“What? Wait, no,” I say looking around to ensure no one is around to hear us. “How do you know?”

  “Sweetheart, Gran knows everything.” She laughs, closing the back door of the van. “When do you plan on telling your mother?”

  “I have Christmas presents for her and Daddy, the gifts sorta tell them for us.”

  “I’d love to see the look on their faces.”

  “You will,” I tell her. “I’m giving their gifts to them on Christmas Eve at your house. Then they find out when everyone else does too.”

  “Well not everyone,” she bumps my shoulder with hers. “Aside from me and all the girls.” She reaches out and places her arm over my shoulder pulling me in for a hug. “Your momma would be so mad if she knew that I knew before her.” Gran laughs and my stomach feels like it drops. “I’ll pretend to be surprised, don’t you worry sweetheart, I got you.”

  I stand off to the side, quietly observing as my pulse races. I see Terrance in his father, it’s mostly the eyes. The same eyes that I look into every day and can’t imagine such hate behind them. The man before me, sitting at a table with an elderly couple as they all share a meal, doesn’t seem like the same man I’ve heard all the awful stories about.

  He seems at peace, smiling as the three of them talk and share stories.

  The basket I’d made just this morning with all the essentials and personally baked goodies all tucked inside is positioned in front of Mr. Taylor. I’d specifically chosen Mr. Taylor as my recipient this year.

  “What are you looking at?”

  I jerk in response to the sound of Terrance’s voice and spin around coming face to face with him. He is smiling, that is until he sees what it was that I’d found to be so interesting.

  “What is he doing here?” His jaw flexes with irritation and he continues to stare at the man that has caused him so much heartache over the years. “More importantly, why is the basket I saw just this morning on our kitchen counter sitting in front of him?”

  I could lie, I could tell him that I didn’t know that he’d be here. Or that he’d randomly drawn the number to my basket. I could pretend to be hiding in the corner of the room, due to not wanting to take the chance and run into the man who abused my husband. But I can’t do any of those things, because though I may stink at secrets I’m even worse at lying.

  “I had your father’s name for the gift basket.”

  Again Terrance’s jaw flexes over and over and I know he’s trying to hold himself together.

  “I’ve been making him treats over the last few months and ensuring that he gets everything he needs.” I know I could have left the last part off, but honestly I have a terrible habit of opening my mouth and every thought I have pretty much falls out.

  “Grace,” Terrance runs his fingers through his hair. Tugging on the ends, he turns away from me and I want to reach out for him only I don’t.

  When he turns back to me, he doesn’t look at me, I think that is the part that hurts the most.

  “Can you get a ride?” My heart feels like it plummets, my stomach feeling hollow.

  I nod, feeling tears pool within my eyes.

  “I’ll see you at home.”

  I watch as he walks away and doesn’t look back, pushing the exit door a little harder than necessary.

  An hour later, after I’ve hid in the corner doing my best to keep from breaking apart piece by piece, Aunt Maria asks me if I need a ride home. She doesn't push for details; I think most everyone that was at the church knows already why Terrance left in a hurry. No one tells me I’m wrong, I don’t need to hear something I already know.

  As we pull into the driveway and creep past the trees, the front of our house comes into view. There on the front step sits Terrance and immediately I notice the beer bottle in his hand.

  “Let him talk sweetheart,” Aunt Maria says as she slows to a stop. “That man is the one that lived through hell, hear him, without judgment, set yourself outside the scenario and listen. I nod, feeling too raw to speak as I climb out of the car and close the door behind me.

  Terrance focuses on the ground, at the end of the stairs, at the cracked stepping stone that he’s talked of replacing but hasn’t gotten around to yet.

  I pause, trying to even out my breath as I worry my lip.

  Let him talk.

  “I don’t want that man in my life, Grace. It took me a long time to face that. You think he’s good, I know you,” Terrance lifts his gaze to meet mine. “You see the good in everything but I promise you Grace there is no good in that man. I spent my childhood wishing for it, I’d sit in bed every night thinking maybe tomorrow he’ll be better. But you know what,” he shakes his head. “That tomorrow never came. He plays head games, convinces everyone around him he’s changed but the truth is he’s only gotten better at hiding the fact that he’s a drunk.”

  I can see the emotions in his eyes and it's heartbreaking.

  “I need you to stay away from him, promise me you’ll do that.” I immediately start nodding regretting every choice I made in regards to that man.

  “I can’t stand the idea of him hurting you, or our child. I won’t be able to control myself if something like that happens.” I move in closer and sit on the step before him. “I took it for years, but you,” he shakes his head as if to attempt to clear his thoughts. “That would be the end game for him. Please listen to me when I say, he’s still the same man he’s always been.”

  “I’m sorry,” I confess. “I don’t want you mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad at you, baby.” Terrance lifts his hand and drags his thumb over my cheek. “I know the idea of this came from a good place. It’s who you are, it's one of the many reasons why I am so incredibly in love with you.” Cupping my face with his hand he holds my stare. “You see the good in everything and everyone,” he leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. “Believe me on this Grace, please baby, please.”

  I move closer and wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent.

  “I love you,” I whisper and he hugs me tighter. “And I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t be sorry,” he tells me, as he turns and his whiskers tickle my cheek. “I know why you did it, but he isn’t worth the effort. Give that love and care to someone that appreciates it, because he never will.”

  I let Terrance hold me, feeling like he’s pieced me back together. I don’t like when we are at odds, I never have.

  He’s not only my husband but he’s also my best friend.

  colton and gretchen

  thirteen

  Colton

  “I need space,” I roll up my sleeves and hold out my arms. “Give the master room to work.”

  “I’m not sure there is enough pace in this room for your ego,” my mother adds with a laugh, but I don’t bite back.

  We’ve been separated into two’s, by couples actually and Gretchen sits at my side, but has yet to do anything. Frankly I think I’ve frightened her. I smile at the thought but she tries to eat my dum-dum’s and I need those for my shingles. So yes, I bite her finger, but come on now, she deserves it. Those are my supplies.

  I’ll admit I take gingerbread house building very seriously. I don’t like to lose and have held the title for four years running.

  Rubbing my hands together I glance over at my wife. “You just sit back and relax, baby, I got this.” She of course rolls her eyes when I wink. Always so full of sass and I fucking love it. She keeps me on my toes.

  “What the hell do you call that?” I glance over to find Landon standing a few feet away staring at my artwork.

  “It’s a gingerbread house.” I say rolling my eyes dramatically with a huff which triggers Gemma and Aunt Kori to laugh.

  “No,” Landon interjects, pointing toward Terrance and Mike’s projects. “Those are gingerbread houses,” then he pointed back to mine. “That is not."

  "Okay fine, then this is a gingerbread mansion.” I shrug feeling completely satisfied with my explanation. “Now will you all stop; you’re distracting me and cutting into my design time.”

  “You’re a tool,” Mike chuckles.

  “I think Mikey might be jealous of my creativity.”

  “Oh yeah, I’m envious of Colt.” He counters back as he leans back and lets Maddison do all his work. She’s looking at mine and then doing her best to match hers up the same. I reposition my chair to block her view and she glares at me.

  “Hey,” everyone shifts to look over a Rhett who is literally looking around and pulling up the edge of the table cloth to search the floor. “Where the hell did all my pieces go?”

  I hurry to turn my back to him trying my best to hide my smile, until I feel something bounce off the back of my head.

  “Hey jackass,” Rhett says until Sarah runs through the room with Blake on her heels both chanting ‘ass’ over and over. Everyone chuckles but Rhett and Mike.

  “Great,” Mike tosses his tube of icing on the table and stands. “Now we get to listen to our daughter sing ass through the grocery store while everyone looks at us like we’re the worst parents.

  “Please, just last week she was whispering dick over and over,” I mumble under my breath.

  “Hey, at least she’s got parts of the anatomy down.” Landon adds doing his best to hide his laughter.

  “That’s it I quit,” Rhett drops his tools and backs away from the table and AJ covers her mouth with her hand. “Who the hell came up with this activity anyway?”

  “Grace.” Chloe points toward her and we all follow.

  She sits off to the side looking as focused as I was just a moment ago. Gracie is completely oblivious to the fact that she has gained everyone’s attention. She is being precise, and I notice she too has extra pieces.

  I watch as she slowly reaches beneath the table and lifts another piece, in secret.

  “Cheater!” I shout and stand up, making her jerk in surprise. “From little Miss innocent herself, the girl that can’t lie, or keep a secret if her life depended on it. Yet here she is being a sneaky ass and trying to outwit us all.”

  So what does the little shit do, she looks back and offers us all a mischievous smile and then gets back to work.

  “Disqualified,” I announce.

  “You stole my parts.” Rhett interjects and I ignore him.

  “Did you honestly buy another house just so you could have more parts?”

  “I didn’t see a rule that states I can’t.” Grace shrugs, still working away with her back to me.

  I reach over and snatch the M&M’s off her roof and she smacks my hand. “Those are my shingles.”

  Ignoring her protest I then pull off the Starburst chimney and toss the candies in my mouth.

  “Will you control your husband?” She asks Gretchen and my wife rolls her eyes.

  “I think we all know that’s never gonna happen, he’s a neanderthal with no manners.”

  “Awe, babe, thank you,” I offer her a kiss and she swats me away.

  “She loves me,” I state stealing the chocolate drops along the front of Grace's house.

  “I swear I am going to tie you to my bumper by your feet and drag you through town if you don’t stop eating my house.”

  I arch a brow. Grace opens her mouth to say more and then she closes it as she lets the words she spoke roll around in her head. I watch and wait, knowing it's coming. It’s how every single year has gone before.

  “That’s it,” She stands and plucks off the top of her house, “I’m out.” She marches out of the room chomping on her roof and I smile triumphantly. Now that Grace is out, the rest of the competition is harmless. They will all fold, one by one they will drop off and I will be left the victor.

  I watch as the room starts to filter out, each person walking off finding something else to do as they leave behind their unfinished gingerbread house. I stand with pride as I look at mine, still not fully completed but enough to win compared to everyone else’s.

  I peek over as Gretchen who is watching me like I’ve got two heads.

  “I told you I’d win again babe.”

  “You didn’t win.”

  “Oh my sweet sweet girl,” I turn around and place one hand on each side of her, leaning in and kissing the tip of her nose. “I conquered and destroyed.”

  She smiles and I expect her to congratulate me or even tell me I'm the king, because well, I am. But what she does say surprises the hell out of me.

  “I hate to tell you almighty God, but Julian kicked your ass.”

  Wrinkling my brows, I stare at her, and she points over her left shoulder. That’s when I see it. It's the first time I’ve noticed him tucked back in the corner with his earbuds in his ears.

  The guy is so focused that he doesn’t even realize everyone is gone but us. But what amazes me more is the master piece before him. His shingles look like real shingles, all etches and cracked, and the windows I lean in closer. Are those Christmas lights draped above?

  “Dude,” I push his shoulder and he looks up, pulling out the ear bud. “What the hell?”

  Julian glances around and seemingly appears confused. “Is the contest over?”

  I glare at him; he wrinkles his forehead and stares right back and for the first time I do something I’ve never done. I throw my hands up in the air and walk out of the room, only to find everyone in the next room laughing as I enter.

  “How’s it feel to get your ass kicked by the rookie? “Rhett leans back and props his feet up on the coffee table.

  “You were all in on this?”

  “You cheat every single year,” Grace adds. “It was our job to distract you and I say we conquered that quest.” Then she lifts her fist and Terrance fist bumps her.

  “Traitors,” I say pointing around at all of them. “You’re all traitors.”

  fourteen

  Gretchen

  “How in the hell do I manage to get myself into these messes, every year?” I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself. Last year it was a freaking reindeer, this year an elf. The pointy ears, the hat and shoes with the bells, oh and the striped socks up to my thighs.

  I look ridiculous.

  “Because you love me,” Grace sings songs as she steps up to my side. Wearing a matching costume, if it wasn’t me that looked like a menace I would probably laugh.

  ‘It’s two hours, the kids love it and—,”

  “If that little devil Tommy from last year wipes another booger on me then I cannot be held responsible for my actions.” I stare her down and I can sense she wants to laugh. “And then there is that girl with the beady eyes, I get what you mean by her being frightening. She seriously gave me nightmares.”

  “I know right,” Grace nods. “She is for real the poster child for horror movies.”

  “So you won’t mind if I trip her when she is walking up on stage?”

  “Her dad might, considering he’s an attorney,” Grace shrugs. “But hey take your chances.”

  I roll my eyes and again look at my reflection in the mirror.

  I’ve thought about it long and hard; I’ve lost sleep over the idea of having children of my own and I can honestly say, I’m happy with the way things are. Just Colt and I, it’s comfortable, but I know that is unfair to him. He’d make an amazing father, the way he is with Sarah and even Blake. When I see him in that mode, I seriously reconsider my life plan.

  I know my hesitations stem from the childhood I had, and the shitty parents I was raised by. Prior to Brooklet I was bitter, and tormented. I guess that’s what led me to the free lifestyle, that non-commitment choice, but then Colton had to completely smash that plan.

  “Are you ready?” Grace grabs her clipboard.

  “Do I have a choice?” Next year I am hiding when it comes time to Grace’s holiday music show. She’s into all this stuff, yet another reason why she makes an amazing teacher, and will be the perfect Mom. “Tell me again why Julian isn’t wearing an elf costume?”

  “Because he’s Santa.” Her smile widens and I know my eyes just grew as big as saucers.

  “How is it that I didn’t know this until now?”

  “I knew you’d be in a sour mood, so this is me, offering you a smile.” She grabs my elbow and leads me out of the room, and yes I smile the entire walk to the gym.

  When we step onto the stage and Julian comes out from behind the curtain on the opposite side I can’t help but laugh.

  “Girl, I make a cute Santa.” He places his hand on his hips to challenge me.

  “Oh my darling friend,” I reach out to smooth his coat. “Santa isn’t supposed to be cute; he is supposed to be jolly. Where is your jelly shaking belly?”

  “My belly will never shake,” he deadpans, looking horrified at the thought.

  I truly thought I could hold it together, I tried, oh good Lord did I try... but I failed.

  I failed miserably, as I hold onto my stomach and bend at the waist, snickering and trying to tame my laughter. Tears roll down my cheeks and I must look like a crazy maniac. Maybe the other staff will think I’m drunk and kick me out of the show.

  One can only wish.

  “You look like a deranged elf,” Julian adds, trying to make himself look less like a tool. But never have I ever seen a Santa with a six-pack, or a tight little butt.

  “It’s Santa on steroids,” I point to him and Grace nudges my arm. “Seriously, you couldn’t find a frumpy guy to play Santa?” I point to Julian.

  “I asked my dad but he just laughed at me and walked away shaking his head. Rhett shut the door in my face before I finished the sentence and Colton said, only if you were Mrs. Claus and would do a strip tease on stage wearing only lace and silk.”

  This only makes me laugh harder. One because I can imagine Colton telling her that, because my husband is a pervert and two, how did any of those three make this any less awkward.

  “Your dad, brother or Colton don’t change the fact that Santa is supposed to be a tubby, older man with a full beard.”