like you need to fatten up a bit!’ She gave my skin a pinch. ‘Let’s get some meat on those bones, shall we? Have whatever you like – I particularly recommend the icing on the windowsills. Just watch out for the liquorice beams – we don’t want the roof to come crashing down.’ Then she laughed and went back inside.

  AT LAST, I thought. Someone who understands me! So I kept eating and eating, I don’t even know for how long… A little while later, her head popped round the door again. ‘I’ve got a pot roast in the oven if you’d like some dinner when you’re done?’

  WOW – sugar for main course – meat for pudding! Here was a woman after my own heart – even if she was SCARY! She didn’t have to ask me twice… I whizzed right in there, tongue hanging out and drooling. She was holding the door of the oven open and smiling.

  ‘Go on, take a look inside…’ she said. I slowed my pace, hovering by the kitchen door. For some reason, I was starting to feel a bit uneasy. ‘Go on, take a look… just lean in…’ she said, smiling hungrily.

  WAIT A MINUTE!

  I know how this story ends! I thought. This woman isn’t a grandma… She’s a witch! She doesn’t want to feed me. It’s ME that’s on the menu! I’M what’s going to be cooking in that oven if I don’t get out of here SHARPISH…

  ‘Hey!’ she cried, as I bolted out of the front door and raced off into the woods.

  ‘Come back!’

  But I didn’t listen – I ran, and I ran, and I didn’t stop running till I was safely back in my den. And I’ve been too scared to leave it all day.

  Tuesday 4 April

  Still too cross to do my exercises this morning.

  It’s slowly dawning on me…

  Little Red lied to me! She TRICKED me! She knew exactly where she was sending me and nearly got me EATEN!

  Who does she think she IS?

  NOBODY eats the BIG BAD WOLF! I’m the one that does the eating round here!

  Speaking of which, I really DO need to get a few calories on board. I seem to be getting weaker rather than stronger. And I’m going to need all my strength for my revenge.

  I’m off out right now to catch myself some

  FOOD.

  I’m back! Exhausted.

  I nearly killed myself chasing a rabbit! Those things are FAST. I was gaining on it, when I tripped on a big old tree root and went flying.

  On the upside, next to where I landed I noticed a squirrel on the ground. I prodded it, but it wasn’t moving. Must have fallen from the tree.

  Well, I didn’t bury it and give it a funeral, put it that way.

  I gobbled it down in one. No sense letting good meat go to waste. I’m pretty sure it’s what the squirrel would have wanted.

  Feeling a bit better after some protein. Think I’ll try my luck with the troll again tomorrow.

  There are some fresh sausages in that village, which most definitely have my name on…

  Wednesday 5 April

  Grrrrrr, that blasted troll!

  There I was, right in the middle of the bridge, when out he shuffles directly into my path.

  ‘BRIDGE TAX,’ he muttered. The way he says it, I’m not convinced he gets much job satisfaction.

  ‘Well, I’m glad you asked,’ I purred, fluffing up my eyebrows to pick out the amber in my eyes. ‘I’ve actually brought you a lovely… Wait, is that a GOAT?’ I said, pointing. The second his little trollish back was turned, I bolted for the other end of the bridge.

  ‘NO TAX, NO CROSSING.’

  For a troll, he really is fast.

  As I stood there, looking like a drowned rat, I heard a little noise coming from behind me.

  ‘Hehe, hehe, hehe,’ it croaked.

  There was a frog sat on the riverbank – and it was LAUGHING at me!

  Pretending I hadn’t seen it, I swam downstream, hauled myself out, then sneaked back towards it. Then, when was I close enough, I pounced!

  ‘HA!’ I said, closing my paws around it, but it was so slippery, it shot right through them. The mud it was sitting on turned out to be rather slippery too, and I skidded off the bank and back into the river.

  ‘Hehe, hehe, hehe,’ it laughed as it hopped away to safety.

  Grrrrrrrrr.

  Thursday 6 April

  Rained all day.

  Stayed in the den.

  Ate a woodlouse.

  Spat it out again.

  Then half an hour later, I felt so hungry, I ate it again.

  How has my life come to this?

  Friday 7 April

  More rain.

  Palmed a handful of worms that had wriggled their way to the surface. Then felt a bit sick and went back to bed.

  Saturday 8 April

  Just drizzling now, but still, it doesn’t make you want to go outside.

  Since the rain, I noticed these little… things, cropping up around my den.

  Little umbrella-looking things – white on top, brown underneath. What are they called? Mushy something-or-other?

  Was so hungry, I decided to try a little nibble.

  YUK.

  No thanks.

  Think I’ll save my appetite for the main course…

  It’s Sunday tomorrow, and if it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to catch that little red-coated girl!

  Sunday 9 April

  I’m running on empty, so I’m going to keep this plan short and swift.

  No need to overcomplicate.

  Monday 10 April

  DON’T

  EVEN

  ASK.

  Tuesday 11 April

  Well this time she’s really done it. I was cross before, but now I’M

  FURIOUS.

  I’m spitting fire and vengeance with every breath. This girl is HISTORY. Mincemeat! You can trick the Big Bad Wolf once, but twice? No way.

  Well, I mean, yes, I guess she did trick me twice. But she won’t manage it a third time, that’s for sure.

  She won’t be ALIVE to trick me a third time.

  I spent all yesterday too fuming to write. But I suppose I’d better explain what happened, though it’s not a story I’ll enjoy recounting.

  So I went to the bridge on Sunday, bright and early, but this time I hid behind the tree so I could see her before she saw me, in case she decided to run.

  To my delight, when she walked by, I saw she was with those three giggly little piggies!

  It seemed too good to be true… This revenge was going to be sweet!

  Fresh Little Red with a side of pork!

  I waited till they’d passed the tree I was hiding behind; then, rather than showing myself, I followed, all secretive, jumping from tree to tree, flattening myself against the trunks so there was no chance of them spotting me.

  Just before they got to the crossroads, I whizzed on ahead, slipping silently past them through the trees. Then I leaped out.

  ‘HA!’ I shouted.

  I was right in their path now.

  The three little piggies squealed and clutched each other. Little Red whispered something to them; then they hurried off down the path to the left.

  ‘HEY!’ I shouted. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

  I was about to run after them when she said, ‘Wait…’

  ‘What?’ I said, spinning round angrily.

  ‘I just wanted to say… sorry.’

  ‘SORRY?’ I narrowed my eyes. ‘You sent me to the WITCH! I nearly got EATEN.’

  * * *

  She frowned at me, cocking her head on one side. ‘Eaten? You mean, like you wanted to eat me and my grandma?’ she said, blinking up at me all innocent.

  ‘Well, um, no… I mean, MAYBE… but…’

  I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. How did she know that had been my plan all along? I suppose she had a point, but that’s how it goes, right? I didn’t ask to be top of the food chain…

  ‘Anyway,’ she went on, ‘it was a mean trick, and I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you. Are you hungry?’

  ‘Errrrr, YES! I mean… why?’ I added, more cautiously. I knew it had to be a trap, but appetite got the better of me. I was hungry! I was STARVING! I couldn’t deny it.