“Lily, I need the Hampton file,” he started, before he looked up and realized Nicholai in the room.

  The two men just stared at each other, each looking the other up and down. Nicholai was the first to react. “Hello sir, I’ve been meaning to introduce myself. I’m Nicholai Gagarin.”

  He put out his hand, which Colin took, raising his eyebrow. “Hello. I’m Colin Sullivan, but you can call me Colin. Gagarin? As in Gagarin Furniture?”

  Nicholai smiled widely. “One and the same. My father talks of you fondly.”

  Colin shrugged his shoulders, putting both hands in his pant pockets. “I haven’t seen him in ages,” he said, standing straighter than Lily had ever seen him.

  “You should come by the shop, he’d love to catch up.”

  Colin looked between Nicholai and Lily, obviously wondering what Nicholai was doing there. Before Lily could reply to his unasked questions, Nicholai spoke. “I’ve come by to see if I can steal your secretary for the afternoon.”

  Colin looked surprise at his request and the implications that it entailed. He looked over to Lily for confirmation, but Lily looked away. “I was about to tell him that it was too early,” she started to say.

  “Nonsense,” Colin said. Lily looked back at him, shocked at what he was saying. “You should go.”

  “But sir,” she started to say. She paused, taken aback by the use of “sir.” She never called Colin sir; she had insisted they call each other by their first names since day one because she didn’t want them to be awkward with each other.

  Colin winced at the word, but he still continued. “I won’t hear anything of it; it’s a beautiful day. I wouldn’t dream of keeping you,” he said, turning back into his office. He walked so swiftly, as if he was almost running from the room.

  She saw Nicholai’s smug look before he noticed she was looking at him, and quickly changed expressions. He smiled his familiar smile, “Looks like you have the afternoon free. How about a stroll in the park?”

  Lily stood up and grabbed a few papers. “I just need to give these to Colin, and then I’ll be able to leave. If you want, you can wait outside for me? I won’t be much longer,” she said.

  Nicholai tipped his hat to her. “Don’t make me wait too long,” he said playfully before he exited the room.

  Lily walked over to Colin’s office, placing the papers on his desk. His back was to her as he looked through the window at the street. “I didn’t mean to push. He just showed up; I didn’t know he was coming. If you need me to stay, I can always come back.”

  Colin shook his head. “No, I don’t want to keep you from important things,” he said, turning to her. She could see the hurt in his eyes. “I just wish you would have told me.”

  She didn’t know what to say to him. “There isn’t much to say,” she finally started. “It’s all very new. I just didn’t know how to explain it.”

  “There’s naught to explain. I don’t need to know details. I just thought we were friends,” he said, as he went back to sit behind his desk.

  “We are,” she said, turning back to him. Though, I wish we were more, she said silently to herself.

  “Go,” he said, motioning to the door. “You don’t want to keep him waiting.”

  There was an edge to his voice, like he was almost angry with her. Was it jealousy? No, she told herself. There was no way he was jealous. He was only mad because she didn’t tell him about Nicholai, and now he had been forced to give her a half day because Nicholai showed up asking for it. That had to be it. “I’m sorry,” she said, a cry catching in her throat. “I promise, it won’t happen again.”

  Colin didn’t say anything else, which Lily took as a dismissal. She went to grab her coat and walked out of the office. When she was outside she saw Nicholai waiting for her, oblivious to what had just happened. As he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek and ask her how her day was, all she could think about was Colin sitting at his desk and the last look she saw on his face

  Colin inwardly cursed. He had noticed Lily was acting strangely but didn’t want to call attention to it. He had asked her how her dinner went that winter night, knowing that she had met a man that night, but Lily was noncommittal about the evening. He took that to mean that it hadn’t ended well and thought nothing of it after, though he noticed that she didn’t seem as committed as she was before.

  Maybe that was the wrong generalization. Of course, the amount of work she produced hadn’t changed; she was still as organized and hard working as ever. But she didn’t stay as late as she usually did and mostly kept to herself. She just seemed to be lost in her own thoughts all the time now. Colin had noticed the change but didn’t want to question it. He thought maybe she was going through some things; but sooner or later, she would work whatever it was out and would return to the same committed girl she was before. A few months had passed, and he started to get worried. She was drifting further away from him, and though he knew it was probably for the best, he wasn’t prepared for it to happen so suddenly.

  He suspected there might be someone else, but now it was confirmed. Of course, it would be someone as successful as a Gagarin. He knew Charlie Gagarin; he was only a few years older than him. They had started their businesses almost at the same time, although Charlie was more business savvy than Colin was. He was always interested in the money when Colin was more interested in the work. Charlie had always told him he could make more money if he stopped defending the weak; but Colin would tell him, if he didn’t do it, who would? He liked his work; it was fulfilling to him.

  He had never met his family, but Charlie had talked about his eldest son Nicholai at times. He was exactly as he had envisioned; the kind of man that Lily deserved. He could give her everything that Colin couldn’t. Though he knew this, it didn’t make it any easier. He was even angrier at himself for the way he had treated Lily. He was angry at her, not just because she didn’t tell him about Nicholai (it was obvious with his eyes that they were more than just acquaintances), but that it wasn’t him that was taking her out. He wanted to be the one to be able to hold Lily’s hand and to kiss her freely, without judgement.

  He wondered if he had kissed her yet. The thought of that made his stomach lurch. He didn’t want to ponder on such thoughts. He opened the book next to him, burying himself into constitutional text. When he got to the bottom of the page, he realized that he had no idea what he was reading, as the words didn’t register at all. All he could think about was whether Lily was ever going to return.

  They walked through the park, arm in arm. Nicholai was talking to her about a new client at the store and Lily was trying her best to listen. As much as she enjoyed the connection with Nicholai and was starting to care deeply for him, she couldn’t bring herself to love him in the same way she desired Colin. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. She had spent numerous occasions trying to muster the courage to even kiss him on the cheek. Luckily, ever the gentleman, Nicholai didn’t seem to notice their lack of chemistry.

  He continued to call on her, much to her sister’s delight. Iva reported that the word around town was that Nicholai was going to propose. Iva asked her a million questions, squealing with delight with every answer. She told Lily it was only a matter of time before they would be married. The thought made Lily feel ill.

  “I wanted to ask you something,” he said, as he stopped in the middle of the park. He turned her to face him, his face full of joy. Lily didn’t like where this was going.

  “What did you want to ask me?” she asked carefully, hoping that it wasn’t the question she was dreading.

  “As I told you before, I like being on a path. I feel like my path was going in a certain direction, but lately it’s been veering off course. In a good way,” he added as an afterthought. A stray blond hair escaped her bun and Nicholai tucked it behind her ear. “I thought I knew where I was going, but then I met you and everything changed. I feel like we were meant to meet. It’s almost like my path was foggy, but now it’s clearer than ever. My path is to follow you; I want our paths to be the same. I was hoping that you would join me on this life journey.”

  Lily was at a loss of words. “I don’t really know what you are asking?”

  He grasped her hands. “I want you to marry me.”

  Lily’s stomach dropped. She stepped out of his grasp. “Marry you?” she questioned.

  “Yes. I want you to be my wife.”

  Lily tilted her head, stepping away from his grasp. “How can you be so sure? It’s only been a few months.”

  “Sweetheart,” he said, walking back towards her, “there have been people who were married in even less time. I don’t want to wait anymore when I know you are the one for me. I’ve never met anyone like you. I know for certain that you are the love of my life.”

  Lily’s stomach lurched even more. “You can’t mean that,” she started to say.

  “I do love you. I’m in love with you. I can’t envision my life without you. Think of all we can do together. The sons we can raise.”

  The world was spinning, and Lily was trying to stop it. “This is all happening too fast. I don’t think I can,” she started to say, trying to walk away from him. He didn’t really know what he was saying, she rationalized in her head.

  He reached out to her, stopping her from walking further away. “I know you don’t care for me in the same way. But I’m willing to wait,” he said. He pressed a hand to her cheek. “I know I can turn your heart to love me. All I’m asking for is a chance.”

  He looked so sincere that she couldn’t tell him no. “What are you suggesting?”

  “A long engagement. As long as you need. I know you’ll love me, I just know it.”

  He was so determined, it made her determined too. Here was a man who wanted her, who desired her in a way no one had ever desired her. Maybe she could learn to love him. Because the man she did love would never look at her that way.

  “Yes,” she said.

  Nicholai smiled broadly and picked her up, swinging her around. She laughed at the gesture. When he set her down, he leaned in to kiss her. She moved her head at the last minute, his lips meeting her cheek. Even though she knew she should just kiss him, he didn’t seem to mind, his face dancing with delight. When he walked her back to her apartment that night, she knew she was going to try her hardest to forget Colin.

  Chapter 5

  Lily doodled on a piece of paper, as she watched the people pass by through the large window at the front of the office. It was a hot sunny day and even thought the sun was beating down on her, it was much cooler outside than it was in the office. She couldn’t stand it anymore, so she decided to leave the office for a while to take a stroll around the park. Colin was in court all day and wouldn’t return until the afternoon, just before it was time for her to leave for the day.

  She had finished all her work and she hated being bored. It was especially unhelpful because Nicholai was on a trip to New York to coordinate opening a Gagarin Furniture store in the city. He had only been gone for a few days, but she was already missing him terribly. It had only been a few months into their engagement and it was already turning into something more than just friendship. Sure, she didn’t feel a strong love for him yet, but it was comfortable, and she decided she could live with comfortable.

  Was love really necessary to have a happy marriage? They had a sturdy foundation in friendship. She might even say that he was her best friend at the moment; her only other friends being her sister and Colin. Colin, she thought.

  He didn’t really take well to the engagement. Nicholai had taken her to a jewelry shop a few days after his declaration to make it official. She didn’t want anything fancy or conspicuous, but Nicholai seemed to hear the opposite. Soon her hand was sporting a big sapphire ring, one that she couldn’t continue to hide. He said it matched her eyes and let everyone know that she was his.

  Without thinking one day, she had handed Colin a file. She remembered him grabbing the file from her hand, only to realize he was staring at her finger. She had tried to remove her hand in a swift movement, but it was too late; the damage had been done and Colin had seen it. He spent the rest of the day locked in his office with the door locked.

  It made Lily angry. Why was he so mad? It’s not like he was interested in her. She had been so in love with him for years, and he made no moves. He must have had some idea of the feelings she harbored for him. And yet, all he did was push her further into Nicholai’s arms. Why he was basically walking her down the aisle. So why was he acting that way? Maybe he really was just mad that she hadn’t told him up front. But he seemed too distant from her. She longed to go back to the days where they would work long hours in the office, where they were fighting for justice. Now, he barely looked at her, only asking for her assistance if he absolutely needed it.

  She felt unneeded and unwanted. She was contemplating whether or not to just quit. She knew it was inevitable. Iva had basically told her that she was going to have to choose between being married to her husband or the job. Now she understood what Colin’s first secretary, Olivia struggled with. She made her choice instantaneously and left the law office without a further thought.

  Lily, however, would always say that she wanted to keep her job; Nicholai appeared to understand that it was important to her to keep it, even after they were married. But now, things were just so different she didn’t know if it was even worth it anymore. Maybe it was better this way. She could just marry Nicholai and become Lily Gagarin. She would make a good housewife, she told herself. She could be a good wife and settle down with the passel children Nicholai talked about having.

  She shuddered at the thought of children. Just last week, Nicholai started to broach the subject of children. Lily wasn’t too fond of the idea; she loved her nieces and nephew with all her heart, she just wasn’t sure if she wanted any of her own. Any time Nicholai talked about it, though, she saw how his eyes lit up and his animated hands. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that having children filled her with so much dread she wanted to throw up. It was just another thing to add to the list of what she was going to have to swallow and smile about. She knew she could learn to love the idea of having children. She would just have to be determined to be the best wife and mother she could be.

  In the distance, she saw a familiar face. Samantha O’Donnell was walking her way, carrying a basket full of groceries. When she saw Lily she waved, rushing over to her. The two women hugged, and Samantha sat next to her on an available park bench. “What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing out here? I’m surprised Uncle Colin had let you out.”

  Lily smiled. “He’s actually in court right now, so I don’t expect him for a few hours. It was just so stifling hot in there, I just had to get out.”

  Samantha nodded. “I know what you mean. James and I take long walks at night just to avoid the going to bed under sweaty sheets.” James was her husband; they had been married a brief time. Samantha was a few years younger than she was; her father and Colin were old friends. She always referred to Colin as her uncle, even though there was no relation.

  “I haven’t seen you to congratulate you on your engagement! Nicholai Gagarin is quite a match.”

  Lily chuckled. “It seems you have been talking to my sister,” she said, as she nervously picked at her dress.

  “Yes, I might have seen her in the market once or twice. She is utterly ecstatic about it; she’s hoping for a fall wedding, when the leaves change.”

  Lily shook her head, as she willed her nerves to subside. “That’s way too soon for me.”

  “Oh?” Samantha questioned. “Your sister makes it seem like you are trying to get married as soon as possible.”

  Lily let out a sigh. “Iva only wishes. But Nicholai and I have agreed on a long engagement. We are still trying to get to know each other.”

  Samantha gave her a sideways glance. “Are you sure it’s not for another reason?”

  “Whatever do you mean?” Lily questioned, avoiding her knowing gaze.

  “You wouldn’t be waiting out of hope that there are other inquiries? Possibly from someone else?”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  Samantha nudged her shoulder. “I’m just saying. You should keep all your options open. Don’t just marry because you think it’s the right thing to do.”

  “This coming from a happily married woman,” Lily said, smoothing out her dress once again.

  There was a pause. Lily looked over at Samantha. Her face was expressionless, and Lily already regretted her words. As far as she could tell, Samantha was very much in love with her husband James. But maybe she had missed something?

  “I can speak from experience, to not let yourself get carried away based on other people’s wishes.” She reached over and grasped Lily’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You need to do what’s best for you. Don’t worry so much about other people, especially those who don’t have your best interests. You shouldn’t be tormented into marriage. You should want it at the bottom of your heart.”

  Samantha drew back her hand and sat up from the bench. “I think I should head back home. Misty is probably wondering where I am.”

  “How is she?” Lily asked. She hadn’t seen Misty in a while. She still remembered the day she had met the girl, sitting outside that restaurant, like a sad little puppy dog a few years prior. She was the one who introduced her to the Walsh family; Samantha had retained her services after she married James and became an O’Donnell.

  “She’s doing wonderful. I should bring her by next time; I’m sure she’d love to see you.” Samantha stood and turned to pick up her basket from the bench. “Isn’t that Nicholai?” she asked, pointing toward the far side of the park.