No matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve failed.

  Every night when I close my eyes, I see Carrie’s face, hear her gasp for air, and watch her die all over again. Every. Fucking. Night.

  “I know we only knew each other for a short time, but damn it, I thought you’d at least pick up the phone when I called.” She shifts in the seat, finally facing me with her back plastered against the door. “I thought if anyone knew how I felt, after the way you were with me in the hospital, it would be you. You’d be there. You’d listen. You’d help. You’d somehow make things better. A man who doesn’t care doesn’t sit at someone’s hospital bedside, holding them, comforting them, just to turn his back. Or at least, that’s what I thought…until you did.”

  Her words sting, slicing through me like a piece of glass tearing through cloth. “I was an asshole.”

  “Well, at least we can agree on something.” She scoffs, turning her face toward the windshield, folding her arms across her chest.

  “I relive that day every night when I go to sleep,” I admit, something I’ve done with no one else in my life, not even my brother.

  “You do?” she asks, but this time, her voice is gentler.

  I keep a lot to myself. Carmello doesn’t need to know the gory details. He already has the burden of Carrie’s death on his shoulders; he doesn’t need my baggage to weigh him down any further.

  “Yeah,” I whisper, staring out at the open road in front of us. “Every fucking night, I see her face and watch her die all over again.”

  I almost flinch when Rebel’s soft fingers touch my forearm, catching me by surprise at how gently she’s touched me. “I’m sorry,” she whispers back. “That’s awful. I should’ve been awake. I should’ve been the one comforting her.”

  “No,” I snap. “It’s something you wouldn’t have been able to shake. I thought you were dead too at first, that day,” I confess, moving my gaze from the road to her for a moment. “When I looked at you, you were slumped over, and I couldn’t move with Carrie in my lap until…” I swallow the bile and terror that rise in my throat every time I replay those moments in my mind. “I was helpless to save her, and if I would’ve lost you too, I don’t know…”

  “You couldn’t have saved her, Rocco. No one could have.”

  “I know.”

  She tightens her fingers on my arm. “I’m serious. You couldn’t have saved her.”

  “I know, sugar.”

  “Do you?” she asks softly, her hand still on me.

  I didn’t know that then. I blamed myself, thinking I should’ve been able to MacGyver something to give Carrie the ability to breathe.

  “I do. I know I couldn’t have saved her life. But watching someone die is nothing like in the movies. Seeing it firsthand is something a person never forgets, and Rebel, I never forgot.”

  I wish I could pull off to the side of the road and haul Rebel into my arms, wrapping myself in her goodness and forcing the bad out of my head, replacing it with only good.

  “At least she didn’t die alone. You gave her comfort when she needed it the most.”

  “It wasn’t enough,” I argue.

  “What happened to you?” Rebel asks, sliding her soft palm up and down my forearm. “You were always so full of life and happy when I knew you.”

  “Part of me died that day too.”

  “There’s a sadness that clings to you now. I wouldn’t have believed Carrie’s death was so life-altering for you, but seeing you now, I feel it.”

  How could I be the same?

  Death hugs a person like a second skin, never leaving them after they feel it coating their soul.

  “I’m still happy,” I tell her. “I know how lucky I am for every day I get walking around, doing my thing. The three of us were lucky as fuck to survive. My view of life and my mortality changed that day, though.”

  “Mine too,” she says, dropping her hand from my arm, breaking the contact I wanted and needed so badly, but didn’t realize I did. A loud sigh comes from her lips before she continues. “I decided I wasn’t going to live another moment being alone and sad. I spent the first twenty years of my life like that, and I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I made that promise to myself and to Carrie.”

  I think we all did that. We all made promises to ourselves and others. Mine was to never fall in love, hitching myself to someone who could rip my heart out, dying like Carrie.

  “And how did that work out for you?” I mutter, and then I wince because I’ve been a total dick and I am continuing down that road with an asshole comment like that.

  “You’re just a giant grumpy jerk now, aren’t you? You’re miserable and want to pass that shit on to everyone else. Is that your thing? Just being a dick?”

  “Rebel,” I say in a pleading voice, “I’m really not. I didn’t mean to say that. It was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

  “You say you’re sorry a lot, but do you ever really mean what you say anymore?” she asks.

  That stings, but she isn’t wrong.

  I glance to the side, staring at her for a second. “I do mean it.”

  “Then act like it. No more shitty comments or snark.”

  “Snark?” I ask.

  No one’s ever called me snarky. A dick or an asshole, yes, but never snarky. Nope.

  “There’re a dozen adjectives I could use to describe you, and snarky does fit, along with assho—”

  I grunt. “I get it. There’s still part of me that’s the same cocky hunk you met ten years ago.”

  “Cocky hunk,” she mumbles and laughs. “I see your opinion of yourself hasn’t changed.”

  I ignore her comment and keep on rolling. She can call me whatever she wants as long as it gets her talking about the things we need to know. “I want to help you. I need to help you.”

  She rolls her eyes. “You didn’t have to take us with you. You could’ve left Adaline and me at the cabin. We would’ve figured things out. I’ve been on my own for most of my life, and somehow, I’ve managed to survive. We would’ve been fine. I’ve never needed anyone.”

  “Absolutely not,” I tell her.

  She’s a girl. A capable one, but she isn’t going to be able to fend off some creepy asshole who is looking for her, with a kid attached to her hip.

  She needs men, or at least a man—me, specifically—to make sure she stays safe and keeps breathing.

  “I would’ve found somewhere else safe for us to go.”

  “You found some place. You’re with me now. You have us.”

  She looks at me funny, her lip curling up. “I don’t have the two of you, and I’m not with you, with you. I’m a charity case at this point. Something I don’t deal well with and never have.”

  I lift an eyebrow, glancing at her. “Do I look that fucking generous to take on a charity case?”

  She studies me, her blue eyes raking across my face. “No. You still look like an asshole.”

  I smirk, giving her a wink. “The fire’s still there, sugar. You can’t deny it. You feel it, don’t you? Still feel me inside you after all these years.”

  “The fire is barely an ember now, Rocco. And as for your dick…” She pauses, and I know she’s going to say something shitty, but when she squeezes her legs together, I know I’ve got her.

  She still feels me buried deep.

  There’s a satisfaction in it that I can’t describe, but it’s fucking magnificent.

  “Whatever you need to tell yourself. But while we’re talking, want to tell me why you’re running?”

  She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose as she rests her right side against the door. “After Carrie died, I went wild. I don’t even know how I’m still alive except for the simple fact that I got pregnant and decided to clean up my act.”

  Her admission isn’t shocking. I spent more than enough time doing dumb-ass shit, not caring if I lived or died until my father righted my ass. He helped me channel my rage and helplessness into something more productive and safer.

  “And then what happened?” I ask her, hoping she’ll keep talking.

  She turns her face away so I can’t see her eyes. “I got married.”

  Those words are like a punch to the gut, but they shouldn’t be. Ten years is a long time, and I didn’t expect her to wait for me since I sure as hell wasn’t waiting for her. “Wait. Carmello said you had an ex-boyfriend you’re running from. Not a husband?”

  She pulls at a string at the bottom of her shirt. “I married Collin almost six years ago. He’s Adaline’s biological father, but he died before her first birthday.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say and mean those words.

  “We didn’t love each other.” She glances my way, sadness all over her face. “After he died, I was alone with Adaline for a long time, scraping to get by, and then I met Beau. He was nice at first, but then he changed. First, it was only his words that hurt, but then…”

  I brace myself.

  I know the next words out of her mouth are going to set me off.

  They should set any man off. No man should ever lay his hands on a woman.

  Never.

  My fingers tighten around the steering wheel, and I sit up a little straighter but somehow keep my mouth shut.

  It isn’t the time to insert my foot or chide her for getting involved with an abusive prick. Men are good at hiding their shitty personalities until the girl is in too deep to leave.

  “He only hit me once, and I packed my things and we left. I’d had enough bad in my life. I wasn’t about to stick around for more.”

  My chest aches and fire burns inside my veins, but I keep my voice even, controlling myself. “You deserve so much better than that, Reb.”

  “I called you after Collin died, you know,” she says softly. “I was in trouble, and I couldn’t think of anyone else to call except you. But when you didn’t answer…”

  “Fuck,” I hiss. “Now I feel like an even bigger asshole than I already did. If I’d known…”

  What would I have done? Offered her another I’m sorry? Leaving her in the dust, most likely.

  “You didn’t know, couldn’t know, and I didn’t leave a message to tell you.”

  “I should’ve at least picked up the phone. I saw your name flash on the screen, and I froze. I was a dumbass.”

  “I won’t argue with that.” She gives me a small smile when I look her way.

  “Then what happened?” I ask, needing to know more and not wanting to linger on all the ways I’ve fucked up.

  “There’s nothing more to say. I had Adaline and lived off his life insurance for a while. Then I met Beau, and shit went south in a hurry. I called Carmello, looking for a place to get back on my feet and hide out for a little while. And now here I am, sitting in your truck.”

  I know there’s a hell of a lot she’s leaving out, but I don’t press her. She’ll tell me when she’s ready, and I know she isn’t going anywhere for a hot minute.

  “Do you think he’ll come after you?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not like he was in love with me or her, but anything is possible. He was starting to get more possessive, and not in that fun and sexy way either.”

  “I won’t let anything happen to you,” I promise her. “You two are staying with me for as long as you want. No argument, Rebel. Until we know if he’ll come for you or we eliminate him as a threat, you’re at my house.”

  “I don’t think—”

  I shake my head. “There’s nothing to think about.”

  “But—” She lifts a finger.

  I give her a look, and she drops her hand back to her lap. “You want to live?”

  “Yes.” She frowns, narrowing her eyes.

  “You want to never have to look over your shoulder again, wondering if he’s there for you two?”

  “Of course.” She sighs, sinking down into the seat.

  “Then you’re at my house, sugar. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Under my roof is the safest place for you to be.”

  “We’ll cramp your style.”

  “I don’t have a style.”

  “You’ll see. You’ll kick us out in a week.”

  “I’d never do that. You’re stuck with me now. Until I know you’re safe, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

  “Fucking fabulous,” she mutters into the window, bringing a smile to my face.

  I don’t want to admit it, but although I am kicking myself for not answering the phone in the past, this is the first time in ten years I’ve felt any semblance of normalcy. And it has everything to do with her.

  8

  Rebel

  “We can just stay there.” I point to the small hotel on the corner as we sit at the traffic light. “It’ll be easier for everyone.”

  Especially me and my heart.

  The feelings I had for Rocco haven’t faded, no matter how many times I’ve told myself they did.

  Sitting this close to him and alone, I haven’t stopped buzzing with excitement.

  He still has a pull, one I can’t shake, and my body has never forgotten the way he touched me.

  “Nope,” he snaps with the slightest shake of his head. “Not happening. I need to keep an eye on you.”

  Keep an eye on me?

  I blink, hoping I heard him wrong.

  Rocco always was bossy, but this is extreme, and I am not digging it.

  Not at all.

  “Excuse me?” I ask, turning my head to the side and glaring at him. “Keep an eye on me?”

  “Rebel…”

  “No. No. No. I don’t need a keeper, Rocco.” I roll my eyes and wave my hand in his direction. “Didn’t have one for my childhood, and I sure as fuck don’t need one now.”

  “Be fucking serious and think about this shit. You could be in some real trouble. I’d be worried if you were in a hotel and alone. Don’t you want Adaline to have someplace comfortable and safe to stay?”

  He has a point.

  One I don’t like to admit.

  He’s right.

  If I were alone, I could hide away easier and figure out how to keep myself safe.

  But Adaline adds a new level of complication.

  I can’t check us in to a seedy hotel where hookers and johns pay by the hour to “rent” a room.

  It won’t do, but neither will staying at Rocco’s, having him “keep an eye” on me.

  I know myself well enough to know we’ll fall right back to where we left off.

  Our limbs tangled.

  Him inside me.

  My toes curling.

  Tons of orgasms.

  Is that so bad? No, but my heart can’t take much more hurt, and Rocco has the ability to obliterate whatever little sliver I still have left.

  I can resist him for Adaline. I can stop myself from rolling up on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck, and planting my lips on his.

  I can do that, right?

  I have to for her. She deserves a clean room, a safe place, and anything else I am being offered.

  “Yes,” I blurt out, angry with myself and him for using my kid against me. He knew I couldn’t disagree with him. It was a low blow and completely effective. “Of course I do.”

  “I have a nice house with a spare bedroom, a pool, and a fenced-in yard for the kid to play in.” He tips his head toward the hotel, and it is indeed shitty, but he could’ve had his privacy without the extra baggage of a chick he slept with years ago and her kid. “Sounds a hell of a lot better than that shady-ass hotel, yeah?”

  “Yeah,” I mutter. “I guess, but it’s pretty damn close.”

  “We’re only a few miles away from my house, and then you can settle in for however long you want or need to stay.”

  “But what about your girlfriend?” I ask, immediately regretting the question because it sounds like I am fishing for information.

  Am I fishing? A small part of me wants to know…needs to know.

  He’s still as handsome as he used to be. Time has been really freaking good to him, just like his brother. His body has filled out, becoming more of a man since the last time I laid both eyes and hands on him.

  He is hot, and that pisses me off.

  “No girlfriend.”

  My gaze moves up his arm, paying close attention to the ridges of the muscles as they bulge under his skin and trying to tamp down the lust curling inside me. “No?”

  “No,” he grunts.

  “Why?”

  Ugh.

  I am fishing for information.

  I couldn’t be any more transparent, but he doesn’t flinch at the question. Thank God.

  “Relationships lead to feelings, and feelings lead to heartbreak.”

  I gape at him, knowing he isn’t the same guy I was with before. “That’s a pessimistic way to look at love, Rocco.”

  I’ve had bad luck in the relationship department, but I’m not closing off my heart to possibilities in the future.

  There is someone out there for me. There has to be happiness at the end of all this, or what’s the point.

  Life has to be more than pain.

  He adjusts himself in the driver’s seat, his lips pulling down at the edges. “Never been in love, and never plan to be either. Easier that way. Safer.”

  “I don’t have the best track record, but I can’t stop believing there’s someone out there for me. Though, maybe you’re right. Maybe I am meant to be alone and miserable. I have Adaline, and she gives me enough joy to fill my life.”

  “You’ve just had shit luck with men, Rebel.”

  That is putting my love life mildly. I can’t remember one who was worth a damn. Even Collin, God rest his soul, was marginal at best. Beau sucked. And then all the guys I’d been with before, no one had any redeeming qualities other than a stiff dick. Except for one, and he is sitting next to me.

  Don’t go there, Rebel.

  He already made it pretty damn clear he isn’t going to fall in love with anyone, and that includes me. He isn’t about to change his ways because I’ve fallen into his lap when he wasn’t looking for me and didn’t really want me around.

  He is honorable. A decent human being and that’s why my ass is planted next to him. Not out of some allegiance, loyalty, or love.

  “And in the same respect, you have no way of knowing if you’ll have your heart broken. I hate that Beau was in my life, even if for only the briefest time. Then there’s Collin, but…” My voice drifts as I stare into the side mirror at Carmello’s red car. “I wouldn’t have Adaline if it weren’t for him. So sometimes, the most beautiful things come from the worst mistakes.”