‘Well,’ she said, leaning in and whispering, ‘how would you like to eat three delicious little piggies?’

  I raised an eyebrow. ‘You mean, your friends? The ones you were with just now?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ she said, like it was no big deal.

  Well, I had to admire that kind of coldness. That moral flexibility will get you a long way in these woods, make no mistake. She really had it together, with her neat cape and her sweet little basket. If I hadn’t wanted her for my dinner, I would probably have asked her if she wanted to be friends.

  ‘I’m interested,’ I said. ‘Keep talking.’

  ‘Come,’ she said, beckoning me down the path to the left. ‘I’ll show you where their house is. They’re hiding in there now. I told them I’d lead you in the wrong direction, but…’ She turned and shrugged, then carried on down the path.

  I followed after Little Red. I was getting excited about this idea, my tongue was out and my mouth was beginning to water, when it hit me again. This HAD to be a trick, didn’t it?

  ‘Wait a minute, wait a minute,’ I said, stopping. ‘Okay, I get it. So this is the bit where you lead me to some house in the woods then tell me, “Go on! Go right in! This is the three little piggies’ house!” and actually it’s the three BEARS’ house… Is that it? Forget it, shortcake! Do you think I was born yesterday?’

  ‘No way, I’m SERIOUS,’ she said, taking my paw and leading me on. ‘Listen, those piggies, they’re annoying, always hanging around, always

  ‘Pff,’ I said, ‘you’re telling me!’

  ‘Right?’ She rolled her eyes at me. ‘Trust me, you’d be doing me a favour! But if I show you where they live, you have to promise me one thing.’

  ‘And what might that be?’ I asked suspiciously.

  ‘Not to eat me,’ she said, batting her eyelashes. Her eyes were rich brown, like ripe horse chestnuts. ‘It’s hard being a fairy-tale girl,’ she sighed, swinging my paw as we walked. ‘There are evil witches and scary wolves and giant ogres everywhere just ready to pounce. All I want to do is visit my grandma in peace. So if I help you, do you promise?’

  She stopped and looked at me.

  ‘Sure,’ I said, casually crossing my fingers behind my back.

  We strolled on through the woods together. I kept stealing little glances at her. I had to hand it to her… this girl was no chicken. Walking deep into the woods with the Big Bad Wolf? She had some nerve!

  But she was stupid too. Did she really think I wasn’t going to eat her right afterwards? I’d swallow each one of those piggies whole – one, two, three – no more than a snack for a Big Bad Wolf like me: a mere palate cleanser, a small plate, a little antipasti before moving on to my main course, the entrée, the pièce de résistance, the…

  I noticed Little Red was looking at me. ‘What?’ I said, wiping the drool from my mouth.

  ‘I said where’s your den?’

  Oh right, I thought to myself, are we making conversation now? Okay… get to know your dinner before you eat it. Sure, why not?

  ‘In quite a nice area, actually,’ I replied. ‘Brushwood Hollow? Back over the bridge – or around it if you can’t pay the tax – take the left fork – not the right, that goes to the village – follow that for about five minutes, there’s a thicket there…’

  ‘I know it,’ she said. ‘There are loads of mushrooms, right? I sometimes go there to gather them.’

  ‘Mushrooms…’ I repeated. ‘That’s what they’re called! Those little white umbrella things?’

  She laughed. ‘The very same. Tasty, those ones, too!’

  I made a face.

  ‘Not for you, eh? They’re better cooked. You should try them fried in butter…

  DELICIOUS!’

  ‘I’m more of a pork chops kind of guy, know what I mean?’ I said. ‘All meat, hold the veg.’

  ‘I noticed,’ she said, grinning.

  ‘So what about Grandma?’ I asked, trying to sound casual.

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘Where does she live?’

  Little Red gave me one of her looks. ‘Like I’d tell you!’

  Well, I had to laugh at that. I guess she’s not completely stupid.

  ‘Here we are,’ she said, stopping in front of a tiny little house. ‘Put your ear to the door – you’ll hear them…’

  I sneaked up to the house, and did as she said. The wall was scratchy, like it was made of straw or something. After a moment, I heard giggles coming from inside. She was right! I’d know that piggy giggling anywhere!

  ‘So, how do I get in?’

  ‘Well,’ she said, looking it up and down, ‘It’s only made of straw – and it doesn’t look very well built to me. A big, strong wolf like you could probably just HUFF and PUFF and blow it down, right?’

  ‘Right,’ I said. I wasn’t convinced, but maybe I didn’t know my own strength? If Little Red thought I could, then I at least had to try. I didn’t want to lose face.

  So I took a few practice deep breaths, in and out, in and out, to warm up. Good job I’ve been working out, I thought.

  Then when I was ready, I took an extra-deep breath in and, squeezing my eyes tight shut, I pursed my mouth up and blew out as hard as I could.

  I opened an eye. The house was still there.

  I did the same again – all the way in… and out again, hard as I could.

  Twice more.

  By now, I was beginning to feel really dizzy.

  I looked over at Little Red. She seemed to be having a coughing fit.

  ‘Try again,’ she said. ‘I think I saw the walls move a little last time!’

  ‘Really?’ I asked hopefully.

  ‘A little bit…’

  Filled with renewed hope, I tried again. And again. And again.

  Soon, I had collapsed on the floor, head spinning and exhausted. I was so hungry, and so tired.

  Little Red came over and sat down on the ground next to me. ‘Not working, eh?’ she asked, the corners of her mouth twitching.

  I hung my head. ‘I’ll try again in a minute. Just need to get my strength back.’

  ‘Look,’ she said, ‘just a suggestion, but are you SURE you wouldn’t just like one of these pies? They’re so delicious. It’d be a whole lot easier…’

  At the word ‘pies’, my eyes lit up; then they narrowed.

  ‘They’re vegetarian! Why would I want them when I’ve got three little piggies right here?’

  ‘Okay, okay! Keep your fur on – it was just an idea,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Look, there’s a chimney on the roof. See it? Maybe you could drop down through it and surprise them?’

  She was right! It was a big one too…

  I didn’t have to be told twice. I was up those straw walls and on to that roof in a heartbeat; then, without a second thought, I squeezed myself into the chimney and dropped right down, bum first, into the fireplace.

  ‘GOTCHA!’ I shouted.

  I looked around the room… It was empty. Not a piggie in sight… just… smoke. Coming from the fire. Which I was sat in!

  I howled and leaped out of the fireplace… My bottom was scorched and the end of my beautiful bushy tail was on fire!

  I ran out of the door, looking for something to put it out with… and what should I see?

  Those three giggly little piggies, sat there with Little Red – all four of them, pointing and laughing!

  They weren’t alone either. A crowd seemed to have gathered – there was a goat and a hen and, randomly, some boy with a cow, and even a bunch of dwarves – a whole crowd of the Fairytale Woods’ finest – all after a front-row seat to the joke of the century… Me.

  ‘You’re all going to PAY FOR THIS!’ I shouted. ‘I’m going to EAT YOU ALL!’ And with that, I ran to the river as fast as I could to put out my burnt tail.

  Their laughter was still ringing in my ears as I jumped into the murky water.

  Or I thought it was.

  Then I looked up and saw it was the troll. He was having a good laugh too.

  Wednesday 12 April

  Don’t feel like writing today.

  Thursday 13 April

  Whatever I do, everyone ends up laughing at me.

  The pack laugh at me.

  Even that grumpy old troll was laughing at me… and that’s got to be the first time I’ve even seen him SMILE.

  Little Red laughs at me, and I was starting to think she actually cared. What’s wrong with me? I’ve lost my killer instinct, thinking a stupid little girl in a red cape might want to be friends. Wolves and girls should never work together – it’s just not natural. And as for those stupid little piggies…

  Yup, guess I’m just a BIG joke.

  REALLLLLLY funny.

  Saturday 15 April

  I’ve decided. Enough’s enough. The joke’s over.

  I’ve had it with being laughed at.

  I’ve had it with being tricked.

  I’ll show them!

  No more charming smiles. No more jokes. NO MORE MISTER NICE WOLF.

  Everyone round here seems to have forgotten who they’re dealing with!

  I’m a SHARK! I’m a KILLER! I’m top of the food chain!

  NOBODY messes with the Big Bad Wolf and gets away with it!

  Sunday 16 April

  All right, so here’s the plan. And if I say so myself, which I do, it’s a beauty.

  I’m going to wait up a tree in the woods by the crossroads, and when that scheming Little Red walks by, I’m just going to

  POUNCE.

  I’m not going to give her a chance to trick me, or distract me with one of her disgusting cheese pies.

  I’m going to jump right on top of her and gobble her up, before she gets a chance to say ANYTHING.

  Before she can even open her mouth, I’ll open mine – and swallow her whole!

  Monday 17th April

  At the bottom of a well.

  Not quite ready to journal this.

  Need to process things first. Still down the well. The sun is going down now.

  Will be too dark to write soon, so I guess I’d better get this story over with. So glad I brought my diary with me – it’s something to keep me busy while I’m stuck here.

  Anyway… there I was, waiting up that tree, as planned. I saw Little Red coming from a way away.

  Unfortunately, she saw me too. HOW, I still don’t know.

  ‘That you up there, Wolfy?’ she asked, slowing her pace. ‘Listen, before you say anything, I know you’re angry, and you should be. It was a mean trick I played on you… and I actually felt bad afterwards. How’s your tail?’

  I stayed in my hiding place. From where Little Red was standing, it must have looked like the leaves were talking.

  ‘I believe you,’ I said, making it clear I one hundred per cent didn’t. ‘You looked like you felt bad as you were LAUGHING YOUR HEAD OFF.’

  ‘Well, it was a little funny too, you have to admit…’

  ‘Oh SURE, it was HILARIOUS. Let’s all have a good laugh at Wolfy. Well, you’ve had your fun… now it’s time for MINE!’

  I growled and jumped down from the tree. Little Red jumped backwards just in time.

  ‘Honestly, wolfy,’ she said, backing away as I stalked towards her, ‘I did feel bad… but what are we supposed to do? Just let you EAT us? You can’t just go around munching whoever you like. We’ve all got a right to live in the Fairytale Woods.’

  Little Red was backed against a tree now. Nowhere left to run. I smiled and licked my lips.

  ‘I mean, can’t we all just get along?’ she finished, starting to look a bit worried.

  ‘Get along?’ I said, pushing my face into hers. ‘You want us to GET ALONG?’

  I was warming to my topic now. I was hotting up. In fact, my blood was boiling.

  ‘Oh yeah, let’s all just GET ALONG…’ I scoffed, pacing back and forth in front of her, waving my arms around like a windmill. ‘Let’s all be BEST FRIENDS FOR EVER and go skipping through the woods together, arm in arm… says the girl who tried to get me EATEN and then almost had me

  BURNED ALIVE!’

  I finished with a flourish, turning back to her, hands on hips.

  Huh? Where’d she go?

  To my horror, I glimpsed a flash of red, disappearing down the path to the left.

  She had tricked me AGAIN!

  I roared after her, weaving through the trees, zipping in and out, leaping over fallen branches and rocks. I was tiring quickly, though. Panting and out of breath, I just wasn’t fit enough for the chase, plus I had a terrible stitch in my side. I was slowing down, ready to throw the towel in, when I noticed the flash of red seemed to be getting bigger, and closer, until…

  Wait, had she STOPPED?

  I slowed my pace, smiling as I stalked up to her, low and slow.

  She was puffing and panting and holding her sides. ‘I can’t go on…’ she said, shaking her head. ‘You’re too fast. You’re just going to have to eat me. I give up.’

  ‘Ha!’ I shouted triumphantly. ‘Not laughing now, are you! Thought you could make a fool of the Big Bad Wolf? Well, you’ll be sorry you ever laughed at me!’

  I stood there a minute.

  Little Red was looking at me, head on one side.

  It was time to get this over with, get my revenge. I knew that. But I hesitated. I wasn’t quite sure why.

  Then I remembered the sound of laughter – Little Red, those piggies, the troll, the frog, the pack, all of them, giggling and sniggering and smirking – and, feeling a surge of fury, I leaped up high into the air, claws out, ready to…

  Looking down, I saw that she’d stepped out of the way and beneath her was…

  right down to the bottom of an old empty well.

  I hit the ground with a thud –

  – and looked up.

  Far above me was a circle of daylight. Little Red’s face appeared in it, eclipsing the light.

  ‘Honestly, wolfy, you can believe me or not, but I AM sorry… I just don’t want to get eaten!’

  ‘Go away,’ I shouted, turning away from her, towards the wall.

  ‘Come on, why don’t we call a truce?’ she said. ‘Want me to throw a rope down for you?’

  I screamed.

  ‘Fine,’ she sighed. ‘Suit yourself.’ And with that, she was gone.

  * * *

  Dark now. Too tired to figure out how to escape.

  Just going to curl up here and sleep and try again in the morning.

  Tuesday 18 April

  Still here. Can’t crawl out.

  Walls

  too

  steep.

  Broke half my nails trying.

  Little Red will pay for this!

  * * *

  Not sure if it’s day or night. I must be hallucinating. I thought I saw my father standing next to me, lit up as if he was a wolf-shaped lantern with a candle inside.

  ‘Lawrence,’ he said in that booming voice of his. ‘What’s happening here? Why are you stuck down a well?’

  ‘What – this well?’ I asked. ‘Just fancied a change of scene. Bit of me time!’

  ‘That little girl tricked you again, didn’t she?’ he sneered, prodding my chest with a long, sharp claw. ‘Tricked by a little girl. You’re soft. You always were.’

  ‘Not soft!’ I protested. ‘Sensitive!’

  But he had that look in his eye he always seemed to save just for me. Disappointment.

  ‘Your first hunt with the pack, we had that baby fawn surrounded. “Take him, Lawrence!” I said. “Pounce!” And you –’ he prodded me in the chest again with that claw of his – ‘you let him go.’

  ‘He slipped through my paws!’ I protested.

  ‘You’ll never be one of us,’ my dad growled, baring his long, sharp teeth. ‘You just don’t have that killer instinct.’

  Then he vanished in a puff of smoke.

  * * *

  I won’t be able to last down here much longer…

  Wednesday 19 April?

  Lost track of time.

  All I know is, it’s dark.

  Thought I saw a face appear in the circle of sky above, but it was just the moon, full and round and…

  Thursday 20 April

  AT LAST!!!

  I AM

  FREE!!!

  Luckily, an old woodcutter heard my howl, and threw a rope down for me, but I was too weak to climb up it. He disappeared and I howled and HOWLED, thinking he’d left me, but then he reappeared a minute later and threw the rope down again, this time with a bucket tied to the end. Red-faced with shame, I climbed into the bucket and let myself be pulled to safety. I got over my humiliation pretty quickly, though, when I saw what that old woodcutter had waiting for me at the top – a great big bowl of stew!

  I can tell you – and I’m not ashamed to admit it – tears welled in my eyes. Such kindness! I mean, he was probably just feeding me so that I didn’t eat him, but still. I descended gratefully on that bowl like it was my last supper… It had been a long time since I’d had a good, hearty meal like that, and BOY did it taste incredible. I didn’t even realise until halfway through that it was entirely made of vegetables. I didn’t even hesitate, just WOLFED it down all the same.

  And that’s not even the half of it – it gets better! I hadn’t been wasting my time down that well – I’d come up with a plan. There was just one piece of the puzzle missing, and as I drained the bowl dry, I realised this dopey old woodcutter might just be that missing piece…

  I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Right now, my eyes are closing. It’s my first night in my own den with a belly full of food for as long as I can remember and I’m going to snore like Sleeping Beauty!