I scrunch my nose, staring at him. “Have you been watching those inspirational videos online again?”

  He shakes his head and laughs. “Nah, man. Just got the love of a good woman and realized everything I missed all those years. You’re in that weird in-between place right now. Just lean into it.”

  “If I lean any further, I’ll fall over.”

  He swings his arm around my shoulder. “The joys of love.”

  “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” I pull away, letting his arm drop. “I’m not in love. It’s been a week, bro. I’m not running, but I’m sure as hell not rushing things either.”

  “I know what love looks like, and it’s written all over your face. I’ll give you time to come to the realization of how you really feel, but just remember, Arlo may not have the patience to wait forever for you to say the words.”

  I run my fingers through my hair and exhale. “A week, man. A week. No one falls in love in a week.”

  “Right now, you’re infatuated. Things are new. Shit’s exciting. But when the dust settles and you have a choice of life with her or without, that’s when you’ll know how you really feel.”

  “How did you know you loved Rebel?” I ask him.

  “If I’m being totally honest with myself, I think I’ve loved her since the first time I met her. Leaving her at the hospital after the accident, man…that shit killed me.”

  “But you never even talked to her after that. If you loved her, why would you not at least reach out to her once in those ten long years?”

  He shrugs. “Figured she was better off without me.”

  “You were wrong.”

  “I know that now, but I regret nothing.”

  “You don’t?”

  “Nope. If I’d chased her, she wouldn’t have Adaline, and maybe whatever spark we had would’ve fizzled out and died a long time ago. Neither of us was ready to move on and accept the happiness we both deserved.”

  “Makes sense in your own fucked-up way.”

  “Never claimed to make sense or be that smart, but I know how to love, and so do you. Mom and Dad taught us everything we need to know, but if you fuck up, know Mom’s going to beat your ass first, and then I will.”

  “It’s a common theme among everyone when it comes to Arlo and me.”

  Rocco laughs again. “Well, you’re a jackass, but I know you’ll do the right thing instead of running away like a pansy.”

  “Have I ever run from anything?”

  “Relationships,” he teases, but he’s telling the truth. “And intimacy.”

  That shit was my kryptonite, and I had run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I honestly never even let a person outside my family get close enough to me to have to worry about intimacy or relationships becoming a problem.

  Rocco places his hand on my shoulder. “I can tell you’re different when it comes to Arlo. It’s nice to see.”

  “How am I different?”

  He smiles, rubbing his chin. “Carmello, there’s no one else in the world I know better than you, and vice versa. You light up when you talk about her, and you’re a little fucked in the head too. You get all macho crazy, which isn’t something you’ve ever really done, not even for the best piece of ass.”

  “I’m fucked, aren’t I?”

  He nods. “Totally, but it’s okay. Like I said…lean in.”

  “Guys,” Rebel says, poking her head out of the back door, looking between Rocco and me. “Your appointments are here.”

  “We’re coming, babe,” Rocco tells her, giving me a wink, still madly in love with his wife.

  She nods and goes back inside, leaving us alone.

  “I’m happy things worked out with the two of you.”

  “I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until Rebel walked back into my life, along with Adaline.”

  “You have a good woman. She has to be to put up with your ass.”

  He stares at me, not looking amused at all. “You’re not easy either. If Arlo can deal with your insane bullshit and bad attitude, then you better do whatever you can to keep her around. I don’t know many women who would put up with your nonsense.”

  “They only knew the pieces of me I wanted them to know,” I tell him.

  “So, just your dick, then?”

  I nod. “Basically.”

  He punches my arm as he starts toward the back door of the shop. “You’re an asshole.”

  “Love you too,” I call out, letting him go inside first and giving myself a last moment alone.

  Life does taste a little sweeter with Arlo at my side, something I never imagined with someone who was only supposed to be my fake girlfriend.

  But I know my cousin Lily, and she had been calculated in her pick, knowing I’d fall for Arlo. I can’t even be mad about it either, because for the first time in a very long time…I’m happy.

  19

  Arlo curls into my side, slinging her arm across my middle. “You okay?” she whispers against my skin.

  “I’m good. You?” I’m staring up at the ceiling, trying to picture the future with Arlo.

  And I see it too. Marriage. Kids. Growing old together. All the happy things my cousins and brother have been doing but I thought were never for me.

  Arlo hits different from anyone else, giving me a vision of the future, and it is one I like.

  “My day was good, but it’s better now that you’re here,” she says softly.

  I tip my head down and brush my lips against her forehead. “Ditto, sugar.”

  She drags her fingernails across my skin, tracing the ridges of my ribs. “I thought about what you said the other day.”

  I focus again on the ceiling fan above us, trying to remember what I said to Arlo that has her still thinking about those words days later.

  “And what was that?”

  She peers up at me, not lifting her head from my shoulder. “You said your dad could maybe help me find my parents.”

  “He could.” My fingers glide across the skin of her back, following the path of her spine. “If that’s what you want, he’ll make it happen.”

  “I don’t know if I want to, but I can’t stop thinking about them.”

  “Whatever you want, Arlo. We can talk to my dad at dinner tomorrow. Just be sure it’s what you want.”

  “Do you think it’s stupid?”

  “Why would I think it’s stupid?”

  She pushes up on her elbow, staring down at me. “If they really wanted to find me, they would’ve by now. You know? I’m just setting myself up for failure and rejection.”

  I raise my hand and cradle her face. “No one could turn you away. You’re too sweet and beautiful.”

  She gives me a sorrowful smile, her green eyes searching mine. “They probably forgot about me by now.”

  “You’re unforgettable,” I whisper. “And I don’t think any parent, even someone who gives up a child for adoption, could forget their own baby.”

  Her smile changes, and the sadness vanishes from her face. “You constantly surprise me.”

  “How’s that?” I ask, running my thumb across her cheekbone.

  “I really thought you’d be a jerk once I got to know you.”

  I am a jerk. I won’t say those words out loud, but I am. I accept the man I’ve become, built on the sadness of losing Carrie and the guilt I feel over her death. It is like my ability to love is buried with her, sealed away and never to be seen again.

  But no matter what, I haven’t been able to show that side of myself to Arlo. It feels wrong and dirty. You can’t shovel shit at someone so sweet, especially when they don’t do anything to deserve it.

  I don’t have an endgame with Arlo besides spending time with her and hoping I learn something about myself before our agreement becomes something more…something real.

  With the other women, I always had something I wanted. Just pussy and nothing more. A fuck or a suck, and off they went, away from me. Exactly how I wanted it and at the speed I chose.

  “If you thought I was a jerk, why would you say yes to Lily’s scheme?”

  “Scheme?” Arlo laughs softly, placing her hand on my chest. “There was no scheme. She thought you were redeemable, and like me, she believes our pasts don’t define our futures. She just felt like you needed a few tweaks. And you were so good to me, I wanted to see if you were the man I thought you were.”

  I lunge forward, pushing Arlo onto her back and put my body weight on her. I settle between her thighs, our bodies separated by a few scraps of cloth. “And what tweaks do I need?”

  She looks up at me, her feet hooked behind my back, a smirk on her lips. “A few,” she teases, running her fingernails up and down my lower back.

  My mouth finds her neck, and I kiss the spot right below her ear that makes her moan. “And what would they be?” I murmur against her skin.

  “You could kiss lower,” she whispers, her body squirming underneath mine.

  There isn’t an inch of her body I don’t want to kiss. My mouth needs to be intimately acquainted with every patch of her skin, knowing how it tastes or feels against my lips. But we haven’t gotten there yet. I’ve learned restraint, something I’d thought impossible.

  I move my hands to her arms, stretching them above her head, and I hold them there as my mouth drifts lower. She arches her back, pushing her breasts upward, offering them to me for worship.

  “Like this?” I sweep my bottom lip over the swell of her breasts, loving the way she feels and hating myself for liking this so much.

  She grinds her middle against me, making it impossible to hold in my moan or stop my dick from getting rock hard. “Lower,” she tells me.

  She’s beautiful like this. Natural and uninhibited, a wildness she never shows to the outside world but saves for me. There’s something precious about this side of her that she only shares with me. A sacredness to the way she stares into my eyes, burning for my touch.

  I take her nipple between my lips and run my tongue across the top, wanting nothing more than to strip her bare and bury myself deep inside her.

  She moans, her back arching like it has every other time I’ve had my mouth on her. Responsive isn’t even a strong enough word to describe Arlo when I taste her body.

  There’s pounding at the front door, and Arlo stiffens underneath me. “Are you expecting company?”

  I lift up, hanging my head, and I release Arlo’s arms. “No, but it’s never a good sign at this hour.”

  “You better go,” she says, pushing against my shoulders when the pounding starts again.

  I growl under my breath, hating whoever’s at my door after midnight. “I’ll be right back,” I tell her, adjusting my dick as soon as my feet are on the floor.

  She sits up, reaching for the sheet to cover her breasts. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers.

  I stalk out of the bedroom, down the hallway, and open the door without looking.

  Standing on my front porch are two of my cousins, one leaning on the other, barely able to stay upright.

  “Hey, cousin,” Rosie says with a big, fake-ass smile. “Luna got into a bit of trouble tonight.”

  Shocking…not.

  “And?” I ask, getting smacked right in the face with the stench of liquor coming off Luna, wrinkling my nose.

  Rosie looks up at me from under her eyelashes, unable to make full eye contact. “I’m wondering if we can crash here tonight?”

  I step forward, leaning against the doorframe as Luna sways, and somehow, Rosie keeps her from falling over. “And why would I let you do that? Why didn’t you go to your sister’s?”

  “Fuck that,” Luna slurs, her eyes not focusing when she looks at me. “I don’t need the lecture from Gigi.”

  “Shut it,” I tell Luna. “You don’t get a vote.”

  “Fucker,” she mutters under her breath.

  Rosie raises her eyebrows. “If you can’t tell, Luna’s pissed at Gigi. And I can’t take her home like this, or Mom and Dad will lose their shit. Please, please, please, can we stay here tonight?” Rosie begs.

  “I have company.”

  Rosie blinks, finally looking at me. “And that’s new how?”

  I stare at her, my face conveying my unhappiness.

  Rosie swallows and sighs. “You won’t even know we’re here,” she promises.

  “We’ll be quiet,” Luna adds. “I just need to lie down before I…” She covers her mouth as her cheeks bulge.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I hiss, stepping forward and scooping Luna into my arms before she barfs all over my hardwood floors. “This shit has got to stop.”

  “It wasn’t her fault this time,” Rosie says, following me into the house as I carry Luna through the living room. “I swear. This time is not like the other times.”

  The two of them have been nothing but trouble since the day they hit puberty. But instead of the rest of the family knowing about their party-girl, wild-child ways, they’ve used me and the other older cousins as cover.

  “If your father finds out, he’s going to beat all of our asses, and I’m not looking to be black-and-blue.”

  “He won’t.” Those words come from Rosie, and I know she won’t be the one spilling her guts because she’d be in just as much trouble as me, minus the bruises.

  They are daddy’s girls like Gigi. Always the apples of their father’s eye as they did crazy shit on the down-low, keeping their status as good kids instead of hell-raisers.

  They are nothing like their mom. Aunt Suzy is sweet, kind, and she has an innocence to her no one else with my family’s genetics has. But these girls don’t care, nor did they get virtue from their mom.

  “Bathroom,” Luna groans, limp as a rag doll in my arms.

  Arlo steps into the hallway, adjusting a T-shirt she must’ve grabbed from my room. “Everything okay?” she asks, eyeing Luna in my arms.

  “She’s drunk,” I tell Arlo, motioning to the right with my head, needing to get around her with the dead weight.

  She steps aside, letting me stalk past her to get the girl who hasn’t learned her limits to the toilet before she expels the contents of her stomach in the hallway. “What can I do?” Arlo asks Rosie.

  “Nothing. She’ll be fine. This happens sometimes.”

  Sometimes? I’d laugh if I weren’t so pissed at the two of them.

  “It does?” Arlo asks her, clueless. “How often?”

  “This time wasn’t her fault, though,” Rosie explains, but she doesn’t answer Arlo’s question.

  The two of them have become masters of deflection. If they had been born with dicks…

  They would be me.

  The reality of that truth hits me square in the chest like a punch, knocking the wind out of me for a moment.

  I push open the bathroom door with my foot and use my elbow to turn on the light before depositing Luna on the small rug in front of the toilet.

  She groans, immediately moving her upper body over the toilet seat, hugging it like it’s her lifeline. “Go,” she tells me as her back starts to heave.

  I don’t have to be told twice. I leave her there, clinging to the toilet to do her business for however long it takes her to get rid of the poison in her system this time.

  “I should go help her,” Rosie says, lifting her chin toward the bathroom as I step back into the hallway.

  I grab Rosie’s arm before she walks around me. “When she’s done, I expect answers before anyone goes to sleep tonight.” I glare at her, letting the little spitfire know I’m pissed, in case she hadn’t clued into that little fact already.

  Rosie nods with a heavy swallow, staring up at me with a deep frown. “Okay,” she whispers.

  She’s gone as soon as I let her loose, closing the bathroom door behind her.

  “I take it this isn’t the first time they’ve shown up at your place like this?” Arlo asks before walking toward me.

  I shake my head. “Those two are nothing but trouble, Ar. Total shitshow.”

  She wraps her arms around my middle, resting her cheek against my chest. “They seemed really sweet at your grandma’s.”

  “They’re good at appearing one way in front of the family and another way with those who know them best. If you looked up party animals in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of those two.”

  “There are no pictures in the dictionary, honey,” Arlo teases, squeezing me tightly as her body shakes with laughter.

  “Arlo,” I warn, hanging on by a thread because those two interrupted what I’d hoped would be a very eventful night. “Come on. Let’s go to the living room unless you want to listen to the show. There’s going to be lots of groveling and promises about sobriety she’ll never follow through on.”

  “Poor thing,” Arlo whispers, peeling her body away from mine. “Is she even old enough to be drinking?”

  “Not until next month.” I take her hand, leading her toward the couch, and collapse backward, bringing her with me. “I imagine you were never like them.”

  Arlo settles in my lap, her legs on the cushions, pressing against my thighs. “There was a time when I was a little out of control.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “You?”

  She nods, smirking. “Me.”

  My hands find her ass, cupping her cheeks in my palms. “Tell me about that Arlo.”

  She shakes her head. “She wasn’t very nice.”

  “Impossible,” I whisper, staring into her haunting green eyes.

  Arlo has been nothing but reserved and sweet. Thinking about a side of her that is anything but is truly impossible for me to imagine. Visualizing her in the foster care system is also something my brain can’t quite grasp. I would’ve bet a chunk of money that she came from a family much like my own, and I would’ve lost and lost big.

  She leans forward, resting her forehead against mine. “I went through a rebellious phase when I was seventeen, realizing I was about to lose the little bit I had. I started hanging around with the wrong crowd and…” She pauses and pulls her head back, looking me straight in the eyes before continuing. “I didn’t put much thought into how my behavior would only make it easier for the family I was living with to let me go.”

  I tighten my grip on her ass, bringing her closer as my chest aches for what she went through. “Sucks, sugar.”