She remembered all those comments the women in the market would make when they would walk past his office, when she was on her way in. All those women would mutter about the serious man who almost lived here; he seemed to always be working. He never smiled and never made chitchat. He was almost a recluse they would tell each other. But Lily always thought they never knew him. Standing there, even with a scowl on his face, she knew she had never seen someone so handsome before. And now this handsome man was basically telling her to go find someone else. She could hear her heart almost cracking in two.

  She found her voice again, brushing back a few strands of hair from the side of her face. “Don’t stay too late. You should go home, too, for a change,” she said.

  “I’m just about to leave myself, don’t worry,” he said. “Go, enjoy yourself.”

  She offered a sad smile, small wave, and turned to exit through the door. She heard the bell ding as the door closed behind her. A cold chill swirled around her, as she pulled her coat tighter and started to walk home. She didn’t know if it was because of the winter evening or because her love seemed to be slipping through her grasp. If he didn’t need her now, would there be a time when he wouldn’t need her at all?

  Chapter 3

  Lily had been gone for a while, but Colin couldn’t pull himself from where he stood in the doorway. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was hoping that she was going to come bursting back through that door, telling him that it was all a mistake and she wasn’t interested in anyone else.

  He turned back into his office, knowing it wasn’t meant to be. He still remembered that first day, when she breezed into his office like a breath of fresh air, inquiring about the help wanted sign in the window. She was so young back then, with her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She looked like she hadn’t worked a day in her life. He immediately wanted to dismiss her, and even tried to make her leave. But she was so hardheaded and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was determined to have that job, even though she had no qualifications to speak of, with her only skills as a nanny to her nieces and nephews and her basic studies.

  He was skeptical that she was even going to make it the first few weeks, but he was so in need of a file clerk, he decided pretense be damned, and hired her. If she wasn’t cut out for it, what was it going to hurt? So, he told himself, give her a few weeks, pay her for her troubles, and send her on her way.

  Weeks turned into months and then before he knew it, a year had flown by. Lily was a blessing. She was always ready to learn, always there when he needed her most. She adapted to any situation. She was dependable, never calling out sick and ready to stay late on a moment’s notice.

  And when his secretary, Olivia, fell in love with one of his clients and quit so she could run away to get married, it was the logical choice to promote Lily to secretary. He thought that maybe he would have to hire another clerk, but Lily took care of both jobs like it was her second nature. A partnership was forged.

  He depended on her so much, that he never noticed his feelings for her. They crept up unexpectedly, slowly weaving their way into his soul. One day, he realized how much he noticed her. How her cheeks grew rosy when he was near her. How she smelled like lavender and talcum. How she pushed back the wisps of hair at the sides of her head when she was nervous. And as the years past, his fondness for her grew into that of love.

  He hated how much he desired her now. He kept telling himself how young she was. She was so young, and he was so old. In all his thirty-eight years, he had never felt something this strong for another person. He had resigned himself years ago to a life loyal to the law. Love and marriage were for other people, like his best friend Patrick.

  And although he knew he loved her more than anything, he knew it wasn’t fair to her. He would never be able to give her the attention she deserved. He would never be able to give up his career and he knew she would never ask that of him. It was one of the things he admired about her; she knew how much he cared about his job. But he wanted to save her the pain of what it would be to be married to him. Not to mention the whispers that would come their way.

  So, he told himself, this is what he had to do. He had to let her go; push her in the right direction. Make her go and find someone who would care about her and take care of her. He hoped this way she would get rid of the school-girl crush he suspected she had for him.

  He went to sit at his desk, to bury himself in his work. If this was the right thing to do, then why did he feel so horrible doing it?

  Lily pushed around the piece of chicken on her plate as she tried to listen to her sister’s story about meeting the governor’s wife. She looked over at Martin, as he lovingly gazed at his wife. It made her feel wishful that someone would look at her that way. A vision of Colin flashed through her mind, but she quickly brushed the thought away. She wouldn’t be thinking of another man when there was someone else sitting at the table across from her.

  She looked at Nicholai Gagarin, who was looking at Iva with rapt attention. His family was of Russian decent, and his family had immigrated to Philadelphia in the last 30 years. Iva said they came from old money. Lily still wasn’t interested. He was handsome enough, she thought to herself. His face was tan from being outdoors. He had kind eyes, a mixture of green with brown flecks, which sat under eyebrows that reminded Lilly of the caterpillars she and Daniella had collected in the park. His hair was a lovely shade of dark blond with golden flecks in it.

  He wasn’t too tall; Lily was rather petite, and she had come up to his shoulder when they were introduced earlier. She wouldn’t have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss Nicholai. Unlike, Colin, who towered over her, she would need a step to kiss him properly.

  That’s enough, she chided herself. From what she had learned in the whispers her sister had told her when she came to the house earlier that afternoon, Nicholai was the son of a very important donor to Martin’s campaign.

  The Gagarin’s had a furniture business that started as a small shop in town before expanding into a large company. Nicholai was the heir apparent. He was quite the catch, Iva had reminded Lily before dinner. They had made small talk before, but nothing really of note. Yes, Lily thought he was kind enough, but it wasn’t anything extraordinary. She tried to search for the butterflies she felt when she was around Colin, but she couldn’t conjure them.

  Nicholai turned to catch her staring. He winked at her and she looked away, embarrassed. She could see in the corner of her eye that he was chuckling to himself, thinking that he caught her looking at him. If he only knew what was going on in her head.

  “So,” Iva said, after she had finished her long story, “Nicholai, I hear you are preparing to take over your father’s company?”

  Nicholai set down his fork and smiled towards Iva “Well, not right away. In a few more years. But Father is looking to retire soon, so he’s asking me to take on a few more responsibilities.”

  “Oh, that’s so wonderful! Such ambitions. It’s good to have a plan, don’t you think so, Lily?”

  “Yes, of course,” Lily said, moving her chicken around again. She looked up to see Iva giving her the death look, so she straightened her shoulders, to look more engaged.

  “Iva tells me you work in a law firm?”

  Lily smiled. “Yes, I work at Sullivan and Son. Though, there isn’t any son to speak of,” she said, chuckling at her joke. She had once asked why Colin had chosen the name, and he recalled the story of his father who had wanted to become a lawyer but had to raise his family instead of studying the law. He had died young in a work accident, so Colin had vowed to open a law office in his honor; the son part was actually referring to Colin himself.

  “Yes, it’s a bit of a hobby for my sister,” Iva interjected.

  Lily shook her head. Her sister knew how important her job was and always insisted on referring to it as a hobby when there were gentleman callers around, for fear that they would reject a working woman.

  “Actually, I started working as a clerk and was promoted to secretary. I help out Colin in all his cases. You could say I’m almost an equal partner.” She decided then and there that if Nicholai wasn’t interested in her work, then she wouldn’t be interested in him.

  “Colin?” Nicholai asked.

  “Her employer,” Martin said, moving to grab his glass of wine. “He runs the office. Colin Sullivan. You might know him from the papers. Won a few cases for some of the trolley workers.”

  Lily remembered those cases fondly. A few trolley workers got into accidents on the job because of safety concerns that weren’t addressed. Colin took it upon himself to sue the companies on their behalf. It was a huge case that made the newspaper. She remembered how happy Colin was when he won the case and how happy the workers were to get their due.

  “Oh yes. I’ve heard him called Sullivan, The Justice Warrior. I didn’t make the connection. You must be doing important work.”

  Lily opened her mouth to say thank you for the compliment, before Iva interjected once again. “Well, yes, we are so proud of Lily and everything she has done. But don’t think that she isn’t open to the possibility of other opportunities,” she said, raising her glass in Lily’s direction.

  “Iva, maybe we should change the subject,” Martin warned, feeling the tension in the room.

  “Actually,” Lily said, pushing away from the table. “It’s getting late; I think I should start heading home. I have to work early tomorrow. Iva. Martin, thank you for a lovely evening. Nicholai, it was wonderful meeting you,” she said, as she got up from the table.

  Iva rose with her, a pout on her face. “But, we haven’t even had dessert yet!”

  “I think I’ll be heading off as well,” Nicholai added, as he got up from his seat.

  Iva turned to him, her face falling. “Are you sure? I’ve prepared a blueberry pie.”

  Lily almost choked on her laughter and Iva turned to give her a dirty look. She knew that Iva must have purchased the pie from the local baker, as Iva was not a cook herself. Lily, herself, had prepared all their meals until she moved out. It was then that Iva hired a full staff to take care of the house, children and cooking.

  “I’d love to, but I do have a long day tomorrow. A good night’s sleep is the first step to good business,” he smiled, showing his straight white teeth.

  “Then, we’ll see you to the door,” Martin said, as he walked over to Nicholai and shook his hand.

  As the gentlemen walked towards the door, Lily started to walk around the table. She was intercepted by Iva. “I see what you were doing.”

  Lily faked confusion. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said as she walked behind them.

  “You weren’t even giving him a chance!”

  “I came here tonight, didn’t I? That’s more of a chance than I’ve given to others.”

  “But you didn’t even engage,” Iva started to say.

  “If you wouldn’t pepper the conversation with all those stories, maybe I would have had something more to say,” she whispered loudly. She had had enough of her sister and just wanted the night to be over. As she got to the foyer, Martin had her coat out to assist her in. She put it on and tied the front. “Thank you, Martin,” she said as she turned to her fuming sister. “It was a lovely night. Thank you for the invitation.”

  Nicholai stood next to her. “Let me walk you home,” Nicholai asked.

  “Really, it’s…” she started to say.

  “She’d love to!” Iva yelled.

  Lily narrowed her eyes at her sister, whose face filled with glee. She turned to Nicolas. “I don’t want to put you out of your way. It’s not a far walk.”

  “My mother would not let me in the house, if she knew I left a lovely young woman to walk home alone at night.”

  “You live with your mother?” When he saw her skeptical face, he just smiled wider.

  “It is a custom. We live with our parents until we find the perfect wife. By then we have enough money to buy a house of our own.”

  “What if you don’t find her?”

  “Then we save a lot of money,” he laughed. Lily gave a small chuckle. “I promise, it’s not a bother.” He held out his arm.

  Lily hated the insinuation that she couldn’t walk by herself. But she couldn’t turn him down without earning the wrath of Iva, so she smiled politely and waved to her sister, accepted Nicholai’s arm and followed him out into the chilly winter night.

  She led him away from the house, walking in silence that was nothing short of awkward. What was usually a 30-minute walk was turning into what felt like an eternity. It was like the sidewalk kept stretching away from her home.

  “I have to be honest,” Nicholai said. “I wanted to walk you home, so I could talk freely, without the audience.”

  Lily turned her head to him. He had a handsome side profile. She noticed that his blond hair was a little long in the back, stretching over his collar. “Is that so?” she said, not knowing what else she could say.

  “Yes. When Martin had invited me over to meet his lovely sister-in-law, I honestly was finding a way to excuse myself. I can’t tell you how many dinners I’ve been to that were complete disasters. Usually, a lady that I had nothing in common with, only to be staring at the time and wondering what the best escape was. No offense, but I’ve been told plenty of times of how beautiful and wonderful these girls were only to be disappointed in the end.”

  She stared at Nicholai, listening to his words. It sounded just like all of her experiences; hence why she stopped going to dinner at her sister’s house entirely. “I know exactly what you mean,” she said back to him.

  “And I can’t tell you how I’m pleasantly surprised to find you, Lily, on the other side of the table.”

  “Me?” she questioned.

  “I’ve seen you around the town square. I like to take my lunches in the park across from your office, and I see you walking around every once in a while. I didn’t know if you worked around there or not, but I’ve always thought you were beautiful.” Lily felt her cheeks filling with color. “And I’m glad to know that you weren’t a figment of my imagination.”

  Lily didn’t know what to say. She looked around and saw that they were nearing her dormitory. “Thank you,” she said, “That’s very sweet of you.”

  “Of course. I find it admirable of all the work that you are doing.”

  She sighed. She knew what the next conversation was. “Unlike what my sister alleges, it’s not a hobby. I take my job very seriously.”

  Nicholai smiled and let out a small laugh. “I don’t doubt it. I can see it in your eyes. You care a great deal about your job. It so endearing.”

  Lily was at a loss. She had never met a man who actually cared about her job. “You do?”

  “Yes, of course. There is nothing more wonderful than someone who has a path in life. I have a path too; I want to take over my father’s business and make it the number one furniture shop in Pennsylvania.”

  “That’s quite a dream.”

  “Yes, it is. Look, Lily, I’m not one to beat around the bush. When I want something, I go to great lengths to get what I want. And what I want is to see you again.”

  Lily was taken aback. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Nicholai grabbed her hand, “Just say that you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

  Lily looked into his eyes. They were clear that night, almost like green hills against a black sky. They were the kind of eyes she could see herself staring at for the rest of her life. As she started to think, she realized how incredibly lonely she had been. Maybe she could learn to love Nicholai eventually. Maybe he could fill this ache in her chest.

  She would never know unless she tried. “Yes, I would love to.”

  Chapter 4

  Summer

  Lily looked at the time. Only a few more hours until the end of the work day. She looked over at Colin, who was pacing his office, deep in thought. He was thinking about his latest case; a man was wrongly accused of stealing jewels from the house where he was employed. The trial was starting next week, and Colin was in the middle of preparing his opening arguments. She stared at him, watching his long legs walk back and forth. It was hypnotic. She loved the way he looked when he was deep in thought, he would get a furrow between his eyebrows and clench his jaw.

  She knew he got his best ideas during this time, so she tried not to disturb him.

  She was so lost in thought she didn’t realize the bell rang, signaling someone had entered the office until Nicholai was standing before her. “Lily,” he said, almost making her jump.

  “Oh, Nicholai,” she said, pushing the papers around her desk, trying to look like she wasn’t just staring at her boss in an inappropriate sort of way. “I didn’t hear you come in. What brings you here?”

  Nicholai smiled at her. She did enjoy his smile. They had been courting for a few months and she had grown fond of him. She liked the way he stayed attentive to the cases she had at work, hanging on her every word. He was so thoughtful and kind to her, even though she felt guilty for not being truthful about her feelings for someone else. She felt like she was taking advantage of it, because she could tell he was falling in love with her. She knew she couldn’t reciprocate the feelings, even though she wanted to with all her heart. But maybe her heart only had room for one person, and Colin had wedged himself so far in, she didn’t think she’d be able to pry him out.

  “I was hoping that I could take you out for a bit. It’s a nice afternoon, don’t you think? Maybe you can convince your boss to let you leave a few hours early.”

  Lily felt uneasy. After their first dinner together, she had kept pretty quiet about her interactions with Nicholai from Colin. He had asked how her night went and all she could tell him was that it wasn’t a complete disaster. She had more or less been dating him in secret; she didn’t want Colin to know about Nicholai, even though Nicholai was very aware of Colin. Lily had to catch herself on many occasions together of how often she referred to him. Though Nicholai never said it, she knew it didn’t put him at ease. “Um, I’m not quite sure I can,” she started, before she heard footsteps from the door.